The Art of Misery (Advanced)

Two years ago, I wrote about choosing to be miserable in the The Art of Misery. It is amazing how many people in the world qualify for the Certificate of Misery and have mastered this art. For some strange reason, it is easier to master misery than happiness. I do not know exactly why that is, but for most people, the definition of happiness is so hard to achieve they can never be happy. Even when they have a happy moment, it does not last long enough to get them to the next happy moment.

In The Art of Misery, I gave 10 lessons in misery with clear instructions on how to pass each test and gradually move on to the next level. Although I wrote that only those who completed the program would be entitled to the certificate, I have discovered it is enough for people to master some of the lessons to declare themselves eligible.

In the last two years, I have had many requests to extend the misery course and I believe the time has finally come. After two years of practicing and holding your misery certificate, you are ready for the next level. Today, in the second part of the Misery Mastery “training program”, I will improve, refine and help you upgrade your skills. I will add 10 more things you can do if being just miserable is not enough and you really, really want to be extremely miserable.

This post is part 2 of 2 in the series The Art of Misery

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My First Piano Concert

In January, I announced about my New Year resolution to fight the “too late” mentality by learning to play the piano.

The most wonderful thing that came out of it was that I have discovered many adults like me who are learning to play a musical instrument at a later stage in life. I was very happy to know I was not alone. It did not make it easier to learn and practice, but it helped me cope with my struggles.

Last time, after just two lessons, I knew it was going to be a challenge and it was, but every time I played, I felt very proud of myself.

I decided I would have my own concert at home, in front of the camera, so my family on the other side of the world, and you, would be able to watch me play.

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What If

All too often, we ourselves having a bright idea, only to shoot it down a few seconds later with, “Yes, but what if ?” Since the idea was still fresh in our mind, even the smallest hesitation can sometimes bury it, never to be seen again.

Worries, stress and negative self doubt all your creativity and pretty much guarantee that even if there was a way to turn your idea into reality, you will not be able to see it if it bumped you on the nose.

And that is a pity. It really is.

So how do you overcome obstacles and turn your ideas into reality? You use your imagination.

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Make a list: If I had one year to live

In the Outback with Jasmine Banks by Ronit Baras

In any personal development program, there comes a time when the coach asks the client to answer this question. If you have ever been seriously sick or had a chance to meet someone who had to answer this question for real, you know it is one of the biggest and most important questions in life.

Of course, I do not wish you to ever have to plan your last year for real, but playing with it in your mind may just do that thing it does to those who must do it in real life. However, this question is important for most people as a way of gaining perspective.

About 90% of people live life without direction, purpose or drive. They live life based on what they must/should/have to do or what others might think of them and feel disempowered to take the responsibility over their own life. The reason they do it is because their parents did just the same and their grandparents and great-grandparents before them. By living like this, they are neglecting to update the things that are important to them.

Every frustration, failure or problem is an indication of such neglect to update our priorities. For example, in all my parenting workshops, parents claim the most important things they want for their kids are happiness, health and love, yet most of them spend most of their energy on fighting with their kids over homework, manners and housework.

This post is part 29 of 48 in the series Make a List

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Never Too Late

For some people, the beginning of a new year (and their birthday), is a sad day. When everyone around talks about goals, motivation and New Year resolutions, it is hard to avoid measuring our achievements from the previous year and those we have not achieved stand out like a sore thumb. “There you have it – another proof you have not achieved your goals and time is ticking. If you don’t get your act together, it’s going to be too late”.

Is it?

The ticking of time as it runs out is an illusion we adopt as soon as we learn to tell the time. Together with the sense of the achievement (that we can tell the time), the loss of freedom and hope starts creeping in as time starts to control us. This is the birth of the notion that something can be “late”, which sits in our mind together with frustration, helplessness and giving up. From there, the road to “too late” is short.

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I’m Leaving on a Jet Plane

Today, I am flying overseas to see my two new 7-month-old nephews for the first time! In the last 7 months, I have seen them in photos and on Skype video calls (thank God for Skype), but when I hold them in my hands, kiss them, hug them and smell them (and their mothers, my two sisters), I will cry for joy.

Both these nephews are the first children of my 36- and 42-year-old sisters and because of the mothers’ age and the pressure of a tough pregnancy of the older sister they are obviously very precious babies. Look at them! I think they know how precious they are. These photos are their real photos with the permission of their mothers.

For one of my sisters, this baby is precious for another reason.

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Happiness is a Choice

Happiness is probably the thing people dedicate their life to achieve the most. Their definition of happiness is different from one to another, but when they focus on a relationship, they want to be happy in that relationship, when they focus on money, they want to be happy with their financial situation, when they try to be healthy, they want to be happy with their body and wellbeing and when they spend time with their kids, they want to be happy in their parenting. Happiness covers every area of life. Life is a journey to many destinations, but in all of them, we seek to be happy.

So the big question is “How to achieve happiness?”

Would you like to have a happiness manual?

Who wouldn’t?

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Rich Parent, Poor Parent

In many areas of life, we relive the same pattern over and over again, but we do not notice it. Just like riding a bike (the ultimate cliché about automatic habits), we pedal on, completely oblivious to each up and down movement.

Sometimes, circumstances make us take note of our patterns and we start thinking about them. Rarely, we change those ingrained ways of behavior and our life changes as a result, hopefully for the better.

Anthony Robbins compares human beings to thermostats. He says every person has a sense of where they feel comfortable and does many things subconsciously to stay in that place. Sure, everyone knows what would be better, but too good is also uncomfortable, because it does not fit our sense of identity and self worth.

So each of us lives within a certain range of “temperatures”. When it gets to “cold”, we take some action to “warm up”. When it gets to “hot”, we procrastinate for a while and even sabotage our previous efforts, until it is “nice and cozy” again.

One particular area in which this happens to us is our finances.

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Make a list: Quotes to live by

Quotes are signs we put on our map to navigate through the journey called “life”. We need the signs to find our way through the happiness and sadness, joy and heartaches, challenges and success. They are the guidelines for how we choose to live our life.

My first quotes were sentences from songs I loved. When listening to songs, some people hear the melody. I always pay attention to the lyrics. Whenever I chose to carve them on my life map, I copied them into my diary and read them from time to time.

One song that was most meaningful for me as a teenager was John Lennon’s “Imagine”. It is not a coincidence that today, many years later, I am the state coordinator of Together for Humanity, a foundation advocating living in peace and harmony.

Finding and listing 100 quotes that you consider good guidelines for living is a good way to discover who you are, what you want for yourself in life and what your need to overcome. Through the quotes, you can find out what your thoughts, values, needs and beliefs are and direct yourself towards a good life.

This post is part 26 of 48 in the series Make a List

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Big Picture Kids

Every parent would like to give their kids abilities that will stick with them and make their life easy, happy and successful in every area.

One good and easy way of doing this is to raise kids who look at the big picture, because it increases their emotional intelligence and, as a result, their happiness and success in everything they do.

Kids who are able to see beyond local and immediate circumstances (“right here, right now and only me”) can handle and prevent difficulties more easily and it only takes practice to teach kids this mindset. Seeing the big picture means being able to detach and look beyond what is happening right here, right now into other places and other times that are being affected. It is very much like being in a helicopter (hence the term “helicopter view”, as opposed to “tunnel vision”).

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