Self-care has a very simple definition. It is the things we do, or avoid doing, in order to look after ourselves, physically and/or mentally. If you have a car, you need to maintain smooth operation with regular servicing and gasoline/electricity. If you want to travel safely in this life, you also need to care for your mind and body.
Self-care maintains our health and wellbeing so we can function and enjoy our life.
Many people confuse self-care with selfishness and roget that we never say our car is selfish when it needs service. We accept it and are even willing to pay for it.
When we care for ourselves, we can do it in four areas of life. Physically, emotionally, socially and spiritually.
The need to maintain our life in all four areas is not the same for all people. Some say they are intertwined. Caring for one area impacts all the other areas, so focus you can on any area and still benefit overall.
In Emotional intelligence, there is a hierarchy. The first two areas – physical and emotional – are primary, while the second pair – social and spiritual – are secondary.
Regardless of which philosophy is more appealing to you, start!
I have made a list of things we need to understand about self-care, do or not do, in order to care for ourselves. To make it easy to remember, I’ve organized them into an A-to-Z list. Not all of them will be applicable to you. That’s perfectly fine. I hope you use some of them to care for yourself.
Accept yourself as you are
Don’t try to be something you are not. You don’t need to be fixed, because you are not broken. You are perfect, with all your flaws.
Breathe
Breathe. Whenever you feel threatened, angry, upset, or frustrated, recognize that you’re in a primitive state of mind. In that mode, you can’t use higher functions and can’t care for yourself. Breath! Taking a deep breath signals to our body that we are safe, allowing us to think more clearly.
Clear boundaries are necessary for us to avoid getting hurt
When we allow others to do whatever makes them feel good and we have no clear boundaries of what we will tolerate and what we won’t, we are inviting into our life predators, people who will take advantage of us.
For every relationship to work, we must find the boundaries of where we start, stop and others exist. When others don’t respect the boundaries you’ve set, they violate your personal space.
Dream and dream BIG
This is your birthright. When you were young, people told you, “In life, you don’t get what you want.” Originally, it was meant to protect you from heartache and pain but the only thing it did was prevent people from dreaming. It killed their motivation and their desires for good, better, successful life and most people are afraid to dream. They think that if they don’t know how they will achieve their desires, they can’t hold on to the desire.
Dream big, and if your mind says, “but how will you achieve this”, say, “I still want it, even If I don’t know how to get there yet!”
Eat healthy food
The food you consume is like petrol in your car. Eating junk food is like putting soda in your car’s tank and expecting it to run properly.
Forgive yourself and others
Anger and resentment are poison in your body, and it festers and grows. We think if we keep them, it will guarantee we won’t experience them again, but it does the exact opposite. It makes sure we still experience them. Forgiveness is the courage to let go of those feelings.
Gratitude helps us focus on the good things in life
It nurtures our mind with positive thoughts about what we have, rather than what we lack. With gratitude, we can tell ourselves what makes us happy, and we can make ourselves happy by appreciating the good things around us.
Help – ask for help
Whenever you feel things are overwhelming, remember you’re not alone. It is not a weakness to ask for help, it shows maturity, and it gives people a chance to be kind to you.
Indulge yourself
It’s okay to do things purely for fun and enjoyment. It is not spoiling, and it is not luxury, and it is not a waste. It is self-love, self-care. It gives us permission to reward ourselves with something that makes us feel good. Don’t think of spending money on indulging yourself as a waste, it is investment, it is self-care.
Journaling
Keeping a journal is a great self-care tool, much like keeping a service log for your car.
Know yourself
Find ou what makes you tick and be true to who you are. Why? Because trying to be something you are not takes too much effort.
Lough
Laughter is the best medicine. If we don’t take ourselves seriously and we are light and bubbly, we can use laughing and humor to overcome the challenges in life.
Meditate
Mediation is the simplest way to relax your body and mind, reaching an optimal state of health and wellbeing. Any meditation will do!
Name it to tame it
To manage your feelings, identify and label them. When we know what we are feeling, we are halfway into managing it.
Organize your life, your surroundings and your time
Organizing is the opposite of chaos and another way to gain control of your life. Clean your space, make it suitable to your style, have goals, and have a schedule. No need to be fanatical about it. Be flexible but have a plan.
Prioritize!
We wish we could do everything at once. But we can’t. We all have the same 24 hours each day and we need to choose between all the things we want to do. Every time we choose one thing to do, we choose at the same time not to do millions of other things. It is Ok. It is a choice we have made with prioritizing. It is good. Just leave with what you have chosen in peace.
Quiet your unhealthy self-talk
We all have a parrot in our mind that is constant chatter. Sometimes, it says nice things to us, like “you can do it Ronit!”, “good on you!” or “Wow, that’s awesome”. But sometimes it says nasty things, like “you’re a loser”, “you’re not good enough” or “you don’t deserve it.”
We need to learn to recognize what the parrot says and quiet the things that are not healthy for us and give a megaphone to the good self-talk. We can’t afford the negative self-talk polluting our mind.
Listen to your self-talk, find out if what it says is healthy for you or not, if it is not, shut it up if you can and if it says good things, make a poster out of them.
Responsibility
This is at the heart of self-care. When you take responsibility for your own thoughts, feelings, mistakes, you gain control over your life. Don’t’ confuse between taking responsibility and taking blame. Responsibility does not mean it is my fault; it means I have the power to change what happened.
Self-care is called self-care for a reason
Don’t expect anyone else to care for you. You need to care for yourself. You are the car you are the driver.
Talk to someone you trust about your feelings
Expressing feelings is very important for our self-care and we need to do it with someone we trust and know he/she will not judge us, mock us, patronize us, or even punish us for sharing.
Trust is very important for us and when we find that person we can trust and we can talk with that person freely, we can release lots of hard feelings and sometime find comfort when we do that.
Unplug
We all need breaks. Much like our car that can’t run at all times without rest, we must disconnect ourselves from the things we do, in order to rest and recharge. In today’s world, unplugging means disconnecting for a while from people, from news, from friends, from social media, from work, from demands, from doing things for people.
It’s OK to be on your own. It’s OK to do nothing at all. If it helps you, go for it!
Victories need to be celebrated, no matter how small
When we celebrate, we give ourselves a reward for success and we don’t depend on others to reward us.
Work-life balance
This is crucial for our wellbeing. We reach this balance when we find the right combination of the energy we put into working and into enjoying the results of our work. Without this fun, enjoyment, and the fruits of our work, working for the sake of working is not good for our health and wellbeing. Aim to find that work life balance. Find it and stick to it as much as you can.
XXX – Sex
Sex is very healthy for us, and we need it to keep our motivation, energy, enthusiasm. If you have partners, it is important and if you don’t have partners, it is still important. It is a great self-care item. Enjoy it!
You are important
Always remember that. Don’t diminish yourself so others are not threatened by your magnificence. Don’t doubt yourself and don’t push your desires to the side. You are important. What you want is important. What you think is important.
Be assertive. When you communicate with others, focus on that. No one is better than you. Remember, you are important, but it does not mean you are more important than others. You are as important as others. Not more, not less.
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking, so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we’re liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love
Zzz – Get enough sleep
Sleep is absolutely essential to our health. If you want to torture people, you don’t need to hurt them, just take away sleep from them and they will do anything you ask them. Why? Because without sleep, we are useless. We go into the primitive brain and can’t use higher functions.
There are hundreds more tips to care for yourself. Start with something. I am sure that if you pick just three items from this list and plan to incorporate them into your life, you’ll change your life in a big way.
Take care!
Ronit
