• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar

Family MattersPractical Parenting Blog

  • Home
  • Series
  • About Ronit Baras
  • Books by Ronit Baras
    • Motivating Kids
    • Be Special, Be Yourself for Teenagers
    • Reflections
    • In the Outback with Jasmine Banks
    • The Will
    • * Your Cart
    • * Secure Checkout
  • Contact
    • Join Us
Home » Family Matters » Kids / Children » Motivating Kids (3)

Motivating Kids (3)

Motivation techniques

Every person has different motivation tools. Some people are motivated by “carrots” (encouragement and rewards) and others by “sticks” (threats and punishments). Some want to get something for their efforts and others do things to avoid being hurt or feeling bad. I will describe all the motivation tools, but I would like to encourage you to shift away from sticks and towards carrots. In my opinion, sticks are short term motivators, but they are draining and stressing both for parents and for kids. Success on a test to avoid negative parental reaction has an expensive emotional price attached to it – fear, stress and loss of trust.

Inspiring card

Praise and Appreciation

Praise and appreciation are carrot-type motivators that work easily and create long lasting effects. They are free and do not require any preparation or special set up.

Kids will do a lot for a kind word from their parents. This is so important, I know many grownups who have dedicated their life to making their parents say “one good thing” about them.

The simplest way to use praise for motivation is to say good things about your kids every day for every little thing. Unfortunately, we tend to say things when our kids do not do what we expect of them. Imagine that your kids have a “praise and appreciation bowl”. When it is full, you can motivate them to do anything, but when it is empty, it will be a challenge to motivate them to do even the smallest things.

Tips
  1. Praise and appreciation do not require a special occasion. “You eat so cleanly”, “Thank you for helping” and “I love you” are good things to say for no reason. In that sense, every day is a special occasion.
  2. Praise and appreciation are easy to use when you feel happy and appreciated, but are more important when you are not. When you feel upset, find something good to say anyway. Focusing on positives can only make you feel better.
  3. In the relationship with your kids, you are the adult, so you need to start. Do not expect praise and appreciation in return for yours. Your kids’ bowls need to be full before they can start giving back. If you need help with your bowl, ask other adults for it (or a professional helper, like a life coach).
  4. Boys and girls need the same appreciation and praise.
  5. Kids need the same appreciation and praise at every age.
  6. Use the list below and put it in an accessible place to allow you to learn some statements from it.
  7. Pick the statements you feel more conferrable with and use them a lot.
  8. Every day, before your kids go to sleep, ask yourself, “How many times did I praise or appreciate my kids today?” Make sure your kids do not go to sleep before getting 10 praises a day. You can kiss them goodnight and tell them great things about themselves or you can write notes and put them in your kids’ lunch box, send them an email, text them on their mobile…
  9. Teach your kids to praise and appreciate themselves. In our family, we have self-praising ceremonies, in which each person says good things about him/herself. At dinnertime, each of us tells about one great thing we did today. When I know my kids are proud of themselves for something, I ask, “How do you feel about it?” or “What do you think about yourself?” and this prompts them to say good things about themselves.

Inspiring card

100 Things to Say to My Daughters

I gave Amanda, one of my private parenting clients, an assignment to make a list called “100 things to say to my daughters”. Amanda’s home became a warm and positive place using this list.

Use this list for praise and appreciation ideas. You can easily change “girl” to “boy” and “mom” to “dad” to suit yourself.

  1. I am happy you are my daughter
  2. You are so beautiful
  3. I am so happy to see you drawing
  4. You are so smart
  5. That’s a good piece of work
  6. You are concentrating very well
  7. Well done!
  8. You are very responsible
  9. You are growing so well
  10. It’s great you know what you want
  11. You are very independent
  12. You are cute
  13. You are singing so beautifully
  14. It is good you are positive
  15. Your teacher loves you
  16. It is great that you are persistent
  17. You are such a great helper
  18. You are so good at …
  19. You are playing so nice together
  20. Your skin is so soft
  21. You have a magic touch
  22. Let’s hug. You are my teddy bear
  23. Good job!
  24. You are very mature
  25. Excellent!
  26. It is OK to be upset sometimes
  27. You are my baby
  28. You are friendly
  29. You are wonderful
  30. Everyone loves you
  31. You are playing so nicely with friends
  32. You are getting along so well with your sister
  33. I am proud of you for playing quietly while I am asleep
  34. It is great to hear you talking to each other at night, like two fairies
  35. It excites me to see you doing things together
  36. Look at you! You got dressed all by yourself
  37. Thank you for helping me
  38. Your hair is beautiful
  39. I am glad you are trying even when it is hard
  40. Your tummy is soft
  41. You are sweet
  42. You can do it
  43. You make us a happy family
  44. You are very strong
  45. It is hard, but I am happy you are not giving up
  46. You are such a good girl
  47. You are excellent
  48. I have fun with you
  49. Thank you!
  50. You and I grow together. It’s wonderful
  51. You are fun
  52. You are wonderful
  53. I am proud that …
  54. I appreciate it when …
  55. You are the most … girl
  56. You make me so happy
  57. You are the best thing that ever happened to me
  58. You are a good friend
  59. To be a wonderful mom, I need wonderful kids and you are a wonderful kid
  60. You can do anything you want in life, I will help you do it
  61. You have a wonderful smile
  62. You have a big heart
  63. You are so gentle with your sister
  64. You are so considerate
  65. I am so proud, I am like a peacock thanks to you
  66. You are good
  67. I trust you …
  68. You are healthy and your body is strong and can heal anything
  69. You are special
  70. I am the proudest mom in the world
  71. If I’m sad, I only need to think about you and my sadness disappears
  72. You are brave
  73. You are important to me
  74. You are my treasure
  75. You make me feel like a special mom
  76. I can help if you need me
  77. You are so joyous
  78. You are so happy
  79. You have made my day
  80. You make me laugh
  81. I am happy you are taking good care of yourself
  82. It is great that you try different kinds of food
  83. You are my sunshine
  84. You are the love of my life
  85. You can trust yourself
  86. I will always help you
  87. I will always be here for you
  88. You are such a great traveler
  89. Just tell me when you need my help
  90. I am so happy you are adventurous
  91. You are very understanding
  92. Everyone thinks highly of you
  93. You rock!
  94. You dance so beautifully
  95. I admire you for …
  96. Every mom would love to have a kid like you
  97. A girl like you is every mom’s dream
  98. Being your mom makes me so happy
  99. You make parenting so wonderful for me
  100. I love you!

Inspiring card

Summary

  1. Praise and appreciation is the most basic motivating technique and the easiest
  2. Kids have a bowl of praises that needs to be filled by their parents.

This post is part of the series Motivating Kids:

  • Motivating Kids (1)
  • Motivating Kids (2)
  • Motivating Kids (3)
  • Motivating Kids (4)
  • Motivating Kids (5)
  • Motivating Kids (6)
  • Motivating Kids (7)
  • Motivating Kids (8)
  • Motivating Kids (9)
  • Motivating Kids (10)
  • Motivating Kids (11)
  • Motivating Kids (12)
  • Motivating Kids (13)
  • Motivating Kids (14)
  • Motivating Kids (15)
  • Motivating Kids (16)
  • Motivating Kids (17)
  • Motivating Kids (18)
  • Motivating Kids (19)

Share This Page

  • Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on WhatsApp (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window)

Related

 

March 19, 2009 by Ronit Baras In: Kids / Children, Parenting, Personal Development Tags: behavior / discipline, communication, focus, how to, kids / children, motivation, personal development / personal growth / personality development / self improvement, positive, practical parenting / parents, responsibility, success

Reader Interactions

Share Your Thoughts Cancel reply

* Your comment may take up to a day to appear.

Comments

  1. Ronit Baras says

    March 23, 2009 at 1:39 PM

    Hi Jake,

    Thanks, I am happy you liked it.
    funny, but most parents do many things right with their kids – they just don’t appreciate themselves that much.

    I like the texting idea.
    I agree that teens find it very attractive.
    What a beautiful way to motivate kids.

    My eldest, she is 20, so she has a mobile and my son who is 13 does not – which we try very had to make sure it will stay like that as long as possible.

    He is at school and not allowed to use it anyway and whenever he needs to call us, he can call from the office.
    And when he goes somewhere that needs coordinating and picking up, he takes my husbands phone for the day.
    It works perfect.

    With my 7 year old, she is still in the lunch box messages and email motivational messages.

    But I like it.
    If kids have mobiles, (which they shouldn’t unless on the road and traveling, that is my opinion) it’s a great way to motivate them.

    thanks
    Happy day
    Ronit
    Family Matters

    Reply
  2. jake says

    March 21, 2009 at 12:08 PM

    oh, the company is Notes2Succeed if you were interested!

    Reply
  3. jake says

    March 21, 2009 at 12:03 PM

    great article! good thing I have been doing something right with my children. I do find the praise and appreciation is HUGE with my kids. although over doing it could become bad. I also found that this texting service I signed both my high school children up for has helped them be positive on their own. It basically send them a text (that’s all they use!) every morning that gives them a positive outlook on life. Definitely a good way to start…besides a healthy breakfast.

    Reply
  4. Ronit Baras says

    March 20, 2009 at 11:20 AM

    Darlene,

    What a great idea. I loved it.
    It is a wonderful way to motivate kids and teens.
    keep inspiring people.

    Thank you

    Happy day
    Ronit
    Family Matters

    Reply
  5. Darlene Siddons says

    March 20, 2009 at 2:19 AM

    great article….and it is interesting to get kids motivated….and you have some really great ideas and some things to re-remind us to keep using them….when my grandkids come to visit and grandmas house isn’t that exciting (they are in their teens…that age when i went from hero to zero) i make them one of my Vision Map Videos and let them pick out the images, what they want to say and their own music…and then add some suprises of my ouwn…and they love it…the videos can be used for personal and business purposes…and are great for kids or adults or business…great motivator…have fun!!!

    darlene
    http://visionmapvideo.blogspot.com/

    Reply

Get Happiness by Email

Sign up to receive posts by email and get my free mini-course Seven Emails with Seven Secrets for Seven Weeks to boost your personal development

0% Complete

Join Us on Social Media

  • Click to visit our Facebook page (Opens in new window)
  • Click to visit my Twitter profile (Opens in new window)
  • Click to visit my LinkedIn profile (Opens in new window)
  • Click to see my Pinterest profile (Opens in new window)
  • Click to visit the RSS feed (Opens in new window)

Books by Ronit Baras

  • What motivates your child? Read Motivating Kids by Ronit Baras Motivating Kids From: $9.95
  • Reflections by Ronit Baras Reflections From: $5.99
  • In the Outback with Jasmine Banks by Ronit Baras In the Outback with Jasmine Banks From: $5.99
  • Be Special Be Yourself for Teenagers by Ronit Baras Be Special, Be Yourself for Teenagers From: $5.99
  • The Will by Ronit Baras The Will From: $5.99

Ronit Baras

Be Happy in LIFE logo
Book your private life coaching with Ronit Baras and learn how to be happy in life

Need Better Movie Options?

SmartFeed better movie options

You’re Reading a Top 50 Parenting Blog

Top 50 Family Blog Award Top 50 Amazing Parenting Blogs 2017

Related Links

  • Be Happy in LIFE – Life Coaching
  • Personal Growth Web
  • The Motivational Speaker
  • Tsoof Baras – percussionist, composer and producer

Primary Sidebar

Your Cart

Speaker Bookings

Ronit Baras
Book Ronit as a Speaker for Your event »

Ready to be happy?

Happy woman holding a cup in the snow
Be empowered and set your spirit free!

Engage Ronit as Your Life Coach »

Give to Receive

Kiva - loans that change lives

Contact Us · Subscribe · Terms of Use / Privacy Statement · Affiliate Program · Sitemap

Copyright © 2019 Be Happy in LIFE · Built and powered by Get Business Online

Secure HTTPS

  • Home
  • Series
  • About Ronit Baras
  • Books by Ronit Baras
    • Motivating Kids
    • Be Special, Be Yourself for Teenagers
    • Reflections
    • In the Outback with Jasmine Banks
    • The Will
    • * Your Cart
    • * Secure Checkout
  • Contact
    • Join Us

How to Motivate Kids

Get this essential guide to motivating kids (and teens) and master the art of motivation.

BUY IT NOW

×

Get Happiness by Email

Sign up to receive posts by email and get my free mini-course Seven Emails with Seven Secrets for Seven Weeks to boost your personal development

0% Complete
×

Why are you leaving?

Your feedback is greatly appreciated. Please tick all your reasons for not buying.

How can we help you buy? (optional)

×

Share This Page

  • Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on WhatsApp (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window)