I am 36, my younger brother is getting married and the whole family nags me about getting married. I’m so stressed about that wedding. I hate weddings. Everyone has something to say about me not being married. Any tips?
Being nagged by family members about getting married is no fun at all and it sounds familiar. I was lucky in that sense. I had a boyfriend early, so people did not nag but my sisters were nagged so much, I can understand the feeling. I have many clients going through their coaching to help them find the love of their life. They feel the same. They hate weddings because it is a cruel reminder of their unsuccessful love life. So relax, you are just normal! The good news is that when you do find him, you will change your mind about weddings…
The hard part about nagging is that instead of focusing on what you should be, which is finding a partner, you are actually focusing on “surviving” the nags (note I did not say looking for a partner but finding, because if you focus on looking for a partner, you’ll be good at looking, but if you focus on finding, you’ll actually find him).
Unfortunately, this is something some parents and family member don’t understand. The more they nag, the harder it is for you to find a partner. It is like some people think that nagging kids about their low achievements at school is going to motivate them, when in fact it makes things worst.
Because lots of energy goes to motivate yourself in-spite the extreme focus on your “failures” it is important not to be angry at them for wanting you to be married. Separate the intention from the pressure. They mean well. If you understand this, you won’t be upset so much around them.
If you are happy not being married, it will show and people will nag less. However, the hardest thing to do is to hide that you are not happy about it yourself and that you would love to be happily married.
Find ways to reply to people that will not create a conflict, but address their good intentions by saying things like:
- “I am still looking for my knight. Do you have anyone in mind?”
- “I am working on it, and I could use some help”
- “I promise to invite you to my wedding as soon as I find the right partner”
Make sure you are not sarcastic, as this will only encourage the nagging. The most important thing is to be dedicated to finding a partner. Just like any other thing in life, when you are not happy about something, it is a sign that you need to do something about it and change is required.
Get help, find someone that will help you do it. I obviously recommend using a life coach because they are experts at helping you achieve your goals, but it does not matter what you choose to do. Any progress is better than standing still. Find the courage and the strength to help yourself find the love of your life, because he is out there, waiting for you!