I have done a lot in my life. Luckily, although some things were incredibly challenging, my life has been very rewarding overall. I am the kind of person who goes to work and it does not feel like a work, more like serving a purpose. I am an educator in every cell of my body. I teach parents how to be the best they can be and how to raise happy kids by being happy themselves and I have changed the lives of thousands of children. Still, the best of all my talent, I have given to my own children: Eden, Tsoof and Noff. Being their mother always seems to bring out the best in me.

All this wondering started when one of my clients had a daughter. She had given up her career and the search for a partner and with her mother's help, she had gone through the journey of having a child on her own. I saw a photo of them and it reminded me of the first day I met my daughter Eden, my happy thought. Her birth was the birth of many new feelings and since then, I have been a different person. A better one, I think.

Then, Gal was talking on Skype with a man who wanted to do business with him. I was working next to him when they had a very serious discussion about web developers. The other man talked about "them" as being a bunch of stupid people who could not see that working with him would make them part of a network similar to Facebook or the companies owned by Richard Branson. After a while, Gal felt uncomfortable with all the judgment and asked him, "Do you have kids?" The man hesitated and said, "No". Gal tried to say to him politely that when people have children, they think twice before giving their time to someone they do not know in exchange for promises. This made me think about the feeling I had when Eden was born - pure joy and happiness, hope and excitement, mixed with a heavy burden of responsibility. Kids cannot be sent back to the manufacturer for a warranty replacement! You can only truly understand this when you have your first child.

Another client of mine discussed her time management issues with me this week. She has 3 kids, a live-in maid and a cook. Her kids go to private schools, she does not work and once a month, she travels with her extended family somewhere in the world, because they are very wealthy. She asked me how I managed and I told her about all the projects I was involved in. She was shocked and asked me, "Who cooks in your house?" I said, "I do, and if I am busy, Gal does".

"We eat out 3 times a week, once a week I heat up a pre-cooked meal the maid buys at the supermarket and we never eat all together", she said, "What about you?"

"We eat together at home every day", I told her, "We do not have ready cooked meals, we eat out once every two weeks or so and never junk food".

"I don't even do the laundry. Who does the laundry in your house?" she asked and I said, "I sort the clothes and put them in the washer and everyone helps hang them to dry, take them down and fold them".

"I give my maid a list for the supermarket. Who does your shopping?" she asked. "I do most of my shopping on Saturday. Gal and I go to the market and the supermarket together".

"Who takes your kids to and from school and activities?" she kept asking. I said, "Gal and I share this. Until 6 years ago, I did it on my own, because Gal left home at 7am and came back at 5:30pm. While one child was in an afternoon activity, the others sat in the car with me and we did homework, sang and played games".

"Don't you have a family to help you with picking up, dropping off and babysitting?" she asked again. I told her that in the last 19 years, I have been very far away from my family and have had to manage on my own.

"Where do you find the time?" she asked. I told her that we both have the same 24 hours every day and that I manage it well because I have to! Sometimes, that extra help from your maids and your parents cripples you and makes you helpless. Every time a child was born, I became more efficient, more creative and better at prioritizing and managing my time. I simply had to.

Another client of mine came to coaching completely overwhelmed by being a mother. She kept saying she had not known what she was getting herself into. She loves her daughter very much, but is in total overwhelm. She is well educated, mature and in a good relationship with her partner, yet she finds being a mother the most challenging thing she has ever done. I was 24 when Eden was born. No one knows what they get themselves into with the first child. People can tell you stories about it for years, but when the time comes, it is all new. So I asked her, "If you could change it, would you?" and she said, "Never!"

Another client of mine, who has been married for 15 years, used a surrogate mother to have a child, because she could not bear the thought of her body changing. Her son is the most important thing in the world for her. It made me think of the huge scar I have after 4 cesareans.

Another client of mine celebrated her second child's first birthday this week. She had her two kids through an egg donation and IVF treatments, because as she was 40 and the doctors said she had no more eggs of her own. The treatments were expensive and were done overseas. She stopped working and dedicated every second of her life for those treatments. During her first pregnancy, she was in hospital from the 20^th week and he doctors told her every day the pregnancy would not go to term. When I asked her, "Can you keep going?" she said, "Of course I can". She reminded me of my two kids that I have lost and how when Tsoof was born, I said to myself, "He is worth every second of this torture". The whole experience has made me a better, more appreciating person.

Having all these interactions made me realize that motherhood has brought out the best in me. It has taught me things about myself I had never known. It has helped me develop skills that I would never have developed without the need to care for my children. It has made me happier and more caring. It has made me prioritize, made me time efficient, made me more creative, made me more efficient, made me a better chef, made me more friendly, flexible, grateful and loving, more courageous, more helpful, more hopeful, made me try harder, made me stronger, made me more curious, made me a role model and a leader, made me positive, made me grow, made me powerful, made me make a huge difference!

For me, motherhood is the best thing I have ever done in my life - the best job in the world.

To all the moms out there (and all the dads), congratulations on doing an amazing job!

This video says exactly what I think about being a mother. Have a tissue handy.

Be a happy mother. Happy Mother's Day!
Ronit

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One of the greatest and most inspiring speeches he gave, in the movie "The Great Dictator", was about the human spirit. The movie was done in 1940 and it is amazing to see just how relevant it is to what happens in our society today. Over 70 years later, we still have the same challenges.

I am the Queensland State Director of an organization called Together for Humanity that teaches kids about respect and acceptance and how working together can make a huge difference in the world around us. I have been doing this work for 4 years and feel like I am changing the world one school community at a time.

The only problem in this work is that there is a lot to be done and it requires more parents, more educators and more people who care to make an impact quickly and strongly enough. I believe that we all are all responsible for making this world a better place and that we can win by uniting.

Here is Charlie Chaplin's video with a powerful modern spin. His speech is below the video.

I hope it will inspire you as much as it inspires me.

Charlie Chaplin's speech from The Great Dictator

Hope… I'm sorry, but I don't want to be an Emperor. That's not my business. I don't want to rule or conquer anyone. I should like to help everyone if possible - Jew, gentile, black man, white. We all want to help one another. Human beings are like that.

We all want to live by each other's happiness, not by each other's misery. We don't want to hate and despise one another. In this world, there is room for everyone and the earth is rich and can provide for everyone.

The way of life can be free and beautiful.

But we have lost the way.

Greed has poisoned men's souls, has barricaded the world with hate, has goose-stepped us into misery and bloodshed.

We have developed speed, but we have shut ourselves in. Machinery that gives abundance has left us in want. Our knowledge has made us cynical, our cleverness hard and unkind. We think too much and feel too little. More than machinery, we need humanity. More than cleverness, we need kindness and gentleness. Without these qualities, life will be violent and all will be lost.

The aeroplane and the radio have brought us closer together. The very nature of these inventions cries out for the goodness in men, cries out for universal brotherhood, for the unity of us all. Even now, my voice is reaching millions throughout the world, millions of despairing men, women and little children, victims of a system that makes men torture and imprison innocent people. To those who can hear me I say, "Do not despair".

The misery that is now upon us is but the passing of greed, the bitterness of men who fear the way of human progress: the hate of men will pass and dictators die and the power they took from the people, will return to the people and so long as men die [now], liberty will never perish…

Soldiers, don't give yourselves to brutes, men who despise you and enslave you, who regiment your lives, tell you what to do, what to think and what to feel, who drill you, diet you, treat you as cattle, as cannon fodder.

Don't give yourselves to these unnatural men, machine men, with machine minds and machine hearts. You are not machines. You are not cattle. You are men. You have the love of humanity in your hearts. You don't hate. Only the unloved hate. Only the unloved and the unnatural. Soldiers, don't fight for slavery. Fight for liberty.

In the seventeenth chapter of Saint Luke it is written, "The kingdom of God is within man". Not one man, nor a group of men, but in all men - in you, the people.

You the people have the power, the power to create machines, the power to create happiness. You the people have the power to make life free and beautiful, to make this life a wonderful adventure. Then in the name of democracy, let's use that power. Let us all unite. Let us fight for a new world, a decent world that will give men a chance to work, that will give you the future and old age and security. By the promise of these things, brutes have risen to power, but they lie. They do not fulfill their promise, they never will. Dictators free themselves but they enslave the people. Now let us fight to fulfill that promise. Let us fight to free the world, to do away with national barriers, do away with greed, with hate and intolerance. Let us fight for a world of reason, a world where science and progress will lead to all men's happiness.

Soldiers, in the name of democracy, let us all unite!

Look up! Look up! The clouds are lifting. The sun is breaking through. We are coming out of the darkness into the light. We are coming into a new world. A kind new world where men will rise above their hate and brutality.

The soul of man has been given wings and at last he is beginning to fly. He is flying into the rainbow, into the light of hope, into the future - that glorious future that belongs to you, to me and to all of us. Look up. Look up!

Care, share and the world will be a good place.

Hugs,
Ronit

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While growing up, however, I found out this was not the case with everyone. There were many situations in which I knew the truth and witnessed people denying it or acting as if the opposite was the case.

When I talked to my mom about it, she told me, "Sometimes, people don't exactly lie, but they tell a 'white lie' to avoid complications or embarrassment". The world, it turned out, was not a courtroom drama, where it was "the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth".

When I decommissioned one of our computers, which had Microsoft Office on it, I wanted to activate that same license on a new computer. When the online activation failed, I rang Microsoft and asked for their help.

"Have you uninstalled the software from your old computer?" the support person asked.

"No", I said, "That computer is no longer in use".

"I'm sorry, Sir, but you have to uninstall the software".

"Does that deactivate the license at your end?"

"No. So have you uninstalled it, Sir?"

I kept trying to explain the real situation a few times, after which the connection was suddenly cut off. I rang again and had a similarly frustrating conversation with another person, who also hung up on me.

I was furious!

Then I realized what was happening. I asked Eden to ring and inform them that the software has been successfully uninstalled. They activated the new installation in seconds.

So lies have been institutionalized and you cannot get very far without them anymore.

Some time ago, I attended what I thought would be a series of presentations on building great websites, but turned out to be a series of presentations on various topics, including personal philosophy, business, training and other things. One particular presentation was called "Do not lie" and it made me revisit the issue of living honestly from an adult and even a parent perspective.

Here is this 5-minute talk for your enjoyment. The speaker is from Austria, but the talk is in Australia, hence the funny references. I think the common image of German speakers being very direct and straight about everything also helps in delivering his messages.

Let's survey the room. Please raise your hand if you have even

1. Faked a headache
2. "Lost" your homework
3. "Had to be somewhere else" when you were asked to help or attend an event
4. Conveniently forgot about times when you were fired and glorified your professional achievements on a resume
5. Told someone how good they looked (or their work), but did not think so
6. Agreed to another person's political, philosophical or social comment just to make a good impression
7. Pretended to be someone else online or on the phone
8. Said everything was great when things were pretty chaotic in your life
9. Told your kids there is a tooth fairy
10. Used "chewing gum and sticky tape" to keep a product looking good during a presentation, because it was not ready yet for a real test

The truth?! You can't handle the truth!

As Patrick Klug says, lies are often used as a "social lubricant", a way to keep things smooth and avoid confrontation. But why would there be any friction in the first place if we were honest?

I believe the answer is related to our self-confidence.

You see, our view of the world makes us believe that other people are just like us. That way, when we are tired and feel like sleeping, instead of, um, doing "other things", we fear that our partner might feel rejected, because we would feel that way in their place. So we tell them we have a headache or provide some other explanation that would make us feel better.

If our parents cannot help with our homework, cannot afford our study materials or need us to help in the afternoons, we prefer to say our homework was lost, after we presumably did it, instead of sharing our family situation with our teacher and our classmates. Lacking confidence, we need their appreciation and acceptance more than we want their sympathy or their help.

So we go through life assuming other people "can't handle the truth" because we would not be able to handle it in their place.

Why be honest?

Basically, lying is too heavy to carry. When you lie, you sometimes have to continue weaving your false story later. This means that you have to keep track of your lies and that you stress over the risk of being discovered.

I have been through countless situations where people have told something other than the truth and it came to bite them later. As a very detail-oriented person, I can pick inconsistencies in a flash, and I am offended when I find that someone has lied to me. Unless you can be sure everybody will remain ignorant about the truth, you can lie safely, but how can you every be sure?

So lying is stressful.

Lying also influences your view of the world. When you lie about something over time, your version starts sounding like the truth to you. When you lie, you also always know that you are lying, which drops your self-esteem a little. If you lie enough, you may even start labeling yourself as a liar, and that is likely to prevent you from ever appreciating yourself fully.

So lying damages your self-esteem.

How to be honest

Being honest all the time and telling the truth about everything is not realistic. Kids, for example, cannot understand everything simply because they are too young and embellishing or watering down what we tell them may help them cope better than telling them brutal facts.

But we should all aspire to tell the truth as much as we can and make a conscious choice to be honest even in situations where it is not easiest. As long as our aim is to keep a good relationship and not to hurt anyone, honesty is generally a good idea.

So how to be honest? You can do it in a few steps, which are neither simple nor easy, but if you keep taking them, many things in your life will improve and you will start being honest as a matter of course.

1. Recognize all your feelings, including the bad ones. We are often so preoccupied with positivity, we forget that fear, sadness and anger are natural and that ignoring or suppressing them only makes them worse. Being afraid does not make you weak, it just makes you human. Recognizing and facing your fear is the best way to be free of it. Feelings of grief and loss appear in everybody's life and hurt a lot. Be aware of your feelings and give yourself time to recover.
2. Feel comfortable with yourself. Accept yourself the way you are right now. Stand alone in front of a big mirror, relax and look yourself over from head to toe. Notice when you are critical of one of your features and learn to accept it instead. Do this 5 minutes a day for a week. Then, start smiling at yourself for 5 minutes a day over a week.
3. When other people do or say things around you, recognize they are not doing or saying those things to you but for themselves. Look them over from head to toe and try to accept them too. Catch yourself when you start to feel defensive in other people's presence, take a couple of deep breaths and reframe what happens from the other person's point of view.
4. Make a list of situations in which you are dishonest. Notice the stress associated with each situation and discover what you really feel about it. Use your new acceptance of yourself and your new ability to interpret other people's behavior to find more honest ways to handle these stressful situations. This should help you relax greatly.

As your self-acceptance and self-confidence grow, you will be able to be gentle without lying, and that will increase your self-esteem even further. Once you reverse the cycle of lying and stress, your life will become easier and happier.

Honestly,
Gal

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I have a friend who goes on a men's camp every year. When his boys were young, he went by himself and felt very supported there. As soon as his boys turned 13 and were allowed to go with him, away they went together and spent a great time bonding - singing, dancing, doing physical exercise and watching performances. He has been nagging me to come with him on that camp for a few years now, saying there is something special about the freedom and "safe space" it provides.

So far, I have not gone.

In the past few months, Ronit worked with several boys whose father had died or spent a lot of time away from home. Whenever we talked about them, I kept having the feeling that although they were young (5 to 8 years old), they felt like little men. I felt they saw themselves as somewhat responsible for the wellbeing of their family and had to fill the very large shoes of their absent father.

That was not enough either.

But this week, Ronit said to me, "You should write a bit about the role of fathers in particular. If I write it, it will be like a lecture, but if you write it, it will be real". And then, out of the blue, I got a newsletter from Fathering Adventures, letting me know they now offer adventures not only to fathers and sons, but also to dads and daughters.

So I thought, "OK, that's it. I'd better write something on this topic".

Now, I am not a stereotypical man. I am not competitive, I never pick a fight, I do not drink, I do not swear, I love to cook, I work at home and do many homey things, like driving the kids to school, helping with homework, reading bedtime stories and so on. The main manly quality I have is the need to protect my family all the time and everywhere.

But I used to work long hours away from home and provide the main income, I used to be short-tempered when I was home and I used to be completely out of touch with what my family was going through. Even on weekends, it would take me until late on Saturday to get work out of my head so I can relax and participate.

When Eden was little, I was a very dogmatic and clueless father. Ronit was great (she was a very natural mother), so she took care of Eden, thinking it would be OK, because Eden needed a female role model anyway. In fact, Eden needed my company. In the evenings, when I told her it was time to shower and go to bed, she would refuse and we would have a big struggle, which ended in her agreeing to have a (long) bath instead of a (short) shower and me sitting beside her and listening to her tell me about her day.

Later on, I learned that fathers provide a very important role model to their daughters - that of a potential partner. In fact, the best way to ensure your daughter chooses a decent fellow for a husband and a decent father for her children is to be a decent husband yourself and a decent father to your children.

One of Eden's favorite things was to walk hand-in-hand with me. She would hold my hand and look proud, which made me feel great. She is 23 now (her birthday is tomorrow) and still does that.

I thought that was a natural thing many fathers did, until I heard a story from a friend of ours who is a great father about his 16-year-old daughter. He said, "She and I were walking along the beach and she reached out and held my hand. I realized it made me uncomfortable. I was thinking about what others might think about me walking around with a beautiful young girl. I wondered about the psychological stage she was in and whether holding my hand meant something, um, you know. Then she looked up at me and said, 'Dad, I love walking hand-in-hand with you like we did when I was little. I hope we never stop'. It hit me that as far as she was concerned, I would always be her father, no matter how old she was or how old I was, and that I made her feel safe and loved by holding her hand".

Are you having a soft moment?

When Tsoof was about 3 years old, he discovered soccer. After that, he wanted to play soccer all the time. Between the ages of 3 and 5, a time of endless energy, as soon as I walked in the door in the evening, stressed and hungry, the only thing I could do was play soccer with him. Ronit and Eden took care of dinner and I took care of Tsoof.

This was what you might consider a typical father and son relationship, involving sport, but Tsoof also started playing hand drums at that tender age and being the musical parent (I am auditory and Ronit is not), I also played with him, took him to classes and supported his musical development.

Noff is a lot more like Ronit, but I stayed home with her for a few months when she was a year old and I get to spend the most time with her more than I ever did with her older siblings while working corporate jobs. She is the most independent of our children and that is something I encourage her to be. You can find several posts in this blog about how she inspires me.

I believe that one of the biggest challenges fathers have in modern Western society is that, being the main breadwinners, they engage with their kids at the worst possible times, when they are at their wits' end, just wanting to sit down and shut everything out for while. In this state, the last thing they want to do is care for someone else.

I believe that if you ask any father, he will tell you he wishes he could show his children who he really is. That notion of "who I really am" means that every father acknowledges the effect of his circumstances on his relationship with his kids and feels in his guts that under different circumstances, he could have a great time with his kids and get a lot closer to them.

One idea is to go away with your kids to a place where circumstances are vastly different from your everyday life, where you and your children will go through something meaningful and special and where you will be able to pay close attention to one another for a few days in a row.

The video below is a bit overly dramatic for my liking, but every word spoken in it is gold, especially in the testimonials. The adventure packages include accommodations, food, kayaking, hiking, snorkeling and group coaching. There are weekend and 5-day adventures and there are adventures for "father and son" or "dad and daughter".

[Disclaimer: we get nothing from showing you this, other than the satisfaction of doing something good. While I was watching the video, Ronit jumped up and said, "That's a great idea for <one of her clients> and his son", and then picked up the phone and called him].

If you decide to give Fathering Adventures a try, please come back here and post a comment to let everyone know how it was.

Happy parenting,
Gal

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Carly Fleischmann

If you have ever seen an autistic child throw a tantrum, rock back and forth for a long time or remain transfixed, no matter what others say to them, you may have had a glimpse of the desperate feeling of disconnect. It is as if autism prevents the chance of any form of normal communication even between the autistic person and the people who love them the most - their parents.

In this video is the amazing story of Carly Fleischmann, whose parents found out she was autistic and were told she was also so mentally disabled she would only reach the level of a 6-year-old. Carly's parents decided to beat the odds and the world is now reaping the rewards.

After you watch the video, click Carly's picture and visit her blog, where there are updates, media appearances and ways to communicate with her online.

Apologies for posting this a little late in the day, but I am currently on jury duty. I will tell you all about that when that ends.

Happy parenting,
Gal

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In the past three weeks, he has had many awards night, celebrations, final concerts and farewell parties. During those events, Tsoof received many awards for excellence, for leadership, for showmanship, for his contribution to his school, his friends and his community and we felt honored and blessed for his talents, his kindness and his love for what he does.

You seen this in the movies: the parent of the star performing on stage is sits in the crowd, looks around and tells everyone that sits next to them in excitement, "This is my son" Well, this is how we felt at every event. Tsoof is so talented and so famous we introduce ourselves as "Tsoof's mom/dad/sister" and we were very proud.

At the end-of-year Performing Arts evening, as the winner of the prestigious title "Performing Artist of the Year", Tsoof opened the night and said, "Good evening. My name is Tsoof. I am a school captain, Vocal Harmony and Wind Symphony captain, a member of the Senior Percussion Ensemble (Mac-cussion), Show Choir and Big Band. Thank you for coming this evening".

Gal, Eden, Noff and I sat the whole night proud as peacocks for being associated with him.

That was his last performance with all his ensembles, where he said goodbye to those who had contributed greatly to growing his talents, enthusiasm and passion for music - his music teachers. Three of them had been his musical mentors and had taught him for eight years, through both primary and high school.

David Adelt had been his percussion teacher and mentor since 5^th Grade. Lee Norell had been his band conductor since 5^th Grade and his composition and voice tutor in 12^th Grade. Jody Lutherburrow had been his band conductor since 5^th Grade. Tamara Luski had been his Vocal Harmony and Show Choir conductor and his classroom music teacher for the past 3 years. Sandy Armstrong had been his Performing Arts Coordinator and Music Extension teacher for the past 4 years. From every stage he performed on, he looked at these 5 teachers and thanked them for supporting and developing his talents.

As you know, teaching is not a very prestigious profession. The financial rewards are not that impressive, but the emotional rewards are enormous. When your students are successful, it is a record of your teaching ability.

When we sent our kids to school, I knew that some of the teachers they would meet on their journey would influence their life. I never dreamed it would be such profound impact, carved on every musical piece he writes, every tune he plays and every song he sings.

It is very rare that you have the same teacher for 8 years, let alone 3 of them. If they are great teachers, you can easily explain the excellence.

It was the end-of-year concert and I watched Tsoof performing in most of the numbers of that night. I looked at his teachers and realized they were sitting there, much like us, with teary eyes, proud as peacocks. Every one of them thanked the parents for supporting their kids in their musical pursuits and I whispered, "Thank you!"

Dear David, Lee, Jody, Tamara and Sandy,

I thank you for teaching my son about commitment and that getting up early in the morning, when it is still dark outside, is worth the effort.

I thank you for telling my son over and over again that he needs to play and sing for himself and not to please his parents, as that has developed his self-motivation.

I thank you for being role models for my son. Thank you for being generous with your time and modeling how putting your hand up to help others can make you a better person. Thank you for showing him that giving is the best way to receive.

I thank you for teaching my son that real winners are not those who get the best part or win the competitions but those who have the courage to stretch their boundaries, to try, practice, learn and compete with others, even if they don't have a chance to get the first prize.

I thank you for inspiring my son to embrace every opportunity and make the most of it.

I thank you for being so professional and having high expectations of my son, because I believe that his professionalism and excellence is a result of this constant stretch for excellence.

I thank you for not giving him "discounts" and lowering your expectations just because he had a busy schedule and other things to do. Thanks to this, he has proven to himself he can excel in academics too, despite his being so busy with music.

I thank you for teaching my son to be humble and setting an example of accepting others and their abilities without making fun of them or judging them.

Thank you for teaching my son teamwork, because the success of the ensembles in every piece played or sung was the result of everyone's ability to put the success of the team above their own.

Thank you for allowing him to wear his hat, grow his hair long, keep his uniqueness and show others around him that respect is something that comes from within and the urge for self-expression can be channeled in good ways.

Today, at the graduation ceremony of the Class of 2011, I wanted to say to you that as his teachers, my son spent more time with you than he did at home. I am a proud mother and I couldn't have done it without you.

Thank you so much!

To honor these teachers, Tsoof put together a band of friends to play an original song written by Andrew Butler, Jamee Seeto and Tsoof. They rehearsed for hours and at the final concert, they asked the teachers to sit in the front row and played their song for them. Unfortunately, there were some technical glitches, so when we got home, I asked Tsoof to record a simpler version of it. It is called "Goodbye" (temporary name) and describes the students' feelings about leaving their teachers.

Enjoy,
Ronit

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The film we saw was called The Whistleblower. It is a story of an American police officer who works for the United Nations' peacekeeping forces in Bosnia and uncovers a women trafficking operation. We sat on big, soft cushions on the grass at a park by the Brisbane River, the weather was perfect, the atmosphere was magical, we were happy for the chance to get away for a bit in each other's company.

Then, the movie started.

The level of brutality shown on the screen by the traffickers towards the women, the complete disregard for the law and the strong violation of every moral system I could think of disturbed me to the core. I had to struggle to keep watching some scenes and felt terrible for poor Ronit who is generally more sensitive than I am.

When we talked about the movie in the car on the way home, we both wondered what would compel anyone to abuse another person in such a way. Our conclusion was that these people had no love in their hearts. Not romantic love. Kindness, compassion, empathy, tenderness, comradery, friendship and understanding towards another human being.

All they had was fear. It was in their eyes. It was in their laughs. It was in their intonation. It was in their words. Because without love, fear is all that is left.

A few days later, we went to a Christian wedding of the lovely daughter of a lovely couple of friends of ours. We expected to hear about Jesus and God, but the wedding celebrant (who is also the bride's aunt), spent some time explaining why God is love.

She said something like, "People say that God is loving, and He is loving, but that is not his essence. God is love. Because love accepts without condition, encourages without limits and makes everything better".

And I thought to myself, "I wish every person in the world thought this way. Whether they were religious or not, if everybody's faith was in love, this world would be a much better place".

Many people are uncomfortable with expressing love, because they have heard little or no love spoken to them, they have not been hugged or stroked and they have not been praised. Some have had mostly abuse from their parents.

At Ronit's parenting workshops, participants are asked to list the 4 things they want most for their children. Some list health, some list money, some list success, but everyone lists happiness. Ronit then asks them to give up the least important thing and keep just 3, then just 2 and finally, only 1. The parents agonize over the "lost" values, but invariably, they leave happiness in their hands.

When Ronit asks them, "Is this what you spend most of your parenting time on?" some of the parents burst into tears, because they realize that the fighting and forcing and nagging only take away from the thing they want most for their kids - happiness. After this experience, the parents determine to go home and show their children nothing but love, no matter what happens.

We keep in touch with them and that is what many of them do. Parents who have not had love as kids must make an effort to express love for their children, but the rewards are tremendous.

From the kids' point of view, love is a natural thing and expressing it is easy. When we lived in Singapore, Tsoof was 3 years old and had his own room. Sometimes, he played by himself, and then felt alone, so he called out, "Mom/Dad, I love you" and we would reply, "I love you too".

That kept him happily playing in his room for a while longer, knowing we were there for him if he needed us. When he grew up (and, OMG, became a teenager), he started using the same method to diffuse conflicts. Say Noff is upset with him and starts talking tough, he says, "I love you too" and she softens (if not, he says it again).

With Christmas just around the corner, I wanted to encourage you to show your love for your children as much as you can. Giving gifts is certainly a great way, but it is only one of the 5 languages of love.

I also wanted to leave you with a song from a Christmas film (Scrooged), which captured the essence of this post very well. The lyrics are below, so you can sing along (go easy if you are at work, but go nuts if you are at home).

Loving parenting,
Gal

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Steve Carell makes movies that are full of embarrassing moments and this usually turns me off. I see him as the American version of Mr. Bean. I also find his acting melodramatic and externalized and I generally prefer subtle and deep. In this film, he was not only the main character, he was also the producer, which should have had me running in the other direction, except I only found that out in the final credits, and by that time, I already had a lot of respect for him.

If you have not seen Crazy, Stupid, Love, it starts with a marriage breakdown and divorce, continues through the attempted recovery of both partners and their children and at the same time, weaves in the generational difference between the old one-partner-from-a-young-age and the new ongoing-partying-and-casual-sex-until-thirty-something. Here is the trailer (see you on the other side):

A web of good people

What I found special about this movie is that unlike the typical good-vs-bad attitude and one-sided story lines we see a lot, this story shows how good, well-meaning people can be hurt and their lives can be complicated. It shows each character close up and personal, so their point of view keeps making sense, but the clashes and awkward moments are painfully inevitable.

Good parenting comes first

The Weavers got together when they were young and had kids early, but they are great parents. They clearly love their children and respect them as human beings. They have meaningful conversations and actually listen to them, even when the kids speak the naked truth.

I loved this, because there are some excellent examples in the film for how to be honest with your kids, how to communicate with them at eye level and how to benefit from their perspective. I loved it even more because they managed to stay great parents despite their marriage problems and personal struggles (Cal Weaver is such a pushover at the start of the film).

The Weaver children have their difficulties too, and they express those in various (and sometimes dysfunctional) ways, but in general, they are really good kids who love their parents and describe how they feel in surprising clarity. Many parents might sit in the cinema and think, "Yeah, right, like a 13-year-old would ever do THAT", but my 15-year-old son is now going through some challenging times and handling them even better.

Common marriage problems

The relationship problems shown in the movie are very common these days. With the divorce rate hovering around 50% in the USA and Australia, it is also very common for these marriage problems to end in a divorce and for the couple to become two single parents and struggle to restore their self-esteem and stability in life.

But marriages that last still suffer erosion and married couples who stay together still lose the romance and the passion sometimes. Feeling unheard, unappreciated and even unloved is part of every couple's life. If they pay attention and refocus their relationship, it lasts, but if they let things slide too long, divorce can seem like a blessing.

What makes a man

Young Jacob is rich by inheritance and spends his days in leisure and his nights in pleasure with young women. He is very confident about his manhood and makes Cal look pathetic.

This brings up the question "What makes you a man?" Is it the number of women you sleep with? Is it the ease with which you can get an unfamiliar woman to go to bed with you? Is it the way you dress, the shoes you wear or your hairstyle? Is it your sculpted muscles and physical strength?

Cal is so out of his depth in the nightclub, Jacob is almost a god to him with his smooth ways and confidence-boosting methods. But at some point, the first woman goes home with him and they have a good time, and after that, it becomes easy.

In a nice twist of events, Jacob then faces feelings of love for the first time and panics. In all his conquests, his way to the girls' hearts was to shower them with interest and attention, which also saved him from having to expose himself and being vulnerable. But when this special girl wants to know him better, he freaks out so much, he calls Cal for advice.

Recently, I touched on the self-doubt of men who have only been with one partner in How to Be Faithful. I think Crazy, Stupid, Love does a wonderful job of taking us along the path of either choice (Jacob's and Cal's) and showing us that neither is perfect and neither is better than the other.

Soul mates

The term "soul mate" is used a lot in the film, even overused, but there is a scene in which Cal tells Emily (his ex-wife who had cheated on him) about his one-night stands and she is appalled. For a second, we are with her, thinking, "How could you?" but then he says to her, "I was trying to move on".

Emily felt bad in their marriage, slept with a coworker and initiated a divorce, but she feels justified in criticizing Cal for sleeping with other women. After all, they were soul mates...

But divorce involves a lot of loss and grief, with both partners feeling like a part of their soul is indeed ripped out of them. Many divorcees keep track of their ex-partner's social profiles, ask mutual friends about their life and compare every subsequent potential partner to their ex.

Whether or not we are soul mates when we start our relationship, our souls gradually become connected through hardships and joy, through pregnancies, deliveries and sleepless nights, through first teeth and first steps, through driving lessons and exams, through lost jobs and new jobs, moving houses, changing cars and all those other joint experiences that leave their emotional marks on us.

Next to these things, having sex with someone else is a small thing, but we do not always remember that.

I came away from the movie with a lot of love in my heart. In the past few days, there is more love in everything I do, more softness, more attention and more respect. I checked the patterns of my life against scenes from the movie and compared myself with the characters in it.

In the end, I realized (again) that love may be crazy, but it is certainly not stupid.

Happy marriage, relationship and parenting,
Gal

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If you are a parent of a child who has been diagnosed or suspected as having ADHD and you are considering putting them on Ritalin, this post is for you! I have written about ADHD in this blog before, hoping to empower parents to take control over the health and wellbeing of their children and making sure their kids do not become a label. I hope today's story and video will help you make more informed choices about ADHD and Ritalin.

I have been working in the special education field for 25 years. My amazing mentors and teachers warned me that one day, the inflation in the use of drugs to solve academic or behavioral problems like ADD, ADHD, emotional struggles and even tiredness will be so high that my job would be to stay on guard and offer parents alternatives and hope. I took this job description very seriously, but never in my darkest and most pessimistic dreams have I seen it becoming as big or as scary as this.

I am angry and I want to cry from frustration, because we have lost one more child to a form of organized crime. I am writing this post to recover, to remind myself of my job description, to try and save other children from a horrible fate and to offer hope, only this time I need that hope myself.

Ritalin devastation

Luke was a highly auditory child I worked with after he had been diagnosed with ADHD. I tried to convince his mom to give him coffee to calm him down, because coffee has a calming effect on children with ADHD. She told a friend of hers about this tip and her friend's child relaxed and "became a new child", but Luke's mom never tried it.

I worked with Luke for about 3 months. The increase in his ability to concentration was amazing. Luke was in Prep (the year before First Grade) and through our sessions together, he started reading faster than any of his classmates. He was a lot of fun and we had amazing conversations that you would not expect to have with a 6 year old.

During those three months, despite his progress, every time his mom entered the room to pick him up, he looked worried as if he could sense something bad was happening to her. From time to time, he would ask in an anxious tone, "Mom, what happened?" she would say, "Nothing", but later on, she would cry and tell me she was confused. I did not dig any deeper into her personal life, but it was obvious something had happen during the time she had been away and Luke could sense it in a flash.

I admired Luke's mom, because all through the previous year she had refused to give him medication and had tried different diets, although she had not been consistent or selective in her approach to these diets (she weighed over 140kg and huffed and puffed from shortness of breath). She had taken off many things at once, had not eliminated them from Luke's diet for long enough and had not stopped using some techniques even when they had not worked.

The refusal to medicate Luke ended one day when him mom had a nervous breakdown and the doctor prescribed her antidepressants. This was the day she said, "I can't do this anymore", and handed her power over to the psychologist. The psychologist came to observe Luke in class for half an hour (which is more than some others do), then talked to his parents for an hour and prescribed Ritalin.

One day, Luke did not come to his session with me. I called his mom and she did not answer the phone. I emailed her and she did not reply. I SMSed her and she did not respond. I waited for the following week and Luke still did not show up. I tried all the communication channels again. Nothing. I contacted the school, which had been very helpful during the time I worked with Luke, and found out Luke had stopped coming to school. They thought his family had moved to a different town and said his mom had not replied to any of their communication efforts either.

This week, I went to Luke's school for a project I am running there. I talked to his special education teacher and wanted to cry. I was so angry and wanted to scream out loud. This is my scream. I hope you will be able to read it in between the lines.

Luke was given Ritalin for about 4 months. When his behavior got out of control, he was admitted into a mental institute several times after trying to commit suicide and having incidents of psychotic hallucinations. He went in and out of the mental ward until they concluded he had Schizophrenia and he was given a different medication for that.

For crying out loud, he is 6 years old!

How many kids are victims of this crime?!

I came home devastated. I had lost one more child to the organized crime of drugging kids to death. Luke was just 6 years old and could have killed himself because someone did not bother telling his parents about the risks of taking Ritalin.

I have decided to remind myself of the job description and use this story to warn every parent about treating this dangerous drug as an easy solution for ADHD.

Emergency room visits by kids aged 10 to 14 involving Ritalin intoxication or overdoses have now reached the same level of those visiting for use of cocaine
- Citizen's Commission on Human Rights

The government classifies Cocaine, Morphine and Ritalin in the same category of "highly addictive drugs". No one would give their child Cocaine. Why would you give your child Ritalin?

If you ever consider giving your child Ritalin, do yourself a favor and watch this video first.

Happy parenting,
Ronit

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To a great extent, this also affects parents of teenagers, who are being encouraged to consider every little friction and identity-building exercise on the teen's part as part of their overall negative attitude to adults and authority.

Yesterday evening, however, Channel Ten in Australia showed a piece titled "Teen Trouble?" in which a mother and her 3 wonderful teenagers were interviewed, having gone through Ronit's coaching programs. Ronit was also interviewed as a parenting expert with some tips on how to get along well with teenage children and build strong relationships with them.

Irene Thompson and her lovely kids are a great example of how well and how quickly the Be Happy in LIFEparenting workshops and teen coaching programs work.

Here is the video  for your viewing pleasure:

The next parenting workshop open to the public in Brisbane will be on the 30^th of October and bookings are available for groups and organizations anywhere in Australia and around the world.

Love your teens and see them blossom,
Gal

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