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Home » Life Coaching » Beautiful people » Never Too Late

Never Too Late

It is never too late to become what you might have been
– George Eliot

For some people, the beginning of a new year (and their birthday), is a sad day. When everyone around talks about goals, motivation and New Year resolutions, it is hard to avoid measuring our achievements from the previous year and those we have not achieved stand out like a sore thumb. “There you have it – another proof you have not achieved your goals and time is ticking. If you don’t get your act together, it’s going to be too late”.

Is it?

When the world says give up, hope whispers try it one more time

The ticking of time as it runs out is an illusion we adopt as soon as we learn to tell the time. Together with the sense of the achievement (that we can tell the time), the loss of freedom and hope starts creeping in as time starts to control us. This is the birth of the notion that something can be “late”, which sits in our mind together with frustration, helplessness and giving up. From there, the road to “too late” is short.

Every morning, we have the opportunity to strengthen this “late” mentality when we rush in to get the kids to school and ourselves to work. We imagine horrible endings for not making it on time. For some people, the pressure is so high it results in screams and tears on the way to their destination.

In my book In the Outback with Jasmine Banks (now available in soft cover), I wrote about this pressure. Katherine Johnson, a world famous author, teaches a young journalist how to beat the “too late” mentality and start living freely. A young woman who read the book wrote this to me:

I just wanted to tell you … this morning my university class was cancelled. Normally, I would have gone straight to work, but I had a doctor’s appointment at 10, so I decided to sleep in a little, then I got to city and decided I didn’t want to go to work until after the doctor’s appointment – I wanted to sit in a café and have a mocha and read some more of your story…

I was thinking to myself as I walked to the café that a year ago, I would not have done this, because I would have felt bad not going to work, but today, I felt good for deciding to do what I felt like doing, so it was very funny indeed when I was reading up to the bit where Katherine asks ‘What will happen if you don’t go to work?’ and what did happen? Nothing! Other than I got to sit in a café with a warm lovely drink and read your wonderful story!

You will be surprised to know that when she went back to work the following day, her boss offered her a promotion.

Over the years, we learn to create a monster out of lost opportunities and miss out on all the new ones staring right at us.

When one door closes, another door opens

Have you ever heard yourself saying, “I must finish this”, “I cannot afford a day off” or “I don’t have a second to spare” and then suddenly you were standing at a funeral of someone close or lying in bed sick and realized you had actually had lots of seconds to spare? It is not the time that is missing but the priority. We have the exact same time we had a second before we had an accident or heard about a funeral we must attend. We just used it differently.

The time for action is now. It’s never too late to do something
– Antoine de Saint-Exupery

If you meet a person who has faced death and gotten out alive, you will notice they have their priorities right, because that incident served as a strong wakeup call for them. Before their traumatic event (cancer, accident, etc), they heard the clock ticking every day as they rushed to work and stressed about every little thing, but since facing death, they have learned to ignore the ticking and do the things that need to be done. They are never too late, because they are already on “borrowed time”.

“Too late” on trial

Whenever I met such people, I realized they all treated this wake-up call as the best thing that had happened to them in life. “Strange!” I thought at first, but when I examined my own life, I realized I thought the same about the most traumatic events that had happened to me. If you use the learning from an event to turn your life around, it is no longer traumatic.

When people face death, they are forced to choose between put their “too late” mentality on trial. Some give up and lose. Those who decide it is never too late fight, win and gain their life back. You see, it is never too late to do your best to stay alive.

Luckily for us, most of life is not choosing between life and death, but in a similar way, giving up on the small, fun, happy bits is like losing the trial against “too late”. How many times have you said, “It’s too late for me to study”, “It’s too late to start saving/investing now” or “It’s too late for me to find love”?

Well, as I looked around me, I realized there are people very close to me who have proved it is never too late to do things. Here are their stories.

Old coupleMy mom (in the photo) finished primary school at the age of 50. Moving to a new country at the age of 9 and never going through proper formal education had put her in a delicate position. She had chosen to become a chef as a way of dealing with her inability to write properly and do math calculations.

My mom has an amazing kinesthetic memory. If she cooks or bakes something once, she remembers it forever. Her hands are her scales and her intuition is her cooking method.

When she was 50, she finally got over her “too late” mentality and went to an adult education institute to complete her primary school. We all admired her.

At the age of 55, she said she wanted to get a driver’s license. Whenever she tried and failed the written test, I thought it might be too late for her, but she persisted. She got her license after several written tests and a few practical ones. She is now 70 years old and still drives.

My dad (also in the photo) started his working life as a postman. Later on, he became an accountant and managed an office, but he got his first personal computer at the age of 60. His English was (and still is) limited and we were worried he would not use the computer because he was “too old” and lacked the “fresh, young, technical mindset of his grandchildren”. When he retired, he taught himself, with the help of Gal and one of his grandsons, to install programs on his computer. He is now 77 years old and the computer gives him a lot of joy and pleasure, along with challenges and intellectual stimulation. Imagine the happiness in my parents’ house when they can connect with their children and grandchildren living overseas through the computer.

Cute baby Last month, during my solo trip to see my new nephews (did I mention they were gorgeous?), I had another reminder of how rewarding the battle against the “too late” mentality can be. My sister found a partner when she was 37. Until then, every family encounter, people nagged about it being too late for her. At one stage, some family members tried to convince her she should have a baby on her own “or it will be too late”. When she met her partner, everyone around nagged she should rush him to have a child “or it will be too late”. Along the way, when her fertility treatment failed, everyone said she might have “missed the boat”.

When she got to the hospital, bleeding, on the 24th week of pregnancy from her second IVF treatment, everyone was in despair. “If only she took my advice before”, they thought, “Now, it’s too late”. But it was not.

She battled in the hospital for 2 months, unable to even go the toilet for fear of losing her previous baby. Even when the doctors said no woman had ever managed to keep a pregnancy in her condition long enough, she kept talking to her baby and saying, “We can do it. Stay with me”.

At the age of 41, in the 32nd week of pregnancy, my sister was rushed to the operating room with heavy bleeding. Her baby was born prematurely, weighing 1.8kg (4lbs). He was tiny and had to be connected to hospital equipment. When I first held him in my hands (and smelled, kissed and hugged him), he was 8 months old and a gorgeous (yes, that’s him in the photo above) and it scared me to think what would have happened if my sister had chosen the “too late” path and given up.

It takes courage to fight the “too late” mindset and as I came back from my holiday, my New Year resolution was to find my “too late” statements and find a way to do them anyway. What do you know? When you look, you find.

Courage is being afraid but going on anyhow

My New Year Resolution

All my life, I was surrounded by musically talented people. My older sister played the guitar and sang beautifully. My older brother taught himself to play the guitar as a kid and he can play any instrument in a second. My younger sister played the keyboard. My youngest sister played the keyboard and in later years (while are talking about being late), she went to study high-level piano. Gal played the accordion for 8 years and has lots of musical knowledge, which is great because he always helps the kids with their music. My daughter Eden plays the piano. My son Tsoof is a musical genius. Even my youngest daughter Noff plays the piano and wants to start the flute in 3 weeks.

And me? I used to say, “I do not have a musical bone in me”. I said it jokingly to survive the feeling of inferiority. Every time I thought of learning to play an instrument, I said, “Nah, it’s too late” and piled up excuses to prevent me from trying.

Well, my New Year resolution was to learn to play the piano. I have a keyboard at home and 4 teachers – easy! So far, I have done two lessons and learned to play with my right hand. It was wonderful to hear the kids encouraging me. “Mom, you are very good”, “Well done”, “You’re doing very well for two lessons” (I could hear myself…) and this is what has happened since:

  1. I admire people who play any music instrument, because if I thought it was tough, now I know it is.
  2. I am proud of myself for doing something that was hard for me to do, because it helps me build the courage I need and stay away from being “too late”.
  3. I am happy to be an inspiration for my own kids like my mom inspired me by doing such hard things when she was 50 and 55.
  4. I have learned some of the theory and names of notes, so now I feel I can participate in the kids’ and Gal’s conversations about music.
  5. I am happy I have found a way to stimulate my brain (playing involves right-brain/left-brain coordination) and expand my horizon in a challenging yet fun way.
  6. I have a great story to tell my clients when they say to me “too late” (actually, I have another story, because I already have plenty of them).
  7. My progress has motivated Noff to spend more time on her piano lessons so she can keep teaching me.

Little by little one walks far

To help myself progress, I look at this quote, “Little by little one walks far”. I already proved myself it was true during the toughest times of my life. I have made myself a promise I will play the piano for at least 5 minutes every day and I have been doing it.

So, if you are a bit frustrated with what you have not achieved last year and find yourself saying in despair “it’s too late”, I hope you understand by now that happiness does not live on the “too late” dead-end street.

How to win the “too late” trial

  1. As a New Year resolution, find your “too late” statements and write them down.
  2. Look around you and pick people who have won the battle. You may find, just like me, they are very close to you.
  3. Examine your life and find times when you beat “too late” and managed to do things that others thought they you could no longer do.
  4. For your New Year resolution, pick one to change. When you examine your “too late” statements, find one that will be the easiest to strengthen the opposite belief – “It’s never too late” or, better yet, “I can always do things”.
  5. Just like any other goal, make a statement of your New Year resolution to everyone around you. It will help you stay committed and help others support you.

In the Outback with Jasmine BanksI am happy to announce that my second book, In the Outback with Jasmine Banks, has been printed and is now available for sale. As a reader of Family Matters, you are entitled to free shipping anywhere in the world when you purchase the book with this special coupon code: FAMILYMATTERS-JB. There are only 250 copies available with this special discount and the coupon is good for as many copies as you want to buy, so hurry up and purchase today.

Happy New Year to you. I wish you happiness, love, health and wealth for the New Year.

Love,
Ronit

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January 15, 2010 by Ronit Baras In: Beautiful people, Personal Development Tags: beliefs, books, change, choice, dreams, emotional intelligence, focus, goals / goal setting, how to, inspiration, motivation, optimism, persistence, personal development / personal growth / personality development / self improvement, projection, self confidence / self esteem / self worth, success

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Comments

  1. Ronit Baras says

    May 26, 2010 at 11:43 AM

    Hospital Equipment,

    Action is our way of moving forward.

    Thanks for your comment

    Happy day
    Ronit
    The Motivational Speaker

    Reply
  2. Hospital Equipment says

    May 22, 2010 at 1:34 AM

    Another reason to always cherish every moment of life we have and realize NOW is the time to take action! All the best.

    Reply
  3. Ronit Baras says

    February 3, 2010 at 6:21 PM

    Hi Bill,

    It is amazing how many people responded about learning to play a musical instrument later in life.

    Great, it makes me feel normal.

    Yes, I know, there are so many free online resources.
    My son, who taught himself the guitar learned so much from the Internet. he has a musical background so it was easy for him to learn – or at least I think it was easy. Do you think we say on others that things were easy for them if they are hard for us?

    What do you think?

    Ronit

    Reply
  4. billf says

    January 27, 2010 at 1:17 PM

    I can only say how true this story is. To many times I find myself working until I can’t see straight. Especially now that my children are off to college. Reading this story makes me feel like I need to start to slow down a little and smell the roses. But on a positive note, I did start teaching myself the guitar. There are many places online that give good free information and I’m taking advantage of them.

    Reply
  5. Ronit Baras says

    January 25, 2010 at 11:11 AM

    another comment from Agnes Barila:

    We hold our own happiness, truly it is our choice…having this life is a journey to measures what desire is different from our needs…

    Reply
  6. Ronit Baras says

    January 25, 2010 at 11:04 AM

    here is another one from Meredith:

    Hi Ronit,
    Thankyou for all of your little contacts, they are lovely to receive.
    What a lovely time you had as 2009 drew to a close, it is wonderful to welcome new babies into the family and the world.
    How do you select the topics to write on? So many times I get to a stuck bit and think I”ve exhausted all of my options so I”ll call Ronit and then out comes your newsletter and helps me to refocus and restart…
    And its just happened again, do you have a direct link to my brain?

    Reply
  7. Ronit Baras says

    January 25, 2010 at 11:00 AM

    This is a comment wrote by Kate Jess:

    I know I have wished you Happy New Year in other ways this time a real ”feel the fear and do it anywyay Happy New Year. At 47 1/2 I started my first piano lesson!!!! Enrolling I was ”inside” very emotionally excited and scared and many many other emotions of ”oh what if I make a fool of myself”. I have been blessed with a fabulous teacher. Its been nearly 1 yr since starting. I”ve learn”t with another adult until now – its been very rewarding, frustrating and FUN! Its taught be a lot about myself. Noushie also learns and at xmas time our music teacher #who is the same teacher# taught us xmas carols #Noushie learn”t hers off by heart in 20 mins# me………..well I said ”I read the music” ummm that was my excuse anyway :). Its been wonderfully rewarding and something I have always wanted to do since I was 4 so it was a long time coming. This term I am going to discover the Flute – a trial – and also continue with paino. KEEP UP THE GREAT WORK RONIT – maybe
    we could do a recital together one day !!:). I did my first recital in front of 30 of our teachers students and family – my other adult learner and I played together we were sweating and embarrased and nervous and well the list is long and it lasted all of 30 sec! BUT importantly YES WE DID IT!! Boy it was huge and we did it. This was before and after other students played their practise recitals for 15 mins NON STOP without music! Yes we could have packed up and gone home before we began yes we could have elected to not do it amongst the talent that surrounded us but we did it. It was excellent reflection for me about don”t compare, just do it, we all have different talents and a role model for my daughter who watches me practise and knows whilst I am not up to talents of those who she heard before and after us but that their are many many talents out there. The joy of music and the talents over the 2 hour recital was to be truely admired. It was an excellent exper
    ience and one I will never forget. It was excellent for Noushie too. At Halloween our piano teacher again had another ”dress up” recital party #she is fabulous at doing recitals for her students for experience# my daugther and I played together in our ”Halloween” outfits – I was shaking Noushie nerous and I don”t even think I had my fingers on the right keys but we played people clapped and when it was all over we had yet another experience I/WE HAD DONE IT YET AGAIN. For Noushie it was her first and she didn”t want to do it – Sonya our teacher was so calm and encouraging and we did it. Noushie did one with other children who she didn”t know and then one with me. I”ve got to say i was happy she was with me. Here I was at 47 needing my 7 years hand to hold so to speak. For all of us no matter what age, talent etc have a go. I also started Jazz ballet last year however over committed in many areas and under achieving it was my goal to streamline and start fresh
    this year at the start of the year and not come in later in the year when others had already known and familar with the steps. So its never too old to start! Congratulations RONIT let your talents shine whilst you may not have played music as such and the rest of your family as you say were very musically talented in the physical sence it was the beautiful music of a mothers voice – resonance of love and joy peace, hope and encouragement day in day out year in year out ear that they returned back to you via the sound and talent of music. I know they will be so proud of you now playing to them a different sound – a sound of a talent so long held inside – I bet its beautiful!!! Go GIRL!! You are an amazing lady Ronit with a beautiful beautiful family. Keep up the great work and enjoy the journey of music. xx Kate Jess

    Reply

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