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Home » Family Matters » Kids / Children » While You Were Sleeping

While You Were Sleeping

Baby sleeping on mother

[Emotion alert: reading this post may cause slight irritation in the eyes, lumps in the throat and sniffing in the nose. If you are prone to melting away in romantic movies, please bring the tissue box before you continue reading]

Whether we like it or not, parents are human beings. What can we do?

So sometimes, we have bad days. Sometimes, we need something to be proud of, because otherwise, we would feel pretty bad about ourselves. Sometimes, we just need reassurance that things will get better, preferably thanks to us. This is why we have kids.

Having a bad day?

If you are working a full time job, fostering aspirations of promotion and glory, you may be spending much of your time at work, or at least being preoccupied with it. When you come home, you are not in the best of moods. Your head is filled with things that still need to be done, by you, for which the due date has not moved, despite the sad fact you have not done them today.

Or perhaps you spend your time operating a business, trying to control every little thing that goes on around you, while worrying about cash flow, shipments, giving good customer service even when the customer is not as right as they could be… By the time you come home, your nerves are so tight, you could play guitar on them.

And if you have been taking care of home all by yourself, or maybe with a baby in your arms, running errands all day, dropping off, picking up, paying bills, cleaning, dusting, washing, folding, ironing and all the rest of it, at the end of the day, you have had enough, and all you want is for your partner to take over and let you pick your feet up for a little while and close your eyes.

Trying to relax?

Into this “lovely” family atmosphere also come the kids, who have had a full day in kindergarten, at school and in various afternoon activities. Sure, they are exhausted, but they are excited. And they want to tell you all about their day and how the teacher said they were great (or not) and how their best friend said she wasn’t their friend anymore, because they talked to someone else.

So obviously, it can be very difficult to relax, take a load off, listen attentively and at the same time play enthusiastically. What might happen instead is a display of impatience on your part, received by a choir of high-pitched voices making yet another load of demands on your overstretched abilities.

OK, so some days are better, but you get the drift, right?

Are there any parents out there who do not know what I am talking about?

The next bit is dinner, assuming everyone arrives on time for dinner, which may not be true in every family. Then, the kids take a shower or a bath, with the parents maybe alternating herding them in the right direction. Then, the kids need to go to bed, but this can be a bit of a struggle all by itself, just in case anyone needed any more stress.

Finally, the little ones fall asleep.

[Deep breath. Haaahhh]

Tomorrow is another day

Now, it is time to wrap up the day, clean up after dinner and games, look at the mail (“Another bill, Hon”) and plan the following day.

After that, it is dark outside and quiet in the house. Maybe you watch your favorite show on television, maybe you read a book and maybe you spend some time talking to your partner. However, that feeling of pressure, of dreading being sucked into the same routine tomorrow, is still there.

So here is what I do every night, just before I go to bed, which helps me change everything for the better. I go to my kids’ room and I look at them sleeping for a while.

There they are, my little angels, just the way I would want them to be all the time – peaceful, relaxed, warm and snug. Not a worry in the world, just dreams of playing and riding and having fun.

This makes me feel good, because after all, they are my kids. They live in the house that I worked hard to afford. They sleep in the beds I helped to buy. And they are safe and sound. That means I have done a good job taking care of them.

I look at them and go over their words and actions in my mind – “Hi Daddy [big cuddle], wanna see what I made at school today?”, “Good night, Daddy”, “I love you, Daddy. See you tomorrow!”

My kids think I’m awesome

And I remember that, no matter how hard my job is, no matter what my boss might say, no matter how late I am in my current project (or two, or…), no matter how much I disappoint myself (even if my expectations are unrealistic), to my kids, I am still a fountain of certainty, a pillar of strength and a source of comfort and love every single day.

So I tuck them in just a little more snugly. I run my fingers gently through their soft, fragrant hair. And I say to them quietly, “Thank you, my angels, for being there for Daddy and making him feel good even when you are asleep”.

And as I look at my sleeping children, my little bear cubs, I send them all my love and all my good intentions. Because I know they will weave them into their dreams and they will feel them in the air around them.

Good night.
Sleep tight.
Don’t let the bed bugs bite.
Daddy was here
while you were sleeping.
Thank you for being.

“Talk” to you next Wednesday,
Gal

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July 9, 2008 by Gal Baras In: Kids / Children, Parenting, Relationships / Marriage Tags: family matters, kids / children, lifestyle, love, motivation, practical parenting / parents, relationships / marriage, relaxation, self confidence / self esteem / self worth, stress / pressure

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Comments

  1. Ronit Baras says

    April 11, 2009 at 2:07 PM

    Hi L,

    I am not sure what Gal would say about that comment about the time when your kids do not hold you anymore as the pillar of strength and certainty but this is my view…

    When they are young, we are the source and they look up to us for inspiration.
    Parents do not need to be all knowing to be an inspiration. They can be sad sometimes, fail from time to time or disappointed from time to time but they can still be an inspiration.
    When they see that we are not 100% knowledgeable and 100% successful it only make us human in their eyes.
    We always, always, always at any given time, do the best we can and when they suddenly realize that we are not almighty, knowledgeable parents it is our duty to explain we never were. At any given time, we make decisions based on our perception and every thing we say and do to our kids comes from good intention.

    I do not know anyone that all his happiness lies in the kids. It can be a huge source of happiness but not the only source ( it is a bit risky to have your kids as the only source of happiness).
    On my happy list, I have my kids appear many times but with many other items.

    I think even if your kids are grown up and go their own way you can have the joy of having them as your kids. Until you die, they will be your kids and you can have lots of joy from your relationship with them.

    Bless all sleeping kids ( and all those who never rest)

    Ronit
    Personal Growth

    Reply
  2. L says

    April 10, 2009 at 12:34 PM

    what happens when the children grow, and you don’t hold their truth, they have found thier own ‘right way’ and you are not the strong all knowing parents? How do you justify all of those long hours when they are not there and in their eyes you no longer know what it best for them? They are strong and moving in different circles doing different things that you don’t necessarily approve of….when all your happiness lies in them,how do you rebuild joy and justify you decisions without them for support.
    L

    Reply
  3. Ronit Baras says

    April 8, 2009 at 7:10 PM

    Dear E.

    I feel the same.
    I wish all kids in the world to know how special and loved they are to their parents.

    Can you imagine kids growing up like this?
    that knowledge can be a shield to many challenges in life.

    Thank you for your comment

    Ronit
    Family Matters

    Reply
  4. E says

    April 8, 2009 at 1:57 PM

    So here I am again and I’ve read this post another time or two. Just before I reach the end and I think I’m going to make it through without crying, I get to the part where you thank your kids for just being there, and making you feel better even while they sleep and I just can’t hold it in anymore. I love this post! I love the way you wrote it, how you built up the tension in the readers. We can actually feel the stressful bills and the workload. May all the kids know how great they are to their parents! Thanks you!

    Reply
  5. E says

    October 13, 2008 at 11:58 AM

    So I know there was an “Emotion Alert” but BOY was I unprepared for that! It hit straight to the heart. I’ve read this post three times now and it has made me cry every time. I think this post deserves more than just a ‘awwww…’. It deserves and great big hug and an “I love you daddy”.

    Reply

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