Kids Shopping for a Feeling

Among the roles of a parent, the one role that parents do not like very much is being a bank. How many times have you heard yourself say, “Do I look like a bank?” or “Money does not grow on trees”? At one point, every parent wishes they could give their children everything they desire, until they realize that not everything their kids want is what they actually want to give them.

The “Daddy, buy me!” syndrome is a modern disease of our materialistic world. Once upon a time, everyone was poor and the heroes of our old stories were of a time when people always shared their last remaining bits of food with animals and people who “needed it more”.

Nowadays, in our world of abundance, there are advertisements everywhere, encouraging people to buy things they really do not need. Those ads treat everyone as if they had an enormous budget and try to convince you that you cannot possibly live without this and that even your “Daddy bank” cannot stand in your way.

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Parenting the Socrates Way: Types of Questions

Over the last two weeks, I presented the technique of parenting the Socrates way through questions. The first chapter introduced the benefit of asking questions. The second chapter discussed the right and wrong questions to ask. This week, we will explore the types of questions that you can use to stimulate thinking, creativity, focus, proportion, clarity, motivation and growth in your children.

“An honest man is always a child”
– Socrates

Open questions – Questions that make kids think.
For example, “What do you think?”

Closed question – Questions that can be answered with “yes” or “no”.
For example, “Would you like to come with me to the shops?”

Why questions – Questions that go deep in order to find reasons (and can encourage the kids to give excuses or to blame someone, so be careful about them).
For example, “Why are your hands dirty?”

Rhetorical questions…

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Mom Breaks Guinness World Record for Biggest Twister Mat

Biggest Twister mat Guinness world record

Last month, I met with Anna, a friend of mine, and she asked me how the kids were doing. I told her about their adventures. They had had the most wonderful year. One excelled in music, one in dance and one in her studies and she said to me,

When your kids succeed, it is as if you have succeeded

That being true, let me tell you how I broke the Guinness World Record for the biggest Twister mat.

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Like a Virgin: Kids’ Focus and Determination

In the past few months, I have been observing our little daughter Noff (“Dad, I’m not little, I’m nearly 7”) attempting handstands and cartwheels. When Noff develops a skill, it is a fascinating lesson in focus and determination.

About a year ago, she went through the same process until she mastered hula hoops and became the center of attention at various outings. Sometime after that, she discovered our digital camera and gradually learned how to take excellent photos and produce interesting video clips, some of which show mainly her…

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Whose Turn Is It to Wash the Dishes?

Many of the conflicts between parents and kids are related to household chores. What usually happens is that parents are (of course) responsible for the household chores and find it very difficult to handle everything by themselves, so they ask the kids to share the load of cleaning and taking care of the house.

In the stereotypical house, Mom is in charge of what happens inside the house: cleaning, washing and feeding, while Dad is mostly in charge of what happens outside: swimming pool, fixing and mowing. I believe that this separation of responsibilities is the source of the conflict between parents and kids. If one parent needs to do one thing and the other is the other, where is the sense of togetherness and where is the sharing?

I remember my childhood years, when cleaning the house was no fun at all. My mom left for work very early, my dad worked two jobs and we had to clean the house, over which we had many, many fights.

Fighting over who was going to wash the dishes was the “story” of my family. We would hate each other, tell on each other, fight and cry just to avoid washing or cleaning. There were five of us and even now, 30 years later, we all remember the nasty fights over house chores.

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Expect to Be a Happy Parent

One major difference I see between happy parents and unhappy parents is in the gap between their expectations and the fulfilment of their expectations. Basically, if your expectations are high and are not fulfilled, you will be disappointed and unhappy. However, if most of your expectations are fulfilled, you will be a satisfied and happy parent.

Expectations are one important factor of happiness. Byron Katie does some wonderful work (she even calls it “The Work”) on how our expectations can make us miserable if they do not match reality (read Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life).

Children living in a family with expectations that are too high to be fulfilled feel inadequate and develop a failure identity. For example, a family of musicians with high expectation from their kids regarding their musical aspirations and abilities would be devastating for a kid whose passion is playing soccer.

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Be a Good Sport! (part 2)

This is the second part of yesterday’s Be a Good Sport!, which includes the last 5 things we need to do as parents to make sure our kids take the positive out of sports rather than the negative.

Excitement vs. Anxiety

When kids are excited about their sport, they are pumped up and ready to conquer the world. There is a positive outcome to this excitement and many coaches dedicate much energy to create this excitement in their players.

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Be a Good Sport! (part 1)

On the weekend, when all the sport teams are on the field are kicking or passing a ball, it is easy to see that they are not the only ones sweating.

From the bench, a group of anxious parents try to give instructions that can hardly be heard on the field. The quieter ones try using the power of their thoughts to push the ball to the left.

It is funny to watch. Parents move their bodies as if they can help their kids move the ball straight into the basket or the goal.

Well, the truth is that parents can help a lot in directing their kids, but the playing filed is the last place to do that.

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The Hospital Window

I got this story from a good friend (Thank you, Norm) and thought I would share it here, because it touched my heart and I wanted it to touch yours.

Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room. One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain the fluid from his lungs.

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