• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar

Family MattersPractical Parenting Blog

  • Home
  • Series
  • About Ronit Baras
  • Books by Ronit Baras
    • Motivating Kids
    • Be Special, Be Yourself for Teenagers
    • Reflections
    • In the Outback with Jasmine Banks
    • The Will
    • * Your Cart
    • * Secure Checkout
  • Contact
    • Join Us
Home » Family Matters » Parenting » Quality Time: The Gift of Your Presence

Quality Time: The Gift of Your Presence

I Love You in different languages

Love, as you know, is the most important thing you can give your children. Although you may not have any doubts about your love for your children, they often do. If you want to understand their doubt, think of your own doubts about your parents’ love for you.

Now, when I am a parent myself, I have no doubts about my parents love for me, but when I was a child, I had many doubts. It took me a long time to learn that what they called “love” was not my definition of love and I translated their behavior into “They don’t love me”.

In my parenting workshops and coaching sessions, many parents share the same feelings with me. There are things you discover about your parents’ love for you only when you have your own kids and when you get the opportunity to learn about “love languages”.

The great book “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman describes 5 different ways to express and receive love:

  • Words of affirmation
  • Gifts
  • Physical touch
  • Acts of service
  • Quality time

Mother and child on a swingThis post and the next one are about Quality Time.

Quality time is a very tricky concept for parents. In this day and age, the pressure on parents’ time is so high that they feel their time with their children and family is shrinking, along with their quality time. I can say that I have less and less time with my children and I feel that traveling with them around the world is much more attractive to me than pushing for a weekend together.

For children whose preferred love language is quality time, being born into this world can be tough. When parents must work long hours just to fulfill the basic needs of their family and feel exhausted at the end of the day, time is very precious.

In my kids’ coaching assessments, I find that many of the kids are short on quality time with one or two of their parents, which draws lots of energy from them. Sometimes, more quality time is the only prescription required to solve the child’s difficulty.

Children who feel loved because their parents show them love in the way they need it are happier.

Quality time is meaningful for everyone

Quality time between children and parents is an expression of love and closeness. It is important to note that not every minutes spent together is quality time. For it to be considered “quality”, it must be meaningful for both sides.

It is important to understand what quality time is not. If the time together is meaningful for one side and painful for the other, it is not quality. I think many parents confuse between doing things together and enjoying each other’s company. If the activity is focused only on the child and the parent suffers every second of it, it is not quality. If the time spent together is focused only on the parent and the child suffers every second of it, it is not quality time either.

Many parents think their children are ungrateful when they are not delighted that their parents spend time with them and are blind to the fact the children hate that time together. Teaching children when they hate it is not quality time.

How to find ideas for quality time with your kids

Mother and son horsing around
As you might expect, this involves making a list and … checking it twice:

  1. Make a list of things you will be happy to do together
  2. Ask your child to make a list of things to do together that will make him/her happy
  3. Compare lists and find things you will both be happy to do together

It is important to make sure both sides enjoy the time together. If one of you dislikes an activity, drop it and move on.

Attention is important

Children will test your love by how much you are attuned to their needs and their life experiences. Unfortunately, we cannot expect the kids to be equal in this area, because the adult needs to set the tone and be the role model for how to pay attention. Over time, the kids will learn the skills of paying attention and will show you love that way too. However, quality-time kids are naturally more attentive than kids who “speak” a different love language.

If you come to your kids’ special events, remember they have an exam or spend time with them when they need to practice a new dance, they will be very appreciative and feel loved. Do not have an attention competition and do not expect them to come to all your events or remember everything in your life. You are the adult!

Caring about your child and being a good listener is very important for a quality-time child. Again, spending time together with real curiosity can make children feel important and respected. It is important to remember that listening focuses on the child and sets an example, while talking mostly uses your time with your children to fulfill your own needs. You are not showing love, you are demanding love. This is a way to pollute your time together, so do not be surprised if your quality-time child avoids spending time with you.

Quality time cannot be cheated

Father and children
If you are spending time with your kids and all you want is to be somewhere else, that is not quality time and your child can tell that you are not present with them. Quality time means they have your undivided attention and if they do not have it, they cannot settle for “half a daddy” or “half a mommy”. It is better to spend time together, but when you are there, be there!

Time together must be enjoyable

I know many parents think that teaching their children is quality time, because they are giving their kids something of value. Most children, on the other hand, hate every second of it.

When you spend time with your kids doing something they hate doing, it may make it easier for them to do it, but it is not necessarily quality time. If they spend the whole time complaining, it is obviously not quality for them.

Use fun and enjoyment as an indication of the quality of the activity. It does not have to be 100% fun, but it needs to be more fun than not. If they need to clean their room and you offer to help, it is only quality time if your presence stops them from complaining and creates a happy atmosphere.

Join me next week for tips and ideas to enhance the quality time with your kids during bath time, bedtime and even while doing the cleaning.

Happy parenting,
Ronit

This post is part of the series Love Languages:

  • Quality Time: The Gift of Your Presence
  • Quality Time: How to Have Fun with Your Kids

Share This Page

  • Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on WhatsApp (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window)

Related

 

February 24, 2012 by Ronit Baras In: Parenting Tags: acceptance / judgment / tolerance, choice, communication, emotional intelligence, family matters, focus, fun, how to, kids / children, lifestyle, love, love languages, practical parenting / parents, relationships / marriage

Reader Interactions

Share Your Thoughts Cancel reply

* Your comment may take up to a day to appear.

Get Happiness by Email

Sign up to receive posts by email and get my free mini-course Seven Emails with Seven Secrets for Seven Weeks to boost your personal development

0% Complete

Join Us on Social Media

  • Click to visit our Facebook page (Opens in new window)
  • Click to visit my Twitter profile (Opens in new window)
  • Click to visit my LinkedIn profile (Opens in new window)
  • Click to see my Pinterest profile (Opens in new window)
  • Click to visit the RSS feed (Opens in new window)

Books by Ronit Baras

  • What motivates your child? Read Motivating Kids by Ronit Baras Motivating Kids From: $9.95
  • Reflections by Ronit Baras Reflections From: $5.99
  • In the Outback with Jasmine Banks by Ronit Baras In the Outback with Jasmine Banks From: $5.99
  • Be Special Be Yourself for Teenagers by Ronit Baras Be Special, Be Yourself for Teenagers From: $5.99
  • The Will by Ronit Baras The Will From: $5.99

Be Happy in LIFE logo
Book your private life coaching with Ronit Baras and learn how to be happy in life

Girl speaking at student leadership programLeaders are not born. They are made. Bring this Student Leadership Program to your primary school or high school and you will create a community of empowered, inspired student leaders, parents and teachers.

Need Better Movie Options?

SmartFeed better movie options

You’re Reading a Top 50 Parenting Blog

Top 50 Family Blog Award Top 50 Amazing Parenting Blogs 2017

Related Links

  • Be Happy in LIFE – Life Coaching
  • Noff Baras – Screen Actor & Model
  • Personal Growth Web
  • The Motivational Speaker
  • Tsoof Baras – percussionist, composer and producer

Primary Sidebar

Your Cart

Speaker Bookings

Ronit Baras
Book Ronit as a Speaker for Your event »

Ready to be happy?

Happy woman holding a cup in the snow
Be empowered and set your spirit free!

Engage Ronit as Your Life Coach »

Give to Receive

Kiva - loans that change lives

Contact Us · Subscribe · Terms of Use / Privacy Statement · Affiliate Program · Sitemap

Copyright © 2021 Be Happy in LIFE · Built and powered by Get Business Online

Secure HTTPS

  • Home
  • Series
  • About Ronit Baras
  • Books by Ronit Baras
    • Motivating Kids
    • Be Special, Be Yourself for Teenagers
    • Reflections
    • In the Outback with Jasmine Banks
    • The Will
    • * Your Cart
    • * Secure Checkout
  • Contact
    • Join Us

How to Motivate Kids

Motivating Kids by Ronit Baras
Get this essential guide to motivating kids (and teens) and master the art of motivation.

BUY IT NOW

×
Happiness

Get Happiness by Email

Sign up to receive posts by email and get my free mini-course Seven Emails with Seven Secrets for Seven Weeks to boost your personal development

0% Complete
×

Share This Page

  • Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on WhatsApp (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window)