How to Stop Workplace Bullying (2)

Stopping the bullying at work has a very important impact on the bullying in our society. Many bullies come from bullying homes or are subject to some form of bullying at work and try to regain power by picking on the people around them. It is a cycle we can break by helping each participant in the “game” break their powerless perception.

In the previous chapter of the bullying series, I wrote 30 tips to help the bullying victim at work. Here are the next tips and I am sure that implementing each of them can make a huge difference in your life.

Remember, if you are a bullying victim, you have the power to break the cycle.

How to help victims of workplace bullying (31-72)

1. Take time away from work – rejuvenating, resting and recharging your emotional batteries will help you cope better and gain perspective.
2. Keep good relationships with your family. People with a good support structure are less likely to be bullied and if they are bullied, they can draw lots of encouragement from their families and deal with it much better.
3. Do not seek the approval of a bully. If you need his approval for anything, they will identify it as a weakness and use it against you.
4. Do not cover up for a bully. Bullies are afraid of being caught so they will make sure you are afraid of telling by telling you no one will believe you. That is not true! There is always someone who will!
5. Do not tell other people about your weaknesses. Talk about your achievements and successes more than your weaknesses. Bullies always search for victims’ weaknesses they can exploit.
6. When someone pressures you to do things you do not want to the point of bullying, use your partner/kids as an excuse, like “I can’t stay any longer, because I must pick up the kids at 4” or “I have to go, because Gal won’t be home tonight and I don’t have a babysitter”.
7. Get a good night’s sleep. Tired people are edgy and over-sensitive. They see an attack even if it is not there. They are also easy to humiliate.
8. Limit your time with bullies. If they ask for your time, say, “I have 2 minutes and I need to go”. Never say why you need to go, because that will give them an opening for debate. When you are busy and value your time, it makes you seem confident and confidence is a bully repellent.
9. Avoid time alone with bullies. If a bully tries to get you to spend private time with them, say, “I don’t have time right now”, “I’m really busy” or “Let’s meet during lunchtime at the cafeteria” (when there are other people around).
10. If someone bullies you on the phone, say, “Oh sorry, I need to go. I have a call on the other line”.
11. Do not ask a bully for favors. It makes them feel like you need them and they might use it against you.
12. If you are physically bullied, learn to stand up straight and shout “NO” or “help”. Bullies are afraid someone might hear and will stop the abuse.
13. If you can threat, use the threat of telling the boss, his wife, her kids Many times it works as a scare tactic.
14. Take care of your health. When people are not healthy, they perform badly and attract negative attention from a bully boss or colleagues that must work more to compensate for their loss of productivity. Similarly to sleep, feeling sick makes you edgy and miserable, so you become overly sensitive, as well as an easy target.
15. If someone says bad things about your family, ignore. If someone says your kids are spoiled brats, does that make them spoiled brats? NO. People say all sorts of things when they are angry and weak. Forgive them and move on.
16. Learn to lose with grace and do not make a big deal out of it. Bullies do not like losing, but when they win, they sometimes make a big thing out of it and if you are not a good sport, they will attack you for spoiling their celebration.
17. Gossip is natural, but sometimes, it is used to bully other people. Try not to gossip about others so you do not give bullies ammunition against others. Make a habit of saying only good things about people behind their backs, or at least things you would be comfortable saying to their face. It will pay when the time comes and they talk about you.
18. If someone spreads a rumor about you, make fun of it. Do not try to defend yourself. As soon as you defend yourself, you are trapped, because bullies recognize it easily and sometimes they set the traps themselves to find your weakness.
19. Put on your “poker face”. When you seem like nothing is bothering you, bullies are likely to go somewhere else.
20. Learn useful comeback lines. Sometimes, simply being able to say something in return makes you feel a bit more confident. Make sure it is not intended to humiliate the bully, because they will retaliate, but saying something like, “Aren’t you tired of it?” or “You are wasting my time” may give you a great opportunity to walk away with a bit of pride. Practice your comeback line at home in front of the mirror before you use them for extra confidence.
21. Try not to stick out. This is not easy as we are all unique and some of our unique features are not by choice, but everyone can see them (our physical appearance, for example). Lower your profile as much as you can. Even if you need to do it for a while, do not tell stories that will make others envy you and do not dress in a way that will make people talk about you until the bullying is controlled.
22. If you hear a rumor about someone else, do not participate and never ever pass it on. If you spread a rumor some bully started, you are helping them bully someone else. If you feel strong enough, say, “Do you really believe in it?” This will create doubt in the bully’s mind that this strategy is good. If you are afraid to say anything, just keep it quiet. Remember, if you are taking part of a bullying act against someone, you may be the target one day.
23. If you are thinking of revenge, your bully has won. Thoughts of revenge originate from feeling weak, so try to eliminate those thoughts. It is better to think of stopping the bullying and diffusing the situation.
24. If you cannot fight the thought of revenge, never act on it. It only makes things worse. Bullies do what they do for power, so if you make them feel weak, they only escalate their actions and do more dangerous things that might put you at real risk!
25. Learn to laugh at yourself. It will show the bully that making fun of you is not a good way to gain power, because you are making fun of yourself, so it is probably not a weakness.
26. Do not live by what other people think about you. Thinking by what others think about you is living by their rules and being dependent on them for your happiness, which makes you very vulnerable. Have good personal rules of living and stick to them. This is the way to build self-confidence.
27. Recognize that everyone around is human and makes mistakes sometimes. Remembers that bullies are, or have been, bullied themselves. It will help you not make a big deal out of everything they do.
28. If you are cyber-bullied, do not give your contact details to everyone.
29. If the cyber-bully is a work colleague, keep a detailed record of the abuse.
30. Be patient. Some of the things you try to tackle bullying may only work the 3^rd of 4^th time you do them. Keep at it. Patience is bullies’ weakness. They need immediate satisfaction and cannot wait for things to happen. Make sure you are more persistent than the bully is. They will try to wear you out, but if you are more patient than them, you will wear them out and they will try to find an easier target.
31. If you are cyber-bullied, never reply to a bullying email or SMS. If there is not response, the bully will eventually stop.
32. If you can, block the bully from your list and prevent them from being able to send you anything (mark them as spammers, get them off your friends list on social networking sites, add them to junk senders, etc).
33. If the cyber bullying is serious, change your phone number, email address and online profiles.
34. When communicating with a bully, try to sound like you are suggesting things rather than applying pressure. This puts you in a position of a “consultant”, as if you are saying, “This is my recommendation. If you do it, this is what you will gain, and if not, this is what you will lose. I leave the decision to you”. Bullies respond badly to pressure by being more forceful.
35. Never tell bullies they are weak or call them names. Bullies do not like the idea of being labeled. The added pressure is likely to make them feel exposed and show it in an aggressive way.
36. Do not show off in front of a bully. Bullies feel weak, so do not trigger their jealousy.
37. When you are proud of your achievements, choose who to say it to. Bullies will not be happy for your happiness. This will trigger their jealousy.
38. Never use avoidance as a solution. Not going to work will not make the bullying go away! Build your confidence and get support instead.
39. Report the bullying. Sometimes, you will be told your claim is not legitimate, but take care of it behind the scenes to ensure it does not happen again.
40. Never, ever, ever, ever hurt yourself because someone has bullied you. If you hurt yourself, your bully has won, because instead of hurting you directly, they have used you to hurt yourself.
41. Work on your personal development. Take courses and read books about personal development, happiness, success and financial freedom. This will give you lots of confidence, which is the best bully repellent.
42. Love and appreciate yourself and your skills. This will build your confidence and you can use it in bad moments to keep your confidence up. Remember, self confidence is the best bully repellent.

Join me next week for chapter 20: how bystanders can help stop bullying at work.

Happy day,
Ronit

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