I have been researching motivation for over 40 years. It started when I studied special education and realized that teaching people things without their ability to absorb it is a waste of energy. It was the first time ever I have learned about the motivation switch.
I was learning teaching techniques which were wonderful, but what made them successful was not my skills only but the person’s ability to receive.
This led me to the greatest philosophy in all my career. “It is not about what I have to give you, but what you are able to take”
Motivation determines the ability to take what the world outside gives us. Motivation gives us the ability to be able to recognize what the world outside of us offers and only then the process of “taking” becomes active.
In my book Motivating Kids, I explained how to turn on the motivation switch for children. In this post, I want to explain the brain function that builds this motivation from the inside and give you tricks and techniques to turn the motivation switch and stimulate motivation internally.
As I said many times in this blog, it is a process we have to do on our own and parents have some privileges in their children’s subconscious so they can greatly help their children use the same techniques.
As always, following a technique without understanding it, might not do the job, so, bear with me and once you get it, things will be easy and clear to follow and teach others around you.
Our reward system – Our motivation switch
We have a mechanism in the brain that helps us navigate life. It does that with the carrot and sticks system. For things that don’t work for us, it gives us “pain” and for things that work for us, it gives us “joy” and happiness. This is where our motivation switch is placed. The body is talking; we just need to listen.
The mechanism gives immediate response to any action we take with the hope; we will do more of the things that are “good” for us.
This motivation switch lives in the primitive brain and produces Dopamine every time we do something that is rewarding, something that makes us feel a sense of accomplishment and gives us pleasure. This mechanism not only tells us “Yes” “That’s awesome” “Well done” “good on you” “you did it” and make us feel good but also says “do it again.”
To this message “do it again”, we call motivation. It is 100% chemical. The motivation switch is on, and out nervous system registers this event as “let’s repeat”
Motivation is an internal incentive to do something and if our brain reminds us of what we have achieved, accomplished, and made us happy, we’ll have the drive/incentive/motivation to do it again. This is an easy brain pathway. No need to reinvent the wheel. We know it worked, we know we were able to do it in the past, successfully, we only need to repeat and do it again.
The double-edged sword of dopamine
This mechanism is also what causes a lot of pain and heartache because of the way our society is functioning. Compliments, approval (external rewards) agreements create the same dopamine that tells us “Do it again” and we become highly addicted to it.
Dopamine is highly connected to motivation but also very highly connected to addiction.
You must be wondering where is the line between the two?
Well, if we can’t live without it, it is an addiction.
If we don’t get compliments, approval, agreement, and we freak out, we still have the motivation to get it, but this time is “at all costs.”
It is amazing to talk to grownups coming to my clinic who are still searching “at all costs” for their parent’s approval from childhood.
I admit that two years ago, I was surprised to discover that somewhere, inside of me, I wished my mother to say a “nice word” though she never did. (And I really don’t blame her for it). It was not an addiction because I lived all my life without it and after a sad hour, I reminded myself that it was not personal. Still, I looked for it.
Every time we need to do something “At all costs”, it means we are in a primitive brain function, when we think (mostly subconsciously) that we are at risk if we don’t get that thing that we want.
Even food, which is a beautiful example of addiction to dopamine, is something we can live without for a long time. If we stick to water, bread, butter, or potatoes, we can survive, without the sugar, cakes, empty carbs, and soft drinks (to test it, I once fasted from liquid and food for 7 days and stopped it because of a family gathering. Well, look at me, nothing happened to me, I’m still alive).
Take charge of your charging
I find it easy to explain to children what dopamine means when I remind them of the reward system in primary school. You do something good, and the teacher gives you a sticker. The teacher is telling you with this sticker, “well done. Do it again.” The teacher is motivating you to use the same behavior. She motivates you to use the same behavior.
Everything works fine until she starts “punishing” you if you don’t follow it and you need to work harder for the same “well done sticker.” Now, you need to invest more energy and crave your sticker. You need the happy sticker so much; you are now doing things overcome the “pain.” This is when you lose the motivation.
It is easy to think about the motivation switch as a battery. Motivation is a battery that helps us function. Stickers fill up the battery, pain, punishments, deplete our battery.
When we depend on others to charge us, we are at the mercy of their interests. If we are in charge of our own “charging” (hence: in charge!) we can determine how much motivation, we have and we can turn the motivation switch at will.
I’m sure you have heard the idea of internal and external motivation. It is external when someone else gives us the stickers and internal when we give ourselves the sticker.
When it is external, we don’t have control of our dopamine production and when it is internal, we have better control.
If my mum says to me “well done,” it makes me happy. Yes, it produces dopamine, and my brain says “Ronit, great, do it again” but I still depend on her. If I say to myself “Well done Ronit,” I have a sense of accomplishment, it produces Dopamine and my brain says “Ronit, you did great, do it again.” I don’t need my mum for it. I’m with me 24/7. (Ok, let’s cut sleep).
There are many things that contribute to depletion of dopamine like: insufficient sleep, poor diet lacking protein and increased sugar and carbohydrates, illnesses, stress and chronic stress, anxiety, depression, long term fear, natural aging process, trauma, addictions (any substance, external or internal), medications…
It is a catch 22. Those things can cause depletion of dopamine and also can be caused by depletion.
When we lack dopamine we lack motivation, lack drive (sex, work, relationships) and lack of enthusiasm. We are depressed, bored or apathetic. We are impulsive and feel fatigued mentally and physically. We find it hard to wake up in the morning and hard to concentrate.
We have restless leg syndrome, cold hands and feet and tremors, challenges with sleep and loss of memory. We find it hard to finish tasks and are procrastinators. We have sugar and carbohydrate cravings.
Think of it as a battery. Dopamine charges it, lacks dopamine, depletes it.
People who are depressed are people without motivation. They simply can’t turn the motivation switch. 100% of the time they lack dopamine. Their reward system is so dry, they totally depend on external reward. I must say again, it is a catch 22. The more we depend on external rewards, the more addicted we are and the more addicted we are, the more we depend on external rewards.
No matter how you look at it, we need to start somewhere and going inside and shifting towards internal rewards is the best way to get out of this cycle.
Series of short orgasms
When people get it, the first thing they do is search for a pill to give them dopamine. Remember that a pill is external, and you end up depending on the pill to do the job.
Dependency = addiction = malfunction of the reward system.
We say that this philosophy is the same as giving someone a fish, rather than teaching him to fish. If you are hungry and you have two options in front of you. Get a fish or learn how to fish, choose the second one, always!
This is true in health, relationships, development, and financials
When people get that they need to learn to give themselves the rewards, they usually seek big accomplishments because they think it will give them a big sticker that will last longer. But those stickers work like Orgasm. They short lived, and the trick is to have a series of short orgasms.
Completing, finishing tasks, achievements, pleasure experience, anticipation of reward, giving a reward (complementing, supporting, encouraging, showing pride, approval of others) exercise, sun exposure, listening to music, relaxing can do the trick.
Noticing small accomplishments
In my work, I found out that many people have a challenge with noticing that small “Orgasms” because they consider only the mind-blowing orgasm as valid.
If you get a promotion at work, if you purchase the car you wanted, if you earn a lot of money, if you complete building your dream house you are deserving of a reward but in fact, all those “big “things were found to be short lived.
Research done on people achieving those big things, found that the joy, the reward from them, fades away very fast. Compared to the effort needed to achieve them, we came out short.
How often do we buy a new car?
How often do we complete building our dream house?
How often do we get a promotion? Or earn lots of money?
Do you prefer a big orgasm, lasting 30 seconds, every 10 to 15 years or many small orgasms, lasting 3 seconds, every day?
I know exactly what I would rather have! Especially because I know how our brain works. It counts how many times the motivation switch was activated, not for how long.
Below are several tips that will produce the dopamine required for us to live happily and healthily. Remember it is on a scale and focus on what you can give yourself rather than depending on others.
To do list
Always work with to do lists. Chunk them down daily, weekly, monthly, or yearly. You need to want things. Wanting is good. Be realistic about the time it’ll take you to achieve them. The daily tasks must be the biggest list.
You must get to a point when you tick minimum of three things in your to do list, every day. You can make the list before bedtime. You can make it in the morning. You can make one for the coming week and remember to make it as detailed as possible and chunk it down.
For example: I am organizing a get together for a group of women. I have to find a place to meet, I need to advertise it to my group, get RSVP’s, book the venue. If I’m full of dopamine, I write, “organize the women’s event on that day”. If I need more dopamine, I write each task separately, so every item, will give me a sense of accomplishment.
When the task is complete, I add a check mark next to it for victory. If it was a bit hard, I put two or three check marks. Each one gives me a rush of dopamine.
You can make your to do list in any format you want but make sure you spend time watching your check marks to remind you that you have completed the task and achieved it.
Small celebration of milestones
Sometimes tasks or achievements require a lot of effort, energy, and time. It is like building a house. If we wait for the tick box at the end, we’ll be deprived of dopamine throughout the process of building.
It is like climbing a huge mountain. We must stop from time to time, look backward, appreciate how far we have come and celebrate reaching a milestone.
For every task that requires a long time and effort, we must create stops for rest and evaluation of progress. When we celebrate progress, dopamine is in the picture. When we insist on celebrating the end result, we are doomed to not be able to enjoy it, even if we reach the end. Our dopamine dries out.
I had a client that worked all his life to make money. When he became a millionaire, he could not enjoy what he has achieved at all because he never recognized, appreciated or celebrated the learning along the way or the progress. Everything for him was so focused on the end result, he missed out on a lot of beautiful view climbing his mountain.
Focus on the process. Celebrate the progress. Ask yourself every day, have I done something today that brings me closer to the top of my mountain, regardless of how small it is? If so, smile, say to yourself “good on you” and if you need a mirror, go for it! Do it in front of the mirror.
Dopamine will be released in the system and say “great, let’s do it again.” This way, you’ll eventually get there!
Gratitude
Another way of producing dopamine is being genuinely grateful for what you have achieved or have so far.
I highly recommend each and every one of you to make the 100 list of the things I am grateful for.
Every grateful event is a huge dopamine rush. When my clients are going through a tough period (not enough dopamine) I send them to that list to remind them that they do have many things to be grateful for.
If lack of dopamine is your issue. Make a habit of coming every morning with three things to be grateful for and going to sleep with three things to be grateful for. I personally prefer writing it, because on tough times, I can go backward and remember that the feeling I have right now is temporary.
When it is in our head only, it can be very deceiving, and we tend to forget the good bits in life. This activity turns on the motivation switch with every item you write, and it immediately changes the focus to achievements and success.
Rules of every day
Habits we wish to adopt can produce dopamine in our body, every time we perform them. It is important to remember that things we do automatically, without making an effort to do them, or without the awareness that we are doing them for a reason, will not produce dopamine.
For example: setting the bed in the morning as a habit without thinking about it will not produce dopamine of achievement at all, while being aware of setting the bed and saying to myself, “yes, that looks nice now, good on me. I did something to make me feel good” will.
It is the same act. One done automatically, without any thought = The motivation switch is not on =No dopamine is produced. The other is done consciously with awareness = achievement = motivation switch is on= dopamine production.
Make rules for everyday life and tick them in your head every time you perform them. I for example, made a rule that weeding or propagating my succulents, planting something in the garden is an achievement so, I can go to throw the rubbish bin, and, on the way, I take out a weed and throw it into the rubbish bin and make a mental tick box in my had.
Good for me! I feel a rush of success.
I do the same thing with my art. If I do just one thing that moves me forward with my art, I make a mental tick box of movement! “Yes, Ronit, we are on the right track, we have moved forward today, even if it was just a small progress”.
Do not be tempted to go to the end results and remind yourself how far are you from the end result because this will deplete the dopamine production. Focus on the progress, what you have achieved so far. If you can’t recognize progress at all, you need professional help.
Self-care
Self-care is a wonderful dopamine production trigger. Our body has many self-preserving functions. After all, we are primitive creatures and our subconscious’ job is to protect us. Everything we do to care for ourselves produces dopamine. Even eating things that are not good for us. So, ask yourself, “is this thing I’m doing, is a self-care act? Or self-sabotage?”
Shower, care for your body, manage your emotional health, meeting people you love and enjoy their company, reading a book, rest, bath tab, massage, listen to music you like, go on vacation, meet friends you love, pursuing hobbies, exercising, learning something that excites you, mediate, make you favorite food, watch a movie you like, cuddle, dance… are just some examples of self-care acts.
Remember, it is not what happens there but the fact you did it to care for yourself and you are aware that this is the reason you did it.
Going to a dance class with your wife, just because she likes it and you hate it while you are there, does not produce dopamine! It is not a reward; it is an act of fear not of love.
Give!
In our primitive brain, we can do one of three things: Fight, flight, and freeze. Recent research claims that people produce dopamine when they shift from self-centered focus to caring of others. It is the fastest way to get out of the primitive brain but also produces a lot of dopamine.
In one research of giving “like” similar to social media, the researchers found that while those who receive “like” gets a rush of dopamine, those who give it, gets a similar rush. On receiving it we can’t control, but giving, turning on the motivation switch is in our own hands.
When we give, we have a great sense of success. Before “giving” we have this belief that “we have enough, in order to give” which is a great sense of achievement but when we complete the task of giving, the response or anticipated response of the receiver, gives us another boost of a good feeling. So, giving is a big boost to our dopamine production.
In the Jewish tradition, it is recommended to depressed, heartbroken people to go and help other people facing the same situation. It is believed to be the most healing process of overcoming a trauma.
Give! Give a helping hand, give support, give a compliment, give a gift, give a kind word, give a shoulder to cry on, give empathy, give space, give your time, give your skills, give encouragement, give attention, give your money, give a hug.
Dopamine is your friend. It is the feel-good mechanism of reward in our brain that is in charge of our motivation or lack of it. No one can give you “dopamine” without the risk of you developing addiction and dependency. You can access it if you shift from external reward to internal reward. From external motivation to internal.
Everyone can access it.
You can too!
When the motivation switch is in your hand, you are powerful!
Happy dopamine production,
Ronit
