• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar

Family MattersPractical Parenting Blog

  • Home
  • Series
  • About Ronit Baras
  • Books by Ronit Baras
    • Motivating Kids
    • Be Special, Be Yourself for Teenagers
    • Reflections
    • In the Outback with Jasmine Banks
    • The Will
    • * Your Cart
    • * Secure Checkout
  • Contact
    • Join Us
Home » Emotional Intelligence » Personal Development » The Art of Letting Go: Be Right or Be Kind

The Art of Letting Go: Be Right or Be Kind

Choose being kind over being right and you’ll be right every time
– Richard Carlson

Kindness inspires kindnessI think the desire to be right is another survival mechanism that humans use in order to manage uncertainty. The belief that the truth is absolute and that our aim in life is to find it and live by it is false. Trying to make others live by our truth is even worse. This mindset brings lots of pain and misery to everybody and if we want happiness to come into our life, we need to let go of our desire to be right.

The desire to be right is always accompanied by the risk of losing the relationship, because the question who is right only appears when there is a conflict. Being right is another part of our identity, our emotional “skeleton”, and most people believe that letting go of it might make them unstable. In fact, people who have a high need to be right are trying to overcome a deep feeling inside of them that they are wrong. People who are secure trust that they are OK, that their beliefs are good for them and that they only need to follow what is right for them, so they do not need to “prove their points” to others.

The need to be right is the sign of a vulgar mind
– Albert Camus

Dog with paw on fawn's headThe concept of being right is a relative concept and always stands opposite being wrong. When you have a high need to advertise your “rightness”, you are trying to force your surroundings to fit into your definition of right and wrong. This is the source of many conflicts in our society. In relationships between parents and children, the parents often think that they are “right” and their kids are, well, just too young to know what to do. This continues at school, where many teachers think that they hold the absolute truth about what and how kids must learn (and why). Sometimes, it leads all the way to relationship breakdown and, in extreme cases, even to war.

Confidence comes not from always being right, but from not fearing to be wrong
– Unknown

I dare say that every conflict is a conflict on “rightness”.

But is it even possible to have a conflict between two parties and for both of them to be right?

Yes!

Absolutely!

When two people look at a cone from different angles, they may see different things. If they have to approach this shape from where they stand, they may approach it differently. For someone viewing from the side of the cone, it looks like a triangle, but for someone viewing from the top, it looks like a circle with a dot in the middle. These two people might have a conflict, with one of them screaming, “But this is a triangle” and the other one crying out, “How come you can’t see that this is a circle? Are you blind?” Both of them are looking at the same shape and both are right, but no matter how long they talk about it or try to sort out the conflict, they will both keep seeing the shape from their own perspective.

Anybody can become angry – that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way – that is not within everybody’s power and is not easy
– Aristotle

Kindness posterMany people find it hard to let go of the desire to be right all the time and they cannot stand the thought of not being right, not to mention being wrong. The result of that is always risking damaging their relationships and causing themselves and others stress and pain. The desire to be “right” is a struggle to protect a fragile ego.

The way to let go of wanting to be right in every conflict is to you ask yourself, “Would I rather be right or kind?” and to do some act of kindness towards the other person.

You can either practice being right or practice being kind
– Unknown

Kindness is a good cure for many things. Being kind gives the other person permission to see a circle with a point in the middle eases the stress that the conflict creates. Sometimes, not pointing out that the cone looks like a triangle from where you are standing can be an act of kindness.

Warning: letting go is something we do within ourselves. We cannot tell others this is what they need to do, because that imposes what we think is “right” on them.

Choose from the quotes below those that mean the most to you and post them in visible places. This will remind you to let go of wanting to be right.

Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment
– Benjamin Franklin

War does not determine who is right – only who is left
– Bertrand Russell

"Teach Kindness" written on a blackboard

If you would convince a man that he does wrong, do right. Men will believe what they see
– Henry David Thoreau

You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist
– Friedrich Nietzsche

You can either practice being right or practice being kind
– Unknown

My father passed on one important piece of relationship advice before he died. He said son, in a relationship you can either be right or you can be happy. You’ll soon find out that you don’t care that much about being right
– Ralphie May

Happiness is the reward we get for living to the highest right we know
– Richard Bach

In the end, only kindness matters
– Jewel

Be happy,
Ronit

This post is part of the series The Art of Letting Go:

  • The Art of Letting Go: Attachments
  • The Art of Letting Go: Fear
  • The Art of Letting Go: Trapped by Labels
  • The Art of Letting Go: Be Right or Be Kind
  • The Art of Letting Go: Living up to Others’ Expectations
  • The Art of Letting Go: Control
  • The Art of Letting Go: Blame and Excuses
  • The Art of Letting Go: Painful Past
  • The Art of Letting Go: Negative Self-Talk
  • The Art of Letting Go: Resistance to Change

Share This Page

  • Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on WhatsApp (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window)

Related

 

October 1, 2012 by Ronit Baras In: Personal Development Tags: acceptance / judgment / tolerance, behavior / discipline, beliefs, change, choice, communication, conflict, emotional intelligence, focus, how to, identity, personal development / personal growth / personality development / self improvement, relationships / marriage, self confidence / self esteem / self worth, truth, wisdom

Reader Interactions

Share Your Thoughts Cancel reply

* Your comment may take up to a day to appear.

Comments

  1. Ajen says

    July 5, 2013 at 6:19 AM

    I am glad that I discovered this post in my search… very nice indeed.

    Reply
    • ronitbaras says

      August 7, 2013 at 1:57 PM

      Thanks Ajen!
      I am glad you found the post.

      Reply

Get Happiness by Email

Sign up to receive posts by email and get my free mini-course Seven Emails with Seven Secrets for Seven Weeks to boost your personal development

0% Complete

Join Us on Social Media

  • Click to visit our Facebook page (Opens in new window)
  • Click to visit my Twitter profile (Opens in new window)
  • Click to visit my LinkedIn profile (Opens in new window)
  • Click to see my Pinterest profile (Opens in new window)
  • Click to visit the RSS feed (Opens in new window)

Books by Ronit Baras

  • What motivates your child? Read Motivating Kids by Ronit Baras Motivating Kids From: $9.95
  • Reflections by Ronit Baras Reflections From: $5.99
  • In the Outback with Jasmine Banks by Ronit Baras In the Outback with Jasmine Banks From: $5.99
  • Be Special Be Yourself for Teenagers by Ronit Baras Be Special, Be Yourself for Teenagers From: $5.99
  • The Will by Ronit Baras The Will From: $5.99

Be Happy in LIFE logo
Book your private life coaching with Ronit Baras and learn how to be happy in life

Girl speaking at student leadership programLeaders are not born. They are made. Bring this Student Leadership Program to your primary school or high school and you will create a community of empowered, inspired student leaders, parents and teachers.

Need Better Movie Options?

SmartFeed better movie options

You’re Reading a Top 50 Parenting Blog

Top 50 Family Blog Award Top 50 Amazing Parenting Blogs 2017

Related Links

  • Be Happy in LIFE – Life Coaching
  • Noff Baras – Screen Actor & Model
  • Personal Growth Web
  • The Motivational Speaker
  • Tsoof Baras – percussionist, composer and producer

Primary Sidebar

Your Cart

Speaker Bookings

Ronit Baras
Book Ronit as a Speaker for Your event »

Ready to be happy?

Happy woman holding a cup in the snow
Be empowered and set your spirit free!

Engage Ronit as Your Life Coach »

Give to Receive

Kiva - loans that change lives

Contact Us · Subscribe · Terms of Use / Privacy Statement · Affiliate Program · Sitemap

Copyright © 2021 Be Happy in LIFE · Built and powered by Get Business Online

Secure HTTPS

  • Home
  • Series
  • About Ronit Baras
  • Books by Ronit Baras
    • Motivating Kids
    • Be Special, Be Yourself for Teenagers
    • Reflections
    • In the Outback with Jasmine Banks
    • The Will
    • * Your Cart
    • * Secure Checkout
  • Contact
    • Join Us

How to Motivate Kids

Motivating Kids by Ronit Baras
Get this essential guide to motivating kids (and teens) and master the art of motivation.

BUY IT NOW

×
Happiness

Get Happiness by Email

Sign up to receive posts by email and get my free mini-course Seven Emails with Seven Secrets for Seven Weeks to boost your personal development

0% Complete
×

Share This Page

  • Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on WhatsApp (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window)