Parenting the Socrates Way: How to Ask Questions

This entry is part 2 of 3 in the series Parenting the Socrates Way

Last week, I introduced parenting the Socrates way, where I outlined the benefits of parenting by asking questions. So how to ask questions that will develop your kids and help them grow?

Let’s continue with this parenting technique and explore the “right and wrong” questions and the “right and wrong” answers.

Right and Wrong Questions

When I introduce this technique to parents, many of them ask about the right and wrong questions to ask their children. As you probably know (from reading previous posts), “right” and “wrong” are not words I like to use. I do not believe questions can be divided into “right” or “wrong”. I prefer to call them “effective” or “not effective”.

There are 6 things you can do to make sure your questions are effective.

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The Business Called "Life"

It is amazing how many people struggle with life. Life has become so hectic and difficult for most people that many can only focus on what is going to happen today, tomorrow, next month and maybe, only maybe, next year.

I think if we were to scan people’s brains, we would find that their brains are busy, busy, busy, thinking about things like the dishes, the bills, the alarm clock and shopping, with only small breaks for planning for something like next month’s birthday party. People like this are in survival mode.

When I ask people about their plans for next month or next year, or even what they think is going to happen in ten years, they look at me as if I have fallen from the sky. They say things like, “Ronit, you are nuts. There are so many things we need to sort out now that we do not have time to think about next year,” and so life passes by and is taken over by things like, the council rates, lunch boxes and stress.

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Parenting the Socrates Way: Asking Questions

This entry is part 1 of 3 in the series Parenting the Socrates Way

There is a period in children’s development when they ask questions in response to everything you say. I remember the “Why” as my kids’ way of learning.

“Eden, please bring me the plate form the table”

“Why do you want the plate?”

“I want to put the egg on it”

“Why do you want to put the egg on it?”

“So you can take it to the table and eat it”

“Why do you want me to eat it?”

“Eggs are healthy. If you eat your egg, you won’t be hungry and you will be healthy”

“Why do you want me to be healthy?”

And this went on and on and on… If I remember correctly, most of these conversations ended with “because I have said so”.

I think that Socrates, the great philosopher, never got over this stage of his development and perhaps this is what got him going on his quest for knowledge and understanding of life. Mentally, Socrates was just a curious kid. His mind was full of questions and through them he gained a lot of wisdom.

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How to Save Yourself from Divorce

This entry is part 2 of 34 in the series Save Your Marriage

Soon, Gal and I are going to celebrate our 28 years of our life together. Every year that passes, we get more and more requests for our relationship program from people who are considering divorce.

The good news is that they look for solutions before they “turn off the light and send the actors home”. The bad news is they are in an emotional turmoil and are very very unhappy.

If you have seen the movie Mrs Doubtfire or Kramer vs. Kramer, you have probably had a glimpse of what it means to divorce, although a movie cannot describe even a small portion of the emotional stress people go through when they think about separating.

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How to Choose a Day Care Center?

Little girl at the kindergarten sand pit

Choosing a day care center for our kids requires self-testing. No doubt, the right choice can determine our kids’ happiness and can, in time, save us a great deal of energy and heartache when we move them from one place to another.

When you choose any day care center (I have to say I would not use the term “day care” because any place, which takes care of kids, needs to provide a lot more than just care. It needs to be a loving, nurturing, happy place), it is very important to make sure the center’s philosophy matches the parents’ philosophy.

A conflict between the two will always be reflected in the kids’ behaviour. Many behaviour problems of kids in the early years and even during school years are a reflection of the conflict between their parents and the system.

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Parenting – A Rewarding Career

Applying for a parenting career requires no interviews and no application forms, though it is one of the most demanding and rewarding careers. Without the benefit of selection criteria, we discover that to be good parents, we need many skills and abilities that we do not learn at school.

Some people hope that these skills will show up in the delivery room together with their first born. Others say you either have them or you don’t. I believe that the magic of pregnancy and childbirth is not enough to make us parents and we can and should develop these skills over time.

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Learning Styles

Understanding your kids’ learning styles can be a great help for life, both for you and your kids.

The common belief that there is one way of learning is really far from the truth. There are many ways to learn and each way has its advantages and disadvantages.

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Make This World a Better Place

It’s looking around the world, at what is happening with starving people and violence, which makes me feel small and helpless sometimes. I can remember thinking about it ever since I was 15 years old, like Atlas, carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. I wrote poetry, listened to Joan Baez and wrote John Lennon’s words of “Imagine” on my notebooks.

Have you ever been asked about the teachers that influenced your life? Well, it’s happened to me quite a few times, and I’ve always given the same answer. Reuben.

It was in grade 11. I was on the school council and headed the newsletter committee. One day, five of us were sitting in the principal’s office, accompanied by the teacher who had supported us for the entire year. This teacher, Reuben, had a family of his own, yet he spent hours with us, during breaks and after school, something no other teacher ever did. He sat on “our” side, facing the principal, and moved our chairs into a circle, breaking the authoritative seating arrangement.

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