Every year, we invite kids over to our house. We prefer celebrating at home to the MacDonald’s parties. We have found that at MacDonald’s, the birthday boy or girl is usually anonymous. Everyone is mostly there for the ice-cream cake. We want our kids to feel special and make a huge effort to make their parties fun and happy. Everyone in the family helps and each year we try to do something different and age appropriate. Our parties have become such a hit that the kids are excited to come every year.
This year, Noff invited 13 girls (she is at the “boys have cooties” stage). After much deliberation and exclusion of our ideas from previous years (crazy hair party, fashion party, slumber party, make up party) Noff suggested we do a “Ready, Steady, Bake!” party. In previous yes, we tried to play lots of games so the kids could win sweets to put in their goodie bag. They take the bags home at the end, with a challenge to see whose bag can last the longest, and the recommendation to share with siblings. This year, we thought we would make aprons for them to take home instead of sweets. We figured cupcakes, cookies and lots of sugar and food coloring was quite enough junk food for the day. In between baking and decorating, the girls went to play with some nail polish under Eden’s watchful eye.
The day after the party, we had a discussion about how lucky Noff is. Noff’s party highlighted many things she can appreciate and be grateful for, and things we can be proud that we have changed from our own childhoods.
Half of the girls at the party had been friends with Noff since before first grade. The other half were girls she met in the last two or three years. There was even one brand new friend in the mix.
Birthday party
One of the things I realized about parties is that kids who have parties at home are more popular. It was like that when I was a kid and it is the same now. It was common for kids to have birthday parties when I was young, but the popular kids were those who had other parties too (New Year’s Eve, Holiday, End of year… any excuse will do). I wanted to make sure my kids did not miss out on parties and friends, so I came up with the idea to have a birthday party and a fun party every year.
Go to other’s parties
Noff is allowed (and is in fact encouraged) to go to any party she is invited to. Unfortunately, many of the girls she invited had to do extra chores to be allowed to come. I myself was not a very popular kid and was not allowed to go to all the parties I was invited to. My parents often used it as a way to punish me for my behavior. Sadly, it did not make me behave differently. It just made me isolated and unpopular. Learning from experience, we decided to make every effort so that our kids could attend parties. The family timetable is flexible and we want to ensure they have a social life.
No sweets allowed
We are very health conscious and most of our diet consists of a lot of fruits and vegetables. But parties are for going outside the norm, for having fun with things that are not regular. We think this is the best way to get over cravings for sugary things. By the end of the party, they had eaten so many sweets that when we offered them more cupcakes, they all said “No, thank you”.
Nail polish
Another thing that stood out to us at the party was the nail polish. Noff has her own box full of nail polish. She can put it on whenever she wants, as long as she follows the rules at school and takes it off during school days. About 4 of the girls at the party said they were not allowed to put nail polish on.
These days, I hardly use nail polish, but I made a conscious choice never to make my kids feel guilty for doing things that are reversible. When I was young, my mum had a saying when a haircut did not turn out right: “it will grow back, it is not like I chopped off your hand or leg”. Ever since Noff was two years old, she would ask for us to help her put nail polish on. If she was at school, I would put some on her toe nails so she would not get into trouble. I just make sure I buy the non-acetone base nail polish remover to minimize the risk. Noff is a very artistic girl and she treats her nail polish as a form of art. For her birthday party, she learned how to draw cup cakes on nails to match the theme of the party.
I was born at a different time to Noff, and I cannot blame my parents for what they did. That was just what people did back then. But if I could not forgive myself if I blindly treated my daughter the way I hated my parents treating me.
During our gratitude session, we found out Noff was lucky in many other ways as well. We also realized that that we were pretty lucky too!
Treat your kids the way you wish your parents had treated you. Be the parent you wish you had.
Happy parenting,
Ronit