Why ignoring children’s challenges isn’t the solution
In the wonderful journey of parenthood, we often encounter challenges that leave us scratching our heads, wondering how to navigate the troubled waters of raising children.
Whether it’s tantrums, defiance, or developmental delays, the phrase “He’ll grow out of it” has become a common strategy, offering just temporary comfort in moments of uncertainty. But what if I told you that this seemingly innocent phrase could be more harmful than helpful?
What if he doesn’t grow out of it?
Picture this: your little one is throwing a tantrum in the middle of the grocery store aisle, drawing attention from people passing by, and testing your patience to its limits. As you struggle to calm them down, a well-meaning bystander leans in with a reassuring smile and says those infamous words: “Don’t worry, he’ll grow out of it.”
On the surface, it sounds like sage advice, a beacon of hope in your emotional chaos. After all, children are just children. They do have mood swings and they test the boundaries. But what if that tantrum isn’t just a passing phase? What if it’s a symptom of a deeper issue that requires attention and intervention? What happens if children learn that this is a good strategy to manipulate you and they practice it over and over again?
Let me tell you that many grownups today never grew out of their childish tantrums? Their partners, their colleagues, their children, and those around them sure wish they did. They didn’t know they were supposed to grow out of it, so they didn’t.
It’s not the label but the challenge.
Growing out of learning difficulties
This mindset becomes especially dangerous when children have learning difficulties such as dyslexia, ADHD, or auditory processing disorders are often misunderstood or overlooked, leading to a cycle of frustration and disengagement for both children and their families.
I have said many times that working with a child with learning difficulties is easier than working on the children’s damaged self-identity.
I’m not saying the label is important but addressing the challenge is.
Imagine a child who consistently struggles to focus on school, unable to keep up with their peers despite their best efforts. Instead of recognizing the signs of a learning difficulty and seeking appropriate support, well-meaning adults usually brush off their behavior as laziness or a lack of discipline.
Do you know how many parents I talk to that say their child is just lazy? Do you know how many grown-ups share their frustration about their parents treating them as lazy or lacking discipline?
This not only undermines the child’s self-esteem but also extends the misconception that learning difficulties can be overcome through willpower alone.
Without early intervention and specialized instruction, these children may fall behind academically, leading to feelings of frustration, inadequacy, and low self-esteem.
By dismissing children’s challenges as a phase that will magically disappear with time, we run the risk of overlooking underlying issues that demand our immediate attention. No, they will not grow out of it because they need help to grow out of it.
This is critical when we focus on babies’ development because some of the processes have a critical time limit. If children do not develop specific abilities in this critical period, their brain will not develop it ever. From babies’ development through learning disabilities to mental health struggles, many hurdles require proactive intervention rather than passive waiting.
It’s easy to brush off challenges as a phase, assuming that they’ll catch up eventually. But what if that difficulty is here to stay? By adopting a wait-and-see approach, we delay the crucial support and resources that could make a world of difference in that child’s development, health, and livelihood.
Also, the “He’ll grow out of it” mentality supports the harmful myth that children’s challenges are somehow their own fault or something they’ll simply outgrow on their own. This mindset can lead to feelings of shame and inadequacy in children who are already fighting with their own struggles.
Help is on its way
Instead of dismissing children’s challenges, we must approach them with empathy, understanding, and a willingness to act.
It is our job as parents and educators to care for their health and wellbeing. This means actively seeking out resources, support networks, and professional guidance when needed. It means advocating for our children and ensuring that their needs are met, regardless of whether those challenges are temporary or long-term. I personally would not take the risk they won’t (grow out of it).
When we address children’s challenges head-on, we empower them to develop essential life skills such as resilience, problem-solving, and self-advocacy. Rather than passively waiting for problems to resolve themselves, we teach our children that it’s okay to ask for help and that their challenges do not define their worth or potential.
So, the next time you find yourself tempted to use this phrase “He’ll grow out of it” pause and consider the message you’re sending.
Don’t brush off your child’s challenges with a casual shrug and commit to facing them head-on, armed with empathy, patience, and a determination to provide the support and resources you child need to thrive.
The phrase “He’ll grow out of it” may offer temporary comfort in the face of uncertainty, and maybe, only maybe, he will grow out of it, but it’s ultimately a disservice to both children and parents alike.
By embracing a proactive approach to addressing children’s challenges, we pave the way for a brighter, more resilient future for the next generation. After all, every child deserves our support and full commitment with the chance to reach their full potential, regardless of the challenges they may face along the way.
Happy parenting,
Ronit
