Next on “Know Your Partner” are questions about attitudes and beliefs. It is hard to admit, but many of our beliefs and attitudes are part of our identities and can be the cause of relationship breakup or relationship build up. They are extremely important and somehow a bit sensitive.
The important thing is to find out which of these beliefs or attitudes are “musts” – those things that you are not willing to compromise on. For example, Gal and I do not share the same political opinion or even religious beliefs but this has never been a conflict between us.
The idea behind these questions is to find out what we think we “must” have and what our partner thinks they “must” have. Agreements will be easier to keep once we know and make a conscious decision to accept our partner rather than ignore their musts.
The attitudes and belief we will discuss are about culture, race, ethnicity, difference, truth and law, politics and community, media and religion.
Culture, Race, Ethnicity and Differences
- What do you think of your own race?
- What do you think of your own ethnic community?
- What do you think of your own culture?
- What are some of the beliefs you developed at home or have changed? Why?
- Do you prefer a workplace with people from around the world or people from your own background?
- Do you have friends from diverse backgrounds?
- How would your family react to you associating with someone from a different culture, ethnicity, religion or race?
- How would you feel if your child dated someone of a different race or ethnicity? The same gender? How would you feel if he or she married this person?
- Do you have any biases regarding race, ethnicity, culture, religion?
- What were your family’s views of race, ethnicity, and difference?
- Is it important to you that your partner shares your vision of race, ethnicity, and difference?
- What do you think of people who are different to you?
- What things do you appreciate in your culture that you would like to bring into your own home, with your own family?
- Have race, ethnicity, and differences ever been a source of tension and stress for you in a relationship?
- Is popular culture part of your culture (e.g. TV, movie stars, celebrities, modern music, magazines)?
Truth and Law
- What is your opinion on lying?
- What do you think of a white lie?
- What is your definition of honesty?
- If you found out your best friend’s partner was having an affair with someone else, what would you do?
- Do you consider yourself a law-abiding person?
- Do you pay your taxes honestly?
- Have you ever committed a crime? If yes, what was it?
- Have you ever been arrested? If yes, for what?
- Have you ever been in jail? If yes, why?
- Have you ever been involved in legal action or a lawsuit? If yes, what were the circumstances?
- Have you ever been the victim of a violent crime? If yes, describe what happened.
- What do you think of fairness and justice?
Politics & Community
- What do you think of politicians?
- Which political party do you belong to?
- Are you politically active?
- What was your family’s attitude towards politics and social justice?
- What political issues do you care about (e.g. human rights, equality, privacy, environment, women’s right, gay rights, justice for all, foreign affairs, tax…)?
- Are you involved in the community?
- What is your relationship to with your neighbors (for example, would you leave a spare key with your neighbor)?
- Do you contribute to the community? Time? Money? Skills? If so, how and how much?
- Who do you think is responsible for those people who are poor or cannot care for themselves?
Media
- How long on average do you watch TV each week?
- What kinds of things do you watch on TV? Why?
- How much do you use the internet? What for? Why?
- Do you read the newspapers? If so, how much, what kind and why?
- Do you read any magazines? What kind? Why?
- Do you believe what you see in the media? Is this a true representation of real life?
- Do you think the media is supposed to represent our society or educate our society?
- Do you think there needs to be total freedom for journalists?
- How do you think the media has contributed to our lives?
- How do you think the media has impacted negatively on our lives?
- Do you buy things that are advertised on TV?
- Do you think commercials influences you to buy/not buy things?
- What is the role of media in politics?
- In what way are we controlled by media today?
- How does the media portray relationships?
- How does the media portray marriage?
Religion
- When you were growing up, did your family identify with a particular religion? Did they practice this religion? If so, in what way?
- Is religion a big part of your life?
- Does your religion have any behavioral restrictions (e.g. dietary, social, family status and structure, sexual…)?
- Are you a religious person? Is your religion part of your daily life and practice? If so, in what way?
- What is the difference between a religious person and a spiritual religion?
- What do you think of others who do not have the same religious beliefs as you?
- What is your opinion about conflicts between different religious beliefs?
- Do you think it is a must that your partner shares the same religious beliefs/non-religious beliefs as you? If so, why? If not, why not?
- How important is it to you for your children to be raised in your religion/non-religious life style?
- Do you think conflicts over religious beliefs can cause a breakup in a relationship?
Till next time, may your beliefs and attitudes align,
Ronit
This post is part of the series Know Your Partner:
- Know Your Partner: Musts
- Know Your Partner: Questions to Ask
- Know Your Partner: Appearance, Work, Money and Health
- Know Your Partner: Education, Leisure, Holidays and Birthdays
- Know Your Partner: Home, Food, Telecommunication & Pets
- Know Your Partner: Beliefs & Attitudes
- Know Your Partner: Attitudes About Gender and Sex
- Know Your Partner: Parenting
