Marriage is the Foundation of Families

Individuals make couples, couples make families and families make communities. It is people’s natural instinct to get together. According to Dr. Mary Pipher, a therapist and anthropologist, the family is still an essential unit of the community. When people get married, their hopes are linked to building a home and a family.

I remember the day my daughter was born. Gal and I moved from being a couple taking care of ourselves, concentrating on our needs and aspirations, into being a family. It was a big feeling of responsibility mixed with joy. It was the beginning of a different journey.

While marriage is a later invention in human development, family is an ancient institution. Now, many people have kids but having kids and having a family are totally different things. Bringing kids into the world is a much simpler task than creating a family.

This post is part 5 of 33 in the series Save Your Marriage

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The Marriage Institution

Happily married couples say that marriage has taught them to accept each other’s strengths and possibilities. They argue that by doing that, they transform themselves from the ordinary to the extraordinary.

Therefore, marriage is an “enabling” situation, providing the freedom for each person to be who they really are, to reach for the stars and discover what they are meant to be without ridicule or rejection.

After all, it is a question of attitude. When you are happy, you are able to grow and evolve. With the right attitude, every honeymoon excitement can last longer.

Many of us have read reports, which drive home the message that married people are healthier and happier, and therefore live longer than single or celibate individuals do.

This post is part 4 of 33 in the series Save Your Marriage

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Mother’s Day for Mother-in-Law

My mother always said, “When you marry a person, you also marry their family”, and she was right. Lots of people have tense relationships with their in-laws, and many stories have been told about the mother-in-law.

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Marriage and Divorce Statistics

In part 1 of Save Your Marriage, I gave you 3 simple steps to stop your divorce and save your marriage. This week, I thought some marriage and divorce statistics would give you insight into what happens in the reality of relationships.

Eye-opening marriage and divorce statistics:

As a daughter to parents who are still married and a long-time partner to my beloved boyfriend, I was very surprised to read some of the statistics about marriage and divorce. Yes, I have many clients thinking of divorce, but when they come for coaching, they are in “solution mode”, which makes it easier for them to find their love again.

I believe the marriage situation has reached a level of social disaster.

This post is part 3 of 33 in the series Save Your Marriage

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How to Save Yourself from Divorce

Soon, Gal and I are going to celebrate our 28 years of our life together. Every year that passes, we get more and more requests for our relationship program from people who are considering divorce.

The good news is that they look for solutions before they “turn off the light and send the actors home”. The bad news is they are in an emotional turmoil and are very very unhappy.

If you have seen the movie Mrs Doubtfire or Kramer vs. Kramer, you have probably had a glimpse of what it means to divorce, although a movie cannot describe even a small portion of the emotional stress people go through when they think about separating.

This post is part 2 of 33 in the series Save Your Marriage

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Sleep Over All Year Round

I remember the days before we bought our second home. Our family told us to buy a place that would fit all our kids into it. Our daughter Eden was just 1 year old and we fell into that trap of thinking 15 years ahead. We never thought about sleep over mania.

The place we bought was a huge apartment with a special room for a teenager. We lived there for about a year and a half and the spare rooms stood empty all this time.

Gal and I, not really having our own rooms most of our childhoods, really wanted our kids to have their own separate rooms. So whenever we moved (by the time Eden was 19, she had lived in 17 different homes), we looked for a house that had space for each of the kids, but things did not work out as we expected.

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34 Life Lessons I Have Learned

I have learned that life is short. You never know when will be the last day of your life. If there is anything you know you will regret not doing or saying, do it or say it now!

I have learned that children are the most precious thing for every mother and father. Dedicate time to your kids. Raising kids does not mean feeding them, sending them to school and doing their laundry. Raising kids is more about loving them and being with them. Spend time with your kids even if they already have kids of their own.

I have learned that writing a journal is a way to keep the memory of who we are. When I keep a journal, I can read it and get to know myself years after I am not that person anymore.

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Hugging Babies is Not Enough

Last week, after posting Self Esteem Mini-Course (part 6), I got this comment from Chuck Bluestein referring to his post called What Causes a Lack of Self-Esteem in Americans. According to Chuck, the lack of physical touch in infants is the source of the problem. In short, we are not hugging babies enough.

Well, Chuck, I agree with you that physical touch is essential for kids’ physical and emotional growth. I even think that parents who think they are “spoiling” their babies by holding them in their hands are being unreasonable.

Yes, babies need hugging and touching. But the real problem in our society starts when they grow a bit and Mom and Dad think it is inappropriate to touch them anymore. It reached a stage where grown-ups who lived together in the same house for years shake hands when they see each other.

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Let’s Divorce After I Get My Period

My client Meg came today very emotional and sad. She had been successfully working on her relationship with her husband for over 3 months but doubts had crept in after a serious argument.

Meg has been with her husband for over 10 years. When he started talking about having kids, she started talking about divorcing.

“I do not know if we love each other anymore. We don’t have fun together, the sex is not what it used to be”, she thought and came to me for coaching to make the decision about staying or leaving.

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Weddings, Love and Marriage

This week, I went to my young daughter’s school with a group of other mothers to celebrate the teacher’s wedding. On the card from all the families in the class, I wrote “Happy wedding day”, but I did not think it was the right blessing.

You see, my wedding day was not a happy day at all (too much family politics), but it did not change the fact that Gal and I have been together for over 27 years and are still very much in love. In my head, a happy wedding day is no guarantee for a happy marriage and I am sad for it. I would certainly like it to be a sign for the years to come, but it is not.

Relationships require work. Having a loving relationship requires the couple to fall in love with each other again every day! Anniversaries are celebrations of this love, only without the big crowd. It is amazing that the world marriage statistics show that only rare couples reach their 30th wedding anniversary. I think it is about time we changed this (and I suggest we start right away).

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