The main difference between people who succeed in life and those who do not is what they do next. This is also the difference between parents who raise happy and successful kids and those who do not.

While I was thinking about this topic, I remembered a quote by an American president about taking action. When I looked it up, it turned out to be by Theodore Roosevelt, who is also quoted as saying many other highly appropriate things. I will include these within this post for your enjoyment and your (kids') benefit.

Never throughout history has a man who lived a life of ease left a name worth remembering
- Theodore Roosevelt

Stopping progress

The best way to keep yourself right where you are and place yourself at the mercy of your circumstances, or your kids' behavior, is to keep finding reasons for not making any progress.

No matter what anyone says to you, what are the chances it will be perfect? None. So you can always respond with, "Oh, no, this doesn't cover everything", or words to that effect.

If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month
- Theodore Roosevelt

In fact, this conversation quickly turns into a competitive game or battle of wits, where the other person, a friend, a partner or a parent, comes up with more refined ways to move forward and you come up with clever reasons why they will not work.

I call this being in "why not" mode, because they question you keep trying to answer is "Why not take any action". You make an emotional decision that the situation is hopeless and defend it fiercely, proving yourself "right" by poking holes in any different opinion, no matter how useful it might be.

It is like a tank that has set a course, stuck on the most powerful gear at full throttle. There is a lot of force and a lot of noise, and anything in the way gets squashed. If you have ever seen a tank, you know the driver can only see through slits, so that bit is also the same...

In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing
- Theodore Roosevelt

An important aspect of this type of resistance is also a keen focus on the current collection of symptoms, with saying like, "I can't deal with this right now. I'm too upset" or "Can't you see I've gotten nowhere with this already?"

The boy who is going to make a great man must not make up his mind merely to overcome a thousand obstacles, but to win in spite of a thousand repulses and defeats
- Theodore Roosevelt

Another important aspect is that a "why not" conversation puts a person who is trying to help you "on the other side". It creates conflict and intensifies the conflict with every round of idea and rejection. Pretty quickly, the other person, who initially just wanted to be helpful and make you feel good, gets tired of your denial, criticism and dismissal and think to themselves, "Well, this is nuts. I want him/her to feel better more than he/she does. I'm outa here".

It behooves every man to remember that the work of the critic is of altogether secondary importance, and that, in the end, progress is accomplished by the man who does things
- Theodore Roosevelt

Recognize any of these interactions in your life?

Taking action

On the other hand, a focus on the desired outcomes and a broader view of the current situation as merely a (painful) step on the way to ultimate success, results in a very different kind of thinking and very different questions - What and How. There are particularly useful with kids, because nobody is a lost cause at the age of 3, no matter how many times we claim it aloud.

Believe you can and you're halfway there
- Theodore Roosevelt

A good What question is "What's the underlying problem here?" It helps us look past the symptoms towards things we may be able to change. Parents are often upset by their children's behavior in front of other people and focus all of their attention on the child, but the underlying problem may be hunger, physical discomfort or even something the parent might have said.

Another What question is "What have I done that contributed to the current situation?" It helps us to recognize our own actions and interpretations, which are under our control, and to take responsibility of our part in the problem and therefore the solution. Parenting is mostly about leading by example. When dealing with children, this is one of the most important questions you can ask yourself, because if Mommy/Daddy does it, it must be the right thing to do.

The question "How to make things better?" can be used to focus our attention on a solution. We could also ask ourselves "How to feel better about what's happened?" to remove the emotional obstacle from our path. Fortunately, many of the "bad" things kids do are out of fear and a warm hug or a short conversation can clarify matters and help everyone feel a lot better very quickly.

"What can I do right now?" is a great question for identifying ways to start moving. The great thing about moving is that it changes our perspective. You know that climbing to the top of a hill gives you a better view, but sometimes, reading a book, listening to the radio or walking to the next room can be enough to help you relax and start generating ideas in your mind.

If your child has done something embarrassing, you could immediately remove yourself and your child to a private place and handle things quietly. Doing this is likely to lower your stress from the presence of others and to help you see things more clearly. It will also lower the volume and pitch of "the talk" with your child, and that is always a good thing.

So no matter what happens to you in life, especially with your children, put yourself in a "how to" mindset, find the underlying issues, check your contribution and find something you can do right away. Not only will you be happier and more successful, but your kids will learn it from you in no time and your life as a parent will be forever change for the better.

Happy parenting (keep reading the quotes below),
Gal

Nine-tenths of wisdom is being wise in time
- Theodore Roosevelt

Far and away the best prize that life has to offer is the chance to work hard at work worth doing
- Theodore Roosevelt

Far better is it to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure... than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much, because they live in a gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat
- Theodore Roosevelt

It is only through labor and painful effort, by grim energy and resolute courage, that we move on to better things
- Theodore Roosevelt

Keep your eyes on the stars, and your feet on the ground
- Theodore Roosevelt

Old age is like everything else. To make a success of it, you've got to start young
- Theodore Roosevelt

The only man who never makes a mistake is the man who never does anything
- Theodore Roosevelt

With self-discipline, most anything is possible
- Theodore Roosevelt

When you are asked if you can do a job, tell 'em, 'Certainly I can!' Then get busy and find out how to do it
- Theodore Roosevelt

Do what you can, with what you have, where you are
- Theodore Roosevelt

* Quotes courtesy of Brainy Quote

You may want to read

• Winners vs. Whiners
• Anger Management: Be Prepared
• The Hunger Games

I have read hundreds of books about happiness, motivation and success and written many articles, lesson plans and presentations about happiness and in all of them, I get to the same point: happiness is not absolute and does not follow the "one size fits all" rule. Therefore, I cannot teach happiness. All I can teach people is how to find it inside.

Most of my clients are very surprised when I tell them I do not have a happiness formula for them. Many people would like a formula or a pill that will fix their life and make them happy quickly and easily. When they come to coaching, they often think it is like going to the doctor and saying, "Ronit, I'm sick. Can you give me a pill to fix it?"

Every one of us is a chemist searching for the right ingredients in the right combination that defines the happiness pill
- Ronit Baras

Well, I do not. You see, happiness pills are very special. Only those who make them can enjoy the magic of their cure. Every one of us is a chemist searching for the right ingredients in the right combination that defines their own happiness pill. Each pill is unique to its creator. I happened to be studying the chemistry of happiness, success and motivation and have had the honor of studying and working with lots of successful chemists, so I can share with my clients some tips about ingredients that do not work and others that were proven to be very successful. One of the reasons my clients are so successful is that they understand I cannot prescribe them a pill, but that with my help, they do not start from scratch.

The good thing about working towards the happiness pill is that you get to test it every day of your life and always improve. On lousy days, and everyone has lousy days, they can always take a happiness pill to boost their emotional immune system and gather enough courage and motivation to start researching again the day after.

Another great thing about the happiness pill is that everyone can prescribe it for themselves at any time. You do not need to make an appointment, see a specialist and expect them to make you happy. You are the specialist and you can prescribe it to yourself. No one knows you better than you!

Also, you do not need to go to the chemist during business hours and count on your pill to be in stock. You are the chemist and you are always open for business. Your body has all the chemicals you can dream of and using it properly will produce supportive chemicals and get rid of the ingredients you do not want. Being out of stock happens only once in your life - when you die.

Find your Happy-ism

Happiness is like a religion. It gives its believers the sense of comfort, purpose, and fulfillment, a sense of certainty and connection to the world and its creator. Just like every other religion, it is very individual and requires your complete faith.

I believe that life is a search for your own "ism". I have a group of clients that know each other very well (one of them referred a friend to me, who referred another two friends, who referred others, so they all know about one another) and they talk about my religion as "Ronitism". After only a couple of sessions, all my clients know that they need to find their own "ism" and the quicker they find it, the happier they will be.

To help them find it, I share my search and my findings and help them question their thoughts and beliefs until they find solid, helpful ingredients that take them forward, with focus, that are addictive and can be easily replicated and measured. I teach them to be researchers - to compare, to rate, to document, to test and test again, to be creative, to be adventurous, to welcome like-minded researchers and learn from their successes, and you know what? Those who seek, find!

When my clients ask me about my happiness pill, I always share it with them. Some of the ingredients have been found in past experiences. Even the tough and painful experiences have included very important ingredients of success. I have learned many of my ingredients during my studies and while working. Some are tips from my parents and family members or my observations of what I like and do not like about the way others searched for their happiness pill. I have learned some things from very successful people. Some of my ingredients are just there and I do not know exactly who has given them to me or what has made me think they were good for me. I just know they work.

If you know the "make a list" series, you know that writing things down can be very helpful for our thinking process. Spend some time finding out what is the formula for you - your happiness formula. Your happy-ism. Think what the ingredients of happiness, success and excellence are and see if you have these ingredient. Knowing that courageous people are very successful is not enough. You also need to do something to develop this courage in yourself, so success and happiness will start knocking on your door.

Here are the instructions for getting the ingredients and the combination for your happiness formula:

1. Write whatever you think makes you happy. I have the list of 100 things that make me happy and I extend the list every opportunity I get. Every person has a different list and it provides the basis for your happiness pill.
2. When making a list, write the ingredients that should not be on your happiness pill's ingredient list. There is no need to research and find out again and again they do not work for you. For example, I discovered at the age of 16 that I felt sorry for myself and that was the reason I was helpless and unhappy. In my happiness formula, feeling sorry for myself does not exist and I never check again to see if it works.
3. When was the first time you discovered this ingredient? How old were you when you first discovered it? I discovered that action (as opposed to complaining) is a great ingredient in my success formula. I discovered it when I was 16 and switched from complaining to doing and it worked. Instead of complaining, I asked myself, "What can I do about it?" With good questions, you always get good answers.
4. Who has given it to you? Who was the person that was associated with this discovery? I learned money management from my dad. He taught me that a credit card is a way of renting money so I do not rent money. I have a credit card and I pay it all off by the due date so I never have to pay any interest. Over 27 years of having a credit card, I have rented money twice in my life to pay a loan with higher interest and only for a very short time. I think this is one of the reasons I am so good with money.
5. What were the circumstance that have made you think this is a very important ingredient in the happiness pill formula? One of the ingredients of my formula is "successful people fall 7 times and get up 8". No matter how hard things are, get up! One more time! That is all it takes - one more time. I learned it the hard way after I lost my two babies. I thought I could not and would not be able ever to smile again and I was wrong. Very painful and sad circumstances, great ingredients. Whenever I fail or things do not happen the way I predicted or wanted, I focus on "one more time" and it always works.
6. Do I have this ingredient? Sometimes, we see great skills and abilities, thoughts and beliefs in other people, but we do not possess them. If you examine those around you and think they have some ingredients of the happiness formula, ask yourself if you have these skills too. During my work as a life coach, I have learned that part of every coach's success is the ability not to take on the clients' feelings and to remain a facilitator of change. This was hard for me. For a while, I did not own that ingredient.
7. Where/how can I get this ingredient? What do I need to develop, do, possess and learn to own this ingredient? Luckily for me, I could coach myself to develop the skill of allowing my clients to have their own feelings and being able to support them without adopting their feelings. I have used all the tools in my tool kit to change beliefs, to come up with new rules and goals to achieve this and I have been very successful at it.

Remember, it is good to learn from others about their happiness pills, but do not be tempted to adopt them. For an ingredient to be useful and successful, it needs to be accompanied by strong belief and listening to someone else's story is not enough to make it a strong belief.

I hope you will enjoy your time in the pharmacy of life and be a dedicated and adventurous chemist. If you need help in weighing, mixing and finding your unique formula, call us at Be Happy in LIFE and I will be happy to help you.

Hugs,
Ronit

You may want to read

• From the Life Coaching Deck (5): Making Money Addiction
• Make a list: Feelings I Want to Feel
• Emotional Summer

Every test in our life makes us bitter or better.
Every problem comes to make us or break us.
The choice is ours whether we become victim or victor
- Alexander Alvarez

Happiness is no doubt an art. If we think of all the happiness artists we know who are able to be happy, they all have something in common. They have some drive that others, who are depressed, do not have.

Our body is a sophisticated machine of chemicals that are working together in a very brilliant way. Even if some parts of the machine are not functioning well, the body can fix itself by sending help. The molecules and the cells function with a drive to go somewhere, to do something. If the parts of the machine stop moving for some reasons, we get sick and eventually die.

Emotionally, people are much the same - they are born with a drive that goes through inhibition. If you do not use some of your emotional functions, you lose them.

Think of babies, fascinated by life. Everything is new to them and they are in the best mindset they will ever be - they are born explorers. What we see on the outside as checking the world around them translates in their brain to many connections and the biggest physical growth of their life. They do it without understanding, without skills and without money - exploring happiness.

Babies find things that make them happy and do them over and over again. They can watch the same movie many times and laugh again and again when Mom makes the same silly sounds.

I remember when Tsoof was a baby and experienced water slides, he would slide with a horrified look on his face, yet when he reached our outstretched hands at the bottom of the water slide, he would say, even before regaining his breath, "Again".

Kids are very driven to find happiness and use it as an internal compass that directs them forward. Adults, on the other hand, after not using this compass for a while, stop believing it exists.

Life coach as a tour guide

When I ask my clients, "What do you want?" they are often a little shocked, because they do not know what they want. They have a clear understanding of where they are not going, but as their "tour guide", I cannot use this to help them design their exploration journey. If they want me to help them get to their destination, I must know where that is. If you want to find happiness, look for it and decide where your happiness resides.

When no port in mind, no wind is favorable
- Seneca

One of the challenges people have in their search is believing that happiness resides in one place, where everyone can find refuge and peace, success and joy, friends and love. Another challenge is believing that you need to deserve getting there.

Babies, on the other hand, do not search for such a place and believe they deserve every second of their joy. Happiness is a birthright. Being alive means you deserve it. There is nothing you need to do, say or have to be happy. You only need to BE happy.

We live this life as explorers moving forward towards this place when we can live in peace with the world around us. While a tour guide takes people on expeditions of new places and sights, a life coach takes the client on an exploration journey of their own mind. When people reach their destination, they are fascinated to find that they are able, successful, friendly, kind, smart, funny and happy and that "the happy place" had been there all that time, in their mind and within reach.

When Tsoof stood on the top of the water slide, doing something he was afraid to do, he was exploring how far he could go with his fears. He had a natural drive that 2-year-olds have to do the things you fear, because you know that at the end of the ride, you will discover how brave you are.

There was a chance he would get to the bottom of the slide, hit the water with his face, be unable to breathe and discover that it was not fun at all, but at least he tried.

Courage is fear holding on a minute longer
- George Smith Patton

Another challenge for happiness explorers is the belief that obstacles are signs they are not on "the right path" that leads to happiness. They think life needs to be easy and without any challenges. In those situations, they avoid obstacles, challenges and problems and aim for a life in which everything is perfect, they are not worried, they succeed at everything, they love everyone and everyone loves them.

This makes them miss opportunities to explore their challenges and learn something about themselves. I always say that the main emotional function of a school is to give students the opportunity to explore the "I can" function of their brain. Discovering you can, you are strong, you are kind, you are capable, you are friendly and you are kind is way more important than what you learn in grammar or math lessons and these discoveries will bring you to your happiness faster.

This week, I had an amazing session with one of my clients. He is 40 years old and has sad, painful and dysfunctional relationships with everyone in his life - family, parents, wife, children, bosses, work colleagues and even neighbors. After lots of "I have no idea where I want to go" and "I have a vivid understanding of where I started and where I don't want to go", he learned about taking the journey inside and going down the water slide with a scary look on his face and excitement in his heart.

I told him that as a happiness explorer, you must

1. Know where you are going
2. Feel that you deserve happiness
3. Have the courage to do the things you are afraid of, because they are the best signs of growth

After six months of coaching, he said, "The first time I tried to face my fear, I was in panic. I wanted to run away. The second time, I was still scared, but it did not feel like I would faint, and now, I feel I can control that feeling and shift the intensity of the feeling at will".

If you are a happiness explorer, work on these key factors in order to get going and reach your happy destination.

1. Make a list of 100 things that make you happy to help you discover what you think your destination is
2. Make a list of 100 things that make you worthy. You deserve happiness. Everyone does
3. Make a huge list of your fears and conquer them one at a time. The easiest way to find your fears is to list all the things that are hard for you. If they are a bit hard, then you have a bit of fear. Get them out of your way. If they are extremely hard, you have an extreme fear. You can handle them gradually:
   • Stand next to the water slide for a while and watch others enjoying it. Try to learn from them strategies for sliding and watch their faces as they reach the bottom
   • Find someone or something to catch you and pick you up - a parent, a sibling, a life vest or goggles
   • Stand at the bottom of the ladder and gather enough courage just to climb
   • Climb up and watch others sliding
   • Sit down, close your eyes, take a deep breath, let go and allow life to take you on an amazing journey

Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear
- Ambrose Redmoon

So free yourself and look at life as an opportunity to explore your skills, abilities, talents and gifts, which you can take with you on your life expedition to find happiness.

Happy exploring,
Ronit

You may want to read

• Emotional Summer
• From the Life Coaching Deck (5): Making Money Addiction
• Make a List: My Fears

Both Ronit and I slept very badly that night and had very scary dreams.

In the movie, there are 12 districts full of poor workers who can barely get enough food to eat. Their life is mud (literally), they are dressed in light-blue working uniforms and live in fear. These districts are ruled by "the capitol", a magnificent and decadent city, where people spend their time dressing to impress and trying to find things to entertain themselves. There is police/army force, dressed in white, which swiftly handles any disruptions.

But the main instrument of power is TV and there is one particular show in TV everyone must watch to remember their place in this futuristic society - The Hunger Games. Each district sends a boy and a girl to fight for their life. The game ends when only one remains, giving the people of their district the temporary illusion that life may be better for them too some day.

There were many similarities between The Hunger Games and our life, which I wanted to share with you. This will be depressing, so after that, I will also share with you how you, me and other parents can make reality different, for us and for our kids.

Just like in the movie, our world is controlled by a small group of people with enough power to take away all of our retirement money, crash the property market, mobilize entire armies to a faraway country and occupy it, kill leaders, install new leaders, invade our privacy and use our tax money and bank fees to fund it all.

Just like in the movie, the people in power see life as a game. They pursue meaningless victories and possessions (one character is called Effie Trinket), consumed by their desire for control (the TV host is called Caesar Flickerman) and personal gains. Even when they pretend to be doing the best for "the people", there is a complete disconnect between the lavish way they live and the miserable way others do.

Just like in the movie, most of us are so focused on getting by, we feel isolated and scared, even in a big crowd. This way, we are very easy to control and are not likely to turn to our neighbors and work colleagues to form an army that will overthrow the current regime. Although we have little, we could lose it all, so we keep plowing ahead and thinking it is the best we can do.

Just like in the movie, we raise our children to survive and be safe and thus they become the next generation of us. We do our best to protect them and make them better than we ever were, but we still send them to school, where they are herded and taught to conform, and we still teach them that getting a good job is the best thing they can do for themselves. They see us following the crowd and feeling safe doing what "everybody else" is doing, and they grow up to follow the crowd too.

Just like in the movie, people are sent to fight and kill complete strangers just to satisfy the rules of some game that is forced upon everyone equally. Most Americans, English and Australians have never met an Iraqi or an Afghan and have no idea about the way they live or what they want out of life, but soldiers still go and fight them, sent by majority votes in democratic countries. These soldiers are backed by their families, who support killing anyone that will prevent them from coming back, even complete strangers who were first attacked by the soldiers.

Just like in the movie, the media is the weapon that subjects us to the tyranny. We are pumped day and night with hollow slogans, like "May the odds be ever in your favor", where the odds we would make it are 1 in 24 (in real life, they may even be lower, but the losers do not have to die).

Just like in the movie, our TV shows many hunger games: Big Brother, So You Think You Can Dance, American/Australian Idol, The Farmer Wants a Wife and, of course, Survivor. In all of these, the camera is everywhere, contestants work in groups while having conflicting personal interests and relationships (even love) are staged for the camera.

He is luring you in to make you easy prey. The more likable he is, the more deadly he is
- Katniss Everdeen in The Hunger Games

All of these shows are sponsored, just like the game in the film, and the sponsors are not interested in letting the best person win. They are interested in manipulating the audience into buying their products. The level of pressure in them is increased artificially through expressions like "elimination", "dancing for her life" and "let's see who will survive".

All of these "reality" shows are rigged, too. In the film, someone mentions that District 1 usually wins. In real life, we know someone who is a wonderful singer, but was not selected for Australia's Got Talent because her life story was not interesting enough for the show.

If we don't watch, they don't have a game
- Gale Hawthorne in The Hunger Games

Unlike the movie, we do not have to subject ourselves to this bombardment of manipulative messages in the media. We can stop reading the papers, switch our radio to a music channel or listen to recorded music, unsubscribe from "special deals" sites, stop reading glossy magazines at the supermarket checkout and ... turn the TV off.

Unlike the movie, we can choose to question the way we live and the lessons we teach our children. We can sit quietly and go over a day in our life, step by step, and ask the following questions about everything we do:

• Why do we do it?
• What is it really doing for us?
• What is it doing to us?
• What is it doing to our family members and our friends?
• What kind of society is it helping to create for us and for our kids?

You could ask this about getting up at 6:30am, about brushing your teeth, about the clothes you put on, about your choice of breakfast, about the way and means by which you travel to work, about taking your kids to school, about your job and about the way you related to people, especially to those you love the most. You could ask this about everything you buy, every place you buy it from, everything you sell and every way in which you sell it.

At first, you may not see the big deal. 30-40 years of habit make us good at seeing certain things and ignoring others. That is only natural. But once you find something that no longer seems right, even if it is your brand of toothpaste, this will show you the power of questioning and open the door to more revelations and more freedom.

Yes, freedom. Because we may have the illusion that we can do or say whatever we want, but unless we make conscious decisions about how to live and how to raise our kids, we are not free at all. We are just products of our upbringing.

When you have had some practice with these questions and you get used to changing your perception, play questioning games with your kids too. The questioning game. No, The Freedom Games!

Happy parenting,
Gal

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Coming together is a beginning. Keeping together is progress. Working together is success
- Henry Ford

Working in a group is an important skill for everyone and it is not something you are born with but need to develop. Teamwork is not always easy, because not every member of the group is the same, particularly when some people seem to do nothing at all.

I am sure it happened to you that you had to submit something in a group and the level of frustration rose very high. I can sure tell you it happened to me during my studies. If you are a good student, it is probably even more frustrating that you have to form a group and do something together and some only appear on the last day to add their name to your work. My frustrations were not very long, though, because I remembered how hard it was to be on the side that cannot contribute, so when I was leading a project, I was much more tolerant and accepting.

During my studies, I had the honor of working in a very special project called "Creative Thinking" that was led by Professor Gideon Carmi and taught physics to students in Grade 1 and Grade 2. Professor Carmi's philosophy involved co-teaching, so we taught in teams of two, one educator and one who was not. That was the first time I discovered the real advantage of working and learning in a group.

These 4 years of amazing experience thought me that just everyone not being the same could be a huge advantage. When working by myself, I was limited to my own abilities and talents, my own point of views and my own thinking paths. When I worked with another person, we had a wider range of skills and talents at our disposal, different ways of thinking and better solutions to problems. In fact, the bigger the group was, the more successful we were.

Individually, we are one drop. Together, we are an ocean
- Ryunosuke Satoro

Working in a group

For a group to be effective, there are some key concepts that must be accepted by everyone:

1. Everyone in the group is different. Difference is an advantage when we talk about a group. Remember the saying "Many drops can fill the bucket". The more members, the better. If you think your way is the "right" way, you are an obstacle to the group. The more angles there are, the easier it is to deals with the issue.
2. Everyone has something valuable to give the group. If you cannot think of something that one person can give, do not be judgmental. If you look for some talent, you will find it! "Seek and you shall find!"

Types of participants

Every project, assignment or working task requires different skills. If we have a variety of people, we can make sure that everyone can contribute using their strengths and using others to overcome their weaknesses.

When you have a mix of enough talents, you are guaranteed a better success rate. Here are the talents you need:

1. Coordinator - a person who brings the member of the groups together and can allocate tasks to everyone and make sure the work is done. The coordinator is the "glue" in the team. Every project needs one person that has good people skills and can do this job with tact and grace.
2. Collector - someone who can easily and quickly gather information. They are not overwhelmed by lots of information and can use different methods and technologies to gather large amounts of data. The collector is a fact person and can hold lots of information. This person is most important when the task requires a lot of information.
3. Time keeper - a person who has a very good time management skills and can make sure the work is done on time. He or she is the one who takes into consideration everyone's schedule and has a good estimate of how long it will take to complete each task. The time keeper does not leave things to the last minute and always makes sure the group has enough time to put everything together and to handle any unforeseen circumstances.
4. Motivator - a person who makes everyone in the group feel valued and appreciated and encourages everyone to keep moving forward. This person is highly needed when the going gets tough, when there is friction between group members and when some group members are not in the mood for working and contributing. This person boosts the team's morale and helps everyone focus on the goal and the end result.
5. Creative - a person who thinks "outside the box" and comes up with original ways to do the project. This person is very helpful in thinking of different ways and different approaches and can typically come up with great ways to present the work at the end.

Some people have more than one skill, so if you find them, hang on to them, because they are destined for success and there is a lot to learn from them about how to succeed.

Teamwork is a very important skill that we all need during our life. It starts with a very insignificant assignment your teacher gives you at school and continues with your projects at work. But perhaps the most important assignment of your life that requires teamwork is running your own family as a parent, where you need to get results, but also to demonstrate to your children how to be good team members.

Happy parenting,
Ronit

You may want to read

• Anger Management: Be Prepared
• How to Manage Difficult People: A Holistic Approach
• How to Manage Difficult People Using "Why?" and "What?"

Kids are not born with reading skills, but they still need them to build their knowledge and understanding. We develop these skills in them by reading for fun or by reading to get information.

Although I believe that reading for fun is very important and can help increase your vocabulary and understanding, I think it is limited, because kids cannot check on their own if they understood the stories or not. Many books have layers of understanding and the young reader cannot tell which layer he or she is reading at and what they might be missing.

School is pretty much the only place where we can check kids' understanding and help them develop their reading skills and teachers are qualified to tell which level of reading and which reading skill is expected at each age, but as a parent, there are things you can teach your kids at home that will help them greatly with their reading development.

1. Title - Guessing ahead is a good skill in reading. Teachers ask kids to guess what the story is about by reading the title only. This is an easy game that you can play with kids of all ages. Give them a title and ask them to guess what the story, the article or the book is about. They do not have to be 100% correct to develop this skill. They only need to have a good association with the title in their mind. When they can read more, give them paragraphs and ask them to come up with a title. The primary question the title needs to answer is, "What is this about?"
2. Content page or headings - Reading a content page or going over the headings can help us greatly to understand the structure of the book or article, to "get into the author's head" and to discover the flow of the book, article or essay. You can ask children to guess what each chapter or section is about from its heading. One sentence is enough to get the picture. If kids read lots of content pages and lots of headings, it can help them with their writing skills too, because they can understand how to structure an essay on any topic. First, we find the title, then we make a skeleton of the things we want to say and only at the end, we write it all down. Often, the content page and the headings are enough to help kids remember a book or an article when they need to.
3. Pictures - Photos and drawings are a very good way to communicate ideas. Even before kids can read, you can use pictures to help them "read". I remember 2-year-olds in my childcare center reading books to me using only the photos, so every child can do that. Ask your kids to guess what the book is about from the pictures. When they grow up, they will also use the photos and artwork on the cover of the book to pick books from the library.
4. First and last paragraph - In every article, section or chapter, the first and last paragraphs are the most important parts for the reader. The author is supposed to write in the opening paragraph what the article will be about and in the closing paragraph what the article was about. Crossing those two paragraphs can give a very good indication for what children are supposed to remember when they read. Later on, it can provide a quick way to review and recall the information.
5. Taking notes - Turning your reading into something short that you can remember is very important. Do not wait until the end to memorize. Instead, at the end of every chapter, write down in one sentence what you have read. Do it in your own words and keep your notes in a handy place. If you can write inside a workbook, that would be the best place. If not, write on a piece of paper and insert between the pages like a bookmark. Teach your kids to do the same.
6. Highlight - I have always loved books and taken good care of my books. However, whenever I bought the book and it was mine, I wrote my notes inside it and highlighted the most important parts of the book. Highlighting makes sure you pay attention to only the important things in the book or article. It is also extremely helpful in remembering what you have read for an exam and for finding great quotes to references in your own writing. Show your kids how you do it and teach them to do it too.

Your kids' teachers will probably dedicate lots of time to teaching these skills, but they need to teach 25 to 30 kids and every year, there will be another teacher doing it, with a different style and a different approach. You are there all the time for your kids, so when you help them do their homework, you can easily teach them these tricks to help them become effective readers.

Happy parenting,
Ronit

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No love, no friendship, can cross the path of our destiny without leaving some mark on it forever
- Francois Mocuriac

People are social creatures. They live in groups, they need the groups and they rely on the groups to survive. This creates some dependency that no one likes. Yes, some people need friends more than others do, but living on our own, not seeing or being in contact with the outside world, would bring an end to human kind.

Friends and friendships are very important to all people, even to those who find it hard to admit, and what social skills we do not have naturally, we can develop.

In the past year, I have had many opportunities to talk and write about my successes. When I examined each of them, I realized that being a very social creature, loving people, understanding the way they function and using my good social skills were real assets to me.

Social skills - Nature or Nurture?

I have not always been a very friendly person. Not that I did not like company, but until the age of 16, I did not really understand the social rules I needed to live by. I had no friends, I got into frequent conflicts with the ones I did hang around with and I was lonely and miserable. My parents had no friends either, so I could not learn from them the right things to say and do around other people.

Then, I stopped reacting without thinking about the impact it has on my relationships and I learned that friendly people are happy people and that social skills can be learned.

Friend - a person known well to another and regarded with liking, affection and loyalty
- Collins English Dictionary

I only had a chance to read "How to win friends and influence people" by Dale Carnegie when I was 40 years old. It was not an easy read, but reading it triggered a mixture of happiness and sadness in me. Happiness that I had discovered all the things Dale Carnegie wrote in the book and sadness that circumstances had not brought this book into my life long before to save me the heartache and pain of discovering things the hard way.

I am sure there are many people who wonder, like I did, how life would have been if they knew the rules of social interaction. The more I think about it, the more I believe that it is parents' responsibility to teach their kids those skills. You cannot expect a disturbed 10-year-old or 14-year-old girl to go to the library, pick up Dale Carnegie's book and have the ability to implement it. I know many adults (too many, unfortunately) who read the book, or similar books, but that was not enough to teach them how to be friendly.

I have many clients that do not have a clue how to be friendly. They are lonely and prevent their families from being in social gatherings, because social interaction is a threat to them. Usually, they are unhappy and contribute greatly to the unhappiness of their entire family. When I talk to them about other people, they have strange interpretations for the way others behave. As social creatures, we learn to read behavior and people who are not friendly just cannot read others well enough. It is a cycle and its source is unknown. Is it the missing social skills that prevent them from hanging around others and therefore get little exposure to social interaction, or is it the lack of exposure that prevents them from developing their social skills and leads to avoiding people even more?

Some theories claim that social ability is genetic, while others consider it a learned skill. I tend to think it is a mixture of both and believe we need to focus on what we can do, rather than what we cannot do - every person can become a bit friendlier than he or she was in the past and therefore a bit happier than he or she would be otherwise.

Circle of friends

Although the number of friends is an indication to how friendly you are, it is also important to consider the level of friendship. One good way of realizing your social interaction is to do the circle of friends' activity.

Write your name in the middle, then write all those you consider friends and put them in the circle that matches how close are they to you. Consider their friendships in terms of how much you like them, how much they like you and how often you interact with them. The more close friends you have, the friendlier you are and the happier your life is.

The art of friendliness is the art of enjoying each other's company. If you like people, you want to spend more time with them. If they like you in return, they would like to spend more time with you. Liking each other means you are in a win-win situation - you both benefit from this interaction and your friendship will continue. If one of the sides is not happy with the relationship, it will bring friction, heartache and misery to both sides.

In any interaction, the goal is to benefit from the relationship and make sure the other person benefits from it too and would like to stay in this relationship. Our goal is to make the interaction pleasant to both sides.

Dale Carnegie talked about some basic techniques to win friends. He even thought they were fundamental to success in life through our ability to influence people. Read this list and examine your friendliness skills by rating your ability from 1-10.

• In your interaction with others, do not criticize. Criticism is the opposite of being friendly. It changes the balance between equal people to one considering himself/herself better. Do not confuse feedback with criticism. Criticism is always considering your point over the other.
• Do not condemn others for their actions and behavior. Again, this destroys the fine balance that is required in a pleasant interaction. When you condemn people, you are stating that there is right and wrong. This only proves you are not a close enough friend as you have no idea what would make this person behave the way he/she did.
• Do not complain. Complainers are not friendly by definition. The things they complain about are more important to them than the friendship and others do not like hanging around them for long. Complaining and being pleasant do not go hand in hand and the excuse that the complaint contributes to a better relationship does not convince anyone. Only a masochist will believe that in order to have a good relationship, they need to please the other person.
• Do not nag. Nagging is another way of criticizing, condemning and complaining. It is a sign you are not in an equal relationship. Nagging is a sign you think your opinion is superior and that you rather the other person do what you want even if it is done by force.

If you judge people, you have no time to love them
- Mother Teresa

• Give honest and sincere appreciation. The opposite of the first four behaviors that destroy the balance is to show and express appreciation. Say good things about your friend. Generally, saying good things about others (only if they are true) makes others consider you a friendly person that sees the good in others. Use praises at the beginning of your words and always be honest. If you are forced to show appreciation - it is not honest. If one person in your relationship demands appreciation, this changes the balance and forces one side to be dishonest, which is a sign of problems in the relationship.
• Avoid arguments. In any argument, there are two sides. Both of them are valid and no matter what happens, it will be a lose-lose interaction that no one would like to repeat. Argumentative people do not have many friends, because they are energy consumers and exhausting to spend time with. If you start an argument, consider the friendship and choose to lose the argument and not the friendship. If you feel you need to win an argument, you have already lost.
• Smile. People who smile seem very friendly. Smiling is a form of communication that attracts people. When you smile, it sends the other person an invitation to interact with you. When you frown, it labels you as a criticizing, complaining, unhappy person and makes others stay away from you. Friends subconsciously match your behavior. If you complain, they will tend to "play the game" with you, but when they are far away from you, they will feel uncomfortable with themselves and avoid hanging around with you.
• Use people's names. Everyone likes the sound of his or her name. I have seen people in networking events abuse this tip and when I hear my name for the third time in a short period, it turns me off. On the other hand, some people tend to talk to others without using their names at all. Remembering someone else's name is very important and it is better to ask, "Can you remind me of your name again?" than not to use the name at all (or to guess it incorrectly). With close friends, it is never an issue of remembering, but of making an effort to use it.

The best mirror is an old friend
- George Herbert

• Be a good listener and encourage others to talk about themselves. In every interaction, measure how long you speak and how long the other person speaks. The one who speaks less is considered friendlier. In an interaction with others, there should be an equal share of contribution. Although it is not easy to use a stopwatch, it is good to be aware of who takes over the conversation. Those who take over the conversation usually consider the topic more important than the friendship and chase people away.
• When talking, talk about terms that are appealing to the other person. If you insist on talking about things that are of interest to you and not the other person, you lose your audience immediately. If you use vocabulary that the other person uses, the conversation is much easier. If you insist that the conversations include things that are of interest to you and that your goal is to convert the listener to your point of view, consider the interaction lost. Interaction is similar to playing ball. If one person holds the ball tight, there is no game.
• Be genuinely interested in other people. When you do listen and encourage others to talk, make it genuine and sincere. To show interest in people, you need to ask questions. If the questions are not sincere and you just wait for the other person to finish so you can have a say too, this will be easily picked up by the other person, create a problem of trust between you and they will say to themselves, "She really didn't want to know the answer, so why bother?"
• Make the other person feel important and special and be honest with it. Carnegie talked about honesty a lot. He thought that using his tips without really meaning it defeats the purpose of building social skills. The mechanics of showing interest in others and making another person feel special cannot be cheated. Either you think the other is special and important or you do not. You cannot fake it. If you talk to the other person as if there is nothing special about them, there is always the question of "Then why do you spend time with me?" Ask yourself, "Why do I want to be in this person's company?" and use the answer to tell this person what is special about them that makes them attractive to you. Saying, "Well, I didn’t have anyone else to talk to", is not a friendly thing to say. Be careful not to badmouth others to make your friends feel special. If you do that, it is risky to be your friend, because one day you might talk like that about them.
• Show respect to others' ideas and never tell them they are wrong! Every relationship is based on mutual respect. When you tell someone they are wrong, you are tipping the balance. It is your right to think and do things differently, but it is not your right to judge. People do not like being in a judgmental relationship.
• When a person is upset, do not talk negatively, only talk about the positive. Friends are there to help each other. If you talk negatively, you are not creating rapport but dragging your friend down. Do your best not to judge, not to offer explanations for why they are upset or what they could have done better to not be in that place. If they are upset, they do not need your judgment on top of it.
• Do not try to change your friend. Instead, try to see things from their point of view. In any relationship, there are conflicts. No two people do, act, say and treat things exactly the same way, but that does not need to come between friends. If you think a friend has done something that you consider inappropriate, strange or unkind, try to put yourself in his or her shoes. Friendship does not give you the right to change the other person but to understand them.
• Be courteous. This is strongly linked to respect and keeping the trust between people. If you feel you need to use information you have of other people to gain power, you are not a good friend and it will be hard for your to build this trust again.

I count myself in nothing else so happy as in a soul rememb'ring my good friends
- William Shakespeare

How to be friendly and happy

In some positions, you are in charge and need to lead others in doing things. It can be as a parent, as a manager or even within the scope of teamwork. People will follow and listen to those who lead with friendly behavior and will resent those who are not friendly.

1. Never point to other people's mistakes. If necessary, talk about the action, not the person. If there is a mistake that needs to be fixed, always make it look like it is not a big deal and it is easy to fix. If it is possible, talk about your own mistakes first. Always let the other person "save face". Shaming a person may make you feel strong, but it will attract resentment to you. A strong leader with no followers is not a leader.
2. If you do make a mistake, say, "My mistake, sorry". It makes you look human to those who work with you. Much like not making a fuss about the mistakes of others, make sure not to make a fuss about your own mistakes. Generally, focusing on mistakes is not a good social skill, so move on and talk about the good stuff.
3. Ask questions instead of giving orders. Use "Can you please bring me the letters" instead of "Bring me the letters, please". When it is asked as a question, it gives the other person the chance to say, "No, I can't right now. I am doing something else" instead of putting pressure on them to follow your orders even when they cannot.
4. Praise every improvement. Everyone likes to be praised and every time you praise, you are considered kind and friendly, as if you can read peoples' good motives and behavior. Give people a fine reputation to live up to.

The art of happiness is strongly related to our ability to connect with people and be friendly. Most of the big successes start with someone knowing someone who knows someone and the willingness to be friendly and help. I can tell you for sure that my successes have followed this pattern. Friends are like a big family and having a big family contributes to happiness.

Wishing you many friends and lots of happiness that comes with friendship,
Ronit

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From time to time, we get a knock on the door and someone asks for a donation to charity. The amount of money is up to us and the minimum is typically small. The person is pleasant and often seems like one of the people who would benefit from our donation to this charity.

But to me, this is money for nothing. Sure, research shows that people get a sense of generosity and feel good about themselves when they give money at the door, in the office or secretly in some other way. I still think this is a short-lived feeling that keeps injustice and bad management in our society long term.

Next time there is a knock on the door, the person who donates will be faced with the same dilemma. The next person knocking on the door will be in the same situation. Charity is not enough about change.

I believe that the fundamental ingredient missing from the charity model is self-respect. When a person cannot provide for themselves and relies completely on others for food, shelter and clothing, their sense of identity changes and they begin to see themselves as dependent and incapable of supporting themselves. If this goes on long enough, they end up feeling worthless.

Even if you have never been poor, maybe you have lost your job at some point or your partner has. The feeling of loss of self-worth can be debilitating. When it goes on for long enough and when the loss was big enough (like a top executive being laid off at an age that makes finding another job unlikely), some people even kill themselves. Standing in line for a social security handout is humiliating for anyone used to productive employment.

Money for nothing makes the recipient feel worthless.

Native Americans and Indigenous Australians are great examples of how this can affect large populations. Both were given autonomies in certain parts of their respective country, not necessary where they wanted, and both were given government handouts, supposedly as compensation for their lands being taken away from them. In both cases, many chose to live on the government subsidy and ended up spending their time and their money on drinking alcohol. In both cases, those who decided to go to work have done much better.

Human beings seem to have a sense of fairness in their exchanges and getting money for nothing is not a fair exchange.

A horrible example of this is Indian children who are maimed in order to become better beggars. In the minds of the people doing the maiming, those children's lives are better without an arm or an eye, because they can get enough money to survive and help support their families. But this also prevents them from being able to work when they grow up.

On the other hand, when we lived in Thailand, we did not see beggars on the streets. We saw people sitting in corners, on footbridges and between market stalls and selling little trinkets and flowers. We knew we did not need their wares when we purchased from them, but there was dignity in the exchange, smiles and hope.

For all of the above, Ronit and I decided to support the poor people of the world through Kiva. Kiva is an online microfinance organization that funds small projects all over the globe with money from other people. Each project is funded by a number of people, so the risk is shared. Every cent of funding is given as a loan, so the projects have to make business sense, succeed and pay back with interest.

We believe that Kiva prevents those in need from abandoning their responsibility for their lives and helps create a productive and supportive society globally and locally. Since poor people have limited access to computers and little knowledge of business, there are micro-banks acting on their behalf. They submit requests for funding for groups of farmers, producers or service providers, having trained them in running a business. The groups also keep their members on track and paying back.

For example, our first loan was to fifteen women from Paraguay (pictured at the top) that wanted to be able to offer a better future to their children. They are "fighters" who stretch themselves to their limits to give their families the basics to have a worthy life. The loan has helped them to buy fabrics, threads, needles, buttons and other sewing supplies.

Our second loan was to a farmer in Kenya (holding the sign in the picture above) who takes care of two children at home. He wants to ensure food security for his family. Before joining the group, he was only able to harvest 7 bags of maize 1 acre of land, but in 2011, he had an excellent maize yield of 18 bags on that land. The loan has helped him buy seeds and fertilizers.

When we signed up for Kiva, we did it as a family. We wanted our kids to know about the struggles of other people to help them appreciate their own life. We wanted them to be part of the giving and we wanted them to see that even when you are very poor, you still have a choice between being productive and being dependent.

Just in case you are jumping up and down, screaming, "But some people just can't sew or work a farm!" I want to mention another wonderful organization called the Endeavour Foundation. This organization takes care of people with mental and physical disabilities. Although much of its budget comes from donations and government support, it employs its clients in special workshops, where they make whatever they can make to help support themselves. They may not be able to provide everything for themselves, but they have the dignity of helping and doing what they can.

Many people say that kids have it all easy today. We may not have walked to school in blinding snowstorms, but from a technical point of view, our kids' life seems to be easier and we work hard to provide everything for them. I believe we need to ensure this does not become a kind of charity arrangement, or our kids will develop a dependent identity and lose the ability to care for themselves and their dignity.

No matter how small their contribution, a child's participation in housework and family decision-making is more about their self-esteem and independence than it is about the value they create (particularly when they are little). Do not give them "money for nothing". Get them to work for their gadgets as much as they can, get them involved in your giving, tell them about your own work, encourage them to take care of themselves and help them build a strong identity.

Empower the world one step at a time by helping those who help themselves.

Happy days,
Gal

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In Australia, there is now something called NAPLAN - National Assessment Program for Literacy and Numeracy, officially described like this: "Every year, all students in Years 3, 5, 7 and 9 are assessed on the same days using national tests in Reading, Writing, Language Conventions (Spelling, Grammar and Punctuation) and Numeracy".

This means that absolutely NOTHING else matters to most of the teachers and parents of students in Years 3, 5, 7 and 9. After having quite a bit of fun in Prep and Years 1 and 2, the poor kids in Year 3 are taught things by the book, tested every week, deprived of play time, music, art, sport and extracurricular activities and subjected to constant pressure to perform. State Education ministers go nuts from it, so Department of Education executives go nuts from it, so principals go nuts from it, so teachers go nuts from it, so students go nuts from it.

The same thing happens all over again 2, 4 and 6 years later.

And that is really bad.

Because learning should be fun and because all that stress actually blocks learning.

Think back to your time at school for a moment, particularly to 3^rd Grade. Could you study well when you were tired? Could you concentrate in class when you were hungry or when you had to go to the toilet? Was it easy for you to work with numbers after witnessing your parents having a big fight the night before? How well did you do on exams when your dog died or your best friend moved away?

Not too well, right?

School systems are just like conventional medicine - they focus on the symptoms, ignore the personal context and completely miss the underlying issues. They do it because the symptoms, literacy and numeracy in this case, are easy to test and measure. It stands to conventional reason that by teaching more reading, students' reading will improve and by administering more math homework, students will get more practice and get better with numbers.

Ronit and I see just how wrong this approach is with every child that comes to our assessment service. One after the other, parents bring children aged 5 to 14, asking for help with their performance at school. One after the other, these children reveal gaps in their learning due to emotional traumas and communication style incompatibility with their past or present teachers. Ronit advises all of their parents to handle their emotional wellbeing first and one after the other, they pick up speed in their studies as soon as they are able to smile and feel free.

We have seen close correlations between gaps in reading, writing and math skills due to the illness and death of a father. Would you care how much 2 + 5 was if your father was dying?

We have seen gaps in academic performance due to frequent changes of teachers. Young children look up to their teachers and idolize them. That is why they trust their teaching and follow their instructions. Would you be able to trust your 6^th Grade 1 teacher after being "deserted" by the previous 5?

We have seen children whose mother or father had a mental disorder, which forced them to help extensively at home and gave other students at their school plenty of bullying material. Would you be able to motivate yourself even to go to school if this were your situation?

When a child is overwhelmed by strong emotions, pressure to perform only makes things worse. The child feels ignored, abused, rejected and belittled. They lose trust in teachers, parents and sometimes even in "grownups" in general. So they hide their challenges, which makes them even harder to detect, and they go on missing more and more spelling, grammar, arithmetic, shapes, money, graphs and all those other things that show up later as low test scores.

Emotionacy

What kids really need to learn is not literacy or numeracy, it is "emotionacy". They need to learn how to recognize and manage their emotions. They need to be encouraged to express themselves, to explore and to learn what and how they like. They need to be valued as people-in-the-making (my kids have an awesome music teacher who refers to her students as "short people") and to be developed based on their own choices.

Reading something interesting is far more beneficial than reading standard text. Sure, it is not as easy to monitor and regulate, but kids who follow their heart LOVE to read. They read without any external pressure, they learn far more from what they read and they read so much that their level of literacy is actually better over those who are forced to read standard boring stuff.

Give any child a cool science project where they need to measure quantities, calculate fractions, draw a graph and analyze numerical data and they will jump for joy at each discovery and conclusion. They will remember the experiment forever, keep the results in their room for months, show it to everyone and proudly EXPLAIN the math to anyone who will listen. In the context of something exciting, kids have all the skills for math.

Pay attention to how a child learns - by writing and drawing, by listening and talking or by doing - and adapt your teaching to it and all of a sudden, a "slow" child seems "bright". Suddenly, they like coming to class or doing their homework, they love the teacher (or you, their parent) and their scores improve dramatically.

Find out how a child feels, no matter how long it takes and how difficult it is for them to describe (particularly at a young age), help them feel better and you will get a bundle of joy that finds little in class challenging. Use stories, symbolic play with dolls, drawings or any other non-verbal method and you will discover the blocks to natural learning. Give affirmations, touch, quality time, little presents and helpful services and you will see moping turning into energy and a long face becoming a smile.

When you need to teach a child something, present it as a game. Learning happens much better when it is fun and then, the child wants to learn even more, because it is fun. Kids would play games all the time if they could, so just let them. Use their endless energy and fill their games with useful learning and they will be unstoppable.

Academic performance is natural for children when they can "afford it" mentally. When they are too busy surviving emotionally, they can learn nothing, but no matter what their top potential is, they will get a lot closer to it when they are happy.

So check your child's emotionacy and help them get better at it. Write your local representative and speak out at parent-teacher meetings and parent-body gatherings. What your kids need is emotional intelligence and the rest will follow.

Happy parenting,
Gal

P.S. A good starting point is to work on your own happiness, because happy parents raise happy kids.

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In the past three weeks, he has had many awards night, celebrations, final concerts and farewell parties. During those events, Tsoof received many awards for excellence, for leadership, for showmanship, for his contribution to his school, his friends and his community and we felt honored and blessed for his talents, his kindness and his love for what he does.

You seen this in the movies: the parent of the star performing on stage is sits in the crowd, looks around and tells everyone that sits next to them in excitement, "This is my son" Well, this is how we felt at every event. Tsoof is so talented and so famous we introduce ourselves as "Tsoof's mom/dad/sister" and we were very proud.

At the end-of-year Performing Arts evening, as the winner of the prestigious title "Performing Artist of the Year", Tsoof opened the night and said, "Good evening. My name is Tsoof. I am a school captain, Vocal Harmony and Wind Symphony captain, a member of the Senior Percussion Ensemble (Mac-cussion), Show Choir and Big Band. Thank you for coming this evening".

Gal, Eden, Noff and I sat the whole night proud as peacocks for being associated with him.

That was his last performance with all his ensembles, where he said goodbye to those who had contributed greatly to growing his talents, enthusiasm and passion for music - his music teachers. Three of them had been his musical mentors and had taught him for eight years, through both primary and high school.

David Adelt had been his percussion teacher and mentor since 5^th Grade. Lee Norell had been his band conductor since 5^th Grade and his composition and voice tutor in 12^th Grade. Jody Lutherburrow had been his band conductor since 5^th Grade. Tamara Luski had been his Vocal Harmony and Show Choir conductor and his classroom music teacher for the past 3 years. Sandy Armstrong had been his Performing Arts Coordinator and Music Extension teacher for the past 4 years. From every stage he performed on, he looked at these 5 teachers and thanked them for supporting and developing his talents.

As you know, teaching is not a very prestigious profession. The financial rewards are not that impressive, but the emotional rewards are enormous. When your students are successful, it is a record of your teaching ability.

When we sent our kids to school, I knew that some of the teachers they would meet on their journey would influence their life. I never dreamed it would be such profound impact, carved on every musical piece he writes, every tune he plays and every song he sings.

It is very rare that you have the same teacher for 8 years, let alone 3 of them. If they are great teachers, you can easily explain the excellence.

It was the end-of-year concert and I watched Tsoof performing in most of the numbers of that night. I looked at his teachers and realized they were sitting there, much like us, with teary eyes, proud as peacocks. Every one of them thanked the parents for supporting their kids in their musical pursuits and I whispered, "Thank you!"

Dear David, Lee, Jody, Tamara and Sandy,

I thank you for teaching my son about commitment and that getting up early in the morning, when it is still dark outside, is worth the effort.

I thank you for telling my son over and over again that he needs to play and sing for himself and not to please his parents, as that has developed his self-motivation.

I thank you for being role models for my son. Thank you for being generous with your time and modeling how putting your hand up to help others can make you a better person. Thank you for showing him that giving is the best way to receive.

I thank you for teaching my son that real winners are not those who get the best part or win the competitions but those who have the courage to stretch their boundaries, to try, practice, learn and compete with others, even if they don't have a chance to get the first prize.

I thank you for inspiring my son to embrace every opportunity and make the most of it.

I thank you for being so professional and having high expectations of my son, because I believe that his professionalism and excellence is a result of this constant stretch for excellence.

I thank you for not giving him "discounts" and lowering your expectations just because he had a busy schedule and other things to do. Thanks to this, he has proven to himself he can excel in academics too, despite his being so busy with music.

I thank you for teaching my son to be humble and setting an example of accepting others and their abilities without making fun of them or judging them.

Thank you for teaching my son teamwork, because the success of the ensembles in every piece played or sung was the result of everyone's ability to put the success of the team above their own.

Thank you for allowing him to wear his hat, grow his hair long, keep his uniqueness and show others around him that respect is something that comes from within and the urge for self-expression can be channeled in good ways.

Today, at the graduation ceremony of the Class of 2011, I wanted to say to you that as his teachers, my son spent more time with you than he did at home. I am a proud mother and I couldn't have done it without you.

Thank you so much!

To honor these teachers, Tsoof put together a band of friends to play an original song written by Andrew Butler, Jamee Seeto and Tsoof. They rehearsed for hours and at the final concert, they asked the teachers to sit in the front row and played their song for them. Unfortunately, there were some technical glitches, so when we got home, I asked Tsoof to record a simpler version of it. It is called "Goodbye" (temporary name) and describes the students' feelings about leaving their teachers.

Enjoy,
Ronit

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• Ronit’s Parenting Bible: School