How to Beat those Pink Elephants

There are two parts to making a change from using a negative language to a positive one. The first is to understand how we were programmed to use negative language in our life. We talk about what we are not happy about and we express disappointment and frustration instead of saying what we feel, need and want.

The second part of making the change is to do something different and practice doing it until it becomes the new habit.

To help you make the change, here are some rules you need to remember.

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The Story of Mike

Bearded man looking sadly out the window

I met Mike at a café. He was very tall and good looking. He had just left home after 11 years of marriage and said “I hate her” 30 times in one meeting. He wanted to know if I could help him. “I’ve been to counselling, but that didn’t work”, he said to me.

He wanted to divorce and did not know how to go about it. He talked about making this a smooth separation and about finding a new partner. “I’m a one woman man”, he said. I liked it. Working with so many couples seconds before they divorce, at least infidelity was not the reason in this case.

Mike had already arranged the paperwork with his lawyer. “I’m going to divorce her”, he said at the end of the first session.

In many cases, coaching is like being an investigator. At the end of the first session, I sat in the café, writing all the pieces of the puzzle I had gathered from Mike.

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How to Be Happy in LIFE with a simple "Thank you!"

Surprise, surprise, but saying “Thank you!” can change your life.

Do you remember Barney singing for the children “Remember please and thank you, ’cause they’re the magic words”? Well, apparently, Barney was right. A research described by Alvaro Fernandez in his post How “Saying Thanks” Will Make You Happier, has found that gratitude can change your health and general well-being.

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Do You Really Believe That Setting a Goal Is Enough to Achieve It?

My immediate answer is “I wish”. I really do. Think about it – how easy it would be if all we needed is to set a goal, write it down (to make sure we will not change it often, based on circumstances) and let the universe take care of it, right?

But I am a person of action. I believe in motion as the ultimate way to growth and I that action speaks louder than words. While the universe is taking care of some of your goals, just because you wanted them, your actions will help you with the rest. When you set a goal and wait for an external source to fulfil it, you fail to help yourself and miss the opportunity to grow.

My Neuro-linguistic Programming (NLP) teacher did believe that it was enough. She said, “If you really, really want it, it will happen”, but I ask you, “How do you know if you really, really want something? When does your desire become ‘real’?”

When I want something, I can swear I really want it.

You see, some people set goals and do not achieve them, at least for a while, so they accept defeat by saying “Maybe I didn’t ‘really’ want this goal”.

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Beware of Pink Elephants

Most of our coaching clients ask us, “How come I keep getting all the things I don’t want to have in my life?”

Oddly enough, the answer is hidden in the question. It’s all to do with … pink elephants.

Our brain is a very sophisticated machine, with its own way of interpreting the things around us. It turns out that one particular thing our brain can’t understand is negatives. Whenever we hear or use the words “no”, “not” or “don’t”, the brain simply ignores them and keeps the rest.

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Overnight Success

I read a lot about success and attend personal development and wealth creation seminars. It is very inspiring. Unfortunately, the more I do this, the more I hear about people who are making it big time overnight.

The overnight success factor works very well on people who are not successful. It really helps sell stuff. Look at some of the best overnight success promotions:

– Lose 14 kilos in 14 days!

– How to make $250,000 from property without using your own money!

– Use this drink and be blond and beautiful in just 4 days! (OK, so I made this one up myself ;))

I bet overnight success was invented by unsuccessful people to help them feel better about their lack of success.

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What Choice Do I Have?

Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl

I had a chat with one of my clients, who was going through a very rough time. I was trying to help her choose a path and asked her, “What are you going to do?”

She was quiet on the phone for a while and then she said to me, “Ronit, you make it sound like I have a choice”.

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What Am I Missing In Life?

I guess our lives are not lives of accepting what we have. It is more wanting what we do not have instead of appreciating what is in front of us. This is why we say “the grass is always greener on the other side” and most people cannot find the treasure that lies in their backyard (read The Alchemist by Paolo Coelho).

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10 Ways to Encourage Your Kids

Researches have suggested that academic success is not a result of natural born talent but a result of persistence, encouragement and motivation to succeed.

In order to effectively use encouragement, it is good to understand that encouraging a kid to do something focuses on the good things and sends kids a message “You are OK”.

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Inspiring True Story for Parents

A couple of weeks ago, I delivered a Parenting Skills workshop for the Mullumbimby High School parents and friends. It was great fun and I was honoured to have the school principal and the mayor of Byron Shire attending. Here is an inspiring true story I told them about the important messages kids & teens need […]

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