How to Stop Parental Bullying (3)

In the previous chapter of the bullying series, I started introducing my 50 personal development techniques to help bully parents stop the cycle of bullying.

I believe that “happy parents Raise Happy Kids” and strong and powerful parents raise strong and powerful children that no one can bully or push around. Parents with high emotional intelligence do not bully their own kids to gain power even if they are bullied by someone else.

Each of these tips can make a huge change in family life by itself and help you gain the power you need to parent your kids in a healthy, happy, supportive environment. Use your power wisely!

Do not give the bully ammunition by declaring your weaknesses

Bullies thrive on the weaknesses of others. They have a distorted idea that if others feel powerless, it will make them powerful. Do not give them ammunition. Try not to talk next to them about your weaknesses, because they are like hawks in search of prey. Do not declare your weaknesses next to someone who is a bully.

It is easy. If you need to share a failure, disappointment or weakness with someone, find someone you trust. Bullies have already proven they cannot be trusted, so do not check it over and over again.

Do not give the bully ammunition by doing a bad job

Many of the bullies are at work and they can be your boss, manager, colleague or customer. If you do not do your job properly, it gives them ammunition against you and weak people will choose any ammunition they can get. If you come late, they can bully you by gossiping or reporting you. If you do not complete your job and this affects other members of your team so they have to work harder, they may resort to bullying to avoid having to work late again.

When you do something, do it well!

Stop justifying on behalf of the bully

Finding the bully’s bully is important, but focusing on why the bully does what he does is not necessary, because the truth is you do not really know and you might end up accepting the bullying behavior. If you know that your dad was bullied, you can understand why he felt powerless, but using expressions like “My dad was abusive because his dad used to belt him” assumes that he has no choice in the matter and cannot stop himself. Do not excuse the bully. Bear in mind that bullying is wrong even when there is a “because” attached to it.

Your bully always, always, always has the option of not continuing the cycle.

Same as you.

Manage your feelings by expressing them

Some bullying behaviors result in being unable to manage your feelings, especially anger. One major aspect of emotional intelligence is “recognizing my own feelings”. If something happens that makes you feel powerless and you want to snap and be aggressive towards your kids or partner, learn to express your feelings with words.

Research on aggressive behavior has discovered that aggressiveness was often due to being unable to express feelings in words. Sometimes, the aggressive person does not have the emotional vocabulary to express himself. Do not act on your feelings. Just declare them. Learn to identify how you feel and give your emotions names.

Say, “I’m very upset”, “I’m disappointed” or “I’m so angry I want to break something”. This will release some of your stress, help your family understand you are human and give them some clues as to what sets you off. In return, you will get their support.

Gossip is like a boomerang – Watch out, it comes back!

Gossiping can only turn out bad, because bullies use gossip to distort information and keep circulating it. When you say something, it is no longer yours, so if you do not want it to travel, do not say it! Talk about someone behind their back is a form of bullying, because the person is not there to confirm or deny what you say and people gossip because it gives them a temporary feeling of power.

But gossip is like a boomerang and one day, when someone else feels weak and perhaps frustrated with you, they will gossip about you too.

Make sure you do not gossip about your own kids. Every negative thing you say about someone when they are not there is called gossip. Talking with your partner about your kids is not gossip, because you both need to make decisions about them, but having a bitching session with a bully friend will be seen as a declaration of weakness and might work against you.

Join me next week for the next part of the personal development tips for parents.

Happy parenting,
Ronit