Most people say they want peace. Most people say they want calm. But when real quiet finally arrives—when the TV is off, the phone is face-down, the house is still, the day slows—something strange happens.
Many of us don’t feel peaceful. We feel restless. Uneasy. Pulled to distract ourselves.
Suddenly, the silence that was supposed to comfort us… makes us uncomfortable.
This is where the fear of silence psychology begins. Silence becomes a mirror, and what we see in that mirror is not always easy.
In this second chapter of the Silence benefits for emotional wellbeing, we will explore why silence triggers discomfort, what happens in the brain during quiet moments, how early experiences shape our relationship with silence, and how we can begin to feel safe in the spaces between words.
Why Silence Can Feel Scary
Silence often forces us to meet the parts of ourselves we avoid—our thoughts, our worries, our truth. When the noise stops, the inner world becomes louder.
Many people experience: Restlessness, overthinking, emotional discomfort, fear of confronting unresolved issues, an urge to “do” something immediately.
And this is not a personal flaw. It’s biology and psychology working together.
Did it every happened to you that you turned on the radio, put a music in the car or at home, only because you were lonely?
You are not alone. Most people actually afraid of being alone with their thoughts and feelings.
In 2014, psychologist Dr. Timothy Wilson ran a study where people were asked to sit alone in silence for 10–15 minutes. Shockingly, 67% of men and 25% of women preferred to give themselves an electric shock rather than sit quietly with their thoughts. Wilson concluded that the brain finds stillness challenging because noise distracts us from “unwanted self-awareness.”
This is one of the core principles in fear of silence psychology: Silence exposes what noise hides.
The Brain on Silence
Most people assume silence is an empty space where nothing happens, yet in reality it is alive with activity. Far from being “nothing,” silence is the hidden process that allows growth, healing, and understanding to unfold beneath the surface.
During quiet moments:
- The Default Mode Network activates
- The brain processes memories
- Emotions surface
- New insights form
- Suppressed thoughts rise
In 2019, neuroscientist Dr. Moshe Bar found that the brain becomes more imaginative and emotionally honest in silence. Without stimulation, the brain finally has space to reveal what’s within.
This research supports the foundation of fear of silence psychology: Silence doesn’t create discomfort—it reveals it.
Silence doesn’t make you uncomfortable. It simply shows you the discomfort that was already there.
Ronit Baras
Childhood and the Roots of Silence Anxiety
Our relationship with silence begins in childhood.
Some people grew up in homes where silence equals tension. As I said many times before, the messages we give our kids don’t have to come in a form of words, they learn it through mirroring and even nonverbal messages.
Those children nervous system learned that silence meant: Someone was angry, punishment was coming, something bad happened, people were withdrawing, emotions weren’t safe to express.
Others grew up in chaotic or noisy homes where silence barely existed, so for them, quiet feels foreign.
In a landmark study from 1997, Dr. Elaine Aron, known for her work on Highly Sensitive People (HSPs), found that individuals who grew up in unpredictable environments often associate silence with danger because their nervous system learned that quiet moments were the “calm before the storm.”
Remember, the children’s nervous system is designed to protect them from danger and if they learn that after such quiet comes… the lion. They stay tuned for such moments forever.
This is a key insight in fear of silence psychology: Silence triggers childhood memories, not current reality.
When adults avoid silence, they often aren’t avoiding the quiet—they’re avoiding the feelings that once lived in the quiet. If you need to read it again, please do! When we are afraid of silence we aren’t really avoiding the quiet, we are avoiding the feeling that once lived in the quiet.
Silence Brings Up Thoughts We Try to Avoid
When we are afraid of our own thoughts, Psychologists call them “intrusive thoughts,” but in truth, they’re just unprocessed thoughts.
Silence brings up: Unfinished emotional business, worries, fears, resentments, dreams you haven’t pursued, decisions you’re avoiding, feelings you haven’t named.
This is why so many people immediately: Turn on the radio, scroll social media, fill the room with conversation, seek noise or movement.
Noise is the perfect emotional distraction. Silence removes it.
Dr. Ethan Kross, a psychologist and neuroscientist at the University of Michigan, is best known for his research on mental chatter — the constant inner voice in our heads. Showed that silence often exposes the “raw version” of our thoughts, which can feel uncomfortable, and that many people avoid quiet moments because they fear confronting unfiltered emotions or self‑criticism.
Kross’s findings were that:
- Mental chatter is universal: Everyone has an inner voice that narrates, critiques, and plans.
- Silence amplifies it: When external distractions fade, the mind’s chatter becomes louder and more noticeable.
- Raw thoughts surface: In quiet moments, unfiltered feelings — worries, regrets, insecurities — rise to awareness.
- Avoidance of silence: Many people resist silence because they fear facing these raw, unedited thoughts.
- Kross emphasizes that quiet moments are not empty — they are active spaces where the mind processes unresolved material.
And this is the heart of fear of silence psychology: Silence reveals truth—and truth requires courage.
If you fear silence, it’s because silence holds the truth you’ve been avoiding.
Ronit Baras
Why Avoiding Silence Creates Emotional Noise
Avoiding silence is like skipping the gentle exercise of the soul. At first, you may not notice the absence — just as missing a single walk doesn’t weaken the body right away. But over time, the effects quietly accumulate.
When people avoid quiet moments:
- Anxiety rises
- Patience decreases
- Emotional reactivity increases
- Sleep becomes restless
- Decisions become impulsive
- Relationships become noisy and cluttered
Silence is not a luxury. It is an emotional hygiene practice. Just like brushing your teeth prevents decay, quiet moments prevent emotional overload.
Silence is like sunlight for the mind, nourishing clarity and growth in ways we don’t always see. Without it, our inner garden becomes overgrown with weeds of chatter and stress.
Choosing silence is like giving your heart a soft place to rest, like laying down in a meadow where the breeze carries away the heaviness of the day. It’s not “nothing happening” — it’s the tender work of renewal, the invisible strengthening that makes us more present, more loving, and more alive.
This is one of the most ignored lessons in fear of silence psychology: When you avoid silence, you avoid strengthening the muscle of dealing with your emotions. It prevents you from taking the time to clear the weeds of the emotions that make you feel unsafe.
Why Silence Feels Like Losing Control
Think of us sailing the ocean of life. Whenever we are stress, unstable, we throw anchors to the ground. Those anchors prevent us from living life to the fullest and exploring the vast ocean.
Silence removes the external anchors we rely on—sound, distraction, activity.
For some people, this feels like losing control.
Silence asks:
- What do you really feel?
- What are you really afraid of?
- What choices are you avoiding?
- What are you pretending not to know?
No wonder it feels confronting.
Have you heard the phrase that people prefer the devil they know?
In 2020, Dr. Laurie Santos examined emotional avoidance and found that people prefer predictable discomfort over unpredictable introspection. Noise provides predictable discomfort. Silence provides unpredictable honesty.
This aligns perfectly with fear of silence psychology: Silence restores control of the outer world but demands control of the inner one and let’s admit, that’s tough!
Silence is never the enemy. Avoiding yourself is.
Ronit Baras
How to Feel Safe in Silence Again
Silence is a skill.
You learn it the way you learn swimming—slowly, gently, without jumping into the deep end.
Here are practical ways to start.
Start With Micro-Silences
- 10 seconds before responding
- 5 seconds before entering a room
- Breathing before sending a message
Small doses lower the brain’s “silence fear response.”
Add Soft Silence, Not Empty Silence
Soft silence = candle, journaling, tea, nature
Empty silence = staring at a wall feeling overwhelmed
Give silence a container.
Pair Silence With Safety
- Sit in a safe place, a comfortable chair, a warm room.
- Let your body associate quiet with comfort.
This slowly rebuilds your nervous system’s relationship with silence.
Make Silence Shared, Not Lonely
- Sit quietly with someone you trust.
- Walk in nature without talking.
- Share a silent meal.
- Connection reduces fear.
This reframes the fear of silence psychology from avoidance → acceptance.
The fear of the wolf is greater than the wolf itself
Silence is not the problem. Our relationship with silence is.
When you start to understand the fear of silence psychology, you realise that quiet moments don’t create discomfort—they reveal what was already waiting for your attention. Silence is the doorway to emotional clarity, self-awareness, healing, and resilience.
If silence feels uncomfortable, start small.
Start gently.
Start kindly.
Your inner world is not something to fear. It is something to meet.
When you’re ready to explore your emotional patterns, communication skills, or personal growth journey more deeply, check out our coaching programs at Be Happy in LIFE.
Join me next time on the silence journey when we learn about the benefits of silence meditation (subscribe to get notified by email and receive a bonus).
Wishing you love, peace and quiet,
Ronit
The Power of Silence
