May your next year be very tasty!

1. Take the twelve months of the year and clean them well from feelings of jealousy, hatred, frustration, stinginess, greed, stubbornness, selfishness, anger and sadness.
2. Slice each month into three equal parts and make sure you dedicate a third of each day to working, a third to sleeping and resting and the rest to spending time with people you love, having fun, doing good deeds and having joyous memories, happy dreams and wishes.
3. Add three teaspoons of optimism, a cup of faith, a tablespoon of patience, some tolerance and a pinch of respect for yourself and others.
4. Soak with lots of love, decorate with good intentions and heaps of attention and serve every day with a good word, a smile and a warm heart.

Bon appetite!

Happy New Year,
Ronit, Gal and Eden

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At first, I thought Australians were just sick more often than others in the world, but after a short time, I came to the conclusion they were taking a day off when they were tired, sneezed too much, had some errands to run or just needed a day off.

As a parent, that freaked me out. I could take myself one or two years into the future and imagine my own children substitute "Mom, I want some time off" with "Mom, I'm sick". I believe that if you say you are sick enough times, you will convince your body that you are and then you will actually feel sick. Gal and I put a lot of effort and thinking into raising healthy kids and the thought of them being "sick" every time they needed to rest made me feel sick ;P

I fully understand that people need some a break from time to time and the regular days off on weekends and public holidays are good, but they do not always come at the right time or provide enough relief. It makes sense to me that kids do not plan to need time off exactly on those days, so it is just natural that they want time off on a school day.

The problem with "being sick" is that you cannot really enjoy the day and rejuvenate, which defeats the purpose of taking a day off. Taking these needs into consideration, I came up with a solution that has been working for me for over 12 years.

No more sick kids

I told the kids that if they are healthy the whole term (each term is about 10 weeks long), they can pick a day in each term to have a break and on that day, we can do some fun things together. There are some rules to this contract:

1. You cannot pick an exam day
2. You must let me know ahead, so I can plan it and be home with you
3. You cannot pick the same day as your sibling (this allow me to spend individual time with each one of my kids, although on special circumstances, we have had lots of fun with the whole family)

Advantages of picking a day off over being sick

There are many advantages to picking your day off when you are healthy over saying, "Mom, I'm sick" and pretending to be sick.

• The greatest advantage is that kids do not associate having time off with being sick, so they are sick less often.
• I have seen so many people that say, "I can't out so that no one will see me, because I'm supposed to be sick in bed". Not much fun being stuck at home. On a planned day off, you can do whatever you like.
• You do not have to lie to the teachers, so this is a good reward for being honest. I always send a letter to the teacher beforehand and say, "Noff is going to be away on that day". I never lie about this. Remember, teachers and schools are giving you a service and being afraid to be honest is not good for your relationship with your service provider. The teachers will appreciate that more. They know that some parents write "sick" letters even when their kids are not sick (because they do it themselves).
• You can arrange for one of your or your partner to take a day off instead of having to ask family members, neighbors and friends to take care of your sick child.
• You can pick better days for time off so that your child does not miss things that are important to them at school.

I have had this agreement with my kids for 12 years. Tsoof hardly ever used those days, because he was busy and did not want to miss out. In the last two weeks of term, I would ask him, "Which day would you like to take off?" and he would say, "Monday ... no, I don’t want to miss Show Choir ... Tuesday ... no, I don't want o miss Wind Ensemble ... Wednesday ... no, I don't want o miss Drama ... Thursday ... no, I don’t want to miss Percussion Ensemble ... Friday ... no, I don't want to miss Big Band. That's OK, I won't take a day off this term". This was true almost every term for the last 6 days of his schooling.

This week, Noff asked to take her day off. Our new kitchen was arriving and she wanted to be home to watch it being assembled. I was so happy she just asked to stay home instead of having to pretend she was sick. We had to go to school early to bring back something she had left there, so she went to school without her uniform, walked into her classroom and told everyone she was staying home to watch the instillation of the new kitchen. I was very proud she felt comfortable to tell the truth, not to mention that she had been healthy the whole term.

Please try this at home! It works like magic (you can even reward yourself with a day off after being healthy for 3 months solid).

Happy, healthy parenting,
Ronit

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Gal and I used to eat whatever our parents ate. We went to the supermarket and picked from the shelves the exact same things we had seen our parents choose or whatever was on sale. It took us 5 years of managing our own economy and a sick girl to discover that what we eat and how we eat has a strong impact on our life. Some things you just cannot learn at school.

It happened more than 20 years ago and since then, we have learned more and more about what to eat to be healthy in body and mind. I know that not everyone is convinced that healthy eating is the right solution and I understand. After all, the concept of "health" is very wide. When I sit with my clients at a cafe and order iced coffee with ice cream and whipped cream, I am 100% convinced it is healthy for my soul. So we may not agree about what food is healthy, but I think we can all agree on how to eat.

We live a very fast lifestyle. All the people around you will tell you they have no time - no time for the kids, no time for fun, no time for hobbies, no time for friends and no time for eating. Many shops and massive businesses have come to life to cater for this "fast food" lifestyle. We grab a shake, eat a meal on the way, in the car, during a meeting, while watching TV, during phone conversations and when reading a book. We think we are saving time, but we are making it harder for our digestive system to make the best of our food and this creates a never-ending cycle. What we eat is not digested properly, we lack essential nutrients, we feel tired, we become ineffective and what usually takes us 2 hours, suddenly takes us 4 and we have just lost 2 hours of our precious time, so we need to catch up and save time by grabbing some fast food or eating our healthy food on the run.

Unfortunately, our kids are like little monkeys. They see how we eat and they do exactly what we do. If you watch TV while you eat, you cannot complain that your children want to do the same.

The way we eat has a direct impact on our digestive system and as a result, on our health and well-being, our energy level and on our ability to handle stress.

There are 4 simple things you can do to help your body make the best of what you eat. Teaching kids how to eat will make sure they do not start their own "eating on the run" cycle. Good habits will last them for life.

Enjoy your food, eat comfortably, eat together

Eating needs to be an enjoyable experience. When eating is complicated or lonely, we associate food with need rather than with pleasure. Many theories about health and food emphasize the importance of enjoying your food.

French people eat lots of cream and drink wine, yet they have no issues with fat in their diet, because they love food and instead of thinking about it as burden or a source of worry and heartache, they enjoy their food and there is no better way of enjoying your food than enjoying it in friendly company.

I have worked with some families that did not have a dining table. Everyone ate at different times and at different places in the house. When we lived in Thailand, we noticed that the Thai people seemed to be eating all the time, every waking hour, and they always ate together.

Gal was a manager in a company and used to bring his own lunch to work. The people he managed always ate together. When they saw him eating by himself, they invited him to join them and around the table, everyone was equal.

Make sure you have special family eating times with your children. It is a wonderful opportunity to bond with other family members and make the experience an enjoyable memory for the kids. Meals are not just for food, they are social events.

Eat warm food

Our body is like a washing machine that heats the water before it washes the dirty clothes. If you connect the washing machine to a hot water outlet, the washing will start straight away. If you connect it to cold water, it will take time for the machine to heat the water, and only when this is completed, the washing cycle will start.

Using cold water will use more energy. When eating, if you eat warm food and drink warm water, the body will start digesting the food straight away, if you eat cold food and cold drinks, it will take the body time to heat the food before it starts digesting.

Digestion and stress are the two things that take most of our energy. If you feel exhausted and tired after having a meal, it is usually a sign that your digestive system is working hard. If your food is cold, or even frozen, your system works harder and you use up a lot of energy (if you are wondering about eating hot food, there is nothing to worry about. When we feel the food is too hot in our mouth, it never reaches the digestive system).

The solution is not to eat or drink straight from the fridge, especially when you are not feeling good, when you are sick or when you are tired. Take fruit, vegetable, dairy food or drinks out of the fridge and let them stand outside for a while before you eat or drink them.

When you eat, eat!

The second thing you can do is use the rule "When you eat, eat!" According to traditional Chinese medicine, digestion and concentration use the same energy. It means we cannot eat and do other things at the same time, because our energy goes to the other things and our digestive system does not have enough left.

It is a very easy and simple rule: when you eat, focus on eating. No books, no TV, no radio, no computers, no work and no talking on the phone. Just eating. If you follow this rule, your kids will do the same. Our family loves music, but we make sure we turn it off while we eat. When we finish eating, sometimes Tsoof brings his guitar and we sing. Make it easy for your digestive system to do what it needs to do.

It is easy. Try it for two weeks and you will see a huge difference in the kids' behavior.

Chew!

Digestion starts in our mouth, using our teeth to break down the food and our saliva to soften it and break down the starch. When we chew the food, we send a massage to the digestive system to produce enzymes to break down the food.

If the food gets to the stomach too quickly, there are not enough enzymes to break it down. Our digestive system also does a much better job when the food reaches the stomach in very small, soft chunks. If we swallow the food too quickly, it takes longer for it to break down and sometimes, it is pushed along only partially digested and we do not absorb all the nutrients in it.

If it takes long to digest, our body does extra work and that makes us feel tired and exhausted, but if we cut the food with our teeth and chew it well, it will be digested quickly and easily. Chewing our food makes it easier for our digestive system and can save us lots of needed energy.

It takes our body 20 minutes to notice we have eaten. Chewing every bite 20 times (Yoga says 27) will make sure we eat more slowly and feel full after a smaller amount of food. Eating too quickly actually makes us eat more.

Chewing 20 times is not easy, but you can make a game out of it and have an evening a week when you make a conscious effort to chew your food and help your body save energy. Ask them about the different flavors they can taste and about how the taste of the food changes as they chew. Playing chewing games with kids will also help with the fun and enjoyment.

I see "eat and run" as a form of eating disorder. Most people do it to save time, but what they lose is energy and even more time. Having good food habits food is as important as what we eat and starting young can make sure this will become second nature to them and accompany them for life. Having a general positive attitude towards food will keep your kids away from eating disorders.

Patience is a virtue with food too.

Bon appétit,
Ronit

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I do not know why, but for years, I hated doing the laundry. When Eden was born, I was amazed how many clothes a tiny baby could change. When the kids started going to school, with the need to have their uniform clean for school, I hated it even more. I think I always had this feeling that I was constantly washing clothes. No, I did not have to do it by hand or spin the washing machine by hand, but it sure felt like it. If you hate laundry too, this tip is for you.

It all started one day when we lived in Sunnyvale, California. We wanted Eden to go to a good school with the children of many of our friends, so we moved to an apartment complex that was not as good as the one we lived in. It was farther away from Gal's work, our unit was smaller in size, it had an old-style kitchen, our apartments was on the second floor, it had only one covered parking space and it did not have room for or permission to install a washer and a dryer. We had to go to a communal laundry room that was about 20 meters from our house. I could manage with lots of the disadvantages (there were advantages too), but not with the need to collect the laundry and walk with big baskets to the communal room (like you would do in a caravan park). I was pregnant and it sucked. Then, I had a tiny baby and it sucked even more.

Well, after complaining about it a lot (and telling myself "Stop complaining, you knew it was going to be like this and you've still chosen to move"), I figured I needed to make it work. Soon after we moved, Tsoof was born, I had piles of baby clothes and my parents came to visit for a month, so I had their clothes to wash too. To make it bearable, I picked a day of the week that was usually empty in the communal laundry room and I used all washers and dryers in the room at once. Soon enough, I realized how great that was, because it took me 5 minutes to put the clothes into 4-6 washers at once, 5 minutes to move them to the dryers and 15 minutes to put them back in the baskets (mostly folded). It was much better than doing it bit by bit every day.

The next place we lived in was a huge house in Bangkok, Thailand. I had all the time in the world. Tsoof was 5 months old and I could do the laundry whenever I wanted, but I missed the communal laundry room in Sunnyvale. When I thought about it, I realized that what upset me was thinking about laundry. Thinking about it every day took more energy than actually doing it and this was when the "one laundry day a week" came to life.

We have a big basket of laundry that we wash on Saturday morning, one load after another. Some people might say it sounds even worse for them to do the laundry for a whole day, but I find it has many advantages:

1. There are enough clothes to divide them by color and do full loads of washing.
2. Every family member knows that if they need something, they need to make sure it is in the laundry basket on time, instead of asking, "Mom, are you going to do the washing today?" and be frustrated they do not have the shirt they need for their practice/performance/date.
3. You have everything (especially school uniforms) ready for Monday morning.
4. You take 4-6 loads of washing off the clothesline at the same time (saves time).
5. You only fold clothes and put them away once a week. We have turned this bit into one of our family quality times. We horse around, throw socks at one another and sing while we fold.
6. If you use a dryer, your clothes can dry while you are washing the next load.
7. The washing is done on the weekend when everyone is home, so everyone can help (even my 10-year-old can divide the clothes, scoop the powder and push the buttons) and it is not a parents' job in the kid's eyes.
8. The children get an increased sense of independence and learn a life skill.

Whichever way you do it, your work is very similar, but in the one-day washing approach, you think about it a lot less. So take a load off and do your laundry once a week.

Happy parenting,
Ronit

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When I had my first child, I gave privacy up easily. Gal and I both wanted to spend all our time with Eden, but when she was 11 months old, we realized we did not really have a life and we could not blame anyone but ourselves. Every spare minute we had, we wanted to be with Eden, so she went to sleep at the same time we went to sleep. All our conversations were about her. At night, when we looked for a moment we could enjoy some privacy, I remember giggling and shushing each other, waiting for her to fall asleep, but by the time she was sound asleep, so were we...

When you have kids, privacy is not what it used to be anymore. Suddenly, intimate time is so rare and precious there is not a lot of opportunities to be spontaneous. Suddenly, you have to plan your private time together as a couple and the more time goes by, the more kids you have and the older they get, the harder it gets to find a private time to enjoy and love each other.

Luckily for us, we woke up when Eden was just 11 months old. We realized we needed to plan our time together if we wanted to enjoy each other's company. We sat and thought of some things that would help us "keep the fire burning" between us and how to manage the loss of privacy that comes together with the joy of having kids. I recommend that every couple do these things, regardless of the age of their children. One important thing kids need is parents who stay together, so invest in your togetherness for the sake of your children too.

Kids in parents' bed

First, pay attention to things that slowly steal your privacy, like having the kids' bed in your room or sleeping with your baby in your bed. Some babies are sensitive to noises and when you compromise your intimacy to make sure your baby does not wake up, there is always the risk it will get worse. I am sure you can find a compromise, especially while breastfeeding at night (it is no fun getting up in the middle of the night and going to another room to breastfeed, especially when it is cold).

We decided our kids would always sleep in their own bed and that their bed would be in our room for 3 months and that's it. After that, they slept in their own room.

When they could get up and come to our bed at night, we always took them back to their own bed, unless it was just before we got up.

Behind closed doors

Every parent worries their children might walk into their room in the middle of having some good grownup fun. Worrying about it can destroy the enjoyment. The simplest thing to do is have a lock on your door and use it. A lock can help so much as you close the door and you know that if your kids come in, it will not be in the middle of you huffing and puffing.

Weekly date

As I said, having kids does not leave much time for being spontaneous. Spending time together is very important. Gal and I decided 21 years ago (Eden is 22 now) that we would have a private weekly outing, just the two of us. Although we did not keep that religiously for 21 years, we have gone out almost every week (sometimes, we make up and go out twice).

In the first years, we lived in a small town with one cinema that showed the same movie for 3 weeks, so we went for a walk in the neighborhood - it was refreshing and wonderful. Generally, we go to the movies, we go to a cafe (I have hot chocolate and Gal drinks something herbal in the evenings or no sleep) or we meet with friends.

We believe this weekly outing has kept us going strong for many years. When we work hard, it is even more important to let go and do something for ourselves. I highly recommend that every couple have a date once a week to keep the interest in each other, break the routine and have some privacy.

Babysitter

One of the biggest complaints of couples is that they cannot just go out. "It is such a hassle", they say.

Well, it does not have to be. If you live next to your parents or your in-laws, they will be happy to spend some time with their grandchildren. Make it a habit to send the kids for a weekend to their grandparents once a month. If you have both grandparents, that is great! If you have a brother or sister who lives close by, have their kids over sometimes and send your kids to them in return.

It is healthy for your children to be away from you (I would start when they are 1 year old). You can make a similar arrangement with friends and take care of each other's kids. If you have 3-4 couples in this arrangement, then all the kids have a sleepover at one couple's house while the rest go out and then swap. The kids will have fun, you will have fun and everyone will be happy.

If none of these work for you, have 2-3 babysitters on your list and you are good to go.

To lose the privacy, we have to give it up!
- Ronit Baras

Until Eden was 4½ years old, we lived very close to my parents and close enough to Gal's parents. My sisters loved babysitting Eden and it was easy to go out once a week and send her to the grandparents for the weekend from time to time. Since then, we have been living away from our families and we used babysitters until Eden said she could take care of the kids on her own. It is not the end of the world and it is worth your relationship.

If you do not go on weekly dates, start with monthly dates and increase the frequency. With parenting, we do not really lose our intimacy, we slowly give it up, because it is hard to maintain it. Hard does not mean we need to give it up, it only means we have to work through it.

Next time, when you think you have lost your privacy, ask yourself where exactly you gave it up and go find it there.

Happy parenting,
Ronit

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With the very hectic and full lifestyle that we have today, remembering everything that needs to be done occupies a very important and limited space in our memory. If you ask parents to sit down and write the entire to-do list for the week, most of them could do it for 3 hours straight.

Of course, the more kids you have at home, the more memory space you need for your timetable and tasks. You need to remember the dates of rehearsals, what to bring to school, when to pay for the dance class, to call your sister, say happy birthday to your friend, coordinate an outing with your partner, get a babysitter, have enough money in your wallet/purse when you go to the market, to buy a gift for the party your daughter is invited to on the weekend, go over the spelling with your child before the exam, send the right uniform on the excursion day, change the pickup time, dentist appointment, add turmeric to the shopping list for the Moroccan dish planned for Friday and ... the list is endless.

We have a good friend that says, "The opposite of forgetting is writing down", but what happens when you need to remember something while you are driving or when you are in bed, ready to go to sleep?

The thought of going to look for a piece of paper and a pen is probably going to make you reject the idea of writing it down and you will overload your memory again.

In the car

When I drive on my own, I get to think a lot about my to-do list. Luckily, my memory is very well organized. I can go in my mind to a certain time of day, imagine myself there easily and remember what I need to do or what things I need to complete an assignment. Not everyone is like that, so sometimes, writing a single word on a piece of paper is enough to remind you what needs to be done.

Make sure you have a notepad and a pen in your car and make sure you take any notes you have written with you when you leave the car.

In bed

Going to sleep is the time when I am most relaxed and all the things I need to remember pop up. The human memory works best where we are calm, so that is no surprise.

Writing down what we need to remember will make your sleep better if you put your thoughts on the paper and no longer have to carry them in your memory. If you remember something when you are in bed and the lights are off, get up, turn the lights on and write it down. Have a pad and a pen/pencil next to your bed.

Make sure to take your notes with you when you wake up in the morning.

You will often find that when you are fresh from a good sleep, you will wake up with more ideas about things to do. Write them down too. You do not have to hold them in your memory until you do them. You can always carry them on a piece of paper instead.

Next to the phone

Having a piece of paper and a pen next to the phone make sense, because we often need to write down numbers and other details when we are on the phone.

It is also important to teach all members of the family to take notes and notify others when someone calls and looks for them. It is embarrassing when one of your kids complains you have forgotten to let them know they were invited to a party. It is annoying when someone else gets a message for you and then forgets it.

On the fridge

The fridge is a good central place to post notes, messages for others in the household and, of course, the shopping list.

Writing the shopping list gradually is a great way to free up lots of memory space in every parent's brain. Write down "dishwasher tablets" 1 week before the run out, "milk" when you open the last bottle, "garbage bags" when you use one and you see there are only 5-6 left in the roll, etc.

Shopping is also much faster when you have a list and you tend to shop less with your hunger or imagination without constantly wondering "Do we have enough toilet paper?"

I ask the kids to write things on the list whenever they want something, when they discover that something is about to run out and when I am too far away or my hands are wet. This way, they develop this great habit too, everybody gets what they want and nobody needs to remember.

In the toilets

As I said, whenever we relax, we remember things better. Going to the toilet makes many people remember what they need to do. Since you cannot just get up and walk to the fridge, you should always have a piece of paper and a pen in the toilet, so you can them it whenever you want to keep something from slipping out of your memory.

At the entrance

A notepad at the entrance to your home can be used to send messages to each other. Our 22-year-old daughter Eden often comes home late and we leave messages for her. We use a small whiteboard to write love letters, requests and things to do for each other. Sometimes, it is just love messages and other times, it is information about the day after that she needs to be aware of. When Gal and I go out and she gets home before we do, she writes us notes and it is great fun to find them.

Work desk

You place of work is the most important place to have a writing pad. It is also important that the pad at work is not just a piece of paper that can get lost in the pile of other papers. You can have it in different color paper, stamped or with lines, but you have to know that this kind of paper is where you collect all the ideas and your to-do list and that you cannot ignore it.

When it is time to stop working and there is something we still need to take care of, I put a note on my laptop and Gal puts his on his keyboard, so when we get there in the morning, we see it before we turn the computer on and take care of it first.

Make your own notepads

In our family, we have notepads everywhere. I have taken all our recycled paper, stapled or glued it and cut it in half to make writing pads from it. Notepads do not have to be fancy. They just need to be available. Now, my kids use them as much as I do.

For a little space in your memory, I think this is a very handy tip.

Have an organized day,
Ronit

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If you hear parents tell you that kids are an obstacle for them, I can tell you that having kids is a bad excuse for not doing business. When the kids grow up and leave the house, they will be left with their excuses. So when they have to explain why they have never done what they have always wanted to do, they will start saying, "It's too late now", which is just another excuse.

If you are thinking of starting a business and will need to juggle business and family, it is a good idea to discover what you will have to do to succeed at it. Some people are not cut out to own and operate a business. Others do not know how to balance a home and a business. Managing your business, your home and your parenting well requires some skills and attitudes that will determine the success of your business, the quality of your family life and even your health.

Unlike people who do not have kids, business parents risk a lot more than their own time and money. They risk their relationships with their partners and with their kids, as well as the quality of preparation their kids get for life. You go into business because you want a better life for your kids, not to destroy your relationship with your kids, so do it right!

Qualities of bad business people

Here is a list of qualities and behaviors that will prevent you from making it in business and what you can do instead. Read carefully. If you find any item that describes how you operate, make an effort to change before investing in a business. If you are already in a business, this is even more important.

1. Reactive - cannot predict anything and do not think ahead. Reactive people behave like the Fire Brigade and try to put out fires instead of preventing them. They are always surprised when things happen, because they do not plan ahead. Think ahead. Visualize. Conceptualize. Play with scenarios in your mind. Have a good system that can tell you to pay attention to things ahead of time. We send our subscribers a newsletter every month on the 15^th. We cannot afford to wake up on the 15^th and say, "Oh, I have a newsletter to write and prepare". We have computer reminders and we write and schedule things in advance. In business, many things cannot be predicted, but many can be. Have things ready well ahead of time.
2. Lacking long, medium or short-term goals. Nobody can achieve goals without having them. You go into business to succeed. You have to have a definition of what success means to you. You have to build up to that success by setting and achieving short, medium and long-term goals. They are your success plan.
3. Being busy with details and never having enough time. The feeling of not having time means they do not manage their time properly. You can predict how this affects the way they manage their family life too. Having good time management is essential to running a family as much as to running a business. If you hear yourself saying often, "I don't have time", stop and do something about it. You may be planning too much, you may not be effective or your sense of priority may need adjusting.
4. Avoiding decisions. When the decisions are tough, some people wait for their circumstances to change and save them from making a choice. Remember, not making a decision is a choice. Good business people do not give circumstances the power to determine their life. They make decisions even if they are tough and keep learning from the outcomes.
5. Making a fuss out of little things. Some people find it hard to distinguish between what is important and what requires letting go. If you declare a "red alert" for every tiny thing, no wonder your life looks like a battle zone. If you are such a person, use a rating system. On a scale of 1-10, how big is this issue? Or on a scale of 1-10, how important is this for me? Then, choose your battles. Deal with the important things and fit the rest in-between or let them go.
6. Having a desk full of documents and not prioritizing. If you look at some people's desk, you will see a jumble of bills, articles, bank statements, private letters and even things they have no use for. Put some order into your documents. Have a place for everything. Have a filing system for documents. On average, people go over each document 6 times. That is a waste of a lot of time you could be spending with your kids. Decide what to do about each document and then file it or throw it away. The order and the space on you desk will clear your mind.
7. Not delegating and trying to do everything by themselves. Some people never ask for help. When you are in business and have kids, you cannot be superman or superwoman, so get help. Let someone else do the things you cannot. If your time is worth X, pay someone else whose time is worth less than X to do the accounts, the cleaning or the stock taking. You may pay the same by the hour, but if they get twice as much done in that time, you save.
8. Doing things manually ("the old fashioned way"). Some people avoid spending money on things that can make them more productive. An electric saw may cost more than a hand saw, but if your job is cutting timber, it will make you heaps faster and pay for itself 10 times every week. Get better tools. Buy software, books, machines and other technology that will speed up your work.
9. Working 10-14 hours a day. Working at night or staying overtime often is a sign of poor time management. If you do extra work regularly, you will burn out. Decide how many hours you work and stick to it. If you need to work more than 8 hours, try doing it after the kids are in bed. You do not want them to see you working all the time. They might thing you have no life and learn from you. If you need to give extra time, plan it ahead. Get the kids to a weekend sleepover at the grandparents or with friends and do some extra work.
10. Stretching boundaries to the point of addiction with "I will do just one more thing". Some people stay at work and keep reading "just one more email" or "just making that last change" when it is time to go home. Others stay up and watch "just to the end of this show", then find themselves tired and grumpy the following day. When you run your own business, work never ends. There is always "one more thing" to do. Let go! Stop on time. Switch to "family mode". Take care of yourself. Stick to your boundaries.
11. Having a black and white mentality. Some people are not flexible with their requirements and expectations. They are constantly frustrated, because life is full of "shades of gray", not black and white. This is a rigid mindset and gets them into lots of problems. Flexible businesses respond faster to market changes and succeed where rigid ones fail. Learn to compromise and accept a variety of situations and people.
12. Being perfectionists. Some people talk about "the right solution" instead of "a practical", "a possible" or "a manageable" solution. Again, that makes them very frustrated and others view them as snappy and anti-social, which makes it harder to do business with them. Life is never perfect, if only because different people expect different things. Go for "good enough" and do the best you can do under the circumstances, even if it is not "perfect".
13. Always finding someone to blame for problems, difficulties and challenges. If something goes wrong and you always talk about whose fault it is, you are suffering from the blame disease. People do not like doing business with those who do not take responsibility. Take responsibility!
14. Seeing a bad and sad future, complaining and finding problems and faults. Again, people do not like being around complainers. Just stop complaining or use the rubber band technique. Put a rubber band on your wrist and flick it and experience pain every time you complain. After a while, it will slow down. When you look at the bright side, your life and your business will be bright.
15. Taking work home. Mixing work and home can be dangerous, because it blurs the lines and makes it easier to extend work at the expense of home. Even if you decide to work from home, have a separate area for work and "go home" when the workday is over.
16. Not taking time to rejuvenate. Some people wear themselves down by working non-stop. Weekends are precious, so use them for rest. Take a few days off for fun and relaxation every 3 months. Take a longer holiday once a year.
17. Trying to be friendly with everyone. Some people just want to be nice and do not know how to set boundaries with clients, suppliers, employees and even their children. At some point, they start feeling abused and their self-esteem starts to drop, along with their performance. In business, you must set prices and you must set policies. Learn to be nice within reason and to be firm when you need to be.
18. Trying to avoid paying Tax and forgetting to make money. Taxes are paid on income and even when you pay 40% taxes, you get to keep 60% of what you make, which is better than nothing. I want to pay $1,000,000 in tax every year, because it will mean I am making a lot of money. Accept taxes as part of life and get on with making money. In fact, look at a high tax amount as an indication you are doing well.

In a way, running a family is similar to running a business. If you have the right skills and attitudes, you can do both of them well. If someone tells you that you cannot do both, do not listen, because you can! Kids are a wonderful source of motivation to succeed in business. Mine have always been and still are every day.

Going into business has advantages and disadvantages. If you are a family man/woman, the risk is greater, but the reward is greater still. I always thought that having kids makes my business success greater as my three kids also enjoy the rewards of my success every day. I am happy, they are happy and I increase the chance they will one day possess the skills to run their own businesses after having a good role model.

Be successful!
Ronit

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One of my clients had an angry teenager at home until recently. Olivia was only 12 years old and very, very, very angry. Her mom, Nancy, who was trapped by the "teenage problems" belief, did nothing for a while. All her friends said it was normal ("You know, teens these days..."), so she just waited for the teenage years to pass and prepared herself for when her two younger kids would go through it too.

But then Nancy met another client of mine who told her, "It doesn't have to be like that. You should go and see Ronit". So she came to one of my parenting workshops. After the workshop, she had some hope that maybe it was not normal for "teenagers these days" to be so angry and that maybe she could help her daughter relax.

Shortly after, Nancy told me, "There was something you said to me during the parenting workshop that made a huge shift with my daughter. I was convinced all teenagers were the same, but I realized that I could help my daughter if I only changed some of the things I was doing myself. It really worked!"

Olivia had been seeing a psychologist for a while, trying to make a big decision, but without any results. After the parenting workshop, Nancy went to the psychologist and asked her to try one of my strategies. It took only one session for Olivia to make her mind up and Nancy came to see me, hoping she could make more changes in her teen daughter's attitude and life.

Parents these days...

To me, "teenagers these days..." is usually related to "parents these days...", so I asked Nancy some questions about what was happening in their home.

Olivia was not very social girl and had some problems at school. She was constantly angry and grumpy. She came from school and went straight to her room. Her family members had to knock on her door and "invite" her to dinner. She went to sleep between midnight and 2am, got up around 7am in a foul mood, went to school angry and came back angry. This cycle was endless. This is roughly how our conversation went.

Ronit: Why does she go to sleep so late?

Nancy: She watches TV and she spends time on Facebook

Ronit: Why does she have TV in her room?

Nancy (puzzled, smiles back at me): All our kids have TVs in their rooms

Ronit: What will happen if you take the TV out of her room?

Nancy: She will use her computer for Facebook chats and watch YouTube videos

Ronit: How come she has Facebook? It's not legal under the age of 13 to have Facebook account. She had to lie to open an account, did you know that?

Nancy: We know, because we opened the account for her. All the kids in her class have Facebook accounts and she had social problems, so we didn't want her to feel different

Ronit: Why does she have a computer in her room?

Nancy (puzzled, smiles back at me): All our kids have computers in their rooms. (At this stage, she felt a bit uncomfortable) I thought kids nowadays all have their own computers. What about your kids?

Ronit: Oh, my kids don't have any electrical appliances in their rooms - no TV, no radio, no computer and no phone

Nancy was surprised. She knows a lot about my kids and is very surprised to hear that.

Ronit: What happens if you take the computer out of her room too?

Nancy: We can't... She will watch YouTube clips and chat on her iPhone

Ronit: Why on Earth would a 12-year-old who goes to school, where mobile phones are not allowed, is picked up from school and taken to everyone by her mother (the taxi driver) need an iPhone?

Nancy: So she doesn't feel different. All the kids have iPhones

Ronit: Not all kids have them. My kids don't and the younger one doesn't have any kind of mobile phone

Nancy (smiles): I can't believe it. Don't they feel different?

Ronit: They do and they know they are different. This is why no one thinks they are angry teenagers. What happens if you take her iPhone at night before she goes to sleep?

Nancy stops for a second. She has never thought this was an option.

Ronit: Who pays for Olivia's iPhone?

Nancy: We do...

Now I have a question for you. If parents do everything to make sure their kids are not different from the rest of the angry teenagers around them, how much do you think they contribute to "teenagers these days..."?

Nancy and I discussed other things too, but a major one, which I would like to present to day, was sleep.

Teenagers and sleep deprivation

Every person, regardless of age, who sleeps 5 hours at night, wakes up grumpy, confused and disoriented. They do not have to be teenagers to be angry. Take sleep away from any person for more than 3 days and you will have a typical teen - grumpy, moody, angry, agitated and grossly overreacting.

Research done by sleep experts discovered that lack of sufficient sleep puts teenagers at risk of cognitive and emotional difficulties, poor concentration, poor memory, low academic achievements and a significant increase in accidents.

A research at the University of Minnesota studied over 7,000 teenagers and found out there were more incidents of depression and ADHD among teenagers who did not sleep enough.

Further studies about teenagers and sleep discovered that, starting around the beginning of puberty and continuing into their early 20s, teenagers need about 9.2 hours of sleep each night, compared with the 7.5-8 hours that adults need.

Teenagers these days are exposed to a lot more stimulation than we were in the past just before they go to sleep. If we have the stimulation easily available, it is not fair to ask them to reject it, especially when all the other kids get it too.

Many parents think they are doing their kids a favor when they supply them with all the new gadgets and make it easy for them to access them, when in fact, kids have very little time each day to make good use of all those gadgets, so they sacrifice their essential sleep.

Nancy went home and talked to her husband. They decided together what to do and told their kids about the new rules in the house to make sure Olivia gets enough sleep. The other kids were happy, but Olivia was not. She was upset and cried.

A week later, she stopped being one of those angry teenagers and having "teenage problems"...

How to stop being the parents of angry teenagers

• Do not allow a TV set in their room
• Do not allow a computer in their room
• Do not allow mobile phones in their room
• Stop them using the computer at least 2 hours before bedtime (this is a good tip for everyone, because the light from the monitor disturbs the function of the sleeping hormone)
• Make sure they sleep at least 9 hours every night
• Do not allow any after-school activities that go past sleep time on nights before school (typically Sunday to Thursday)
• It is harder to relax and sleep when the mind is pre-occupied with homework, so make homework a priority, but do not allow doing homework through the night, except in extreme cases. Staying up late slows everything down and causes delays in subsequent assignments
• Limit teenagers' evenings work and encourage weekend and holiday jobs
• Limit Facebook activity (you may have to use security programs to monitor and/or limit Internet use)
• Teach your kids some time management skills. If they plan all their activities, they will find out easily when they are wasting time

If you want your teenager not to be "one of those teenagers...", make sure you are not one of those parents...

Have a good night's sleep,
Ronit

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I love being with friends and can accommodate almost any arrangement given enough time. I am always happy to rearrange my schedule to meet friends and spend some quality time. I also live at home with my parents and it is only fair that I share my plans with them so they can plan accordingly.

My timetable is pretty full almost four weeks in advance, so in order for me to make plans with friends, I need to know when and where we are meeting at least a few days beforehand. It helps me with my own sense of organization and allows me to be able to plan my time.

In the last couple of years, I have added more things to my schedule and my need for concrete plans seems to have become greater. A few of my friends have even commented on it, saying I needed to "live a little" or "be in the moment" or plain "don't be so needy" when I have insisted on a definite time.

This got me thinking that maybe I was taking my time management a little bit too far. Maybe I need to be a little less uptight. Not everyone is as busy as I am and not everyone needs to be as organized as me, so I decided to cut everyone some slack.

I tried to work on myself in the last couple of months to be a little more flexible and spontaneous. I even attended some things, which were VERY late notice (I'm talkin', "Hey Eden, do you want to hang out, like, now?"), but recently, I had an experience with one of my friends, which made me rethink. I want to share this story with you and my thoughts about it, if only to make myself feel a little better. I hope you do too.

Abbie, a friend of mine has been working overseas for the past year doing her absolute dream job. Every time she comes home for a visit, I make an effort to see her. We chatted online in the lead-up to her last arrival and she suggested meeting on Friday night.

I asked her what time I should join her and her family and where I was meeting them. She told me she would get back to me.

A few days passed and I did not hear anything. I contacted Abbie on Friday to ask if we were still going to meet. "Oh, yes", she said. She went off to check the details and said she would get back to me (again).

That night, my family went out to a festival and I stayed home, thinking I was meeting my friend instead. I waited and waited, but she made no contact.

Well, at some point, I had had enough of waiting and I joined my family at the festival for dinner. When we were about to head home, I got a message from Abbie.

Since I had not heard anything all day, I informed her I was at dinner and asked if she would like to join me at my house after she was done with whatever she was doing. She said that was a perfect idea, as it was getting late and she was almost done herself.

At about 11pm, when I was almost asleep on the couch, and she was already an hour late by anyone's standards, she called to say it was late and she had run some errands (of course, it had not crossed her mind to let me know). She suggested we meet up on Sunday afternoon instead.

Unfortunately, the same thing happened on Sunday.

Unhappily for me, this is not the first time, nor will it be the last time, this happens to me. I wish I could say the people who do these things always miss the opportunities that could be before them, but sadly for us organized people, that is not the case. Sometimes, people who are late get a second chance or they get lucky.

However, I want to share a story, which sheds a different light.

When I was in Grade 12, I went for my first-ever job interview at a local restaurant down the road from my house. It had been advertised at my school and I decided it was time for me to start working and earning my own money.

The school had organized for all the job seekers to be at the restaurant the next day at 4pm. Being the organized person that I am, I arranged everything with my parents to make sure they could drive me and I got myself ready in plenty of time.

I arrived at the restaurant with about ten minutes to spare, because, like my mom says, "On time is late and early is on time". I stood in the doorway by myself and looked around. I had been told a few other people from the school were applying for the job, but there was no one else there.

About 15 minutes into the interview, the manager told me I had the job, because regardless of my qualifications, if anyone else were to turn up now, they would already be 15 minutes late.

Woody Allen put it nicely:

80% of success is showing up

For all those people who show up on time, we are the lucky one. We convey respect and forethought. We are given the first choice, get the best opportunities and leave a good impression.

And all those people who are late? Well, do you remember the last time you waited for someone? You were sitting there, at the cafe/restaurant/meeting point, waiting and waiting and waiting. By the time the late person arrives, you are probably not in the best of moods. They could be the nicest person, but the later they are, the less happy you are to see them. Right?

So after this weekend, I am sorry to inform every last person who has ever told me to get over my uptightness that they are just going to have to live with it. Because I am convinced that being organized is a good thing.

Being on time is always positive.

But how is this related to parenting?

Well, as I learned in my psychology class this week, everything is related to parenting and this is no exception. My parents emphasize being on time. To them, it is a sign of respect. Sometimes, they are late because things happen, even to the best of us, but it is a rare occurrence, and I have adopted this philosophy.

So teach your kids to be on time. They can get that teacher's favor. They can be the good friend at the party who helps to set up. They can get that great job. And when they turn up on time for a date, I can assure you the time spent with that friend is going to be so much nicer.

Happy parenting,
Eden

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• Parental Troubleshooting
• Handy Family Tip: Early is on time
• Handy Family Tips: On time is late

This second chapter will give you ideas of how to change it.

How to win in the game of life

Here is a story I tell my life coaching clients:

Doing things on time is not winning, but it is buying a ticket. If you want to win, you need to participate first.

Every family has many things that need to be done. Doing them on time and doing them well often depends on our ability to estimate, plan and execute.

Some people do not see that late is often translated to not being able to participate. The success of a family with kids depends on the leaders of the house (the parents) adopting the "early is on time" philosophy and teaching/modeling it to their kids.

Here are some examples of last minute behavior in a family:

1. Doing homework a day before it is due ("Mom, can you help me with this?")
2. Finding clothes to wear when you get up in the morning ("Has anyone seen my purple jacket?")
3. Packing your bag in the morning ("Where's my pencil case?")
4. Preparing dinner when you get home from work (Quick Defrost is just not the same)
5. Going to the shops to buy only what is necessary
6. Paying bills on the due date
7. Walking to the shops just before closing time (without cash or card…)
8. Cleaning the house only when guests are coming
9. Doing the laundry because you have to wear something tomorrow
10. Compromising on what to wear because what you need is in the washing
11. Going to the dentist when you are in pain
12. Planning the weekend on Saturday morning
13. Looking for accommodations on the first day of your holiday (only to discover that everything is fully booked and prices are sky high, because everyone else is on holiday too)
14. Using your budget to the last cent
15. Using your overdraft to the limit
16. Not saving for a rainy day (like when you get sick, have an accident or lose your job)
17. Buying with credit and paying interest on things you do not really need
18. Buying shampoo after discovering you do not have any left (and not washing your hair for two three days until you go to the shops. No big deal, right?)
19. Cooking without looking at the list of ingredients first (and discovering in the middle of your cake that you need more eggs than you have)
20. Taking the kids to school on a drive that usually takes 7 minutes and leaving home 7 minutes before the bell rings without considering rain or unusual traffic
21. Taking the kids to rehearsal to be there the second the rehearsal starts

Whenever you say, "I don't have time", it means you have not scheduled things right. At every house, there are always difficulties not caused by your own mistakes.

Noff, our 9 year old, gets homework on Monday to be submitted on Friday. She estimates it takes her about an hour to complete it. On bad days, when she is grumpy, tired, hungry, frustrated or has a confusing worksheet, it takes her longer and she spends more time complaining than doing her homework.

She decided to do her homework on Tuesdays, because on other days, she comes home around 5:30, which leaves her no time to do it. Doing it on time (on Thursdays) was not an option, because she is back home at 6:30pm from Ice Skating and then she needs to eat, shower and be in bed by 8:00pm with no time for left for homework.

Sometimes, Noff's teacher (who is a last-minute person) gives them the homework on Tuesday, Wednesday or even Thursday. He still wants it on Friday, but sometimes he does not have it printed on time. If he gives it on Tuesday, it is still fine. If he gives it on Wednesday, Noff has a very hectic evening, and if he gives it on Thursday, Noff is stuck!

The best way to change this mentality is to have "spares" and agree that "early is on time!" It will help you prioritize. Here is a formula to cover most of the issues that require completing things early to give you more options and a relaxed home environment.

1. Find out what you need to do
2. Check the due date you need to submit/complete it
3. Estimate how long it will take you to complete it
4. Add 10% of time for wrong estimation. My recommendation is to start with 30% and reduce it to 10% over time. Even if you become very good at it and your estimates are perfect, give yourself 10% for UPEs (UnPlanned Events)
5. Decide how urgent and how important is the thing you need to do
6. Schedule it in your timetable
7. In a full and exciting life, clashing can be a big problem. The more active your family is, the more involved you are and the bigger your social circle, the more clashes you will have. I tell my kids that I hope they will have many happy clashes, like being invited to two parties on the same day. When new things come up, shift them according to their priority. If you have two things that clash, do the more important one first

The result will be that you come up with your own due dates - just as we did with Tsoof's competition. If the rehearsal starts at 4:00pm, plan your trip so you will be there at 3:45. If you need to hand in an assignment at the end of the month, plan to finish it a week of two before. If you need to prepare dinner for guests on Friday and you do the shopping on Friday, plan what you will cook, what ingredients you will need and put it on the shopping list the previous Friday.

May your life be full of surprises that will never make you miss anything.

Happy parenting,
Ronit

You may want to read

• Handy Family Tips: On time is late
• Teenage Problems
• Do it NOW