Top Parenting Bloggers Discuss (8): Discipline

Annie Fox, M.Ed. – From the desk of Annie Fox

Discipline should never include verbal or physical abuse. Nor should parents ever threaten or intentionally frighten a child. That said, figure out your parenting objectives – that is, what skills and personal qualities you’d like your child to have by the time he/she is 18. Know how you intend to teach to those objectives. Make your expectations for their behavior crystal clear.

The consequences for missing the mark on those expectations must be equally clear in the mind of the child. When the child chooses to break the rules then the pre-determined consequence immediately comes into play. By being clear and consistent with expectations, praise for compliance and discipline for non-compliance, there is much less confusion in the mind of the child and a much greater likelihood for consistent cooperative behavior.

One more important point: if you are raising children with a partner, make sure the two of you are on the same page! If not, get there!

Maria Melo – Conversations with Moms

Be consistent about my discipline

Follow through with consequences

Ensure that the consequence matches the inappropriate behavior

Always make it about the behavior and never the person

Annie – PhD in Parenting

I believe in gentle discipline, focused around modeling appropriate behavior, giving them choices and teaching them about the things I think are important and that I think will help them in life. I do not believe in spanking or any other form of corporal punishment. But there are other tools, like rewards and punishments, which I will use as a last resort. I wrote more about my discipline spectrum on my blog: http://www.phdinparenting.com/2008/10/20/my-discipline-spectrum/.

Ria Sharon – My Mommy Manual

Yogi Parenting. I’ve been a student of Michaela Turner’s yoga-inspired approach to parenting for the last two years. This approach takes the principles of yoga: centering, boundaries, ritual and peace and applies them to parenting. I have learned how to teach my kids to discipline themselves, instead of trying to control them. It has truly transformed my relationship with my kids and my experience as a mom, which is why I am helping to develop an eCourse to be able to share this approach with other parents.

Richard “RJ” Jaramillo – Single Dad

Be the “Pack Leader” of your family and set a good example and you never have to worry about exercising discipline in your family (watch the TV show “Dog Whisperer” about Cesar Milan).

Sue Scheff – Sue Scheff Blog

I don’t believe in corporal punishment and I am completely against boot camps. I do believe that discipline needs to be consistent. Time out is a common form of discipline, which I believe can be effective, as long as the parent follows through. As your child gets older, removing privileges is a form of punishment I used. However, again, you need to be consistent and always follow through. Making threats you don’t follow through with sends your teen the message that you are all talk and they don’t have to worry about their phone being taken from them.

Susan Heim – Susan Heim on Parenting

Every child is different. What works for one child may not work for another. The child’s gender, temperament, maturity and other factors must be considered when assigning consequences. And if you say there will be a consequence for something (i.e., no video games if you don’t finish your homework), you must follow through, no matter how difficult it is.

Ronit Baras – Family Matters

I do not like the word discipline at all. I see myself more as a captain running a ship, with all the responsibility that comes with it. So for me, a parent is more of a leader than a boss telling everyone what to do.

I am a life coach and believe with all my heart in supporting my kids’ emotional development. I do not believe in punishment but in encouraging good behavior, because in life, you get what you focus on. It is an old teachers’ trick – ignore undesired behavior, but highlight, encourage and congratulate desired behavior – and it works brilliantly. Instead of saying, “You are rude to your sister”, I find one good example and say “You are such a wonderful brother helping your sister with her lunch box” and, just like magic, it becomes the norm. If it does not happen the way I prefer it, I think it is always because I have not highlighted the good behavior enough.