To increase your self esteem, it is good if you know what you can appreciate in yourself. People with low self esteem simply do not realize how much or how well they do things. For many of the big questions in life, they answer “I’ve never thought about it” or “I don’t know”.
The subconscious mind, however, knows very well what it thinks about itself and many times, we react in a way that we do not understand.
We want to be fit, but we eat too much, we want to have good relationships, yet we fight a lot, we want to succeed, but we do not even try. We want to reach out and touch someone, but instead we lose contact.
This happens when the conscious mind and the subconscious mind are not going in the same direction. The conscious mind does not know why it does that to itself.
The war between your conscious and the subconscious minds
In the war between the conscious and the subconscious mind, the subconscious always wins. Some people say that the mind is like an iceberg. What you see on the surface is just 10% of the size of the iceberg. The subconscious mind hides underneath, controlling most of our behaviors.
To find the conflicts between the two minds, we need to go through an interview with ourselves. The more we know about ourselves, the more of this iceberg is revealed and the easier it is to control our behaviors and our outcomes.
People who are in conflicts between the two minds are confused, fearful, upset, angry, disappointed, frustrated and experience various other negative feelings, all contribution in the end to low self esteem.
Rules for self-interview
- Do it with yourself – you do not want to add complications to your interview by revealing yourself to another person.
- Write everything down – it will help you to go over it couple of times before you finalize your thoughts. Writing will allow you to go over it in a year or two and discover how much you have changed. If writing by hand is not for you, use the computer. If recording the interview appeals to you, record it.
- Be honest with yourself – you do not need to impress anyone and that is how you will get the best results.
- There are no right and wrong answers – do not look for something that you “should” be thinking. The only thing you should be is yourself!
- Some questions have more than one answer – you do not have to stick to one. If there are more, write them all down.
Knowing what you prefer will get you more of it in life. Getting more of what you want in life will increase your self esteem. It is that simple. So ask yourself these questions (add as many questions as you can think of):
- What is my favorite fruit?
- What is my favorite drink?
- What is my favorite food?
- What are my favorite clothes?
- What is my favorite color?
- What is my favorite day of the week?
- What is my favorite movie?
- What is my favorite song?
- What is my favorite holiday destination?
- Who is my favorite singer?
- Who are my favorite actors?
- What is my favorite season in the year?
- What is my favorite time of the day?
- What was my favorite subject at school?
- What is my favorite quote?
- Who is my favorite friend?
- What is my favorite book?
- What is my favorite pastime?
- Who is my favorite family member and why?
- What is my favorite game or sport?
- What is my favorite birthday gift?
- What is my favorite animal?
- Who was my favorite teacher of all times?
- What is my favorite month? Why?
- What is my favorite dream for the future?
Knowing what kind of person you are will help you focus your life by avoiding or improving the things you are not good at and doing more of the things you are good at.
Having more success in life will increase your self esteem. So ask yourself these questions (add as many questions as you can think of):
- What do I like about myself?
- What do I do well?
- What is the skill I would most like to have?
- I wish I was better at…
- What is the character trait I would never change in myself?
- What am I motivated to do?
- What am I pessimistic about?
- What am I passionate about?
- What will help me succeed?
- Am I a good friend?
- Am I a good child to my parents?
- Am I a good parent to my kids?
- Am I good with building and maintaining relationships?
- What am I proud of?
- What am I ashamed of?
- What am I frustrated about?
- Do I blame or justify a lot?
- What makes me angry?
- What makes me sad?
- What excites me?
- What qualities of mine am I happy about?
- What qualities will I be happy to get rid of?
- What is the worst thing I do to myself?
- What am I grateful for?
- What do I want to thank my parents for?
My definition of
When you aim to get more (or less) of something in your life, it helps if you know what it is. Otherwise, you may get close to what you want, but not exactly.
Having a keen focus in life will increase your self esteem. So ask yourself these questions (add as many questions as you can think of):
- Good movie is…
- Good health is…
- Good parenting is…
- A good friend is…
- Help is…
- A good neighbor is…
- Being nice is…
- Good company is…
- A good book is…
- A good holiday is…
- A good relationship is…
- A good marriage is…
- A happy lifestyle is…
- Financial abundance is…
- Good advice is…
- Failure is…
- It is interesting when…
- It is boring when…
- It is scary when…
- A challenge is…
- Life is…
- Death is…
- Love is…
- Jealousy is…
- Happiness is…
Fears drive our behavior, even when we are not aware of them. Fears of failure, inadequacy or getting hurt make us do “strange” things and lower our self esteem.
If you know your fears, you can face them and gradually eliminate them, which will increase your self esteem. So ask yourself these questions (add as many questions as you can think of):
- What am I afraid of?
- What makes me angry?
- Who makes me angry?
- Who do I blame for my problems?
- How do I justify my unhappy circumstances?
- What time of year do I hate most and why?
- What subject in school did (or still do) I hate most of all and why?
- What is the scariest time of the day?
- What is the most uncomfortable situation I have ever experienced?
- What was the most embarrassing moment of my life?
- What was the worst day of my life?
- What was the worst romantic date of my life?
- What was the worst gift I was ever given?
- What was the hardest thing I have ever done?
- What was the worst I have been treated by someone else?
- When was I discriminated against in my life?
- What upsets me?
- What destroys my motivation?
- What is my worst nightmare?
- What makes me depressed?
- What makes me cry?
- What makes me feel like a failure?
- What is the worst thing someone has ever told me?
- When do I feel the loneliest?
- What was the worst attempt of my life?
Use the 100 questions above to help you start the process of getting to know yourself and reveal more and more of your iceberg.
Stay tuned for the second part of “Interview with Yourself” in What if.
Until next month (next year), Happy New Year!
This post is part of the series Self Esteem Mini-Course:
- What Is Self Esteem?
- How School Promotes Low Self Esteem
- Beliefs and Where They Come From
- Social Identity
- Service Your Self-Esteem
- Your Self-Esteem Checklist
- How to Get Rid of Doubts
- Assertiveness and Self Esteem
- How to Be Assertive
- Beliefs of Assertive People
- Ronit Baras’ Success Experience Theory
- Ms Self Esteem has an Identity Crisis
- Conflict Resolution
- Watch Your language or Lose Your Kids’ Trust
- War Between Two Minds
- What if
- What do I Think?
- Awareness is Half the Solution
- Damaging Kids’ Self Esteem
- Boosting Kids’ Self Esteem