While many people are in a constant battle to get more and more things in life, this brings with it more and more of the things they do not want. The Genie of the Universe who grants our wishes cannot separate the good from the bad and provides both. You ask for more money and the Genie gives you a promotion with more time away from your kids.
A stressful lifestyle has become the #1 enemy of humanity. You can explain marriage breakdowns, depression, failure, poor education, many medical conditions and even wars as results of stress. Every person, young or old, poor or rich, happy or depressed, experiences stress in life. Many stressed parents raise stressed kids who grow up to raise stressed kids who grow up to raise … stressed kids.
I think we have to put a stop to this vicious cycle! Don’t you?
And the first place to start is you, the parent!
I hope you use all the tips in this post to balance your life and live a stress free life (or as much as possible), so your kids will continue this relaxed and happy cycle.
Stress is a feeling of tension from a perceived future. Stress and fear come from the same family of emotions and they are close relatives. Stress is a chain of small panic attacks from things that you are afraid might happen.
Yin and Yang lifestyle
Reaction to stress can be totally physical with sweat or an increased heart rate, feeling weakness in your legs or paralyzed and it definitely requires a lot of physical energy. The main challenge in dealing with stress is that the reaction to it is so physical that people feel they have no control over it.
The good news is you do have the control over it! If you learn to balance you life between the healthy wants and the not healthy ones and use the word “more” only when you have some “less” to counter them.
- If you want to have more fun with your partner, you must spend less time complaining.
- If you want to have more money, you must spend less on unnecessary things.
- If you want to spend more time with your kids, you must work less at your job.
- If you want to have more friends, you must spend less time by yourself or with your family.
The secrets of controlling stress
The problem in life is that most people let stress control their life instead of them controlling it. Here are some simple steps you can follow to deal with your stress.
What do you want?
Your desires contribute the most to your progress and development. We must want things in order to be happy (by the way, when you do not want something, you actually want the opposite, so that counts too).
I ask my clients 25-30 times during one session in my coaching program “What do you want?” It can be frustrating for them, but eventually they work out a list of things they want.
You see, I cannot help anyone who does not know what they want and I do not believe anyone can help themselves without knowing what they want. Sometimes, just knowing what you want is all that is needed to make the biggest change of your life. Sounds simple? Because it is!
Do this now
Make a list of your wants. It will help you give meaning to your life.
- Write 10 things you want in the next week
- Write 10 things you want in the next month
- Write 10 things you want in the next year
- Write 10 things you want in the next 5 years
The goals you write are things you want to be, have, do or feel and they can be in any area of life: health, wealth, relationships, work, household, social life, family, parenting, spirituality or personal development.
Example: “It has been a while since my wife and I have spent quality time together in a quiet, romantic place. I want to take 2 days off with her in the next 2 months”.
We all want to have perfect health, lots of money, perfect relationships, the best job, the most efficient clean house, the most wonderful friends, heaps of self confidence and an eager attitude towards life, but… we cannot concentrate on all of them at the same time, so the first thing we need to do is prioritize.
Most people are very confused about their desires. Many of them tell me, “But Ronit, you told me to write the goals and wished me hundreds of goals. Why isn’t it enough for me to write them?”
Well, when you put lots of energy into achieving something, you must focus your energy to be effective. When you prioritize, you tell your mind what is the most important right now.
You will be happy to know that very often, when you change something, other things change too. Focus on the most burning issues in your life and some of the other things are likely to sort themselves out as a result.
Do this now
Go over each of the lists above and put all the items in order of importance. Mark the most important thing #1 and the least important #10.
Find your stressors!
If you want to focus on things that will help you move forward, ask yourself what might prevent you from getting the things on your list. Finding the obstacles in your way is a great way to reveal your stress points. Your body is a very sophisticated machine and thinking of what might prevent you from achieving what you want to be, have, do or feel will create tension in your body. Learn to listen to it!
Do this now
Go over the items on your lists again and ask “What will prevent me from achieving this goal? What are the negative impacts of getting this goal? What are the things causing me stress in relation to this goal?”
Be honest in your answers. It is very easy to pretend that a goal has no negative impact, but deep inside us, we know it is there and we will sabotage ourselves in getting it. Dealing with our stressors head on is key to our personal growth.
Example: “Taking two days off in mid-week means less pay. Taking them on a weekend means higher accommodation costs. And what about the kids? I’d hate to ask my mom for help. She’ll give the kids too much chocolate. And getting a babysitter nowadays costs so much”.
Find the Balance!
I think the most important part of the whole procedure is to find the balance between the wants and the stressors. We all want to have the perfect life, but not all of us are willing to work for it! Not all of us are willing to go for it. Unfortunately, most of the people in the world complain, complain and complain, but do nothing.
Ask yourself, “What am I willing to give in order up to get what I want?”
The body does a lot to bring us to balance. When we stay awake and have a great party, it makes us tired not as punishment but to keep us healthy, happy and balanced. When we eat something unhealthy, it makes us throw up not as punishment for what we ate but to keep us healthy, happy and balanced.
Think of our life as a balancing act in the circus, standing on a large rolling cylinder, trying to remain upright with plates in either hand. When the body moves too far to the left, it tries to move to the right and when it gets out of balance, we fall off the cylinder.
Feeling thrown out of the game is very stressful for everyone, but it is important to remember that success belongs to those who step up and try again until they find their inner balance.
A note of warning: what seems balanced for one person is not necessary balanced for another person. This is why it is called “personal” development – no one can do it for you! People have different needs and wants and it is exactly why one person can eat all day and stay slim and others who eat like birds can be overweight. Therefore, no one can tell you where your balance should be (not even me) and you have to step on the big cylinder and find it yourself.
Do this now
Finding what you are willing to give up can help you to accept the required balance and work with your body and not against it. For each one of your top goals, ask “What can I give up to make this goal happen for me?”
Example: “To have that romantic getaway with my wife, I must spend some money and accept that my kids may have as much chocolate as they can stomach over 2 days while my mom watches over the”.
With the four simple steps above, you can bring your body into a balance. Imagine you are a kid, just like your own kids, at a playground, trying to balance yourself. Feeling stress is when you are unstable and afraid to go up the equipment in fear you may fall. If you do fall, you are normal. Get up and try again! That will teach your kids to go up and try again until they find their own balance too.
Take care of yourself and this will automatically take care of your kids
– Ronit Baras