Both Ronit and I slept very badly that night and had very scary dreams.

In the movie, there are 12 districts full of poor workers who can barely get enough food to eat. Their life is mud (literally), they are dressed in light-blue working uniforms and live in fear. These districts are ruled by "the capitol", a magnificent and decadent city, where people spend their time dressing to impress and trying to find things to entertain themselves. There is police/army force, dressed in white, which swiftly handles any disruptions.

But the main instrument of power is TV and there is one particular show in TV everyone must watch to remember their place in this futuristic society - The Hunger Games. Each district sends a boy and a girl to fight for their life. The game ends when only one remains, giving the people of their district the temporary illusion that life may be better for them too some day.

There were many similarities between The Hunger Games and our life, which I wanted to share with you. This will be depressing, so after that, I will also share with you how you, me and other parents can make reality different, for us and for our kids.

Just like in the movie, our world is controlled by a small group of people with enough power to take away all of our retirement money, crash the property market, mobilize entire armies to a faraway country and occupy it, kill leaders, install new leaders, invade our privacy and use our tax money and bank fees to fund it all.

Just like in the movie, the people in power see life as a game. They pursue meaningless victories and possessions (one character is called Effie Trinket), consumed by their desire for control (the TV host is called Caesar Flickerman) and personal gains. Even when they pretend to be doing the best for "the people", there is a complete disconnect between the lavish way they live and the miserable way others do.

Just like in the movie, most of us are so focused on getting by, we feel isolated and scared, even in a big crowd. This way, we are very easy to control and are not likely to turn to our neighbors and work colleagues to form an army that will overthrow the current regime. Although we have little, we could lose it all, so we keep plowing ahead and thinking it is the best we can do.

Just like in the movie, we raise our children to survive and be safe and thus they become the next generation of us. We do our best to protect them and make them better than we ever were, but we still send them to school, where they are herded and taught to conform, and we still teach them that getting a good job is the best thing they can do for themselves. They see us following the crowd and feeling safe doing what "everybody else" is doing, and they grow up to follow the crowd too.

Just like in the movie, people are sent to fight and kill complete strangers just to satisfy the rules of some game that is forced upon everyone equally. Most Americans, English and Australians have never met an Iraqi or an Afghan and have no idea about the way they live or what they want out of life, but soldiers still go and fight them, sent by majority votes in democratic countries. These soldiers are backed by their families, who support killing anyone that will prevent them from coming back, even complete strangers who were first attacked by the soldiers.

Just like in the movie, the media is the weapon that subjects us to the tyranny. We are pumped day and night with hollow slogans, like "May the odds be ever in your favor", where the odds we would make it are 1 in 24 (in real life, they may even be lower, but the losers do not have to die).

Just like in the movie, our TV shows many hunger games: Big Brother, So You Think You Can Dance, American/Australian Idol, The Farmer Wants a Wife and, of course, Survivor. In all of these, the camera is everywhere, contestants work in groups while having conflicting personal interests and relationships (even love) are staged for the camera.

He is luring you in to make you easy prey. The more likable he is, the more deadly he is
- Katniss Everdeen in The Hunger Games

All of these shows are sponsored, just like the game in the film, and the sponsors are not interested in letting the best person win. They are interested in manipulating the audience into buying their products. The level of pressure in them is increased artificially through expressions like "elimination", "dancing for her life" and "let's see who will survive".

All of these "reality" shows are rigged, too. In the film, someone mentions that District 1 usually wins. In real life, we know someone who is a wonderful singer, but was not selected for Australia's Got Talent because her life story was not interesting enough for the show.

If we don't watch, they don't have a game
- Gale Hawthorne in The Hunger Games

Unlike the movie, we do not have to subject ourselves to this bombardment of manipulative messages in the media. We can stop reading the papers, switch our radio to a music channel or listen to recorded music, unsubscribe from "special deals" sites, stop reading glossy magazines at the supermarket checkout and ... turn the TV off.

Unlike the movie, we can choose to question the way we live and the lessons we teach our children. We can sit quietly and go over a day in our life, step by step, and ask the following questions about everything we do:

• Why do we do it?
• What is it really doing for us?
• What is it doing to us?
• What is it doing to our family members and our friends?
• What kind of society is it helping to create for us and for our kids?

You could ask this about getting up at 6:30am, about brushing your teeth, about the clothes you put on, about your choice of breakfast, about the way and means by which you travel to work, about taking your kids to school, about your job and about the way you related to people, especially to those you love the most. You could ask this about everything you buy, every place you buy it from, everything you sell and every way in which you sell it.

At first, you may not see the big deal. 30-40 years of habit make us good at seeing certain things and ignoring others. That is only natural. But once you find something that no longer seems right, even if it is your brand of toothpaste, this will show you the power of questioning and open the door to more revelations and more freedom.

Yes, freedom. Because we may have the illusion that we can do or say whatever we want, but unless we make conscious decisions about how to live and how to raise our kids, we are not free at all. We are just products of our upbringing.

When you have had some practice with these questions and you get used to changing your perception, play questioning games with your kids too. The questioning game. No, The Freedom Games!

Happy parenting,
Gal

You may want to read

• Anybody Can Do It
• Living in a Dress Rehearsal
• From the Life Coaching Deck (5): Making Money Addiction

As a life coach, I talk a lot about wanting. I believe wanting is essential in life. It is the driving force of our existence. But today, I want to tell you about a session on my life coaching deck that reminded me again why the question "Why?" is as important as the question "What?" Chris, one of my wonderful clients, taught me a wonderful lesson about what happens when you do not know why.

All I knew about Chris was that he was a businessman in his early fifties, married, with no kids and a lack of motivation who was looking for a life coach. Nothing special. We all have those periods in our life when we just find it hard to get up in the morning.

This is what I told myself when I prepared for his session. The first time he came, when I opened the door, I saw from the corner of my eyes a classy Mercedes Benz parked outside. Well, the first thing I could think of was "Oh my god, what a beautiful car". I have to say it made me more curious about the reason he came. I thought that car was the result of lots of motivation.

Chris came out onto my deck, looked around and admired the yard. "What a beautiful place", he said, "Do you see all your clients here?" he asked. He seemed very friendly.

"Yes, I do. It makes everyone very relaxed, including me", I smiled.

He put his car keys on the table and said, "It's true. I feel relaxed already". He sat at the table and I asked him a bit about his life.

Life coaching involves some detective work. I take the puzzle pieces and try to put them together, looking for the piece that has the most important items on it, the piece that will make the picture clear. I asked and he was happy to answer. I think in some way, he wanted my help and presence to think out loud.

"Why are you here, Chris? What do you want?" I asked him.

He looked confused. "I really don't know. I think something's wrong with me".

Some people just do not know what they want. They sense that something is wrong and their life could be better, but they cannot put their finger on it. Asking "What do you want?" can open doors to places where they do not tend to go by themselves.

"What do you mean 'Something is wrong with me'?" I asked.

"I have a beautiful wife. We've been together 30 years now. I love her and she loves me ... I have a business that turns over millions of dollars every year ... I bought myself the car of my dreams last year", he said and I immediately thought about the classy car parked outside my house and I was sure many people have the same dream, "I have good friends that I see from time to time ... I go to church every weekend ... I have everything I wanted in life and still, there is something wrong with me".

My first reaction was, "Wow, this sounds like the perfect life. Why on Earth would any person who has everything everyone only dreams of say that something is wrong with him, but then Chris said, "I'm not happy".

Happiness is like a barometer. I think that people who realize this may feel a bit scared at first, but they have a great potential to be powerful.

"Why aren't you happy?" I asked.

"I don't know. I wish I could figure this out myself", he said. He looked sad.

When he was 16, Chris was kicked out of a very poor, disturbed home. After spending time as a homeless teen, hungry on the cold streets of England, he made up his mind to be a millionaire. "I knew I would be a millionaire one day. I've had hundreds of businesses over the years. I became a millionaire officially two years ago. Unfortunately, it had taken me 35 years to do it".

"Do you think something is wrong with you because it took you 35 years to become a millionaire?" I asked him.

"Yes, of course", he said, "Don't you think it's too long?"

"Some people spend their whole life trying and never become millionaires", I said to him, "I know many people who would be thrilled with being millionaires after 35 years. It's much better than never".

He looked at me surprised and said, "That's a good point. You're right".

Chris was sharp. The way he responded made me think that he was looking for someone to challenge his thinking and to help him thinking.

"What makes you happy?" I asked.

He hesitated and answered like a child who has been caught doing something bad. "Beer ... I get up in the morning and think of beer ... when I'm at work, I can only think of beer ... when I come back home, I only want beer".

I thought to myself, "What a waste. He reminds me of kids and their attitude to school breaks. Throughout the whole year, they look forward to the next school break, but when the long summer break finally arrives, they do not know what to do with all that spare time. I would have done so many things with that money. I wonder if Chris thought the same way before he had all that money".

"Do you only think of beer and want beer or do you actually drink beer?" I asked.

"Oh, I drink beer all day, but it doesn't even make me happy anymore. I told you something was wrong with me", he said.

It was funny, hearing a 50-year-old man talking like a child. "What's the problem with drinking beer all day?" I asked.

"I don't enjoy it and it makes me unhappy. I think I'm addicted", he said.

"Define addiction", I said. After hearing so many clients defining "addiction", I have perfected my own definition the word, but I wondered about his.

"Addiction is when you want something more and more, but when you get what you want, it is not satisfying and you want even more of it. It is a never-ending cycle. It gives you temporary comfort, but over time, it is less and less comforting and you need more and more of it", he said.

This trick always worked. When asked about addiction, every client comes up with a definition that sounds like it is the first time they have thought about it. The trick is to make them hear themselves defining it.

"When did you start drinking?" I asked him.

"I've been drinking all my life, but you know, once a week, nothing serious. I'm not sure exactly when I started drinking more. I think about two or two and a half years ago".

I had a feeling I had heard him talking about this timeframe. "What triggered it? Did something special happen back then, two or two and a half years ago?" I asked.

"Nothing. Absolutely nothing", he said, playing with his car keys, then suddenly stopped.

We had about 2 minutes of silence. He looked at me and his eyes were shining. He knew exactly when his drinking had started. "It started at a party my wife and I organized for the whole office after I signed a big contract. It was supposed to be the happiest day of my life and I was in panic. I think I'm still in panic", he said with long pauses, as if he was talking to himself and thinking out loud.

"What was it that scared you so much?" I asked.

He sat back in his chair and played with his car keys again. There was another long period of silence. Then, he said, "I think I realized it didn't have the power I thought it did".

"What power?" I asked.

"The power to make me happy, the power to fix everything, the power to feel loved. I was given a magic lamp and there was nothing magic about it. All my life, I'd said, 'When I become a millionaire, it will fix everything' and it fixed nothing. I was the same man. It was so devastating I started to drink. I'm addicted to beer. Every day, I drink more than the previous day and it doesn't help".

When he talked about the magic lamp, I understood that most people think the same about money. They are addicted to making money. They want more of it, they make more of it, but it is never enough. The second you look in your bank account provides temporary comfort, but every time, the joy last less and less time. It is painful to find out that what you wanted all your life was not exactly what you thought it would be. Chris was just one more guy who was addicted to making money. He was just an addicted millionaire.

Addiction, from my experience, is a mindset. If you overcome one, you usually replace it with something else. Sometimes, I think it is a bottomless pit, caused by pain, that people try to fill in ways that only make the emptiness bigger. I had found the most valuable piece in this puzzle. Chris and I talked about addiction and I asked him to think of all the things in his life he was addicted to, based on his definition of addiction.

"I'm addicted to money", he said in relief.

Mostly poor people are addicted to money, because they are far more focused on wanting money than on what they would do with that money once they got it. They dedicate most of their energy in life to making money and not enough to using it well. They know what they want, but not why they want it.

Chris had been addicted to money since he was 16 years old. He had been in such pain from being thrown out of his home and living on the streets without food, he developed the belief that money was the cure for all his pains. He had started business after a business. He had failed and gotten up and earned more and more and finally, when he had reached his desired goal of being a millionaire and it had not filled up the emptiness, he had lost his motivation and wanted to drown himself in his disappointment, so he had swapped one addiction with another.

Emptiness cannot be filled with sugar, food, alcohol, money, drugs or any other addiction. Emptiness can only be replaced by a feeling of gratitude, self-appreciation, acceptance, forgiveness and a strong feeling of love.

The millionaire game

It was the end of the session and Chris and I came up with a strategy for our next session. I told him next time we would play the "Millionaire game". I started playing this game when I was 24 and I had my first business. At home, we play it very often with the kids. In this game, we imagine what we would do with lots of money. When we talk about what we want to do with that money, it can help us find the why, the pain or discomfort we want this money to heal. If we know what we are missing in life, we can make good use of our money by buying this feeling with the money we have worked so hard to get. Money is a means to an end. When it becomes the goal, reaching our goal can be painful.

I felt lucky. It is not often you get a chance to sit with a real millionaire and ask him, "If you were a millionaire, what would you do with your money?"

Chris stood up and looked at the garden.

"You have a nice place. It's very relaxing here. Do you play games with all your clients?" he asked, smiling.

"As often as I can", I answered and stood next to him.

"I've always thought I was born 16 years old on the street. It's a strange thought. I don't remember myself playing games", he said. I think he understood that money was not really what he wanted. Maybe he was grieving his lost childhood.

As we both looked at the palm trees of my yard, I touched his shoulder and said, "It's never too late to start".

Be happy,
Ronit

You may want to read

• Emotional Summer
• The art of Excellence (3): Risk, success and happiness
• The art of Excellence (2): Fighting poverty

If you hear parents tell you that kids are an obstacle for them, I can tell you that having kids is a bad excuse for not doing business. When the kids grow up and leave the house, they will be left with their excuses. So when they have to explain why they have never done what they have always wanted to do, they will start saying, "It's too late now", which is just another excuse.

If you are thinking of starting a business and will need to juggle business and family, it is a good idea to discover what you will have to do to succeed at it. Some people are not cut out to own and operate a business. Others do not know how to balance a home and a business. Managing your business, your home and your parenting well requires some skills and attitudes that will determine the success of your business, the quality of your family life and even your health.

Unlike people who do not have kids, business parents risk a lot more than their own time and money. They risk their relationships with their partners and with their kids, as well as the quality of preparation their kids get for life. You go into business because you want a better life for your kids, not to destroy your relationship with your kids, so do it right!

Qualities of bad business people

Here is a list of qualities and behaviors that will prevent you from making it in business and what you can do instead. Read carefully. If you find any item that describes how you operate, make an effort to change before investing in a business. If you are already in a business, this is even more important.

1. Reactive - cannot predict anything and do not think ahead. Reactive people behave like the Fire Brigade and try to put out fires instead of preventing them. They are always surprised when things happen, because they do not plan ahead. Think ahead. Visualize. Conceptualize. Play with scenarios in your mind. Have a good system that can tell you to pay attention to things ahead of time. We send our subscribers a newsletter every month on the 15^th. We cannot afford to wake up on the 15^th and say, "Oh, I have a newsletter to write and prepare". We have computer reminders and we write and schedule things in advance. In business, many things cannot be predicted, but many can be. Have things ready well ahead of time.
2. Lacking long, medium or short-term goals. Nobody can achieve goals without having them. You go into business to succeed. You have to have a definition of what success means to you. You have to build up to that success by setting and achieving short, medium and long-term goals. They are your success plan.
3. Being busy with details and never having enough time. The feeling of not having time means they do not manage their time properly. You can predict how this affects the way they manage their family life too. Having good time management is essential to running a family as much as to running a business. If you hear yourself saying often, "I don't have time", stop and do something about it. You may be planning too much, you may not be effective or your sense of priority may need adjusting.
4. Avoiding decisions. When the decisions are tough, some people wait for their circumstances to change and save them from making a choice. Remember, not making a decision is a choice. Good business people do not give circumstances the power to determine their life. They make decisions even if they are tough and keep learning from the outcomes.
5. Making a fuss out of little things. Some people find it hard to distinguish between what is important and what requires letting go. If you declare a "red alert" for every tiny thing, no wonder your life looks like a battle zone. If you are such a person, use a rating system. On a scale of 1-10, how big is this issue? Or on a scale of 1-10, how important is this for me? Then, choose your battles. Deal with the important things and fit the rest in-between or let them go.
6. Having a desk full of documents and not prioritizing. If you look at some people's desk, you will see a jumble of bills, articles, bank statements, private letters and even things they have no use for. Put some order into your documents. Have a place for everything. Have a filing system for documents. On average, people go over each document 6 times. That is a waste of a lot of time you could be spending with your kids. Decide what to do about each document and then file it or throw it away. The order and the space on you desk will clear your mind.
7. Not delegating and trying to do everything by themselves. Some people never ask for help. When you are in business and have kids, you cannot be superman or superwoman, so get help. Let someone else do the things you cannot. If your time is worth X, pay someone else whose time is worth less than X to do the accounts, the cleaning or the stock taking. You may pay the same by the hour, but if they get twice as much done in that time, you save.
8. Doing things manually ("the old fashioned way"). Some people avoid spending money on things that can make them more productive. An electric saw may cost more than a hand saw, but if your job is cutting timber, it will make you heaps faster and pay for itself 10 times every week. Get better tools. Buy software, books, machines and other technology that will speed up your work.
9. Working 10-14 hours a day. Working at night or staying overtime often is a sign of poor time management. If you do extra work regularly, you will burn out. Decide how many hours you work and stick to it. If you need to work more than 8 hours, try doing it after the kids are in bed. You do not want them to see you working all the time. They might thing you have no life and learn from you. If you need to give extra time, plan it ahead. Get the kids to a weekend sleepover at the grandparents or with friends and do some extra work.
10. Stretching boundaries to the point of addiction with "I will do just one more thing". Some people stay at work and keep reading "just one more email" or "just making that last change" when it is time to go home. Others stay up and watch "just to the end of this show", then find themselves tired and grumpy the following day. When you run your own business, work never ends. There is always "one more thing" to do. Let go! Stop on time. Switch to "family mode". Take care of yourself. Stick to your boundaries.
11. Having a black and white mentality. Some people are not flexible with their requirements and expectations. They are constantly frustrated, because life is full of "shades of gray", not black and white. This is a rigid mindset and gets them into lots of problems. Flexible businesses respond faster to market changes and succeed where rigid ones fail. Learn to compromise and accept a variety of situations and people.
12. Being perfectionists. Some people talk about "the right solution" instead of "a practical", "a possible" or "a manageable" solution. Again, that makes them very frustrated and others view them as snappy and anti-social, which makes it harder to do business with them. Life is never perfect, if only because different people expect different things. Go for "good enough" and do the best you can do under the circumstances, even if it is not "perfect".
13. Always finding someone to blame for problems, difficulties and challenges. If something goes wrong and you always talk about whose fault it is, you are suffering from the blame disease. People do not like doing business with those who do not take responsibility. Take responsibility!
14. Seeing a bad and sad future, complaining and finding problems and faults. Again, people do not like being around complainers. Just stop complaining or use the rubber band technique. Put a rubber band on your wrist and flick it and experience pain every time you complain. After a while, it will slow down. When you look at the bright side, your life and your business will be bright.
15. Taking work home. Mixing work and home can be dangerous, because it blurs the lines and makes it easier to extend work at the expense of home. Even if you decide to work from home, have a separate area for work and "go home" when the workday is over.
16. Not taking time to rejuvenate. Some people wear themselves down by working non-stop. Weekends are precious, so use them for rest. Take a few days off for fun and relaxation every 3 months. Take a longer holiday once a year.
17. Trying to be friendly with everyone. Some people just want to be nice and do not know how to set boundaries with clients, suppliers, employees and even their children. At some point, they start feeling abused and their self-esteem starts to drop, along with their performance. In business, you must set prices and you must set policies. Learn to be nice within reason and to be firm when you need to be.
18. Trying to avoid paying Tax and forgetting to make money. Taxes are paid on income and even when you pay 40% taxes, you get to keep 60% of what you make, which is better than nothing. I want to pay $1,000,000 in tax every year, because it will mean I am making a lot of money. Accept taxes as part of life and get on with making money. In fact, look at a high tax amount as an indication you are doing well.

In a way, running a family is similar to running a business. If you have the right skills and attitudes, you can do both of them well. If someone tells you that you cannot do both, do not listen, because you can! Kids are a wonderful source of motivation to succeed in business. Mine have always been and still are every day.

Going into business has advantages and disadvantages. If you are a family man/woman, the risk is greater, but the reward is greater still. I always thought that having kids makes my business success greater as my three kids also enjoy the rewards of my success every day. I am happy, they are happy and I increase the chance they will one day possess the skills to run their own businesses after having a good role model.

Be successful!
Ronit

You may want to read

• From the Life Coaching Deck (5): Making Money Addiction
• The Hunger Games
• Anybody Can Do It

Whether you know me from Family Matters, Be Happy in LIFE or The Motivational Speaker, you know how strongly I am into the "You can do it!" attitude. I am a life coach and an educator and ever since I started my first business at the age of 25, this has been my motto - I can do it! Everyone can!

I often use the quote "If you think you can or think you can't, you're right" as one of my life coaching favorites. I am in the business of happiness and my slogan is "Happiness is a choice!"

Even success on the Internet is a choice, isn't it?

If you have a business and want to open it to the Internet, if you want to get more business online, if you want to have tens of thousands of readers or a stream of buyers, if you want to know how to be successful at Internet marketing, sit tight and enjoy the ride.

A free event for suckers

[I know the word "suckers" is strong, but it is not my choice. This is what people ultimately call themselves when they realize what has happened to them. I have heard it enough times to know]

The first time I came into the Internet world was when Gal and I did our life coaching course. While everyone was working on establishing a practice, Gal, who had been an IT manager, was focusing on our online presence. By the end of my course, we were the only people, out of about 50 coaches, who had a site and a business card to give potential clients. After a while, our roles became clearer - I was an educator with over 20 years of experience and knew nothing about computer technology and Internet, and Gal was an IT professional with over 20 years experience and knew a lot about it. So I did the offline work and Gal did the online work.

The first thing you learn about starting a business on the Internet is that everyone can do it. I remember the first seminar I attended. You may have had the same experience yourself. It is a free event that makes hundreds of thousands of dollars in sales in one day. The food, the venue and the free gifts are nothing compared to how many suckers come to those events for the promise of sitting on the beach in a swimsuit with a laptop, sipping cool drinks and watching the dollars appearing on the screen every day and every hour.

The suckers' slogans

Gal and I went to our first event as life coaches. It was an awesome weekend. It was a great seminar and I learned a lot. For 2 days, they promised the world "Be your own boss! Work 3 hours a day! Money will be coming out of your ears!" and ... "Everyone can do it!"

I have to say I almost believed them. I wanted to believe them with all my heart, but because our life coaching course had promised exactly the same thing, I had the suspicion there was a pattern there. Luckily for us, it was not a test of our trust. We just did not have $10,000 to buy the product on offer. We were shocked that our fellow coaches spent so much money just weeks after they had spent thousands of dollars on the life coaching course.

If you have ever heard these slogans about trying to build a business on the Internet, be warned, someone is convinced you are a sucker and might be taking you for a ride.

Seminars that teach you online business have a system to convince you that everyone can do it. They show a woman who could hardly type and has a family to support in order to attract parents who want to make some quick cash and say she did it within 3 months in her spare time, in-between doing her daytime job, taking the kids from one activity to another, doing housework and oh, I almost forgot, a huge debt she was trying to pay. Or, they show you a group of teens without any capital who came up with a brilliant idea that became a hit overnight. Those events are like a magic show - you know there is a trick, but it is done so beautifully that you just accept it. You buy into the illusion.

What kills me every time is hearing the presenter say, "I'm a successful person and I'm here to teach you how to make money effortlessly, have lots of time off and have all the luxury you want". I especially hate the word "effortlessly". The harder life is for you, the louder you hear how effortlessly it can be done.

I always have the same question to those speakers - "If your system can make you a millionaire overnight, why would you spend your time sleeping away from your wife and kids, sleep in a different hotel every night for 200 days in a year to convince us, suckers, to buy your product? Why aren't you on the beach next to some amazingly blue water working an hour each day and drinking tequila? Isn't it because you are too busy running workshops?"

I never ask it out loud, because I know the answer. I have 30,000 readers a month because I understood that not everyone can do it. I certainly could not!

Overnight success

I swear to you I have tried. I spent hours studying the same course with Gal. The Internet marketing guru said to us, "You need $90 to buy a website and hosting and an hour a day. Everyone can do it." I sat 4 and sometimes 5 hours a day, watching videos, reading, summarizing and trying to implement, but pretty quickly, I realized that our Internet marketing guru's "overnight success" had taken about 8 years and the reason he was successful was that he sold Internet marketing products to aspiring Internet marketers. It was a closed market - people who were making money by convincing others they could make money using their own products. They even have affiliates that sell to the same people. It is like a feeding frenzy. There was so much dishonesty there (MLM, or "direct marketing", is the same).

My product was a coaching service. I did not want to tell my client they could make a fortune from my coaching, because it was just not true. Every time I watched Gal programming something, I freaked out. I wanted a business, not a course in HTML, PHP, CSS or any other strange acronym. I wanted to work with my clients, do my workshops and sell my books, not to sit in front of the computer all day long.

So many readers come to my site because I decided to give up trying to prove that everyone can do it by doing it myself. Instead, I focus on what I do best and allow the Internet marketer in the family to do what he does so well. Coaching and doing Internet marketing are two different skills and focusing on one leaves much less time for the other.

All my life coaching buddies wanted a website and spent months learning something that Gal did in 2 weeks. In the meantime, they neglected their life coaching practice and got nowhere in both areas.

The reason I feel uncomfortable when people ask, "How did you do it?" is because I did not do it, at least not on my own. Someone had to take my parenting advice, my books and my coaching services and publish them so that many people would actually get to see them.

My message to you is that the online world is big and keeps expanding. Yes, at some stage every business will have a site, even if only for presence. If you want a business online, if you want buyers online, if you want a website even just as an online brochure with your contact details, stick to what you do best and let those who know Internet marketing do the rest for you.

The same applies to any business service and even to family and parenting services, such as accounting, public relations, gardening, construction and architecture. In the same way you would not reinvent a smart phone and prefer to buy one that has been developed by experts, using expert services can produce better results (perhaps more expensive upfront, but cheaper over time) and allow you to concentrate on what you do well and enjoy doing.

You just have to let go of the illusion.

Life is much better this way.

Happy days,
Ronit

You may want to read

• From the Life Coaching Deck (5): Making Money Addiction
• Make a list: Beliefs about Money
• Anybody Can Do It

I grew up in a very simple family, you could even say a struggling family, with 5 children, and most of us are in a very stable financial status. My dad, who worked very hard all his life and was the money manger it the house, taught us very well. My family is proof that you do not have to be rich to raise kids with a wealth mindset. I think that if my dad could do it, you can too.

Here are my parenting rule about money, saving, investing and raising children who know their way through financial management.

1. Teach your kids to love money, use money wisely and to manage money well - they will need those skills for a long time. First, you have to do it yourself. Kids who grow up in a family with money have better beliefs about money and use it differently to kids who grow up to a family that struggles financially.
2. Give kids pocket money as soon as they can count to 10 - learning to keep money is an important skill that can be taught very early and the longer your children have time to practice earning, saving, investing and spending, the better they will be at it.
3. Have a coin box in the house where all the coins go - it will teach kids to appreciate coins as something of value and demonstrate to them how little things accumulate over time. It will also show them how pooling resources can be useful where each person cannot manage alone.
4. Never ever give money rewards for success at school - the real reward for success is self-confidence. The desire to succeed and be good at something is internal, while payment is external and your kids will always do better in life by being internally motivated. If you want to celebrate successes, use the money to celebrate it by doing something fun rather than giving it as a prize.
5. Make sure your kids save some of their money - teach them the 10% rule, which will help them in life. Always spend 10% less than what you earn. It is not easy for kids to keep money, but money management includes earning, spending wisely and saving. No one can be financially stable without mastering all three of these. If this is not how you live yourself, make that a family project to begin with.
6. Show your children how to measure their income and expenses - teach them the simple rule "your standard of living is the difference between what comes in and what goes out" as early as possible in life. Kids can easily record their income and expenses in their school diary or on the computer and gradually learn about government fees (like a driver's license), insurance, utility bills, rent and so on.
7. Teach your kids always to have something to look forward to - help them set financial goals and find things they want to have or do that cost money. This will help them understand that money is a vehicle we use to achieve what we want in life and that having money without using it makes it worthless.
8. If your kids want something that is beyond their reach, use this as an opportunity for them to learn about borrowing, loans and interest. Help them out. Give them incentives to earn and save money and teach them to pay on time. When they are old enough, also tell them about leverage.
9. Teach your kids to shop around before purchasing anything - saving money by comparing deals (not just prices) is a very useful money management skill. Teach kids to compare apples with apples and develop their concept of "value for money". This includes focusing features, guaranties, service and suitability.
10. Eliminate brand name from your shopping list - kids are just kids and they are highly influenced by what their friends have, but if they want you to buy then something because their friends have it, they will get hooked on the most dangerous "drug" of our society. Make sure the brand name is not a reason to purchase something but the use and the quality of it.
11. Teach your kids the difference between an investment and an expense - the different between money that works for you and money the just goes away. Investment develops planning, patience and willingness to sacrifice something today to have much more tomorrow, all typical qualities of successful people.

I hope that reading some of these parenting "commandments" has helped you find the correlations between our parenting philosophy and the quality of upbringing out children receive. Having a parenting bible does not guarantee you will have a successful parenting experience, but it certainly is a good starting point that prevents you from re-inventing the wheel and second-guessing yourself endlessly.

Having a parenting philosophy is essential to good and successful parenting and making it into a bible with do and don't commandments will make it easier for you to focus. In this series, I shared with you my parenting bible at the request of a participant in one of my parenting workshops. I hope it has inspired you to write your own.

Happy parenting,
Ronit

You may want to read

• From the Life Coaching Deck (5): Making Money Addiction
• Parents Doing Business
• Lifestyle of the rich and the famous

In their song Lifestyle of the Rich and the Famous, Good Charlotte sing about how celebrities complain all the time and say their life is hard, even though they have money, mansions and other things money can buy. By contrasting fame and fortune with living on the streets, this song reflects general public sentiment very well.

But it is not true.

If you have been anywhere near a TV set in the past few weeks, read any newspaper or even glanced at a magazine at the checkout line, you have seen them - Prince William and Kate Middleton. Their lives and upcoming wedding were covered from every angle and then, their wedding was covered in even more detail. Anyone who had anything to do with them at any time was interviewed ad nauseam and every bit was replayed over and over again.

We generally watch little television, but I happened to catch one of the programs on "Will and Kate", in which Prince William's life in college was covered, including a trip to Chile, where he roughed it out as a volunteer. There was footage of him first thing in the morning, barely awake, cooking porridge for everyone and narrating the whole thing, including the horrible taste of the porridge.

It clearly stood out from the program that Prince William was comfortable being famous and treated the film crew with respect. He was polite and composed and had a shy smile on his face most of the time.

When the program continued, someone from the media commented on how Kate started out being nice to journalists, but had grown impatient with them in the previous few weeks. That comment did not surprise me somehow. I had seen similar reports about many people who were new to celebrity.

I started to think that the main difference between Prince William and Kate is that Prince William was born a mega celebrity and simply grew into the role, whereas for Kate, being the subject of such a media frenzy was a new thing. I believe Kate was overwhelmed by what she was losing when she became a celebrity, while Prince William took it easy, because he had never had it and had lost nothing.

You see, when we sit in our humble home, surrounded by our family, after a day of normal work and school, we wish for the things we do not have, but we forget that everything has a price. We imagine the glamour, the glitz and the freedom afforded to those who have lots of money of fame, and we choose to ignore and downplay the things that go with them, such as super-high pressure, massive temptations and brutal invasion of privacy.

Being happy is not directly linked to the amount of money you have or to the number of people who recognize your face. Being happy is linked strongly to how kind you are to yourself and others (within your means) and how much people really care about you.

Money and fame can be vehicle to happiness. When used well, they can magnify everything you do. But in the incessant pursuit of money and fame, most people forget that they are only means and not the goal.

The real goal is happiness. It is everyone's real goal.

Ronit and I have been to many seminars on wealth creation, where we heard that in order to have a lot of money, you must love money. You must get excited by the thought of having piles and piles of it. And we were sitting there, thinking, "But we don't want money. We want to be happy. Money is just a magnifier of who we are and if we are money chasers, having money will just help us chase more money faster".

Because in life, you do not get what you want. You get what you focus on.

Would you rather have lots of money or a loving family?

Would you rather have a highly paid job, the industry's respect and long working hours or enough time to watch your kids grow and become wonderful people under your care and influence?

Would you rather come home to impeccable order and shiny new things or to a warm and lived-in place, where every item carries memories of precious events and people?

Would you rather eat lavishly with your boy- or girl-du-jour in the most expensive places to the sound of camera clicks and whispers of people who feel fortunate to be in your presence or have a quiet, romantic dinner with your childhood sweetheart at an affordable restaurant and whisper naughty things to each other because there is nobody hiding under your table with a recorder?

Would you rather live with people who want what you have and will do pretty much anything to get it or with people you can trust, who will drop everything and come to your aid when you need them?

Would you rather measure your self-worth by the amount of money they have, how often you are mentioned in the papers and the number of "friends" you have online or by the strength of your character and the happiness around you?

Ultimately, it is your choice. And you are making it every day. And what you say matters very little, because what you do always speaks louder.

As a parent, your kids will do what Prince William did. They will adapt.

They will notice your daily actions and your daily choices and believe them to be the best anyone can make. They will decide that if they want to be like Mommy and Daddy, they had better do the same. And they will start to put that into action right away, no matter what you say to them. Because what you do always speaks louder.

To really drive home the message that happiness is more important than anything else is, you must live this choice every day as a person and a parent. Your career, your home, your car, your habits and your behavior must reflect that choice.

Look around you slowly and deliberately and pay attention to the things that make you happy - familiar things that make you feel safe, toys and tools linked to pleasant memories and furniture that gives you a sense of belonging. Imagine the people in your life – your partner, your kids, your parents and your friends - and think of all the things they do for you - the smiles, the touches, the little services, the thoughtful presents, the special cards, the acceptance, the understanding, the support…

Are you smiling yet?

You just cannot buy these things with money or fame, can you?

Have a beautiful day,
Gal

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• From the Life Coaching Deck (5): Making Money Addiction
• The Hunger Games
• More Control – Less Power

I wanna be a billionaire so <beeping> bad
Buy all of the things I never had
I wanna be on the cover of Forbes magazine
Smiling next to Oprah and the Queen
Oh every time I close my eyes
I see my name in shining lights
A different city every night oh I swear
The world better prepare
For when I'm a billionaire

Call me a pest, but after hearing them sing it many (many) times, I thought it might be a good chance to bring up the topic of money.

Ronit and I believe that kids should be exposed to various topics at different ages simply because they are part of life. They may not "get it" every time, but they "get" a little bit more and develop their understanding over time. This way, they have fewer surprises when they become adults and have to take care of themselves.

The issue of money is no different.

We also believe that in life, we get what we focus on, which is a great reason to encourage kids to focus on being happy and using their money wisely, rather than just on becoming billionaires.

So I worked my way up, starting with 9-year-old Noff. I asked her, "Noff, if you really were a billionaire, what would you do?"

"Buy all of the things I never had", she said cheerfully.

"Like what?"

"A [Nintendo] DS", she said, "An iPod … oh, and a Wii … and Wii Fit".

"Actually, you won't", I said, "Because the reason you don't have them now isn't money. Being a billionaire doesn't mean our rules have changed. You don't have those things because Mom and I think you watch enough TV and play on the computer enough anyway and we prefer that you do other things with your time".

Noff let out a disappointed whine.

"What else?" I asked.

"Clothes. Lots of clothes. And SHOES", she said. Noff just loves shoes, which is why when we go shopping, we often refer to her as Imelda Marcos.

"OK, so let's say we go shopping with a billion dollars and buy you all those gadgets you wanted and lots of clothes and shoes. How much money will you have left?" I asked.

"I don't know", she said.

We worked out that if every piece of clothing and pair of shoes cost $100 on average, she would need less than $6,000 for everything she wanted.

"I also want to travel", she said, her face lighting up with the discovery.

"You could buy an open 'around the world' ticket for $50,000 and travel for a pretty long time. This will get your total to $56,000. Let me write that down for you next to a billion, so you can see how much is left", I said.

56,000

1,000,000,000

"I don't know what else to do", Noff admitted.

"Until now, you've only thought of yourself. Is there anything you want to get for anyone else?" I suggested.

"No, not really", she said.

"Not even for the people you love?"

"No. I don't know what they want", she said. Later on, she added travel for Eden too, which would have been generous, if she did not explain that Eden would be traveling with her, taking care of her and keeping her company…

Then, I asked 15-year-old Tsoof what he would do if he were a billionaire.

"I'll buy a big house", he said, "I want to have a music room that's the size of our house, so I need a bigger place".

"What will you do in that music room?"

"I'll compose and play my music. I'll buy all the instruments I need and all the equipment and software and make music", he said.

"So you'll spend your days in the music room, just playing your music?" I asked, "Sound kind of lonely and you might run out of money at some stage. Will you do any work at all?"

"Um, oh, I'll also record my music and sell it and participate in competitions and stuff to promote my career", he said, "And I'll perform it, too".

"So you'll be doing things that will bring you even more money", I said.

"Yeah", he said, "But I'll be able to just do the things I love".

"That's great", I said, "Combining your passion and having fun with creating a good income is a really smart way to live. This is what Mom and I are doing, you know. We love to help people and we love parenting and personal development, so we do these things for a living and have a great life that way".

Just in case you wondered, it was not always like that for me. I used to have a corporate IT job, which was interesting and paid well, but had no soul.

By that stage, we were taking a nice walk in a park and I mentioned the term "investment", explaining to the kids how to take someone else's money (most often, the money comes from a bank in the form of a loan), invest it and make it grow quickly. I wanted to make it clear to them, so I drew this:

"You take some of your money, say $20,000, and borrow $80,000 from the bank. Now, you buy a house for $100,000", I said.

"After a few years, your house has doubled in value. The bank still has the same amount, but how much money do you now have?"

"$120,000", Tsoof said.

"Which is how many times your original amount, Noff?"

After a bit of thinking and calculating, she said, "6 times!"

I was actually a bit surprised they got it, but all this talking made me come up with a few ideas I wanted to share with other parents (you, that is):

1. Dreaming about having a lot of money can help kids turn a vague concept into a detailed image of what it is like. Kids are very good with imagination, so this becomes a vivid experience for them, complete with pictures, sounds and feelings.
2. Imagining a wealthy life also brings up the issue of enjoying that life and the kids quickly realize that money is not happiness by itself and neither are things you can buy with it. Instead, money is just a way to get happiness, if you know what makes you happy.
3. There are 3 components to a rich and happy life: taking care of yourself, taking care of others and taking care of tomorrow. Kids are not very good at any of them, because they have little experience, but over time, they catch on well.
4. Taking care of yourself means staying healthy, safe and happy. It includes buying the goods and services you need, as well as the things that make you happy. It also includes doing what you love and being able to express yourself.
5. Taking care of others is what gives you purpose and keeps you motivated. It includes doing things that give others genuine value, being kind with your time and money and showing others the way to a good and happy life.
6. Taking care of tomorrow means having a source of income to enable your great life and contribution. It includes turning your passion into a business, protecting yourself for a rainy day and making your money work for you.
7. The main point in talking to your kids about money is NOT what you teach them. It is what you ask them. When they passively absorb information, that information fades quickly, but when they have to come up with answers, they engage in the learning and retain a lot more.
8. Also, you may have a different communication style from your kids and when you explain things, they may not quite grasp them, but when they need to figure things out to provide an answer, they must create their own understanding of the situation, making it much clearer.

I hope this helps.

May your kids be billionaires,
Gal

You may want to read

• From the Life Coaching Deck (5): Making Money Addiction
• Anybody Can Do It
• Hitting Rock Bottom to Succeed

If I can do it, anybody can

This is typically said at the end of a story of how the presenter has clawed his or her way from extreme poverty, shame and rejection to the stellar success that forms the basis of the whole seminar. Some of these presenters look like pretty normal people, even if they dress up a bit more than their audience, so why not believe them?

Because everybody can IN THEORY. Sure, everybody can retrace the presenter's steps and, if everything also happens the same way, make lots of money and become really successful and happy.

Oh, wait. What if it does not happen to me the same way?

Exactly! This question appears in most people's minds as soon as they start thinking about applying all those wonderful tips and methods to themselves and their own life.

You see, when a person stands on stage, having made lots of money, it is easy to imagine them having the same confidence when they first started out. But they did not have it, and it dawns on us as soon as we shift our focus to us.

Typical questions that follow are, "He's not telling us about all the deals that went wrong", "I wonder if she's married and has kids with all that global travel she's doing" and "I bet there are many others who started out just the same and blew it, but of course they are not standing here on stage, are they?"

What attracts us to these seminars is the reward - success, money, wisdom, happiness, status and an easy life. We believe the expert is going to give us a bulletproof way to make it and to make it BIG. We just need to listen well, take good notes and work their method.

But what then makes us not follow through is the risk - failure, hard times and stress. Coming from an emotional position of lack, we project that into our future and see ourselves only sinking deeper.

Of course, this does not apply to everyone, because some people overcome their fear and change their lives, but for most, that fear of the risk and that vision of what can go wrong are paralyzing. Worse yet, I have seen people become paralyzed after they have paid thousands of dollars for the expert's program and were not going to get their money back.

Yesterday, I saw a great example of this. I went to a networking event that featured a property expert named Rob. Rob is a local guy, but he has done well in property. Now, Rob helps other people invest in property, which made him very interesting to everybody else in the room.

Rob described a method of making several tens of thousands of dollars in profit from property in 6-18 months. The initial investment (the risk) was about $2,000 and Rob would help find the right property and close the relevant deals (additional risk of $3,000, but the chance of failure minimized through his expertise and self-evident success).

Would you risk $5,000 to make $90,000 in one year?

Most people will not.

Most people know very well what it means for them to spend $5,000 right now, but they do not trust the expert enough or have enough experience themselves with making $90,000 on a single property deal in one year. So they will be paralyzed, do nothing and become a little bit more frustrated that another opportunity has just become unrealistic for them.

Why am I telling you all this?

Because I want you to stop criticizing yourself for not taking action on those experts' advice. It is simply NOT true that anyone can do it. Having something to lose is by far a stronger motivation than having something to gain. We are familiar with the things we have and we care about them. The things we want are only imaginary.

But I also want you to start thinking that maybe you cannot do it YET. Just because you are where you are right now does not mean you will be there forever (or until you die, whichever happens first).

Life goes on and you can grow and build your confidence one success at a time, no matter how small, until you can allow yourself a small leap of faith. If that leap of faith pays off, it will also become a leap of confidence and you will be able to tolerate a bit more risk next time. If it does not pay off, you will have to keep living and keep growing until you can try again.

While he was telling his stories of success, Rob mentioned "pooling" his own money with that of his father and his brother. They also "pooled" their work and renovated properties together. But the real thing they shared was the risk. They were willing to share the rewards at the end, but upfront, they shared the risk, so that each of them can cope with the emotional burden of uncertainty and anxiety.

I believe it is normal to be afraid of risks. It is actually quite useful in many cases, because it prevents us from doing every stupid thing that pops into our heads. So when you feel unable to do something big, open your eyes and face your risk. Then, you may be able to overcome it somehow, but if not, at least you will know what stopped you and come to terms with it.

Now, this might all seem to be related to general personal development, investment or business, but it applies to parenting as well in two ways.

First, parenting adds a lot to the risk of any big change.

A single person can always work a few more hours or live somewhere cheaper for a while. A single person does not have to worry about setting an example to anyone. But a parent must first consider the wellbeing of his or her kids, the effect of any decision on their survival, education and lifestyle. A parent also needs to be a role model for making good decisions and for being responsible.

Second, the decision to become a parent is one of the greatest risks anyone can take. What is losing $2,000 compared to losing a child? What is missing a good deal compared to not being able to take care of your kids?

This means you CAN handle risk, because you have done it before in one of the most important ways anyone can. You have probably also had support from family, friends and others in raising your children and you knew they would be there when you decided to become a parent.

So I say relax, focus on your next step and build on your successes. Do not be tempted by others' promises. Live your own life instead and make the most of it. When you are ready, the universe will present plenty of opportunities you can take.

Happy life,
Gal

You may want to read

• The Hunger Games
• From the Life Coaching Deck (5): Making Money Addiction
• Sailing the Ship of Life

"I feel like I have no control over my life", she said to me, "It's as if part of me says 'go left' and the other side says 'go right'. For some reason, neither is the direction I want to go and I'm stuck! I can't get the two sides of me to communicate with each other".

I smiled. It sounded familiar.

"Sometimes, I wake up with energy and motivation that lasts for three days. There is a voice inside of me that keeps telling me it can be like this forever. I've tried shutting it out, but I don't know how to", she kept telling me about her frustration.

I listened to her and thought to myself, "She is ready for the sailing story".

I hope you are ready too.

Three players in the game of life

If you have ever felt helpless, defeated and unhappy, just like the captain of the "I" ship, welcome to the real world! We are all sailing on the ocean of life. We sail every day, with every decision and choice we make or reject. The water and the weather are unpredictable and to our aid come three important characters:

• The Captain is our conscious mind - our ability to analyze and reason
• The parrot Max is the little voice in our head - our self talk, telling what we think
• The crew is our subconscious mind - our hidden motives, feelings and ability to act quickly and intuitively

Understanding the "Self" - Captain and Crew

When you are unhappy, it means your captain decides to sail to the "right" and your crew sails to the "left". Your conscious and subconscious minds are not communicating.

Theories about human behavior claim that the conscious and subconscious have different roles in maintaining the ship's health, wealth and wellbeing. Captains change over the years and their role is to direct the ship. Crew members are there from day one and their role is to protect the ship from any harm and keep it safe.

Unfortunately, the crew holds more than 90% of the decision making while captains, highly influenced by Max and external sources like media and what happened in the past, hold less than 10% of the decision making.

The Crew can only communicate with their ship's captain. The captain holds the key to the internal communication system with the crew and no one else can talk to the crew except the captain. The crew cannot communicate with anyone else but their captain and cannot be influenced by any other captain. Therefore, whenever you say, "Someone else made me do that", you are cheating yourself. No one can make you do anything. Your "captain" gave an order and your "crew" chose to obey. Do not blame anyone else for your ship's condition and do not expect anyone else to come and fix your ship. Life is continuous sailing journey and only you can take care of the condition of your ship.

Generally, Crew members do not like changes. They need to go through lots of convincing for them to change course. Even if you experience lots of pain from a course that is not healthy for you, like health problem, financial difficulties or relationship breakdowns and the captain thinks he knows why and wants to change it, the crew members will hold on to their plan and they will win.

Every time the captain wants a change as a result of jealousy, like a big house just like the Jones's, to be slim like Barbie or wealthy like Richard Branson, the crew thinks the captain is not keeping the benefit of the ship as a high priority and they reject the change of course.

Whenever the captain wants a change to please another ship, the crew members treat this situation as a threat. They say, "The Captain is not in his normal mind, he is under pressure, we need to protect him from himself. All engines stop, shields up, red alert!" This is when the ship is stuck and not moving anywhere and every ship that gets too close is fired upon.

Crew members do not accept any touch up orders. They think that when the ship's timber is rotten, there is no point covering it up with a coat of paint. It needs a carpenter. So watch what you are trying to do. If it is temporary relief, your crew will undermine your efforts and may even throw you overboard.

Crew members do not like negative orders. In fact, the crew will do the opposite of a negative command. If the captain says, "I do not want a fat ship", the crew says, "Fat ship! Aye, aye, Captain" and puts some more weight on the ship. Captains must learn to say what they want and avoid what they do not want. It will keep the ship in a much better shape. Beautiful, healthy, wealthy ships have captains who are clear about what they want and look forward to a positive future.

The crew needs a lot of convincing. If your will is not strong, they will question it until you give up. A persistent captain is the only captain who can make them accept a new course. Most captains will hold a will for 3 days (starting a diet, making an effort to change attitude or reading a book and trying to implement its suggestions). As soon as they let go, the crew sees that as a sign their will is not strong enough and reverses the changes.

If one does not know to which port one is sailing, no wind is favorable
- Seneca

The crew only works with goals. The problem that most captains have is that sailing without knowing where. Research about goals found that only 10% of people live life with a sense of direction by setting themselves goals, while the rest float aimlessly.

The Roman philosopher Seneca said that people must know where they are going if they want to be able to use the circumstances to their advantage. You see, if you know where you are sailing to, instead of drifting during a storm, you can direct your sails so the wind will get to your destination faster. Life offers a variety of sun, wind and rain. Successful people do not have less of them. They just use them to their advantage.

Crew members never accept vague goal. If the Captain says, "Let's sail there", they crew will ask where exactly "there" is. And if the captain does not know for sure, the command is rejected immediately. The more specific the coordinates are, the more likely the crew is to follow your order. Saying "I want to look good" is not specific and so it is immediately classified as "wishful thinking" (over a long period, this creates a life of "wishful sinking").

If you want to find a partner, be specific about what the desired character of this partner, their looks and their areas of interest. If you want to achieve a career goal, be specific about the kind of work you are looking for, what the boss should be like, how much you want to be paid and how long you are willing to commute. If you want to achieve a financial goal, be specific about how much money you want, what you want it for and how long it will take you to get it.

Aim for the moon. If you miss, you may hit a star
- W. Clement Stone

Captains do not like being specific. They are afraid they might not get to the exact same coordinated they have set for themselves. Vague goals are a cop out. They allow for the possibility of not achieving.

Crew members work with dates and calendars. Captains, for the same reason, prefer to be vague. They do not like to commit to a date and a time. They prefer to say, "One day I will travel the world", "Someday I will be healthy", "In the future, I will have enough money to…" which guarantees they will never get anywhere. These aspirations will be treated again as wishful thinking. Healthy, beautiful, wealthy, happy ships work with dates and calendars. They probably do not get to the destination exactly at the intended time, but getting there a day or even a month later is better than not getting there at all.

The crew does not take orders from any other captain but only from the captain of the ship they are on. So if you hear yourself saying, "My wife made me", "I didn't do it because of the kids" or "Having a family doesn't give me enough time", you are excusing yourself from achieving. No one can make you do something without your consent. Your crew did not accept any orders from your wife, kids or family without it going through your captain. On a healthy, beautiful, successful ship, the captain does not use excuses or blame to justify his failures but takes responsibility for his decisions.

Everyone has a parrot on their shoulder. Max is there to reflect our thoughts. Max has no filters - he tells us everything we think and believe, whether it is a good thing or not. Max will tell us we are losers if this is what we think and Max will tell us we are powerful beyond measure if this is what we think. He is a parrot, with no mind of his own. He reflects our fears, our motivation, our desires and he is constantly talking, even when we are not listening. On an easy sail, Max tells us we are capable, healthy, happy, loving, friendly, strong, courageous and wealthy. On a rough sail, Max tells us we are weak, unable, small, helpless, afraid, selfish, gutless and poor. Successful people control Max by controlling what they think.

Max will say things he has heard from your family, friends, teachers and other people you have known over the years. He will say things you have heard on TV or read in the paper or will draw conclusions from things that happened in the past. You cannot shut him up nor blame him for his incessant talk. Remember, Max is there all the time and can be very useful to you. When you are all by yourself thinking you may not survive, Max whispers, "Tomorrow everything will be OK" (which he probably heard in a movie or in a motivation book). To control what Max says, control what you think.

Now that you know all there is to know about sailing in the sea of life, take control and find a way to establish a new relationship between your captain and your crew, so that your ship takes the best course it can. Every frustration in life is a conflict between conscious and subconscious, but with the right techniques, this can be changed.

Happy sailing!
Ronit

P.S. On the 25^th of July, I am running the parenting workshop "Happy Parents Raise Happy Kids" in Brisbane. If your will to be a great parent is strong, tell your crew to register and attend. If you know any other parents who would benefit from this workshop, be a friend and let them know too.

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Since the men had not seen one another for a few weeks, we did a round of updates and Wayne told us he was planning to change his line of work and become a financial planner. As soon as he mentioned the words "financial planner", the rest of us changed facial expressions and posture and it was clear we all had strong feelings about this profession.

This was by no means personal, because we like Wayne a lot, but we had all been visited by a financial planner or two and had all chosen not to use them. From that starting point, we felt Wayne was starting "on the back foot" and was headed into difficult, unpleasant territory.

As we talked, some interesting points emerged, which I would like to share with you, because they can help you become your very own financial planner and stop looking for one, if you are.

Disclaimer: everything in this post related to how things are done in Australia and only represents my personal opinion. I feel it applies generally, but I am not sure, so please seek professional advice before making any changes to your financials. If you blame me later, I will simply point back to this paragraph, so please don't.

Who do financial planners work for?

Regrettably, all the financial planners our group knows are essentially sales people for financial institutions - insurance companies, lenders and banks. Their livelihood depends on commissions they receive from these large companies when you sign on the dotted line for one of the financial "products" they sell.

In fact, to become a financial planner, the easiest way is to be trained by one of those financial institutions and learn the profession along with their particular portfolio. It is cheaper and there is a job for you at the other end, so why not?

As a family, this presents a serious problem, because the advice you get is biased and is therefore hard to trust. "Your" financial planner's best interest may or may not match yours and the range of products he or she presents to you may or may not include the best ones for you and your family.

To limit the effects of this situation, financial planners are required by law to be honest about their fees and share with you what they will gain from your choices. However, this creates an awkward situation, in which any conflicting interests are out in the open and eliminates the possibility of feeling good about your choices, because you can see the planner makes lots of money by doing little work for you.

Who needs a financial planner anyway?

I told Wayne that if anything, I would prefer a money manager to a financial planner, and the others agreed. To me, a money manager is someone you can trust, who directly manages your money and gives you more money than you would get on your own, wrapped in a blanket of peace of mind. With a money manager, you delegate your financial affairs to someone who can do it better than you.

In return, they get a fee for their services or you can give them some of your own services - carpentry, web development, tutoring, etc.

When you are the one paying, the services you get are aligned with your best interests, so you are likely to get much better results.

To make this even better, you can agree with your money manager that they can get a cut of the extra money generated, which means the more you make, the more they make, and pay a penalty for money lost, which means they lose too. This way, money managers work for you when they work for them and, if they are good, money piles up for everyone.

What would a money manager do for you?

We then talked about the things Wayne could do within his own community, in which there are many immigrants, laborers and traders. Being a nice man and a familiar face, he should easily find people who will trust him, but what can he do for them?

We imagined him talking to a rather simple client, who was very good at his job, but had no interest in money, budgeting or investment and was happy to let Wayne handle his affairs. We asked Wayne what he would do for that person.

"The first thing I would do is find out how much money he makes, what he owns and how he spends his money", he said.

"OK, then what would you do?" we asked.

"Then, I would identify opportunities for him and his family to make more money, save money and make their extra money grow", he said, "Most people don't track their income and expenses, so they can't make good decisions and just do what everybody else does or what they learned from their parents".

"So you are saying that people should keep track of their income and expenses?"

"Yes", he said, "And it's quite simple, actually, but it requires everyone's cooperation and detailed records of every financial transaction that happens in the family".

"How do you do this?"

"Whether you are in business or on a salary, you get paid only a few times per month, so that's easy to track. Then, when you buy something or pay a bill, you need to collect the receipt and write it under the appropriate category - groceries, health, education, housing, entertainment, travel, utilities, taxes and so on".

How to be your very own financial planner

The rest of us realized we were generally doing this and had for some periods of our lives tracked our expenses in detail. "If we can do it, anybody should be able to", we thought.

So we compared notes and found out each of us used some form of a tracking sheet to guide us. On that sheet were various income and expense categories, tax deductions and formulas that allowed us to quickly see the effect of our lifestyle choices and plan our financial steps better.

As life coaches, Ronit and I often give our clients various self-monitoring sheets to help them focus on their areas of greatest need for improvement or find the cause of something that limits them - sleep patterns, coffee and alcohol consumption, water intake, time allocation and even money management.

Within a few weeks, sometimes only 2 weeks, our clients come back with a victorious smile on their face and say, "Aha! Got it! Now I know what to do".

So here is your chance to get a handle on your family's finances, if you are not very good at it already, and a handy tool you can share with friends and loved ones who may need it.

This Free Home Budget Worksheet is for Microsoft Excel. There is no need to register and nothing to pay. Just download, open in Excel and start working. You may need to adapt the sheet to your specific situation and location, so maybe get the kids to help for extra points.

No Excel? No problem. You can also find printable budget worksheets there. Just download, print and use.

Disclosure: the only thing I am getting for sharing this with you is the feeling that I am a nice, helpful person.

Onwards and upwards, parent friends! Let us be prosperous, if only for the sake of our kids.

Rich parenting,
Gal

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