You see, as a child, I never learned to pay attention to my feelings. They seemed to be urges, strong impulses that repel me from doing something or being around others or attract me towards them. Considering emotions as a form of energy made a lot of sense to me and gave my feelings some credibility.

As I my emotional intelligence evolved, I learned that people with high EQ are very attractive, because they send good "vibes" to their environment and (surprise, surprise) the environment sends them good vibes right back, helping them live happy, healthy and successful lives.

Not everyone understands the connection between emotional ability, success and health, but it is necessary in order to control our destiny and our quality of life.

How to feel the vibes

Have you heard people say, "I'm getting bad vibes from this"? Well, they are. They absorb repelling energy. The problem with paying too much attention to the vibes is that you become dependent on them to direct you in life, because they do not come with an instruction manual. While some people have a natural ability to interpret their "gut feelings", others need to learn the techniques of reading them correctly.

Research on kinesthetic (feelings-oriented) people discovered that their way of making decisions, which is based on "gut feelings", is just as good as that of digital (facts-and-figures-oriented) people - everyone gets it right about at the same rate. The only difference between them was that the kinesthetic people could not explain their decisions, while the digital people could list the reasons, logic and process.

Every thought, conscious or subconscious, triggers a physical reaction. In his research with dogs, Pavlov discovered that the sound of the bell triggered their body to produce saliva. To understand the connection between our thoughts and our physical existence you do not have to go far. Just think of one of your sexual fantasies and notice how your body reacts to that thought. Yes, it is all in your mind - always has been and always will be!

Much like a sexual fantasy stimulates your body in a positive way and produces "happy" vibes, you can get negative vibes from problems, conflicts, sarcasm and judgment. At first, it changes your heart beat and then your overall energy. Stimulating vibes will make you motivated, courageous, cooperative and relaxed and repelling vibes will drain you from your energy.

If you get up in the morning tired and without motivation to face the day, it is usually because "you have no energy" from you. You will be surprised to know that it is not what happens to you that does it, but what you think about what happens to you. Perception is the only reality there is.

There is a theory that says there is only one feeling in the world - love. All the other feelings are either a form of love or a lack of it. If you think of energy, it is very similar. Everything good in life is love energy and all the rest is lack of it.

The problem we have in life is what people do to gain this energy. People without energy tend to choose things that boost their energy for a while, but drain it in the long term, like drugs, alcohol, TV and food. The worst way getting your energy up is trying to take it from someone else, believing that it is limited and in order for you to have more of it, someone else must have less. This is when you become a "dementor" (from Harry Potter).

In every relationship, there are "dementors" who drain you from your energy, "feeders" who pump you with renewed energy and "neutrals" whose presence neither gives nor takes away any energy.

The weird and wonderful thing about each of these types of people is that whatever they give, they also receive. When "feeders" give someone energy, their own energy grows even stronger. When "dementors" drain someone's energy, their own supply of energy is reduced too. And when "neutrals" have no effect on others, the interaction has no effect on them either.

People like hanging around "feeders", because it is easy and stimulating to be with them. Some people are "feeders" from birth. Most babies are "feeders". When you spend time with babies, no matter how hard things are, they can change your mood. The joy and happiness they bring just by being there can sustain a mother who is physically depleted from energy while trying to survive the trauma of giving birth. They create so much good energy their mother can even start thinking of having another baby.

I personally believe that this energy babies have from birth fades as they grow, because we do not teach them to keep feeding their energy. Instead, we bind them with our "dementing" lifestyle of stress, fear, failure, disappointment and judgment.

The good news is that it is possible to re-learn to be a "feeder". Here are some tips that can help everyone re-connect with his or her feeding energy - remember, the more you give, the more you get, so the more you have.

1. Learn the 10 behaviors of the "energy feeders" - understanding, smiling, encouraging, accepting, appreciative, grateful, interested in others, forgiving, supportive and kind. Practice them deliberately every day.
2. Learn the 10 behaviors of the "dementors" - angry, frustrated, critical, complaining, gossip, sarcastic, argumentative, sour-faced, jealous and fearful. Eliminate them from your life.
3. Look around you and find 3 people in your life you think are "feeders". First, ask yourself, "What are the things they do that make them so positive and great to be with?" Second, ask yourself, "Which of these things can I adopt (easily) and do just like them?" Third, try to spend more time with them and their energy will boost yours.
4. Look around you and find 3 people in your life you think are "dementors". First, ask yourself, "What are the things they do that make them energy drainers?" Second, ask yourself, "Is there anything I do that is similar and I should eliminate from my life?" Third, avoid hanging around them as much as you can. Hanging around people who drain your energy is a form of self-punishment and you deserve to be happy.

The reason we have a society at war is that we have more "dementors" than "feeders". Emotional energy is contagious. We just have to make sure the right energy spreads.

May you be surrounded by happiness,
Ronit

You may want to read

• Be Friendly, Be Happy
• The Art of Misery (Advanced)
• More Control – Less Power

As I packed, everyone came to give me a hug. I was pumped and very happy. I was having a good day. An older teacher, who had not spoken much throughout the day, talked to other teachers and smiled to me every time she passed next to me, but did not give me a hug. She was the only one who did not hug me at the end of the day. I tried to tell myself that convincing 39 people we all need 12 hugs a day was good enough, even if I have missed one person. After a long day on my feet and doing my best to stay fully focused, all I wanted was to go to the supermarket, pick Eden up from the bus station and go home.

When everything was inside the car and I started driving, the older teacher came out of the building. I smiled and opened the car window.

"Have I given you a hug?" I asked.

"No, you haven't", she said, sounding disappointed.

I turned off the engine, unbuckled my seatbelt, got out of the car and gave her a hug.

"Thank you!" she said and started asking me personal questions about her son. During the break, she had approached me, but saw I had been talking about communication styles with 6 other teachers and had not felt comfortable asking her questions, because they were too personal.

My supermarket time was disappearing quickly, but I knew it was my chance to be kind and I stood in the driveway with her for half an hour to answer all her questions. She thanked me for the day and for my answers, gave me another hug and I drove away happy, knowing I had helped one more person feel good.

Just before the entrance to the shopping center, I stopped at the light. Right beside me, I saw a black car with lots of smiley stickers. I was tired and that made me smile. In the car was a woman with lots of tattoos and piercings. She was talking to a 9-year-old girl sitting next to her. Every time I looked at the car, I smiled.

"I should tell her I like her car", I said to myself.

"But what would I say?" I answered myself.

"That she has a great car".

"She can't hear me", I debated in my head.

"Maybe I can say it in sign language".

"How can I attract her attention? She's talking to the girl in the car".

"I'll beep".

"No, if I beep, everyone around will turn to see what's happened" (people in Australia never beep).

"So what? It will give them an opportunity to see her car and smile too".

So I beeped. The tattooed woman turned her head with a suspicious look.

I signed with my hands and mouthed, "I love your car".

She smiled. They she said something to the girl and looked at my car with the Be Happy in LIFE sign on it and smiled again. I felt good. When the light turned green, she waved at me with a big smile and drove away.

As I drove into the supermarket parking, I thought to myself, "What an easy way to make people feel good". Do you know how many times I look at beautiful people and feel embarrassed to say, "You are so beautiful"? I wondered why.

I stopped the car, put on my red shawl so I would not freeze next to the refrigerators and entered the supermarket. It was the end of two full days of workshops. My feet ached and I was exhausted.

"I want to take my shoes off", I said to myself.

"That's not nice to walk barefoot in the supermarket, especially not when I'm dressed up like this", I countered.

"I have a huge shopping list and Eden is going to be at the bus station in an hour. I don't want to be in these shoes for another hour. I'm taking them off and that's that", I decided.

So I took my shoes off and put them in the trolley. The supermarket was full of people and everyone who passed me by and saw me barefoot gave me an understanding smile.

I finished my shopping quickly and stood at the checkout, thinking I would go straight home to put my feet up and ask Gal to pick Eden up later. I called Eden to tell her I would not wait when she told me she was already on her way and by the time I put my things in the car, she would be at the bus station, which is a minute's drive from the supermarket. My lucky day!

I pushed the trolley into the parking. A woman walked towards me, talking on her mobile phone. She stopped for a second in front of me, still holding her phone to her ear, and said, "You look so beautiful". Then she kept walking and talking.

I smiled. That made me feel great!

I turned and looked at her. "Do I know her?" I asked myself.

"No, I don't and she doesn't know me either", I thought, "But what she said still made me feel good".

"Why would she say something like that?" I wondered.

Do you think I summoned her through the Collective Consciousness with my hugs, attention and compliments to others?

Be kind! The world is a lot brighter that way.

Ronit

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Well, when I get so many "coincidences" like that in a short time, I think the Universe is trying to tell me something.

One particular coincidental chain started a long time ago, when I was a kid. I listened to a "pirate" radio called "The Voice of Peace", which played one commercial over and over again, saying "Water. Drink only water". While they still played sponsored commercials for coke and other soft drinks, they ran this one more frequently than anything and did not get paid for it.

I loved the idea of that radio station, which promoted peace, and I loved the fact that they encouraged people to be healthy, unlike other stations that were selling air time to the highest paying advertiser.

When I was 18, I attended a workshop for girls about the world of cosmetics. Our presenter told us that if we wanted to have soft skin ("like a baby's bum"), we needed to drink plenty of water, regardless of the price of the moisturizer we bought. Well, 3 of us experimented with this and, just like she said, after only a week, everyone commented on our wonderful, glowing skin.

But these things alone did not seem like they were going anywhere yet.

10 years ago, I did a Reiki course with Barbara McGregor who was the editor of WellBeing Magazine and an authority on alternative and natural health. She told us that many health problems are caused by dehydration. She drank the whole day and it was the first time in my life I heard how much water is enough. "People need to drink 1liter (34oz or 4 glasses) of water per 22kg (49lb) of weight", she said. Barbara was about 60 years old and looked like she was 40 - energetic and full of life.

[The formula works out to 1 glass per 5.5kg (about 12lb) of body weight]

Still, I did not notice the direction of these coincidences.

Two years ago, Gal and I went to an evening seminar with an American expert who encouraged people to eat fruits and vegetables. One key thing he said was that he treated people with cancer by taking them on "water retreats", where they fast and drink lots of water. He said, "If you're unwell, drink 1liter of water per 22kg for a month first. If it doesn't work, go see a doctor".

At that stage, I felt the numbers were a bit coincidental. Gal and I thought he had probably read the same book or article as Barbara had.

A year ago, Gal went to a chiropractor to treat his back. Chris was a very interesting chiropractor because he also used kinesiology, which worked great. One day, he talked to Gal about drinking water and said, "If you drink 1liter for every 22kg of body weight, especially between 3pm and 7pm, many of your health problems will disappear".

This is when I started suspecting there must be something in that.

3 months ago, Denise, one of my clients, decided to set some health goals, saying that drinking water was a big challenge for her. She monitored her water consumption over a week and discovered she only drank about 2 glasses of water a day.

As a very creative person, Denise went home and made a water chart aimed at 8 glasses of water. She had researched on the Internet and discovered that with her weight, she needed about 16 glasses of water, but drinking 4 times as much water as before seemed a good start.

For over a month, we emailed and talked to each other on the phone and she said she was doing well with her new "water regime". Then, she came to see me for her second session.

I was shocked! Shocked! In front of me was a woman 10 years younger than the one who came for the first session. Denise looked glowing and happy. She looked like she had lost some weight, she had changed her hairstyle and although she was still a heavy women, she had changed the style of her clothes to something tighter.

"Denise, what's happened?" I asked her.

"It's the water", she said", I think I was half-asleep before. I have been getting those shocked comments in the last two weeks from everyone who knows me".

After that, every time I thought about Denise, I went to drink another glass of water.

Five weeks ago, Gal watched an item on one of the morning shows about moisturizing creams. The expert dermatologist who was interviewed on the show said there were two ways to have great skin - one was to use a good sun blocking cream, especially when you are young (sadly, that is a bit too late for adults) and the other was to drink plenty of water. Moisturizers, he said, only make the skin look good temporarily, no matter what the manufacturer claims.

When Gal told me about this show, I had a feeling the Universe was trying to tell me something.

Four weeks ago, I was reading a book about some unique marketing techniques. Although it was a business-related book, what caught my eye was a story about one person, I think he was a doctor, who had written a book about drinking water as the ultimate cure for diseases. His marketing gimmick had been saying he did not sell anything - no special water, not spring or filtered water. He had just told people to drink plenty of tap water. The people who had bought his books had looked for a catch, but he had simply written how tap water does wonders. He had made millions of dollars selling books that encouraged people to drink water.

At that stage, I said, "I think I've heard this a few times before".

Three weeks ago, a friend of mine sent me a PowerPoint presentation about a doctor who helps people cure serious problems by making them drink 1.5liter of water as soon as they get up in the morning. According to this doctor, about 90% of the health problems disappear after drinking water like this for a month, two months or up to three months.

I was a bit suspicious. I wondered why I kept getting this information from different people who did not even know of the others' existence.

Two weeks ago, my youngest sister watched a show on TV about health and wellbeing. She summarized the show with bullet points and sent it to her email list, suggesting we try these ideas. One of them was drink 6 glasses of water (1.5liter) before we brush our teeth.

At that stage, I was convinced the Universe was trying to tell me something.

The following Saturday morning, my 8-year-old daughter Noff got up wheezing (again). She had been using an inhaler for a month and I got sick and tired of it. I got up, turned my computer on and printed my version of the "28-Day Water Challenge". I calculated from the kids' weight how many glasses of water they needed (4 glasses for every 22kg) and put little pictures of glasses, a column for daily totals and a row for the average. I then encouraged everyone to participate. I figured if a doctor can treat cancer with water, wheezing should be easy and since Noff was only 8, if we did it together, it would help her keep her drinking up longer.

Let me tell you, this was hard. It made us all realize how little we had been drinking. We always seemed to feel like we had drunk more than what the chart showed and getting to our target number of glasses was, well, a challenge.

24 hours after we started, Noff stopped wheezing.

A week ago, Gal and I went to visit a friend in a hospital who is sitting in a wheelchair after a light plane crash and fighting his first standing steps like a baby. Other friends were there and we started talking about health, hospitals and medication.

I told them our daughter had stopped wheezing after a short a day of drinking 9 cups of water (she only needed 5, because she is small, but we had miscalculated). As we discussed this, I realized people would sooner consider medication, hospital, and therapies than something as easy and as natural as drinking water.

They were totally stressed about the idea of drinking 14-16 cups of water a day. They all knew how important it was to drink, they all knew they did not drink enough water (maybe 3-4 cups of water a day tops), but they refused to acknowledge the connection between drinking water and health.

One of them even said, "I'd rather stay sick than drink so much".

This made me think I had probably thought the same while the Universe was sending me all these "drink water" messages. It was too easy and I was just like my friends - willing to check many other options instead of trying something that was easy, cost no money, contained no chemicals and benefited nobody else (maybe other than City Council through my water bill).

I came home more determined to try. It would only be 28 days, Noff's wheezing had stopped already, so what did I have to lose? I encouraged everyone to mark their glasses off on the refrigerator and started doing the same myself.

It has been two weeks since we started the 28-day water challenge and none of us have reached our daily targets for two weeks. So far, this is what has happened:

1. Noff has stopped wheezing after 24 hours
2. Tsoof, our 14-year-old boy who eats like a horse, has said he was not that hungry anymore (maybe we can ever save some money…)
3. Noff started wheezing after forgetting her water bottle to school on Friday and drank very little at a festival on Saturday. On Monday, she drank plenty of water and at night (typical wheezing time), her breathing was smooth again
4. Tsoof has said he skin felt softer
5. I think my hair is softer and I have not changed any of my hair care products
6. Yesterday, Tsoof said he was very tired. When I asked him how much he drank, he said, "I forgot to take my water bottle to school"
7. During the first week, we all got up in the middle of the night twice or three times to pee
8. During the second week, we got up only once. Tsoof and Noff did not get up at all
9. Our toilets are very busy with everything that goes

Yesterday, I was convinced the Universe was trying to tell me something, because at night, I got an email from one of my community announcement subscribers. There are so many people on that list I do not know all of them and this person was totally unaware of what we were doing. This was the email (as is):

When I read it, I was convinced the Universe was trying to tell me something. I think the Universe is very persistent and it is no coincidence that in the last two month, I had read it again and again. I decided I would try to drink 640ml (did they actually measured this precisely?) every morning before I brush my teeth.

It must be the answer to all the problems in the world.

I managed to do it today. I am one day closer to being tall, blond and blue eyed (see my picture at the top right)…

I am writing about it because I think that if the Universe has tried to tell you to drink lots of water before, this post is going to add to your list of coincidences. If this is the first time you have read about the importance of drinking water, I guess the Universe is using me as its messenger.

I will keep working on this. I have two weeks to go to decide if it was worth the effort. At this stage, one healthy girl is already worth it. I will see what I think about it after 4 weeks of getting up in the middle of night to go to the toilet.

My suggestion to you: instead of listening to other people (like me), try it yourself (print a copy of the 28-Day Water Challenge, write your name on it and start drinking and marking off glasses). And come back to tell everybody what happens, so that you may be another messenger.

The Universe is talking - we only need to listen.

Happy day,
Ronit

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If you experience pain and sadness, open your gray, boring, simple sorrow box and set yourself free!

Be Happy in LIFE,
Ronit

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Personally, I am a very happy parent. I love my kids dearly and consider them the highlights of my achievement in life and sources of unlimited pride and joy. I am not saying every minute is perfect, but I am saying that parenting is the best part of my life. If you ever needed proof this can be done, take me.

For those who have never been introduced the "Tao", the word means "Way" or "Path". As a philosophy, it was developed in imperial China by Lao Tze, who, using many mysterious and indirect expressions, said something along these lines:

Our aim is to stay centered. To do this, we must recognize the natural cycles of life - seasons, emotions, day and night, events, etc - and flow with them, instead of resisting them.

The martial art Aikido is based on the Tao philosophy and its movements are aimed at throwing the opponent off balance, while maintaining our own. Aikido practitioners start everything from a grounded and centered position.

One of my personal "Tao masters" is my kids' primary school principle, Steve Tharenou. In the past 6 years, this man appeared at every event Ronit and I attended at his school. Day or night, school-wide or just in our child's class, if parents were there, so was Steve. He came, he spoke, he shook hands, he exchanged a few jokes and then he left.

In all of these events, Steve also asked us questions that showed he was familiar with our kids and our family and remembered what we told him from time to time. This man is a true master, considering his school has 1,300 students in 7 grades!

The reason I am telling you about Steve is that if you calculate the actual time he spends on these events compared to the total time he works, it really is not that much, but the effect on the parents is huge, because we all think he is always there with our kids.

You see, Steve the principle figured out the concept of "quality moments" or "power points" and uses them skillfully for maximum gain with minimum effort. You can do the same thing as a parent. Here are a few pointers:

• Every weekday is the same - your kids come from school, you and/or your partner come from work, everyone is tired, everyone is hungry and everyone has stories to tell.
  Kids go first. No matter how hard your day has been, put it aside and focus (really focus) on your kids the first time you see them in the evening. Smile at them, hug them, feed them, bathe them, ask them about their day and listen to them. You will see the change in them and you will hear it and it will not take very long, but the results will be just wonderful.
• Every weekend is the same - your kids wake up early and you want to sleep in.
  Ronit and I told our kids to hop in bed with us when they wake up and give us a "good morning" cuddle. They hop in, get some attention, feel the love and hop out again to find something quiet to do until we (finally) get up. No struggle, no noise, no frustration, just love and consideration. For a bonus point, get a video for the kids to watch if you do not want them watching whatever is on TV, or prepare an activity with them ahead of time. For a double point, get them to make breakfast for everyone and go nuts with the table decorations.
• Every school holiday is the same - whatever you do, your kids are simply incapable of planning their own time. Until they are teens, their concept of time is shaky at best anyway.
  Spend some time before the holidays and plan for everyone. Busy kids are great kids.
• Every year is the same - every school term, you will have opportunities to go to school and see your kids' work or watch them perform. Every year, you will need to develop a good relationship with your kids' teachers. Kids whose parents get involved in class enjoy privileges in the classroom others do not, so your focused action at key points of every school year count.
  These are facts of life. Use them. Meet the teachers, smile at them and say a few good things about your kids before they start teaching them. Come to class events and parent nights and take an interest in what goes on at school.
• After shower, dinner comes, then comes bedtime - our daughter Eden used to see bedtime coming from a mile away and run in the other direction, screaming and shouting. We could not understand why she refused to shower when she loved water and enjoyed her showers, when she finally got in.
  Then, it occurred to us she was seeing shower time as the beginning of an unstoppable chain of events that would lead her to bed, and she was trying to avoid going to sleep. We switched from "go take a shower" to "come and have a shower" as bonding time, followed by a family dinner, followed by a bedtime story. With our younger kids, this worked even better, because there was no struggle to undo.
• Every play is the same - when my kids play with each other, things go smoothly for a while, but then the pitch changes. Nothing done, things will quickly escalate to an all out war, with screaming and stuff flying around the room.
  When you hear the tone change, walk over to the kids, get down to their eye level and softly guide them towards something new to play.
• Regular doctor and dentist checkups seem like nuisance when you go through with them, but they beat disease and major surgery any time.
  Once every 6 months, have your kids checked, keep their immunization shots up to date and their teeth cleaned, and you can be at ease the rest of the time.

When you decided to have kids, I bet it was to have more love in your life, more pride and more happiness. Now you know how to have that with minimum effort.

Enjoy your parenting,
Gal

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This is actually a good thing, because it provides us a periodic chance to do better and ultimately to feel happier about our life. If the answer is good, we can be happy that our life is on track. If the answer is not so good, we can be happy that we have identified it and start doing something differently until the next checkpoint.

The thing about assessing our life is that we need to make sure we use the right criteria. Now, I typically do not use the word "right", but in this case, I am here to convince you that it is right to use your own criteria and wrong to use anybody else's.

You see, if you use any external measurements to gauge the quality of your own life, you are living according to other people's expectations. In this case, even if you pass with flying colors, you will be unhappy, because your own values are being ignored.

However, if use your own internal values - the things that YOU want to achieve and feel in life - once you start getting close to them, you will be incredibly happy, which will only propel you faster towards more achievement and more happiness.

"OK, so I need to use my own set of standards. Check!

But hang on a second. I am not so sure I know what those are."

Well, you will be happy to know that many people are in the same position. Unfortunately, when we were kids, we were bombarded with external wishes, demands and expectations, which stuck in our minds as global and undisputed standards that must be used.

If you have ever used the amount of money in your bank account as measurement of your success in life, you will know what I mean. If you have ever used your weight (or normalized weight for your height), the year in which your car was manufactured, the number of new clients in your business, your grades at school or university or even the color of your hair, you will know what I mean.

Who said you must have $10,000 or feel bad? Who said you must weight no more than X kg per Y centimeters to think you are OK? Who said everyone must own a brand new car, have more new clients than last year, top your class academically or be blond?

These are all things you may have heard or read since childhood, but never stopped to reconsider.

"That's great, but how can I tell what my own values are, so that I can start measuring my life the right way right now?"

Good question (100 points to Gryffindor).

Sit down comfortably, take a few really deep breaths and imagine yourself ... dying. You have just enough life left in you to answer one question, "What am I proud of and what do I regret?"

Your partner, your children and your grandchildren are there, surrounding your deathbed, all looking at you in anticipation for your answer. You have lived a long life and you have learned a lot. Surely, your wisdom will inspire them.

"Honey/Dad/Grandpa", they are asking you, "Tell us what was good in your life and made you proud to be you, so that we may live better. And tell us your regrets too, so we may avoid those things and live better."

You struggle to take another deep, deep breath and go over your life in your mind - seeing the sights, hearing the sounds and feeling the feelings. You see your younger years and your years at school, your work, your friends, your family, your travels, your holidays and your hobbies. You see the struggles, the good times and the bad. You see the happy and the sad.

What is your answer? Please share it in the comment box below.

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On weekends, you may see many signs on the sides of roads inviting you to garage sales. If you have ever had a garage sale at home, you know that there is a lot of excitement for weeks in advance while you prepare for the day. You look through all your old items and you slowly start to say goodbye to them, convincing yourself that you no longer need them.

Sell what you do not need and feel good

When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be
- Lao Tzu

Some of the items may be too old and no longer match your new style. Some of the items may be too tight or too loose and no longer match your figure. Other items may take up too much valuable space in your house and you know that if you get rid of them, you will clear up that space. Some items need fixing, but you do not feel like fixing them and would rather start fresh. Other items may not have been used for years so you get rid of them in the hope that others may enjoy them. What they all have in common is that you just do not need them anymore.

Ask any person who has ever had a garage sale and they will tell you that it takes a long time to prepare for one, and sometimes it is hard to say goodbye to some items that you think are close to your heart. Still, in the end, you meet some wonderful people, you make some money and you feel hugely relieved afterwards. You feel fresh, clean, light and free.

Emotional Garage Sale

From time to time, we all need a different type of garage sale, a garage sale that has no signs, a garage sale that has no buyers - an emotional garage sale.

Just like a normal garage sale, an emotional garage sale happens when you simply decide to get rid of feelings, thoughts and beliefs (FTBs) that you no longer need, in order to be the new person you are or the new person you want to be.

It will take time to prepare for an emotional sale too - it will be a challenge to say goodbye to those old FTBs that are close to your heart. But, just like a normal garage sale, once you do, you will meet wonderful new people, you will probably earn more money and you will definitely have a great sense of relief and freedom.

If you have feelings, thoughts or beliefs that are too old and no longer match your new goals, relationships or new style of living - the new you - then you can let them go in your annual emotional garage sale. You may even choose to have your sale quarterly or even weekly. Some FTBs you may want to be rid of are: "I do not have enough money", "I am frustrated", "I am lonely", "I can't …"

Many of your FTBs make you stressed and you may feel strangled by them. Stress is not something you want in your life. Sometimes, it is the only feeling you are familiar with, but letting it go will make you feel great.

Other FTBs make you insensitive, uncaring or powerless. Some examples of such FTBs include ones that overuse the words "should", "could", "have to", "must" or any others that place expectations on you that are too great, like: "I must finish this", "I should have done that better" or "People must behave like that".

Then, of course, there are feelings, thoughts and beliefs that mean you do not care enough about what happens to you. You do not believe you can change. You detach yourself from others. Examples of such FTBs include: "Who cares!", "It's not my business", "I can never change that", "I am like this and there is nothing I can do about it" or "It's your problem, not mine".

If you want to clear up some valuable space in your mind, you can get rid of FTBs that draw a lot of energy from you. Such FTBs keep you awake at night, damage your immune system, damage your relationships, damage your self-esteem and limit your success in many areas of your life. If you clear them out, you can regain some valuable space for sleep, energy, vitality, happiness, confidence and success. Examples of energy-draining FTBs include those related to fears, regrets and anxiety, like: "I'm scared", "I wish I had known that before", "How was I supposed to do that?", "What if I don't know what to do?", "It's not my fault", "It's all because of my childhood" or "If my boss wasn't such a bully, I'd probably do better at work".

Just like when you keep something for a long time, always meaning to fix it, but never getting around to it, there are some feelings, thoughts and beliefs that you hold on to just because you think that "one day" you will be able to deal with them. Holding on to these broken FTBs only makes it harder to say goodbye to them over time. Yes, you could work hard to improve your relationship with the negative people in your life. Yes, you could work hard to do absolutely everything your boss requires. But at the same time, you could just let go of these goals and dedicate your energy to making new relationships with positive, supporting people or to finding a job that better matches the lifestyle you wish to adopt. Remember, when you tell yourself "One day I'll …", this is a sure sign that you are in need of a garage sale.

We have garage sales because we have things sitting in the garage that, for whatever reason, we have no use for anymore and we just do not need them. In much the same way, we have feelings, thoughts and beliefs that we have received from our parents, our teachers, the media or even from past experiences. We no longer need them because we are older, we are much more mature and we have more experience or we have new and different circumstances and desires. The longer we keep the old FTBs, the harder it is to let them go. We think they are part of who we are and we are afraid that we cannot survive without them, when in fact, we would be much better off without them. Examples of FTBs we may have that we have not used for years include:

• "I'm too small" (probably a thought from childhood, from when you were really small). Let it go. You are not small anymore.
• "I don't have enough money" (a thought most people adopted when they were children and did not earn any money). Let it go. You earn money now, you can earn more money later, you always have money, but you need to choose what to do with it and prioritize how you spend it.
• "I'm not good at …" (applies to anything we have not done before). Let it go. Change it to "With practice and determination, I can be good at anything I want to do". "I'm a failure" is one of those negative thoughts that we always hold onto but we do not seem to remember nearly as well the times we have been successful. For example, you may be in a good relationship for some time and you feel great, but then when something goes wrong, you think, "I always fail at my relationships", forgetting the successes you have also had. Just because you fall over one day, does not mean you will fall over every day. The past is only a representation of the past not of the future, so let go of it!

Why carry clutter in your mind?

We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the life that is waiting for us
- Joseph Campbell

An emotional garage sale is really just a metaphor for personal development. It takes time to work and develop yourself, but if you treat your development as a life-long process of improvement, it will improve your position. You will make new friends on the way and probably even earn more money than you thought yourself capable of.

As you all know, letting go is a challenging task, but when you do finally let go, you lift a huge burden from your shoulders and you feel lighter and freer.

Birthdays, holidays and weekends are the best days for garage sales, because on these days you have more time to assess where you are and where you want to go. If you clear the internal "garage" every week, it will probably not take you very long, but if you leave it to do only once a year, it will probably take much longer and be much harder.

So, you do not need a sign on the side of the road to have your garage sale. All you need is to make the choice to let go of feelings, thoughts and beliefs that no longer support the journey towards the new person you are or the new person you want to be.

Just let go!

With blessings of happiness,
Ronit

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After divorcing his first wife Sue, Neil had a smooth relationship with her. For about 6 years, Neil picked Nathan up from school and spent time with him until Sue finished work and came pick him up for the night. Since Sue worked most weekends, Neil was happy to have Nathan with him almost every weekend. All this changed as soon as Neil met Hannah.

Sue was so unhappy that Nathan's visits at his dad's house became a big problem. When Neil and Hannah got married and had Ben, Sue spent the next two and a half years fighting Neil in court and stopping him from seeing Nathan.

Devastated and unsuccessful at communicating with his ex-wife, Neil left the country in hope that one day, when Nathan is old enough, they would meet again.

On Ben's 12^th birthday, Ben asked to go with his dad to see his stepbrother. Ben was just 3 years old the last time he had seen Nathan. He only had vague memories, but the photos of Nathan holding him as a baby were enough for him to ask for this trip as a gift.

A short time later, a letter from Nathan arrived. Neil could not believe his eyes. Attached was a photo of a 20-year-old, gorgeous-looking Nathan in graduation robes and a square hat, having finishing a Psychology degree. Neil so wanted to hug him and the painful memories of the past flooded his mind again.

Nathan said he lived on his own and studied for his Master's degree in another town. Neil called him on the phone and the father and son talked about seeing each other again.

"Come with Ben", asked Nathan, "Let's spend some time together. I have a month off".

Neil was happy for the opportunity but was sad to think it could never happen. He hardly had enough money to support Hannah and their kids. Flight ticket, one month's stay and a month away from work meant they would need $10,000, which was way out of their budget.

At first, Hannah said it was important enough for them to take a loan, but their visit in the bank was unsuccessful. Then, Hannah said she would ask her boss for a cash advance, but the money she gave her could hardly cover the airfare.

That week, Neil opened the paper and saw a free talk about "The Secret" (coincidence?). Excited after watching the movie, he went to the talk. The speaker was amazing and the morning after, Neil felt inspired, went to a travel agency and bought a ticket.

Hannah was worried. "But we don't even have enough money for the tickets", she said, "Let's find the money first".

But Neil said, "We have to act as if we have it already. Let's send the right vibes to the universe and the universe will provide", he kept saying.

He emailed me this message less than a month before the flight:

"Ronit, pray for me. The man at the Secret workshop said I had to feel the joy of receiving what I wanted before I actually got it, so I came home and the kids and I jumped for joy and had lots of fun. We screamed happily that we got the money and we were going to see Nathan. It MUST work, because the date is fast approaching and I've only managed to save $400 for the trip. I need another $8,000! I hope this "Secret" stuff works. It must work. It will work! I am going with Ben to see Nathan in 26 days…"

Neil's entire family thought he was crazy. Together with Ben and Nathan, they planned the time of their life together. Whenever someone asked him about the money, he said, "The universe will provide". As the days went by, everyone felt sorry for him. His parents said he'd lost his mind.

Hannah's family thought "this Secret stuff" was nonsense and said he was pathetic. Some of them told Hannah she should not have allowed him to listen to this brainwashing "Secret" person and Hannah was torn between Neil's strong belief in the Secret and reality.

Both Hannah and Neil had worked very hard for the past 5 years. There were no more days in a week to work. Every conversation for 4 weeks was about "The Secret". Like a missionary, Neil tried to convince his family and friends that all he needed to do was to truly want the trip and he would get it. Being an atheist, everyone thought he had lost it and tried to convince him to cancel the tickets so he does not lose the money, but he kept saying, "The money will come".

A week before their departure, we visited Neil and Hannah. During lunch, Neil excitedly told us that the night before, his brother-in-law had called and said:

"Neil, I think you are totally nuts with this "Secret" stuff. You just can't believe in things like that. Money doesn't just pop up. The universe doesn't provide and asking for what you want isn't enough. I'm worried about you. You have to promise me to stop this nonsense with this "Secret". I'll give you $10,000 as a loan, which you can give me back when you can. No rush. But promise me you won't go on believing in this "Secret" nonsense…"

On Wednesday, the 23^rd of July, Ben got his birthday wish and Neil got to fly half way around the world to see his son after missing him terribly for 11 years.

What do you think? Did The Law of Attraction work, or is it just nonsense?

Buy The Secret (Book) or The Secret (Extended Edition DVD) on Amazon

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