I Believe in You Series | Family Matters

I Believe in You (1): The parents

Success is climbing upwards and for kids (and grownups) to succeed, they need someone to hold the ladder for them – a support structure that is there to remind them to move forward – like the caddy of a champion golfer. Parents are the best support group for their kids, because they have the purest interest in their kids benefit and good fortune. As a teacher, I cannot hold one kids’ interest higher than others’ and I have 30 of them at any given time. That is why parents are so important in this process.

Two years ago, I organized a leadership camp for Grade 7 student leaders from 5 different schools. Unlike any other camp that is meant to be just fun, this one was meant to be challenging (and fun). We wanted the kids to go through a process of recognizing their individual strengths and needs in order to build their leadership skills.

I brought students to that camp, but found a wonderful and moving way to bring their parents their too. And you know what? Bringing parents into a leadership camp is way more effective than taking only the kids.

This year, I ran another camp and organized the same parental participation and the experience highlighted (again) many things about the relationship between students, parents and schools.

This post is part 1 of 4 in the series I Believe in You

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I Believe in You (2): The kids

After a full day of me challenging the way they think and manage themselves, the kids were relaxing at dinner and we heard laughs and discussions from tables all around. In came the girl from the office, holding envelopes in her hand. “You’ve got mail”, she said and the kids rushed from their tables to mine and wondered who she was talking to.

I held up each envelope, acting as surprised as they were, and said, “Oh, this is for Jack … and this is for Amy” and gave each one of them their letter. Among the kids’ letters, I got a letter from Gal, Derek, the principal who had organized the camp with me and attended the camp, got a letter from his wife and so did Ahmad, the other presenter.

At first, there was an excited buzz around the room, but as soon as the letters were opened, there was total silence. The kids left my table and each found a corner to read their letters. Some of them seemed to be crying. For about 10 minutes, no one said anything.

Then, the kids started looking at each other, trying to figure out what others were going through. We, the adults, also read our letters, which were given to us sealed by our partners.

This post is part 2 of 4 in the series I Believe in You

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I believe in you (3): Being Proud

During the camp, I noticed the kids did not display a sense of pride in themselves. They talked freely about being proud of a team they admired in sport, but had quite a different attitude towards being proud of themselves, their family or their class.

I discovered the difficulty of the “pride” feeling at a very early stage, when I asked each of the kids to introduce themselves and then to tell the group something about themselves they were proud of. Everyone, kids and adults, looked at me in surprise.

Recognizing my own feelings is the basic level of emotional intelligence, so I thought that when we address leadership, recognizing things I am good at as a starter would be a good way for the kids to start appreciating their strengths. I was not surprised to see how much easier it was for kids (and grownups) to talk about things they were not proud of, as if they had practiced those so much they came to them naturally.

Most of the kids struggled with the idea of being proud. I pushed them by giving an example. I said, “I’m Ronit (we were still getting to know one another) and I’m very proud of myself for organizing this camp”. Some shy kids said hesitantly they were proud of themselves for having been chosen to be in this camp, but most of them said they did not know what to say. They used words like “boasting” and “bragging”, being “full of themselves” and “arrogant” as the reasons they could not find anything they were proud of.

This post is part 3 of 4 in the series I Believe in You

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I Believe in You (4): The letters

This is the last post in a series about a leadership camp activity where I asked parents to write their kids a letter of confidence, trust and encouragement and a promise to be there for them always.

I ran this camp for 2 years in a row. Each time, there were about 30 students from 5 different schools. This leadership camp was run by an organization for which I am the QLD State Coordinator, called Together for Humanity. In this camp, we wanted the kids to recognize their strengths, develop their leadership skills, identify their support structure and learn how to take a social stand in their school, community and one day, in leading social change.

First, I wrote about what happened when I asked the parents to write a letter to their kids. Then, I wrote about what happened to the kids when they opened their letters and how hard it was for them to believe they had been genuinely written by their parents. Last week, I wrote about how the kids confused being proud – recognizing and sharing your strengths and achievements – with bragging – being arrogant and full of yourself, and how 12 hours and a letter helped me take them to a different place.

Today, I want to show you some of the letters parents wrote to their kids. I have left them intact, other than names and other personal details. These parents only had my sample letter to help them with ideas, but I hope you will be in a better position after reading more letters and knowing how kids responded and how meaningful it was for each of them to receive such a letter.

This post is part 4 of 4 in the series I Believe in You

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