success or failure In the previous blog posts, I explained how to use the choice theory in the classroom, fulfilling the student’s basic needs. As I said in the blog post about business, bosses and managers, we can consider the teacher as a manager, the boss of the class, or the leader of the class.

I have been running workshops for teachers for many years. I am shocked 100% of the time to discover that 3 or 4 years of teaching degree focuses mainly on curriculum and lesson plans and nothing on the teachers’ emotional intelligence or leadership abilities. In 100% of all my workshops, the teachers feel disappointed the information was not available for them before they started their teaching career.

Still, we can all choose to adopt this method of teaching at any time. What I tell them is, “It is never too late to start choosing differently. In the past, you didn’t know about this, so there was nothing to choose from. Now that you have the option whether to adopt or not, you can practice your choice muscle.”

The Deadly and Caring Habits of the Teacher

Here is a table that summarizes the deadly and caring habits of the teacher. It is not all or nothing. Some of them we have more and others less. The idea is to shrink the deadly behavior and make the caring habit bigger, stronger, and more consistent.

If you are a teacher, use them to evaluate yourself. Do not be too critical on yourself (it is deadly habit, after all). Just focus on the caring habits you use already and use them more. Pick one deadly habit of yours and make a goal to change it. Focus on changing one at a time. Caring is a learned skill.

Deadly teacher habits

Caring teacher habits

Puts lots of pressure on students
Has a very strict time table
Very critical
Uses sarcasm
Picks on weak students
Does not share personal information with kids in fear of losing power
Talks about every kid as one of many
When kids do not perform, blames them and uses name calling
Threatens the kids with punishment or with their parents
Makes the students feel guilty for their behavior
Makes the student feel shame for their feelings, thoughts, and actions
Gives only good and smart students helping and leading roles
Uses punishment to control the kids
Uses prizes to control the students
Has full control over the rules
Follows the school rules blindly
Has a “my way or the highway” mentality
Does not give the students many options
Fully in charge of evaluation
Using evaluation methods as a way to control the kids
Sets the deadline for the kids’ assignments without considering their circumstances and input
Not consistent
Not flexible
Not clear about instructions and expectations
Not available for parents
Critiques the students’ work rather than give suggestions for improvement
Never allows the kids to correct their work
Too focused on academic achievements without time and space to things that are out of the academic scope
Considers self as in charge of academic and not work on students’ social skills
Prefers frontal teaching and feel threatened by games and alternative teaching methods

Soft, understanding, supportive
Transparent, no hidden agenda, shares own thoughts and feelings and not only the nice and best
Communicates openly
Internally motivated instead of following rules blindly
Involves the students in some decision making
Welcomes the students’ feedback without feeling threatened
Gives the students many options to choose from
Encourages the kids to do things they expressed desire to do
Takes into consideration every child’s strengths and weaknesses
Asks the students open questions without patronizing
Asks and waits for an answer. Listens with intention and desire to know and not to tell the kids off.
Not judgmental. Assumes a positive option that explains the child’s behavior.
Talks about each kid as unique and special
Has many different roles to give the kids
Emphasizes the process and not the end result
Develops joint evaluation of students and teachers to strengthen the choice muscle for kids
Never threatens
Develops class rules with the kids
Develops class rewards with the kids and encourages internal motivation rather than external
Invests in team work and collaboration
Flexible with plan
Has an open-door policy
Available with reason to parents
Offers feedback and ways to improve on evaluations rather than “good,” “not good” or a number
Always give the kids an opportunity to correct themselves. The knowledge, now, is the important bit and not how well you knew it in the past
Allows kids’ self-expression and uses personal preference to encourage them to share their talents and wants
Helping students establish relationship with other students
Makes the teaching fun and creative

When you find that the balance will lean toward the caring habits, it will automatically reflect on your student’s behavior and academic achievements. When this happens, you go to sleep with a sense of fulfillment and happiness and say, “I have made a huge difference in someone’s life today.”

Choice theory is very useful in relationships, parenting, teaching, and in business as they all focus on relationship building.

I was lucky to study it as part of my degree and I aim to share this info with all my clients and my readers. I hope you will find it magical as much as I did and make happy choices.

Remember, happiness is a choice!

Wishing you happy and successful choices,
Ronit

This post is part of the series Choice Theory:

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October 17, 2013

In "Emotional Intelligence"

Choice Theory: Happy Teachers