Yet, the more Eden grew, the more I realized that for my parents, my teen years had been years of reason, success and happiness. While other parents had talked about their kids turning into monsters during their teen years, my parents had found joy parenting me for the first time in, because I had finally done well socially and academically.

This thought made me dedicate a big chunk of my education career to teens and even today, I often deal with parenting teens in my parenting workshops. I even wrote a book for parents, educators and teenagers to bust the myth of "those obnoxious teens".

As kids grow, parents must grow with them. As their interaction with the "outside" world broadens, our task of supporting them broadens too. This is not an easy task, although not because of them, but because of us.

A research on parents' attitude done over 30 years checked what parents thought about their teens'. 30 years later, it checked what those teens, who by then had grown and become parents themselves, thought about their own teenagers. Surprise, surprise! The research said that the parents of 30 years ago and the parents of today rate their teens misbehaving attitude exactly the same (OK, maybe no surprise).

When I read this research, I said to myself that we are totally trapped. Whatever I say about my teens today, they will say about their kids in 30 years, so you know what? It does not have to be a bad trap. I think I like trapping my teens in my positive attitude…

I asked our Top Parenting Bloggers what they think about parenting teens. Some of them are parents of teens, other are not yet, but it is interesting to read what they think.

What are your thoughts about parenting teens?

Ria Sharon - My Mommy Manual I don't have teens! But I know I will be turning to the many resources I have when I start to address "teen" issues.

Richard "RJ" Jaramillo - Single Dad It has its own special moments... It's a different skill set. More Listening, less talking and a lot of support and letting them know you are always there for them.

Sue Scheff - Sue Scheff Blog I think parenting today has become more challenging than generations before. Even today, compared to when I raised my kids, the electronics has changed the world of parenting. Bullying has escalated to cyberbullying. Texting has grown to sexting. Teens are less respectful to adults and parents more today than I have ever noticed. Kids today have a sense of entitlement, and I believe parents need to try to get control back. It doesn't help that in today's generation we have many more single parent homes and the stress of finances has forced many households to have both parents working full time. All of this goes toward making parenting teens extremely challenging, as they need guidance more today than years earlier.

Susan Heim - Susan Heim on Parenting Don't take their behavior too personally. When they roll their eyes at you and don't want to be around you, that's a good sign that they're developmentally normal! Set limits but don't be overly strict. Trust them, unless they give you a reason not to. Check in with them even when it seems they don't want you around. Don't lecture; discuss. Pick your timing for discussions, such as in the car. Show an interest in what they like. Don't lecture. Listen as much as you talk. When you say no, explain why.

Annie Fox, M.Ed. - From the desk of Annie Fox My whole website it about that! Simply put (though it's not simple at all!), teens are in transition and parents need to respect the changes they're going through. Talk less and listen more. Here are ten tips for improving parent teen relationships. Remember you are the parent - Your job is to protect your child and prepare him/her to become a fully functioning adult. Being a leader and a compassionate teacher is more important than being your teen's friend. Remain calm - Nothing gets resolved when stress makes it impossible to think clearly. Can't respond rationally? Then take a break until you can. Talk less and listen more - Just like the rest of us, teens want to be respected and heard. Be a "safe" and available person to talk to. It's a balancing act - A key challenge in parenting teens is to remain emotionally connected while granting your kids more privacy and autonomy. They're always watching - Want your teen to be trustworthy, responsible, and compassionate? Make sure you're modeling those values in your own life. Make your expectations clear and be consistent with your follow-through - If kids know the consequences ahead of time and they've bought into the rules of the house, they're more likely to make healthy choices. Catch your teen in the act of doing something right - Praise shows that you noticed their efforts. It also promotes a feeling of competency. Be real - Father/mother does NOT always know best. Admit your own confusion and mistakes. Apologize when appropriate. Show your kids that just like them, you too are also "a work in progress." Regularly create time to enjoy being a family - Having regular meals together and relaxing, unplugged from digital technology, is a gift with long-lasting benefits. Lighten up! - Humor is a great de-stressor. Remember, no one stays a teen (or the parent of a teen) forever! (From: http://www.anniefox.com/parents/parent_teen_relationships.html)

Maria Melo - Conversations with Moms Since my children are 5 and 1, right now, the only word in my mind is "scary". I just hope I'm ready for it.

Annie - PhD in Parenting I'll take another five or so years to think about that! Other than the fact that I think it is important to be very open with them about sex and sexuality, I don't have any preconceived notions of parenting a teen.

Ronit Baras - Family Matters I think parenting teens is the same as parenting a 2-year-old, a 6-year-old or a 10-year-old - all of them are new and keep changing, and when you do it the first time, there is some trial and error. There is nothing magical about the teen years and there is no clock in the brain that says, "I'm teen today, so let me start acting nasty". I don't believe in the hormonal excuse grownups have made up to justify their fear of their kids becoming more and more independent. I think teens have a bad image and parents fulfill their own prophecy through their behavior. Teens are wonderful and interesting and understanding and creative and if you treat them so, they will behave so. I have wonderful teens (two of them) and I think they are wonderful because I think they are wonderful… It is an awesome cycle and I suggest every parent of teens get trapped in it right away. I have worked with many teens and I have thought they were inspiring, thoughtful, responsible - every parent's dream. It is the grownups' mindset that needs to be changed, not the teens'. Just relax, smile and pay attention.

Many thanks to the Top Parenting Bloggers: Maria, RJ, Annie Fox, Susan, Annie, Ria and Sue for sharing their thoughts about parenting teens.

Join us next week's Top Parenting Bloggers discussion about keeping kids healthy. Kids' health is probably an issue all parents deal with and it will be great to get tips and suggestions from the experts.

As the next week is the last week of The Top Parenting Bloggers Discussion, I wanted to encourage you to add questions to the discussion that you would like answered. You can post them in the comment box below as suggestions for discussion.

If you wish to know more about the bloggers who take part in this project or contact any of them, please visit their blogs, follow them on Twitter and/or become their fan on Facebook. Alternatively, you can send them a question or comment through the comment box below.

Happy parenting teens,
Ronit

You may want to read

• Ronit’s Parenting Bible: Role Model
• Ronit’s Parenting Bible: Love
• Ronit’s Parenting Bible: Who’s in Charge?

Someone very close to us lost her son to teen suicide. Her son was 18 years old, a great kid who took his dad's gun one day, sat in his parents' car in a park and shot himself to death.

He is gone and is probably not suffering anymore, but a whole family he left behind is still picking up the pieces of their shattered life and cannot find comfort.

I am writing to you because I pray you never have to be in the same position.

Burying your own child is the most painful thing for every parent. I once went behind a small coffin and the scar never healed.

Suicide among teens (15-24 years old) is a big problem around the world. In Australia alone, more than 400 young people kill themselves every year! 400 families and thousands of people are left behind, asking themselves over and over again

What could I have done to prevent it?

The teen years are tough, mainly because the shift from being a kid to being an independent adult is complicated and hard. Too many expectations at school or at home create lots of confusion and stress.

When I was gathering information for my book Be Special, Be yourself for Teenagers, I found out that from teens' point of view, parents are the biggest stressors in their life. The strongest feelings teens have are that they are alone, helpless and unable to find a way out of their situation.

Teens at risk of committing suicide

Although it is hard to pin point the reasons for teen suicide, it seems that living is more painful for suicidal teens than dying. After they have committed suicide, it is too late to help them, but we can (and should) identify teens at risk and give them the tools to find hope.

Here are the types of teens who are at a higher risk of committing suicide:

• Teens who have already made a suicide attempt.
• Teens having relationship problems with family and friends - these relationships are very demanding for teens and the difficulties may seem unbearable to them.
• Depressed teens - although everyone feels depressed from time to time, feeling down for more than 3 months is a sign that something is wrong. If a teen you know is showing any of the following signs, he/she may need help:
  • Lost interest in daily activities
  • Stopped enjoying things he/she used to enjoy
  • Expresses negative thoughts about himself/herself
  • Shows a sudden change in weight or in sleeping pattern
• Teens with significant mood swings - some mood swings are normal and related to hormonal changes, but stay tuned and if you feel they are too big, seek help.
• Teens who drink alcohol - if you think your teen is overusing alcohol, if it clutters his/her decision making and makes him/her do risky things, get them help! Also, alcohol is a depressant (see above).
• Teens who take drugs - learn about the symptoms of drug use to allow you to find out if your teen is using them and get them help if they do. Some drugs are depressants and some have a depressing after effect (see above). Being on and off drugs can cause severe mood swings (see above).
• Teens from dysfunctional families - although this is not a 100% accurate, teens who are exposed to the following things are more at risk of committing suicide than others:
  • Domestic violence
  • Abusive relationships in the family
  • Overprotective or extremely restrictive parents
• Teen with mental illnesses, such as Schizophrenia.
• Teens who fail at school.
• Teens living in an environment of chronic unemployment and lack of direction and purpose.
• Teens who are confused about their sexuality - they find themselves alone and unable to express their thoughts and feelings more than other teens. Many times, they are also teased and even abused for being different.
• Sexually abused teens.
• Grieving teens - the loss of someone close during the teen years can become far more significant than any other time. This is especially true when the person lost was the teen's role model in life.
• Traumatized teens - teens who have experienced war, persecution or any other forms of trauma may feel helpless and weak and are at a higher risk of committing suicide.

Helping teens to choose life

I am sure many teens go through tough times (I have written about some of them), but most of them find ways to fight the thought of suicide if they have the right person to help them out of "the dark place". Parents, teachers, close family member and friends can be a flashlight to light the darkness.

In this blog, you can find hundreds of ideas and practical tips to make sure your teens will not go down the suicide path, a path they cannot return from. But you do not need hundreds of tips. Here are 10 guidelines that will give you tremendous power as a parent in helping your teens to choose life:

1. Focus on building self esteem. Kids with high self esteem are likely to overcome difficulties in life and pass through their teen years in the most fun and enjoyable way.
2. Teach teens from as early as 2-3 years old to cope with problems not by presenting problems to them but by being with them and escorting them as they solve their problems. Every time they have a problem, tell them "You are so good at solving problems" to minimize the feeling of helplessness and develop their belief in their own resourcefulness.
3. Work on your kids' communication with you from as early as 4 or 5 years old. Encourage your kids to tell you everything. Even if it is something you hate to hear, say "I appreciate your honesty" and "I'm happy you've told me". As long as you still have good communication with your teen, you are likely to know when something goes wrong.
4. Guide your teen without using any force. Many teens are afraid of their parents' reactions to things they have done and this makes them do silly things to avoid this reaction. See yourself as a guide not a judge. Many teens think their parents do not listen to them, so always listen to what your teen has to say before commenting on it.
5. Create a supportive family atmosphere, where everyone helps one another, cares for one another and backs one another up. This will give your teens the feeling they are not alone and they can always ask for help, because a brother, a sister, Mom or Dad will be there to help.

   

6. Spend quality time with your teens beyond family gatherings. From time to time, take a day off and spend it with them, if you have to. The more good time your teens spend with you, the less likely they are to have problems and the more likely you are to notice when something is wrong.
7. Be involved in your teens' life. The more you know about their friends, their pressures, their school work, their hobbies and their work, the more you can notice when something is out of order. Discuss with your teens what privacy means and try to get involved without invading their privacy.
8. Try to support your teens when they face difficult situations, like exams, trouble with friends, romantic breakups, encounters with the police or finding and keeping employment. Always be empathetic to their problems. Do not say "It's nothing" or "No big deal". For them, it is a big deal and you need to respect that. Listen, ask how you can help and do the best from there.
9. Give your teens stability. Make sure you are around. Be a role model for good relationships. Have a stable income. Have a reasonable routine in life and avoid too many changes when teens go through tough times.
10. If your family is going through tough times, like separation, divorce or grief, it is a stressful time for you too and your ability to help your teen may be limited. Seek external (professional) help for your teen (and yourself).

May we all have happy, healthy and successful teens. Amen!

Happy parenting!
Ronit

Prevent Teen Suicide Here is a great and easy way to make your teens feel you are there for them: give them a copy of my book "Be Special, Be Yourself for Teenagers"

You may want to read

• More Control – Less Power
• Ronit’s Parenting Bible: Role Model
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I have also examined the TV-watching epidemic in Australia and found interesting statistics done by the Australian Bureau of Statistics. Read and enjoy (or not )!

Source: Australian Bureau of Statistics (ABS), Children's Participation in Cultural and Leisure Activities (cat. no. 4901.0) - www.afc.gov.au/gtp/wftvviewkids.html
Notes: ¹ During the most recent two school weeks prior to interview in April 2006.

The main concern, of course, is the high percentage of kids who watch 20 hours of TV a week or more.

You are probably asking yourself, "What's the problem with watching too much TV?" For the next five weeks, I will explore the concerns about watching too much TV, so stick around and find out.

Many studies have been done on the influence of TV on viewers (in fact there have been 4,000 studies on the effect on children alone, which you should not read if you love watching TV).

Excessive TV viewing raises concerns in five major areas:

1. Health
2. Behavior
3. Outlook on life
4. Relationship
5. Education

How TV affects health

Researchers have found that watching too much TV decreases people's physical activity (kind of obvious, no?). Some obesity experts even think that the best way to fight obesity is to turn off the TV.

One third of Americans (and Australians) are overweight. A National Health and Nutrition survey in 1995 found that 4.7 million kids between the ages of 6 and 17 (11% of the age group) were severely overweight. The main reasons for this were being inactive (with an average of 22 hours of TV a week) and a high-calorie diet.

A study done in 1991 showed that on average, kids watched 200 junk food ads in just 4 hours of watching cartoons on Saturday morning. Is it a big surprise they consumed a lot of junk food?

Professor Roberto Salti of the Meyer's Children Hospital at the University of Florence claims that watching too much TV has an effect on the hormone Melatonin and starts puberty earlier.

Another major concern regarding the influence on TV on health is the overwhelming effect it has on women's body image. Studies on the effect of media on girls' body image show that "Photoshop'ed" (digitally "improved") magazine photos, digital images and celebrities' obsessive desire to look skinny are the main causes for bulimia and anorexia.

Most women are on a diet and think they are too fat, although most of them know that media advertising of skinny models and celebrities, showing women 23% skinnier than the average, is not realistic or normal.

While Marilyn Monroe's 70kg was the ideal weight 40 years ago, today's models and celebrities consider the ideal weight to be 45kg.

Two years ago, I worked with a 40-year-old woman who weighed 32kg. I researched the Anorexia epidemic, I saw a newspaper article calming that 18% of girls starve themselves for more than 2 days and that 11% of girls throw up to lose weight (as opposed to 3.4% in 2000). 8% of girls smoke cigarettes to reduce their appetite, an increase from 2.4% in 2000.

If you understand the magnitude of this health concern, it is good to understand that we are talking about 1 out of 5 girls who starve themselves or throw up to lose weight. If any girl you know is involved in any kind of sport, the article says, "Among female athletes, the chance of eating disorders is reported to be between 15% and 62%"!

On Nation Master, I found that Australia is only 8^th on the mortality rate as a result of eating disorders with only 8 deaths per year, as opposed to the United States with 218 and Japan with 126. Germany is in 3^rd place with 40. I hope you are convinced we have a health problem.

The National Eating Disorder Information Center in Canada released some alarming statistic stating there are 12 times more deaths from Anorexia than the annual death rate due to all other causes combined for females between 15 and 24 years old.

If you are a parent and you have a daughter, you probably think to yourself "This won’t happen to me". I know I did. But eating disorders are the third most common chronic illness in adolescents. Most of it is influenced by misleading promotions on TV and Photoshop'ed ads in magazines.

A study in high schools in Canada found that 50% of girls were on a diet because they thought they were overweight.

If your daughter is young and you think, "I’ll deal with it when she is a teen", think again. Records show that eating disorders are increasingly seen in children as young as 10. A research in Canada in 2002 found 37% of Canadian girls aged 11, 42% aged 13 and 48% aged 15 said they needed to lose weight. By the way, 52% of them started dieting before the age of 14.

As you can see, TV has a major effect on people's body image, lifestyle and weight and promotes bulimia and anorexia in women.

Join me next week on the influence of TV on kid's behavior.

Healthy eating,
Ronit

For a resource to help your teen deal with negative body image,
read the story "Bojé's Magic Powder" from my book
Be Special Be Yourself for Teenagers.

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• The "Light Thinking" Diet
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I had heard the same statement from friends of mine about their own teens, both girls and boys, on a number of occasions.

And my answer is, "NO, I don't know teens are 'just hormonal' at all". Teens are not any more "hormonal" than their dad coming back from a long day at the corporate office or the building site, having dealt with stress and hard work. Teens are not any more "hormonal" than their mom having to take care of 3 young children in diapers, with the flu or in the back of the car on a long trip. Sure, teens go through hormonal changes, physical changes and mental changes, but this does not provide a good explanation for outrageous behavior.

I do not think this because my wonderful kids never go through any "hormonal" turmoil in the form of bad-mouthing, temper tantrums and disrespectful behavior. I say this because I was a hard kid myself before I was a teenager. A very hard kid. I was a troublemaker at school, a bad student and a temper-tantrum throwing screamer at home. Yet, by the time I went through my teenage hormonal changes, I had relaxed and never used swear words to talk to my parents, no longer threw temper tantrums and never acted disrespectfully.

So NO, I do not think hormones are a good way to explain bad behavior in teens. It is just not true.

If you are a parent of teens, keep reading, because this post is for you.

If you are a parent with younger kids, keep reading, because this post is for you too as a warning before you fall into the "hormonal teens" trap.

If you are not a parent and thinking of becoming a parent, keep reading, because this post will allow you to start clean.

Ben had a wonderful life. From the outside, it all looked great. He had a business, a loving wife, two kids and a fairy tale surrounding, but Ben worked very hard (like most people) to provide for his family and worked all day every day. He told me that when his son was 15, he bought Ben an EXIT sign for his home office to remind him to get out of his office sometimes.

One day, Ben traveled overseas for an event, met a woman and spent two weeks with her. When he came back, he realized what he had done and all his world (and his family's world) collapsed. Both his teenage kids found out about their dad's affair and Ben and his wife, who love each other very much, did their best to restore their relationship, but their daughter's "hormonal" behavior makes life unbearable for both of them.

Now, I have a question for you.

If you have been paying attention so far, you have probably noticed that Ben and his wife have TWO teenage kids - a boy and a girl. So, if both of them are teens, how come one is hormonal and the other is not? If you have 2 teens, one behaving normally and the other behaving wildly, how can you say, "You know, teens are just hormonal"?

I think grownups made up this hormonal excuse to survive the changes their teens go through, which is hard for them to handle. They blame hormones and live a self-fulfilling prophecy, in which they get exactly what they expect!

Get rid of damaging beliefs about teens

One of the best tips I can give you to help you raise wonderful teens (without any hormonal malfunctions) is to get rid of the belief that teens are hormonal and that their undesirable behavior has to do with the natural changes they go through. It is a myth, a very dangerous myth, that will only get you in trouble.

Parents do not reject the hormonal myth because their teens are great. Teens are great because their parents reject the hormonal myth
- Ronit Baras

Take responsibility for your part in raising your teens! Help them deal with their challenges head on, instead of blaming their hormones, especially when those challenges have something to do with you…

If you want to read about inspiring teens whose support structure helped them think highly of themselves, buy my book "Be Special, Be Yourself for Teenagers".

Happy teen parenting,
Ronit

You may want to read

• Make a list: Beliefs about Kids cont.
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• Ronit’s Parenting Bible: Role Model

Although my mom could not read properly, my dad read a lot of books. He was a crossword puzzle and word search person and eagerly solved everything in the daily and weekend papers when I was a kid. Most of the books in our home library he won by sending his answers to the newspapers. Inside each one was a sticker saying he had won this book as a first, second or third prize. So you see, for me, books were rewards since before I was able to read.

In my family, we never had kids' books. We mostly had Encyclopedias and adult novels, so when I wanted to read books for joy, I had to take my bike and ride over 25 minutes to the only library we had in town. Once a week, I made this trip with my best friend and neighbor. We could only borrow 3 books, so sometimes we would sit inside the library for an hour just to be able to read one more book.

I think that for my parents, watching me read was a rare joy. I was a sick girl, I did not have friends in class, I was a tomboy and loved the street games and, if that was not enough, I was a very bad student at school. At least I read books.

When I was a teen, our school librarian loved me dearly. I used to go into the library and offer to help her only to be close to the books, touch them and read the summaries on their back covers. Every book took me to the land of imagination and I was living proof that "books take you to unknown places". I read so fast I would take a book home every day and return it the next day. If the book was very good, I would force myself to stop reading it to enjoy it longer. I remember the battle inside me, one voice saying "Let's leave some to enjoy tomorrow" and another voice saying "There are a million more books waiting for me to read them".

About that time, I realized there was no conscious reason for me to choose a particular book. I used to browse the shelves and some books would call me to take them. They did not have a particular size, special cover or beautiful photo. Sometimes, they did not even have a description on the back. I just had a gut feeling I needed to read that book. I read for hours, taking myself to places where my health, my relationships or my schoolwork did not matter. Books were my sanctuary.

At the age of 14, I started writing. I could see new stories like movies in my head and just put them on paper. I would wait for the school day to end just to come back home and put my visions in my notebook, so they would not disappear in the overwhelm of life.

For over 10 years, I had one and only fan - my younger sister - who still keeps my notebooks with my first naïve stories written by hand. She believes that one day, people will recognize what a treasure she has. Every day, she would come and ask me "Are you finished writing?" and would admire every word in my stories. Almost like a man standing outside a delivery room waiting for the doctor to come out and say his baby is healthy, I would wait for my sister's verdict and she would come out with an excited look on her face and say it was awesome and she could not wait for the next one.

As a teenager, I made some attempts to send manuscripts to publishers. Some never replied and others said, "Great material. If you were famous, we'd publish it with no problems at all", but because I did not know how to become famous and all I wanted was a publisher who would take care of publishing my books and allow me to do what I love doing, I gave up trying and just wrote for myself.

For years, just like the feeling I had while looking at books and thinking they wanted me to take them home, I felt that in my head, the stories asked me to write them. At first, it was easy, because I wrote short stories. Each story would take me some time to direct it in my mind and then I could sit for one or two hours and finish writing it. But later, all my characters developed so much that two hours were not enough and I needed more time to write my stories.

For over 20 years, I wrote my stories by hand, although I had a computer for over 10 of these years. I loved the flow of my sharpened pencils on the paper and whenever I wrote, I felt wonderful. It was almost like giving birth to a whole bunch of people and conveying their messages to the world. If for many years, I wrote for the love of reading, this gradually changed to the love of writing.

These days, as I celebrate 30 years of writing, I still go to the library to touch the books and hear them asking me to take them home and read them. Since our library allows me to borrow 20 books each time (for each family member!), I now feel as if dozens of books ask me to borrow them. One voice in me says "I should leave some books for next week" and the other voice says "I will never have time to read them all, so I'd better hurry".

Every day, when I write my stories and posts, I direct 7 movies at a time in my mind. I write millions of notes with ideas for my stories and hope they will not disappear. Inside me, one voice says "I also have to live, work and be with my family", but many other voices beg me "Write me Ronit, I'm locked here inside your mind. Please set me free and send me out to the world".

Only time will tell how well I choose.

Happy reading,
Ronit

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Until that point, I thought all teens hated their parents and that all parents lost their kids' respect and trust in their teen years. I knew that having such thoughts did not help teens or parents. Yet, even during conflicts with my parents (and I had many of those), I knew deep inside that I did not hate them and that they cared about me very much. This belief took me out of a world of conflict into a world of good relationships with my parents all the way to being the parent I am today to my two teens. The understanding I have gained at the age of 16 (lucky me, it happened when I was young) is what makes my kids hear every day of their life how much they are loved and, believe it or not, they also express their love to me every day. Yes, every day!

I think one of the reasons teens find themselves lonely and unable to approach their parents for help is because there is a leak in the communication between them and their parents.

It starts long before they become teenagers. Many parents communicate to their teens in ways they hate when they become teens, but they do not think of new, creative ways to communicate. Remember this:

If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten
- Anthony Robbins

If you have a great relationship with your teen - keep doing what you do.

If you have a challenging relationship with your teen - it is time to make some changes.

Teenagers have been asked about the attitudes of their parents that are the source of their bad relationships. It was amazing that they all expressed the same frustrations, same difficulties, same attitudes they hate. To them, all parents were the same.

When I read this report, I felt like defending all the parents of teens. The thought we are "the same" is the most insulting feeling for parents and I am sure that if you are a regular reader of this blog, you feel the same.

Out of their input came this list. The list of things you should not do, if you do not want them to categorize you as "just another parent of teens". I decided to present it as a course for losing your teens (hence the "101" in the title), but you get the drift, right?

Step #1 to losing your teens - Preach

One major complaint teens have is that parents preach. Parents preach when they are worried. They believe they can prevent their kids from failing, from falling down, from hurt and disaster but in fact, this translates into patronizing. When you preach, your teens think you are saying, "I know things better than you". Parents are not there to tell their kids what to do. They are there to love. For teens, preaching is the opposite of love.

When you communicate with your teens and you hear yourself preaching, restate your message as a caring, forward-facing statement that first of all ensures they know you love them.

Step #2 to losing your teens - Nagging

Another thing that turns every teen off is parents' nagging. If you want your kids to do something and they choose not to do it, but you keep putting pressure on them to do it, you are not respecting the choices they make.

How can you ask your kids to be responsible and make smart choices if you are keep teaching them to do what you have pressured them to do, just because you are a persistent nagger?

If you think it is valid to follow other people's pressure, do not complain when your kids choose to do things their friends put a pressure on them to do.

When you hear yourself saying, "How many times did I tell you", recognize you are nagging. They have heard you loud and clear. Saying things hundreds of times is not the answer. If there are things you want to keep saying (I am sure you do) say them without the stress. Stay calm and restate your message in a positive way, such as "I think it is wonderful you hang out with Josh. He is a responsible kid" instead of "I hate it when you hang out with Mike. I told you a hundred times that Mike is a bad influence on you".

Step #3 to losing your teens - Conditional love

One of the attitudes that set teens off is conditional love. Many teens believe their parents only love them if they follow the rules. This attitude is extremely dangerous for teens because it makes them do many things, even things that will hurt them, to gain their parents' love and attention. The extension of this belief is that for me to gain love in life, I need to follow other people's rules.

It is amazing that teens are convinced they do not get hugs, smiles or attention because they did not do what their parents wanted them to do. Those kids struggle between obeying and feeling loved, while neglecting their own ideas and thoughts, and walking their own path and being rejected. In this dilemma, they are doomed to lose, regardless of what they choose to do.

As a parent, surely you love your kids regardless of their behavior. You love them not matter what. They want to know that! Hug your teens, kiss them, smile at them and give them attention regularly. Let your teens know you love them. Teens who know they are loved even when they fail, fail less.

Step #4 to losing your teens - Constant criticism

Kids grow with love and encouragement. Some parents think they need to tell their kids what is wrong with them in hope of "improving them" and making life easy for them. "Why didn't you get an 'A' on your exam?" "Why can't you be like other kids?" "A kid your age should not be looking like this".

While kids still depend on their parents for encouragement and support, teens will easily give up that dependency and look for encouragement somewhere else. When they need encouragement, they are subject to influence you do not necessary want them to have. In this emotional state, they can be easily encouraged to drink, use drugs, do illegal things or have unsafe sex.

Teens who think they need constant "improvement" start thinking of themselves as defective or broken. This feeling greatly damages their self-esteem and makes their life harder and more complicated.

If you find yourself wanting to improve your teens, stop and think. Do you really think they need constant fixing? Have you done such a bad job for 12 to 20 years that nothing has turned out well?

When you have the urge to say something to improve your teen, think of something good to say about them instead and notice how in a second your relationship changes.

Join me in two weeks for Losing Your Teens 102.

And if you want to know more about how teens think, read my book "Be Special, Be Yourself for Teenagers".

Happy "parenteeng" (parenting your teens),
Ronit

For another way to give your teens hope, give them my book "Be Special, Be Yourself for Teenagers"

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You see, motherhood can be hard at first, but when she said that, my own daughter was already 3 years old and I loved every minute of raising her and considered it a lot more rewarding than difficult.

Eden grew up to be a wonderful girl, and all my friends and acquaintances adored her. However, when Tsoof was about to be born, many of them said, "You won't get lucky with every child, you know. Just wait and see what trouble you get from your second child, because he will be different for sure".

I waited and waited and nothing happened.

Tsoof was very different indeed, but he was also a very good baby and wonderful kid. Sure, he was a boy and did other things, but overall, raising him was as rewarding as raising Eden, and easier, because she helped.

I think this attitude is following me around. Over the years, many people have said to me, "Just wait until you have teens, then you will really have a hard time". I usually smile and say, "Thank you for the compliment", because they think I look young, but I already have 2 teenagers - 19 and (nearly) 13 years old - and there was nothing horrible to wait for. Their teen years are just as pleasant and fulfilling for me as a parent as their early childhood, if not more.

I think many people, having had some difficult experiences with their kids, especially with teens, form a shield to defend themselves from disappointment, from pain or from the loss of more and more control as their kids grow up. In order to feel better, they try to recruit other parents into a group and form a collective shield against everybody's kids together. Perhaps they are thinking, "Maybe together we'll be able to survive these hard years".

But I think shields are heavy things to carry.

My kids did not know they were supposed to behave differently when they got to their teen years. I had been warned so many times before my daughter became a teenager that most people did not even notice that my daughter was almost completely past her teens and still offered me the same shield. "Just wait for her to be a teenager", "Just wait for her to have her first boyfriend", "Just wait for her to finish school", "Just wait for her to start driving"…

I waited and waited and nothing happened.

I believe it is the expectation parents have that their kids will turn into monsters upon entering the teenage years, which makes life hard for everyone. I say that parenting from behind a shield is hard.

Recently, I went to a "girls' night out" and I was showing off, talking with pride about my kids' adventures and achievements (I am having a peacock period) and one of my friends, who was having difficulties with her teenage son, asked me, "How do you manage the teen years so well, and with 2 of them?"

Well, first I told her to go to my blog, Family Matters, because this is where I write exactly how I do it. Every day, I give my readers insight into the way I parent and I will continue to do so.

Then, I thought it was probably too long to discuss teenagers over dinner, so I gave her the shortened version.

If you understand the power of self-fulfilling prophecies or the Law of Attraction, you probably know that if you expect something to happen, it is more likely to happen
- Ronit Baras

20 tips for parents of teens

When I went home, I decided to write about it. Here is how I did it.

1. Teens are first of all kids and it is the parents' responsibility to design a family that will cater for their growth and development
2. Talk with your kids about the wonders of your teen years and keep in your memory that glory. It will help you embrace those years when your kids become teens.
3. Do not fall into the trap of, "The teens today..." discussions. It thickens the shield, creates a gap between parents and teens and starts the war of "us" and "them", which is one of the major frustrations for teens. Deal with the person in front of you, your own child, not with the notion of "teenagers", and help him or her cope.
4. Never lie to your kids, even when they are tiny tots. One day they will grow up and think this is valid behavior in family relationships. You do not want to go that way. When they are teens, you can demand honesty and confidently say, "I've never lied to you".
5. Never bribe kids to do things you want. I remember a friend we had in California, who said to her 5 year old son every time we went to eat out (3-4 times a week), "If you eat your meal, you'll get an ice cream". Like magic, every time we went to eat out, he would say to her, "No, if you give me ice cream, I'll eat my meal". After he finished his ice cream, he never ate his meals. While most parents start out more sophisticated than their kids, bribing or blackmailing backfires quickly and is a lost battle with teenagers. Worst of all, having learnt it from you, when your teenager starts to use this technique to get what they want, you are doomed.
6. Drop the Superman outfit and be human - Do not try to pretend to be strong, knowledgeable and capable when you feel sad, disappointed or helpless. Tell your kids how you really feel, show them all your shades, so they will not be shocked when they become teenagers and all of a sudden discover that Mom and Dad and not super parents.
7. Remember that kids are mirrors. If there is something in their behavior you do not like, ask yourself "When and where am I behaving in the same way?" It is much easier to control your own behavior than it is to control others'.
8. When your kids go through a tough patch, ask "What can I do to help you?" It is better to start asking this question since they are six years old to plant in their head that you are always there to help them. When parents and teens are in conflict, it is harder for them to ask for help - offer it!
9. Family is an institution and needs management. Parents are managers. Learn management skills and be a good manager. Remember that kids can never run the family. This is your job and you took this responsibility on yourself when you made the decision to bring them into the world.
10. Communication is not you telling your kids what to do. Communication is a two-way street of exchanging feelings, ideas and thoughts. Make sure it is 50-50% exchange. In communication, age does not give you any extra privileges. If anything, it should teach you to listen. You need to listen as much as you talk.
11. Avoid threatening, but if you do, mean it! I have seen so many kids looking at their parents with disrespect when they are threatened and then nothing happens to them. It is better to let go of things rather than to threaten and then not follow through. If you want to feel confident with your "punishments", think about them before you threaten and make sure your kids are aware of them. If you say you are going to punish your kids and show them you mean it, you may not need to threaten again.
12. When you are upset with your kids, start your sentences with "I" rather than "you". This teaches the best lesson in life - responsibility. Notice that when you start with "you", this is when a conflict begins.
13. When you are doing things for your kids and they are not happy about it, do not say, "I do it only because I care about you". Caring is something that is built into a relationship over time. Caring does not mean you can say or do whatever you think and feel to your teenagers. Use their feedback to get better results over time.
14. Be very generous with your love expressions. Kids need to feel loved when they are babies, toddlers, teens and even when they are not kids anymore. Say "I love you" every day of your life to fill their love tank. The teen years are not easy and they need to use much of the love you give them to overcome difficulties. Make sure their tank is full before they reach their teen years.
15. Be direct in your communication with your teenage kids. If you want something, say what you want and avoid "pink elephants". Instead of saying "I do not want you to hang around with irresponsible kids", say, "I would rather you hung around with responsible kids".
16. If you find yourself in conflict, negotiate. Keep the communication going at all costs. Forget "my way or the highway", because many teens prefer "the highway" - do not give them ideas you do not want them to adopt.
17. Choose your parenting style and be consistent. If parents are consistent, kids gain certainty and feel secure in their life. Strict parents whose reactions are easy to predict are better that chaotic parents who change their opinion at the slightest sign of pressure. If you are not consistent, it is hard to expect your kids to be consistent (remember rule #7 - kids are mirrors).
18. School work, which is one of the biggest causes of parent-teen conflicts, is actually the kids' responsibility. Your responsibility is to help them make the best of it, but it is their responsibility to learn. Appreciate learning and remember that it is not about you giving the information to them, but rather them taking what you have to give. Create a happy, positive atmosphere of learning in your family life. Keep learning yourself and be excited about it.
19. Time is the most precious thing you can give your teens. Spend time with them. Aim to schedule for your teen individual time with each parent and make sure it is quality time for both parent and teen.
20. No matter what they do, tell them you will come to help them, even if it means having to find them on the other side of the world.

I think that learning about your teens is a great way to help them go through adolescence and come out on the other side happy and positive about life. The reason it is hard to be a teenager is that at that stage, parents tend to form such a thick shield, that their teenagers cannot reach them. Touch them and allow them to touch you, and this will also help increase your happiness as a parent.

The shield must go

The walls we build around us to keep sadness out also keep out the joy
- Jim Rohn

Conflicts between parents and teens go hand in hand with the presence of the shield, so the shield must go.

Remember: teen years are wonderful, exciting years and if we dedicate much of our energy and effort into putting up a shield against them, the shield will form and thicken and then we will not be able to feel the ones we love most.

If you have a shield already, and you want to improve your relationship with your teen, do everything you can to release yourself from the heaviness of carrying it around. You do not need it! Parenting without shields is the most wonderful experience ever and you have all the right to enjoy it.

Buy this book as another great way to communicate with your teen!

If you are forming a shield, make a conscious decision to let go of these thoughts and beliefs of fear about the teenage years. If you are a parent with a shield up in fear of difficulties and problems, it may be that the hits are not so painful, but in doing so you give up the pleasure, the pride and the happiness of sharing your teen's ride through life.

If your kids are young and others say, "Just wait for them to become teenagers", recognize the shield that they carry and realize that what they are offering you is to join them in a battle against the most precious things in your life - your kids.

If you appreciate that it is more important to have a close and loving parent-teen relationship, rather than having a relationship based on control, then you will fly through those teenage years and have the most wonderful and unique memories of this age to carry with you and pass on to your teens.

Happy parenting your teens,
Ronit

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Life is not about what happens to us
but what we do about it
- Ronit Baras

As much as we would like to defend our kids from the difficulties in life, from experiencing crisis, change or loss, we cannot! However, we can give our kids the tools to recover from difficult times when those hit.

Many people say to me, "They are just kids. What horrible things can possibly happens to them?" My answer is, "Let's not wait to find out".

For children, what seems like a simple thing might be a horrible problem. We have good friends whose 18-year-old son took a gun and shot himself in the head because he was not accepted to the course he wanted. After it happened, it does not help any of us to ask why a successful, normal, gentle kid, with a wonderful family, decided that not getting into a course is "the end of the world".

For kids, changing seats in the classroom, a friend saying, "I'm not your friend anymore", or not being invited to play during a break can be "the end of the world". Still, the way kids (and adults) deal with these difficulties is what sets kids apart. In the article How you can become more resilient, published in the Summit Daily News, Psychologist Dr Barbara Leffler says, "Resilience can be learned and developed".

Resilience is part of our emotional intelligence. When faced with a problem, resilient people focus on finding a solution rather than getting depressed and feeling like victims. Resilience is another name to emotional strength.

According to Dr Leffler, everyone is born with a different temperament and, depending on how it interacts with life experiences, this can determine how resilient they become. However, resilience can also be learned.

Since we cannot control many of our life experiences, we can only control our response to them. As parents, our role is it to help our kids respond positively and with strength.

14 ways to help your kids develop resilience

1. One major obstacle to forming resilience is negativity. Negative thinking makes people look badly at people, actions and behaviors and attracts the wrong experiences. Negative people use many pink elephants in their language. Watch how you talk to your kids!
2. Teach kids to trust their instincts (gut feelings). They might be clumsy at first, but they will improve and stop being so influenced by what others expect of them. You are probably saying, "But I want them to be influenced by theme". Well, this is a Catch 22, because if they are too influenced by you, they are likely to be influenced by others, so you have to choose. If you have teen kids and you want to gently encourage them to develop resilience, give them my book "Be Special, Be Yourself for Teenagers".
3. Teach flexibility. Flexible kids adjust well to different ideas and changing situations. Teach them to try different kinds of food, listen to different kinds of music and expose them to different cultures, different social groups and different hobbies.
4. Teach responsibility. When your kids blame someone else or circumstances for poor outcomes, help them understand that when they to this, they give the other person or the circumstances the power over their life. When they feel bad about something, ask them, "What can you do to feel better?" and "What can you learn from this?"
5. Teach emotions. From as early as 2 years old, offer your kids emotional words to express themselves. Teach them to say "I don't like it", "I'm not happy", "I want", "I prefer", "I will be happy if", "I'm upset" and "I was sad". Increase their emotional vocabulary by having a big vocabulary yourself and using mirroring like "Are you sad that they didn't invite you to play?"
6. Teach positive focus. Find good in every situation. Make a habit of saying one good thing about every bad situation. If your kids fail in math, make them find something good that can come out of it, such as, "I know now what I need to work on" or "I've learned the power of practice". Seeing good in everything will help them respond better to loss, change, major illnesses or any other challenge.
7. Level your expectations. When your expectations are too high, your child experiences less success, feels more out of control and may give up, Dr Leffler explained. If you are not sure about where to set your expectation, try to remember yourself at that age and compare your behavior to your kids. If you cannot remember exactly what you did at that age, hanging around other parents, preferably positive parents, can give you a good indication to what to expect. Bear in mind there is no such thing as a universal biological clock, so if your friends' daughter makes her own lunch at the age of 4, this only means it is possible, but it does not mean that all kids should be able to make their own lunches at the age of 4.
8. Help your kids master a skill. Being good at something gives kids a very good feeling and confidence. Help them find something they like. People can do better at the things they like. This can be art, sport, math, reading, dancing, music, languages, drama… When kids are good at something, they know the making of success. For example, they know that in order to become successful in drama, they got through many rejections but survived. They also get many positive feedbacks for their achievements and hard work and it motivates them to keep moving forward even if they have difficulties.
9. Expose your kids to inspiring people who have won against all odds. If you have such people around you, make sure your kids spend a lot of time with them. You can always tell your kids the real stories about successful people (artists, business people, actors, singers…), including the parts about getting over obstacles and difficulties. Find stories from your life that are good examples of how you recovered from hard experiences.
10. Tell your kids they always have a choice. In every situation, every person has a choice about what to do, how to respond and how to feel. Tell your kids that there are many options to do, respond or feel and the difference between people going through the same crisis is in the way they do, respond and feel. For example, two people with a serious illness can respond either by feeling fear and giving up or by learning, getting support and aiming for health.
11. Teach gratitude. Grateful kids are more positive. If they appreciate what they have and focus on it rather than what they do not have, they will not treat not getting what they want as "the end of the world".
12. Teach your kids to reward themselves. Unfortunately, kids live in a society in which their rewards are external and they reach a point where they depend on such rewards. This dependency does not give them control over life but a huge need for others to give them a kind word, tell them they are good and encourage them. If they can say, "I did well", "I was great" or "I'm a good friend", this will give them a lot of strength.
13. Having a purpose is an important factor of resilience. According to Abraham Maslow, purpose is a high-level need. For kids, having a purpose is a bit big and overwhelming. The easiest way to explain purpose is to talk to them about the big picture, about the big world, about considering others, about making a difference. The first step of teaching kids about purpose is to encourage them to give their time for the "greater good" of society. They can help by volunteering their time, skills or money (if applicable) to what they consider a good cause, and use the good feeling as their reward.
14. Maybe the important thing about resilience is to teach your kids to adopt the message in the Serenity Prayer.

God, grant me the
Courage to change the things I can
Serenity to accept the things I cannot change
And the Wisdom to know the difference"

And until next time (tomorrow), have a happy day!

Remember: family matters!
Ronit

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When I was kid, most of the kids wanted to have a party, at least on their birthdays. Only the "rich" kids could have parties every year. Some rare kids had parties more than once a year and those were obviously the most popular.

Even now, when I take my 6-year-old daughter to a birthday party, mostly at McDonalds, we have the same discussion. Parents are not happy to open their house to a group of kids, even to celebrate their kid's birthday. The lucky kids have it every other year and with about 10 friends only.

I remember maybe 2-3 parties at home with friends and two of them were in my teen years. Gal, who was one of the lucky kids, could have parties even 2 or 3 times a year and he sure was popular.

When Eden was born, we decided that we would celebrate the kids' birthdays with friends every year and this has been great fun. Many people thought we were brave, other said we were stupid (I can see there is a fine line between the two) for having so many kids over for a party, but we were happy to do it and never regretted any of the kids' birthday parties.

The problem started when we talked to Eden about her 17^th birthday party. We asked her how, when and what she would like to do and she said, "I don't want to have a party with friends". We talked about it a bit, and she said she would not enjoy it. "Why would you want a bunch of silly teens here in our house?", she said to us.

At night, when Gal and I talked about it on our way to bed, we wondered if this was just a stage of being a teenager. We knew she was not going through the same teen life we had gone through 24 years earlier but thought that maybe it was normal, like feeling embarrassed to dress up on Halloween or Purim.

On Eden's 18^th birthday, when we suggested to have her party a month after the funeral, she was not in the mood at all and we gave up.

Weeks before the 19^th birthday, we started the discussions again. She said, "Mom, I'm not going to enjoy this", and Gal and I felt something was really wrong. Eden had many friends, some of them great friends, and she really loved hanging out with them. This time, we decided not to give up and get to the bottom of it.

"Why do you think you won't enjoy your party?" we asked.

"They'll do nothing but drink", she said.

"What about dancing?"

"No way".

"Games?"

"Nope".

"What about sitting around and having a chat?"

"Yes, but drunk people talk about stupid things."

"Do they drink the whole party?"

"Yes".

"Where do they get so many drinks?"

"Everyone brings their own bottles".

"Bottles? Plural?"

"Yep".

"Do they have fun?"

"They think they do, but I don't", she said, "Some of them drive home afterwards, others are a bit more responsible and ask a sober person to take them home or they take a taxi, but they act and talk silly most of the time".

"How many sober people are in the party?"

"2-3 people and we sit and talk about how stupid the rest of them are".

"What if they couldn't bring drinks?"

"They won't come".

For a whole month, we talked about it. She said it would be a sad party because her friends knew she did not drink and they would not come and if they did, they would bring drinks and act stupid and she would be upset on her birthday.

"There must be a way," we said, "There is always a way" (when your parents are life coaches, you hear this expression a lot).

"Mom, you can't change them", She said.

Let me tell you how this felt.

All the things that parents coming to my parenting workshops complain about, we did not do. Eden was a great girl. She was smart, friendly, happy, sensitive and responsible, but she could not enjoy her birthday party because she was different! We felt so sad for her and maybe we felt sad for us.

Two weeks before Eden's birthday, we had another family over for lunch. The mother, an inspiring woman, told us about her own experience as a young woman, working at a place with many people who used all their money to hang around the pub and drink. She said she could not relate to them and felt socially isolated. In that conversation, she told our daughter not to give up and to have the party anyway. "They will come if you have something fun to do, and they can have fun without the drinks. They've just forgotten it was possible to have fun without drinking, and your party can be a great reminder".

We were so happy she said that. We did not grow up in such a place. We lived in a different country and had a different lifestyle. We never had drinks in our parties. For us, the whole discussion was theoretical.

The party day came. Eden had invited 30 people and 20 of them said they would come. She told them she did not drink but they could bring their own drinks if they wanted.

Eden invited everyone for 7pm and at about 5:30pm, the first one appeared. In the end, 20 of Eden's friends came and only one couple brought a small bottle of alcohol and drank it together. They were out on the balcony playing Twister, listening to music and talking. From time to time, some of her friends came to the kitchen to talk to us. No one asked about drinks and they spent their time laughing, playing Twister and throwing popcorn into one another's mouth. At about 10:30, we watched them running around and squirting water at each other with water pistols… 17-21 year-olds playing with water pistols. It was so cute.

Whey they all left and we finished cleaning the balcony (which did not take much because the last guests helped clean up before they left), Eden was so excited and happy. She hugged and kissed us happily and said, "Thank you for insisting. I had a great time and everyone said they had a great time too. I'm happy I had this party".

Weeks later, she was still excited and happy and thanked us again every day. We think next year is going to be easier…

So let me tell you: it was not a phase teens go through, but the fear of being true to yourself when everyone else is doing something different. It starts during the teen years and grows with us into adulthood. Poor teens, they have to do something that many grown ups cannot do.

The fears will always be there. They will appear in every stage of our life. We will face them every day.

If you want strong teens, remind them not to compromise on what is important to them. Being true to themselves is the greatest skill we can give them. No, they do not have to do what the rest of their friends do just to feel accepted. Help them find a way to experience successes at being special and true to their values.

And no, they don't have to drink at parties. It is always better for them to throw popcorn at one another's mouth and squirt everyone else with water pistols…

For a great teen resource on how to be true to yourself, give your teen my book Be Special, Be Yourself for Teenagers.

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My daughter is celebrating her 19^th birthday this week. It is an exciting time for us both. Can you imagine? 19 years! Sometimes, when I try to remember her crawling on the floor or saying her first words (which was early, very early), I have only vague memories. She is so big now (she is taller than me, but that is easy), yet she is still young and acts like a child. She is so mature, yet she is naïve.

Our kids' birthdays are a wonderful way for us to take stock of our parenting. Every year, they grow and mature and learn about themselves, we do too. We learn about our achievements or our challenges and it makes us better people, better parents.

I always thought that parents have this "love gene" in them so that they love their kids no matter what. When kids are babies, it is easy to notice this. Parents love and express their love for their kids whatever the babies do. They are not afraid to be over protective, they are not afraid to be proud when their baby makes a tiny movement, they are not afraid to act silly or to be considered soft.

But something happens to many parents along the way. When being proud was the greatest feeling on earth in a kid's first year, the excitement about their achievement gradually fades. What was considered "normal" (like most special education professionals, I get goose bumps from this word) when your kid is just a baby can be embarrassing when they become teens. Parents of teens are afraid to be considered over protective, they are afraid to be proud of their teens for anything that is not major, they are afraid to act silly and to be considered softies.

I find it a problem and here comes the chicken and the egg question.

Are our babies happy and jolly because we are proud of them or are we proud of them because they are happy and jolly?

I discuss this with many of my parent coaching clients and I believe it is us making them like that. It is a self-fulfilling prophecy. Kids are just mirrors of mom and dad. I am sure it is the chicken in this case.

Pride is a selfish feeling. It is the reward we give ourselves for the love, the dedication, the heartache, the fears, the support, the caring, the worries and the sleepless nights (although I did not have too many sleepless nights with any of my kids). On every Journey we need rewards to help us keep moving forward. In parenting, pride is the best reward. It helps us convince ourselves parenting is worthwhile.

This week, when my daughter is turning 19, I choose to reward myself with a poem she wrote when she was 16 as part of a Year 12 assignment (yes, she finished high school at the age of 16). It was a great assignment about identity and she chose to present it on a piece of wood shaped like a hand. She picked a hand because we all have a unique hand print that is only ours and is part of our identity. She added photos of people that shaped her identity and flags of the countries she lived in (by her 14^th birthday, she had lived in 7 countries around the world, visited over 17 and went to 8 schools). She added words from the poem you are about to read. This poem is a reminder of how wonderful she is and how happy she made our parenting.

This I Believe
- Eden Baras

• I believe in FAMILY. The healing power of Mum's hands
• I believe in having fun and enjoying life
• I believe a good book can work wonders when I'm sad or angry
• I believe watermelon is the best
• I believe that singing along to a good song can cheer me up anytime and that people are predominantly good, no matter what anyone else says
• I believe my sister is the cutest being on Earth and my brother is a genius
• I believe in true friends and honesty
• I believe it's all about motivation
• I believe in subjectivism because who else's eyes can you see things through?
• I believe in morals and good upbringings
• I believe you can choose your destiny and that the glass is usually 'half-full'
• I believe in the importance of good self-esteem and individual style
• I believe everyone is different, but I believe that's a good thing 'cause otherwise life would be kind of boring
• I believe the world is a big place and there's heaps of it I have yet to explore
• I believe you can do anything, if only you believe and that dad is always there for me, no matter what.

Walk like a peacock every day and your kids will give you great reasons to spread your beautiful feathers even more.

Happy parenting!

Ronit

Check Out My Book "Be Special, Be Yourself for Teenagers"

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