Things I Want My Kids to Know: Leave the “How” To the Universe

The universe has unique ways to teach us what we need to know for a safe, happy journey
– Ronit Baras

If I am lucky (actually, if I am determined), I will raise purposeful kids with a vision. I hope to teach them to go forward, towards their desired goals, one-step at a time.

Sometimes, when people really try to go for something, their goals can be too big or set too far away so they easily lose track along the way. When I talk to my kids about knowing where to sail to, they always ask, “But Mom, how do I get there?”

I think the question “How do I do it?” is the most demoralizing thought people have during their dreaming stages. Many times, I have fallen into the trap of asking this when one of my clients comes up with a huge, hairy goal and I ask myself (in my head, of course) “God, how on Earth can I help him (or her) get there?” But then, I remind myself of the counter thought, “I can do it, of course I can do it. I’ll just leave the ‘how’ to the universe”.

When sailing towards a destination, when the destination is clear, all we need to do is stay on course. When you give your crew coordinates, you still look at the stars or your machines to make sure your ship has not strayed from its course. If you find your original destination does not match what you are seeing, this means you are lost at sea.

Losing focus

We can easily get lost at sea when we do not know where we are sailing. Seneca said, “With no port in mind, no wind is favorable”. Make sure you have a port to sail to.

We only get lost when we lose focus. If we do not concentrate on the target, we can be easily tempted to explore something off course, something that seems like a nice island to visit. Keep your eyes on the target. Birthdays, holidays, weekends or any other day are good reminders of your goal. Remind yourself what you want.

We can get lost when we change priorities in the middle of sailing. If something is important to you, do not give it up just because it is hard. Hard things can still be wonderful and rewarding. If there is something you want and it is important to you, find creative ways to keep yourself motivated. Lack of motivation is like sailing without petrol. Yes, the wind can be very helpful, but in times of trouble, the wind on its own will not get you to the port quickly and safely.

Focusing on milestones

For us to be able to start a long sail, we need a belief that we will eventually get there. You only need the tiniest belief that you can achieve your goal to keep your eye on the target.

Creating milestones is a good way to stay focused, especially when the “how” question pops up. Children, with their poor perception of time, find it harder to deal with long term goals. When you talk to them about saving money for something they desire, the younger they are, the harder it is for them to perceive “4 weeks”. Breaking down the desired outcome into manageable chunks is an important technique in goal setting – if you teach it to your kids early, they are more likely to grow up with the belief that everything is possible and that milestones are emotional tools to help us survive while waiting for the universe to provide.

My dear kids,

In the battle between your desire and your understanding, let your desire win. If you want to go somewhere but you do not know how to get there, do not give up. The universe has ways of teaching us what we need to know for a safe, happy journey. If it is too hard for you to wait until you reach something you want, all you need to do is start going in the right direction and aiming for closer destinations along the way. These are called “milestones” and they are reminders you are on the right track.

Imagine yourself climbing a high mountain, when you feel it is too high and you ask yourself, “How will I get there?” Your feet can take you there one step at a time.

Tips for a safe and happy journey

Tip #1

Use the signs on the road stating you are at the 1^st kilometer mark or you are on the 5^th kilometer mark. They are great motivators.

Tip #2

Appreciate your effort. Instead of counting how many more kilometers you need to walk in order to get to the top, be proud of the distance you have covered already.

Tip #3

Celebrate each milestone. Each of them is an achievement, so each of them requires celebration. Give yourself a reward for each achievement, even a small one. It will help you manage the wait.

Tip #4

Keep fit. In the journey of life, being emotionally and physically fit is important if you want to ever get somewhere. Being sick or feeling horrible along the way is going to make it hard for you to stay focused or to keep the timetable you have set for yourself.

Tip #5

Do not worry so much about “how”. Focusing on the “how” is a constant reminder that you are far away from achieving. Leave that to the universe.

With much love,
Mom