• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar

Family MattersPractical Parenting Blog

  • Home
  • Series
  • About Ronit Baras
  • Books by Ronit Baras
    • Motivating Kids
    • Be Special, Be Yourself for Teenagers
    • Reflections
    • In the Outback with Jasmine Banks
    • The Will
    • * Your Cart
    • * Secure Checkout
  • Contact
    • Join Us
Home » Family Matters » Parenting » I Learned it from the Best

I Learned it from the Best

Mom and two girls

Parenting is a really important part of every child’s life. Not only because we rely on our parents 100% for food and shelter, but also because it lays the foundation for our futures. I want to share some things I learned in my psychology degree about how important parenting is in shaping kids’ lives, for better and for worse.

In my third year of psychology, I did a course on Psychopathology – the study of mental disorders. I found out that humans have an amazing capacity to cope. And boy, are we complicated! I also found out that one of the most important things with regards to mental illness is what happens to people in their early family life. On the one hand, if it is bad, it is one of the strongest contributors to mental illness. On the other hand, one of the best protective factors against mental illness is a supportive family. So what I want to talk to you about is the importance of a positive childhood. Because it is important.

As children, we look up to our parents. They are all powerful and all knowing. They tell us how to behave, and the difference between right and wrong. We turn to them when we need help. We copy their behavior, their coping mechanisms, and their attitudes. We define ourselves based on their feedback.

Have you ever asked a little kid what they want to be when they grow up? They puff out their chest in pride and say, “I want to be a consultant when I grow up, just like my daddy”. When I was 2 years old, my life’s ambition was to be a mommy, like my Mom. When I realized my mother had a job, I wanted to be a teacher like her. My brother Tsoof walked around in pinstripe pants and a button-down shirt until he was 4. He even had a little suitcase so he could be “Just like daddy”.

Boy sitting on Dad's shouldersWhat happens is that as children, we are influenced by our parents’ behaviors and the way they make us feel. They might make us feel confident, sad, guilty, happy, stupid, smart, pretty, ugly. Of course, every parent wants their child to feel confident and happy. It is never their intention to make us feel sad, guilty or stupid. We simply give meaning to their behavior which we later translate into feelings about ourselves. Often we adopt the way our parents think of themselves or towards each other.

The way we feel about ourselves and Mom and Dad’s parenting style influences the way we choose our friends and the strength of our social relationship. Our social group has an enormous influence on our emotional state and our ability to cope, that at some point we absorb it as part of our identity. Much like the people who join the preppy cheerleader group or the jocks, the drug takers or Goths, or the new and fashionable Emo group. These kids see themselves as a member of the group, taking all the attributes and behaviors that go with it.

Avoid Childhood Trauma

The most common cause of mental illnesses is childhood trauma. Often times, it was just an accident and not something our parents could control. Someone passed away, there was a car crash, 9/11. Sadly, these things happen to good people. The important thing is that if you instilled the right attitudes and behaviors in your children, they will have friends who support them and the ability to cope. They are resilient and are able to take things in stride. And if it is a little bit too much, they will know that they can come to you and you can help them before things get too muddled.

Three teenage boysMy parents met up with a couple named Jason and Charlene, who have three teenage boys. Jason told my parents that they had very separate lives to their boys, and soon, the boys would get older and move out and he was rather looking forward to some quiet. They did not really know what was going on with their boys on a daily basis and that was fine with him.

Well, this is a little extreme for the people in my family. All three of us try to spend as much time as possible with each other and with Mom and Dad. We share spaces in the house, we eat meals together, and we know each other’s routines. If one of us is going through a difficult time, we share and get support from each other.

In Jason and Charlene’s case, their boys might be experiencing lots of things, but they would not know. Their boys have their own lives and they are “on their own”. If the boys have a problem, they would try to deal with it themselves, in their own, inexperienced way. If there was even a small thing they could not deal with, it would grow until it was a little too late to undo the damage.

Mom raising child above head

My Dad and I got into a funny routine, when he thinks I am being cheeky or a bit bold. He might say “Eden, you are so stubborn, where did you learn such behavior?” and I will reply with “ I learned it from the best”, implying…him! It is just a joke between us. We often discuss the idea that children are a result of their upbringing (see Monkey See, Monkey Do).

It seems that no matter how much parents would like to raise their kids to be responsible for themselves, and as much as children want to take responsibility, the way our parents treat us in childhood will forever influence the way we behave.

Here are some things my parents did (and still do) which I believe help me shape my life for the better.

  1. Compliments – My parents often give compliments which are a great confidence booster. They made sure to tell us how smart we were. They would tell us how we learned to do things early, like talk before we were 1 years old, or how we were all good readers. They always made sure to distinguish between bad behavior and a bad person. They always complimented us, as people. If we ever did something wrong, they would tell us that we are smart kids and that it was our behavior that was inappropriate.
  2. Honesty – Mom and Dad always told us the truth. That is not to say they always told us everything. They tried to make it age appropriate. And sometimes the truth was, “This is not appropriate to talk about right now” but they never lied. (I should mention that Mom was into the Tooth Fairy and Santa Claus, which we were all pretty happy about in the long run). As a young child, we believe our parents no matter what and we tend to take our beliefs with us into the future.
  3. Approachable – Every once in a while, Mom or Dad will gently remind us, “Honey, if you ever need to talk about anything, I am here to listen” or “You can talk to us about anything”. I am all grown up now and I am faced with some pretty serious decisions. I know my parents are always there to listen and offer advice.
  4. Share Stories – It is all well and good to say that you can ask Mom and Dad for advice, but how do you know whether they are a good source of advice? Especially as an almost-adult, I know my parents do not know everything. It is sad, but true. So they share their life stories with us. They tell us about their childhood and the important decisions they had to make. They share the Lovethings they had to take into consideration and sometimes the people they sought advice from. This helps me trust their judgment
  5. I Love You – Last, and most importantly, they always remember to say “I love you”. It might be suddenly, in a text message, at dinner time. Sometimes they say it one-on-one or to all 3 of us together, “We love you all very much”. This gives a feeling of peace. Unconditional love and confidence that you are a person who can and is loved.

Give your child a good childhood so that they can have a good future. What you give them is like a toolkit of emotions and coping skills that they carry for a long time. Help them grow up to be the happy and healthy adults of the world, both physically and mentally.

Happy parenting,
Eden

Share This Page

  • Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on WhatsApp (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window)

Related

 

February 7, 2013 by Eden Baras In: Parenting Tags: attitude, behavior / discipline, beliefs, choice, early childhood, emotional intelligence, emotions, empowerment, how to, kids / children, love, practical parenting / parents, safety, security, self confidence / self esteem / self worth, self-fulfilling prophecy, tips, trust, truth

Reader Interactions

Share Your Thoughts Cancel reply

* Your comment may take up to a day to appear.

Get Happiness by Email

Sign up to receive posts by email and get my free mini-course Seven Emails with Seven Secrets for Seven Weeks to boost your personal development

0% Complete

Join Us on Social Media

  • Click to visit our Facebook page (Opens in new window)
  • Click to visit my Twitter profile (Opens in new window)
  • Click to visit my LinkedIn profile (Opens in new window)
  • Click to see my Pinterest profile (Opens in new window)
  • Click to visit the RSS feed (Opens in new window)

Books by Ronit Baras

  • What motivates your child? Read Motivating Kids by Ronit Baras Motivating Kids From: $9.95
  • Reflections by Ronit Baras Reflections From: $5.99
  • In the Outback with Jasmine Banks by Ronit Baras In the Outback with Jasmine Banks From: $5.99
  • Be Special Be Yourself for Teenagers by Ronit Baras Be Special, Be Yourself for Teenagers From: $5.99
  • The Will by Ronit Baras The Will From: $5.99

Be Happy in LIFE logo
Book your private life coaching with Ronit Baras and learn how to be happy in life

Girl speaking at student leadership programLeaders are not born. They are made. Bring this Student Leadership Program to your primary school or high school and you will create a community of empowered, inspired student leaders, parents and teachers.

Need Better Movie Options?

SmartFeed better movie options

You’re Reading a Top 50 Parenting Blog

Top 50 Family Blog Award Top 50 Amazing Parenting Blogs 2017

Related Links

  • Be Happy in LIFE – Life Coaching
  • Noff Baras – Screen Actor & Model
  • Personal Growth Web
  • The Motivational Speaker
  • Tsoof Baras – percussionist, composer and producer

Primary Sidebar

Your Cart

Speaker Bookings

Ronit Baras
Book Ronit as a Speaker for Your event »

Ready to be happy?

Happy woman holding a cup in the snow
Be empowered and set your spirit free!

Engage Ronit as Your Life Coach »

Give to Receive

Kiva - loans that change lives

Contact Us · Subscribe · Terms of Use / Privacy Statement · Affiliate Program · Sitemap

Copyright © 2021 Be Happy in LIFE · Built and powered by Get Business Online

Secure HTTPS

  • Home
  • Series
  • About Ronit Baras
  • Books by Ronit Baras
    • Motivating Kids
    • Be Special, Be Yourself for Teenagers
    • Reflections
    • In the Outback with Jasmine Banks
    • The Will
    • * Your Cart
    • * Secure Checkout
  • Contact
    • Join Us

How to Motivate Kids

Motivating Kids by Ronit Baras
Get this essential guide to motivating kids (and teens) and master the art of motivation.

BUY IT NOW

×
Happiness

Get Happiness by Email

Sign up to receive posts by email and get my free mini-course Seven Emails with Seven Secrets for Seven Weeks to boost your personal development

0% Complete
×

Share This Page

  • Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on WhatsApp (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window)