Attitude to sex is something many couples need to work on. In our growing life, there is not enough education about the importance of good sex for health and wellbeing.
It is a very sensitive topic that most people are left to learn from experience, friends or even the World Wide Web through porn movies (which unfortunately present a very unhealthy picture of the importance of sex and how to enjoy it).
Many of the clients I see who are separated or considering divorce report that sex was a major issue in their relationship. Not enough, not satisfying or enjoyable, too much, too little, too fast, too slow, only when drunk, feels like a chore, they feel their partner does not deserve it, no romance, not sexy, etc. Every one of these is sad and painful for both parties.
Some couples just accept the situation and do nothing about it, often until it is too late to recover. I had a client who was 26 years old. She had been married for three years and was seeing me about a completely different problem.
The topic of good sex came up in one of our sessions and she said, “After the first year, I lost interest in it. I guess this is part of every married couple’s life”. I was shocked to hear her say that. I told her that I have been married for over 25 years and sex life should definitely only get better.
The hardest thing is to work with couples who love each other very much and are feeling a lot of pain around the topic of sex. Just listening to them express the pain makes me understand why they would sometimes rather separate than having to deal with the insult, shame, and feeling of inadequacy that comes from putting it all out in the open.
In a relationship, when one (or both partners) is insulted regarding sex, they get into a vicious cycle that can be hard to come out of. It can be so vicious that even love and good memories from the past cannot seem to heal the wound that it creates.
Some couples would rather say, “She/he doesn’t love me”, “We have nothing in common”, or “We are not good for each other” than to say, “We need help with our sex life”. Sex life is important.
If you are not happy, get help!
There are a lot of people who can help makes things a lot easier. Go to your doctor, to a counselor, get a life coach or someone who specializes in sex therapy if the issue is complicated. Why? Because sex is at the heart of every marriage and if you don’t use it, you lose it.
Let’s talk about incentives and learn some important and interesting facts about good sex.
Facts About Good Sex
- Men who help at home have, on average, more sex. If you are a man, start helping!
- Sex is the safest stress reliever. It is 10 times more effective than Valium.
- Sex helps you sleep better.
- Sex boosts self-esteem.
- Sex improves general wellbeing.
- Sex lowers blood pressure.
- Sex boosts the immune system.
- Sex is good exercise because it helps you burns calories. One hour burns 380 calories.
- Having sex three times a week will improve your cardiovascular health.
- Sex reduces the risk of prostate cancer.
- Having sex when you are sick can speed up your recovery.
- Research found that the best sex is had between people who love each other!
- Sex improves intimacy between couples.
- Sex strengthens pelvic floor muscles.
- Enjoyment from sex varies at different times of the day. Find out yours!
- Alcohol decreases sexual performance.
- The most active organ during sex is your brain. Watch your thoughts!
- Condoms don’t always affect pleasure in a bad way.
- Women with high emotional intelligence are more likely to enjoy orgasm.
- Reading about romance or erotic books can improve your sex life.
- Smoking decreases sexual performance.
- New moms are ready to have sex sooner than the six-week wait period instructed by their doctor.
- The color red turns men on.
- Men reach sexual peak between the ages 17 to 18 (what a shame for us women!).
- Research shows that men who have sex within a relationship report greater pleasure than men who have no-strings-attached sex.
- There is such a thing as nipple orgasm. Try it out!
- The number of orgasms a woman can have increases with wearing socks (when it is cold).
- A fruit a day will give you better sex. Eat fruits!
- Women who have regular sex (at least once a week) have more regular menstrual cycles (even better than medication, and great fun!).
- Black raspberries, watermelons & oysters boost your sex drive.
- Using hormonal birth controls, like the pill, the patch or implants could decrease pleasure during sex.
- Summer makes women want to have more sex.
- Erotic movies can help pump up your sex life. Horror movies can dampen the mood.
- Women who had one tablet of chocolate reported greater desire for sex than women who didn’t.
- You should pee as soon as possible after sex to prevent UTIs (urinary tract infections).
- Exercise can improve your sex life.
- The amygdala, the part of your brain triggering fear and anxiety, shuts down while you are having an orgasm. Fear fear go away.
- Orgasms get better with age!
- Sex aids can help women enjoy sex even more.
- Women need around 20 minutes on average to reach orgasm.
- The best time to have sex (and have mind blowing orgasms) is the day before the woman’s period.
- Sex is the best anti-depressant.
- Morning sex is the best time for men. Set an alarm a bit earlier and the whole day will be different.
- The smell of pumpkin pie mixed with lavender turns some men on.
- Threat and fear turn some men on.
- More than 5 cups of coffee a day can decrease your desire for sex.
- Medication can interfere with a healthy sex life.
- Having sex twice a week decreases your chance of having the flu.
- Having sex four times a week improves the elasticity of your skin and can make you look 4 to 7 years younger.
- Having sex five times a week can improve your performance at work by improving your motivation and focus.
- Having sex six times a week improves brain functioning.
- Married couples who experiment and have sex every day increased their communication, kindness to each other, sex drive and relationship.
- For some married couples, have a scheduled sex session can be a turn off, while for others it works well.
- Having sex seven times a week reduces pain. Whenever you are in pain, you know what to do!
- Hug your partner for 30 seconds. Cuddling boosts oxytocin, the hormone involved in bonding and libido.
- Doubling your frequency every six month has been found to be a good way to increase and boost sex life.
- Sex slows down the aging process.
- Consumption of soft drinks can decrease sexual performance.
- 85% of women are very satisfied with their partner’s penis size.
- Having sex with a steady partner makes people live longer.
- At any given time, 25% of people daydream about sex.
- Women experience orgasms in steady relationships more than in one night stands (which is only 35% of the time)
- Making your room a no kids sleeping zone helps your sex life.
- The majority of women prefer to have sex in the dark.
- 75% of Japanese women own a vibrator. The worldwide average is 47%.
- A third of women aged 80 years old are still active sexually with their partners.
So, after reading so many facts about how good sex supports healthy, steady relationships, I hope you understand why it is important to work on your sex life. It is essential to health and wellbeing, performance at work and long life.
Have sex. The more, the better!!
Ronit
This post is part of the series Save Your Marriage:
- Self-Regulation in Your Marriage
- How to Save Yourself from Divorce
- Marriage and Divorce Statistics
- The Marriage Institution
- Marriage is the Foundation of Families
- The Unpleasant Side of Divorce
- How to Get Things Wrong in a Marriage
- Marriage and Self Talk
- More About Self Talk
- Facts vs. Meaning in Marriage
- All Men Are… All Women Are…
- When Two Do Not Become One
- Marriage and Money
- Be Your Partner’s Best Friend
- Relationship Between Two Onions
- The Greatest Gift: Stay Together
- Marriage of Singles
- The "Right" Trap
- The Intention Trap
- Best Marriage Quotes that Will Change Your Life
- 10 Rules for Civilized Dialogue
- 10 Tips for Re-Building Trust
- The King and His Servants
- The Nitpicker
- Expressing Feelings in a Marriage
- Don’t Be On Guard
- Don’t Clam Up
- Have Good Sex to Save Your Marriage
- Trust (or The Boy Who Cried Wolf)
- Emergency Relationship Coaching Essentials
- Save Your Marriage with Better Time Management
- Choice Theory Can Save Your Marriage
- How to Have a Hot Relationship
