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> <channel><title>Family Matters &#187; research</title> <atom:link href="http://www.ronitbaras.com/tag/research/feed/" rel="self" type="application/rss+xml" /><link>http://www.ronitbaras.com</link> <description>&#34;Happy Parents Raise Happy Kids&#34;</description> <lastBuildDate>Wed, 08 Feb 2012 05:29:26 +0000</lastBuildDate> <language>en</language> <sy:updatePeriod>hourly</sy:updatePeriod> <sy:updateFrequency>1</sy:updateFrequency> <generator>http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1</generator> <xhtml:meta xmlns:xhtml="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" name="robots" content="noindex" /> <item><title>From the Life Coaching Deck: Art Fights Depression</title><link>http://www.ronitbaras.com/life-coaching/beautiful-people/from-the-life-coaching-deck-art-fights-depression/</link> <comments>http://www.ronitbaras.com/life-coaching/beautiful-people/from-the-life-coaching-deck-art-fights-depression/#comments</comments> <pubDate>Fri, 27 Jan 2012 00:58:56 +0000</pubDate> <dc:creator>Ronit Baras</dc:creator> <category><![CDATA[Beautiful people]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Health / Wellbeing]]></category> <category><![CDATA[change]]></category> <category><![CDATA[depression]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Emotional Intelligence]]></category> <category><![CDATA[grief]]></category> <category><![CDATA[happiness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[health / wellbeing]]></category> <category><![CDATA[how to]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Life Coaching]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lifestyle]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Relationships / Marriage]]></category> <category><![CDATA[research]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self confidence / self esteem / self worth]]></category> <guid
isPermaLink="false">http://www.ronitbaras.com/?p=8314</guid> <description><![CDATA[<a
href="http://www.ronitbaras.com/life-coaching/beautiful-people/from-the-life-coaching-deck-art-fights-depression/"><img
align="left" hspace="5" width="150" src="http://uploads.ronitbaras.com/2012/01/clip_image002_thumb2.jpg" class="alignleft wp-post-image tfe" alt="Water colors" title="Painting can relieve depression" /></a>Gail asked for a relationship coaching session, but said she would come by herself. "My husband won't come", she said. No matter what I asked her, her answer was related to the fact her husband was depressed and was unwilling to help himself. He had lost his job years before and that had sucked the life out of him. For 5 years, he had been sucking the life out of Gail and her two wonderful boys.
Having a depressed family member is not easy to handle. Most of the time, the depressed person cannot admit he or she needs help and rejects any help attempt. Those around them feel helpless and drained.
Gail was very creative in her attempts to help her husband. She went to the doctor and talked to him. She tried to make him go to the doctor, without success. She got him some vitamins and he refused to take them. She arranged holidays to make him happy, but he stayed depress.
Eventually, after 5 years of trying, Gail left home.]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><a
href="http://uploads.ronitbaras.com/2012/01/clip_image0022.jpg"><img
style="background-image: none; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; display: inline; float: left; padding-top: 0px; border: 0px;" title="Painting can relieve depression" src="http://uploads.ronitbaras.com/2012/01/clip_image002_thumb2.jpg" alt="Water colors" width="214" height="214" align="left" border="0" /></a>Gail asked for a relationship coaching session, but said she would come by herself. "My husband won't come", she said. No matter what I asked her, her answer was related to the fact her husband was depressed and was unwilling to help himself. He had lost his job years before and that had sucked the life out of him. For 5 years, he had been sucking the life out of Gail and her two wonderful boys.</p><p>Having a depressed family member is not easy to handle. Most of the time, the depressed person cannot admit he or she needs help and rejects any help attempt. Those around them feel helpless and drained.</p><p>Gail was very creative in her attempts to help her husband. She went to the doctor and talked to him. She tried to make him go to the doctor, without success. She got him some vitamins and he refused to take them. She arranged holidays to make him happy, but he stayed depress.</p><p>"What happened with the boys?" I asked.</p><p>"They left. For five years, we didn't have a life. Everything revolved around him. Everything we did was done to please him. He was unhappy with everything we did and with what we didn't do. We had no friends left. No one was willing to come to our house and those who dared only did it once. Every second around him was fighting and complaining, so they gave up and left".</p><p>Gail' sons were 18 and 21, both studied at university and had to support themselves. Their dad was so unhappy with their move he did not "allow" their mom to see them.</p><p>Helping a depressed person is not easy, especially when he or she is an adult. Adults must choose to accept help and we cannot force them to receive our help.</p><p>Eventually, after 5 years of trying, Gail left home.</p><p>Her moving out was very effective. Not having Gail and the boys around helped her husband understand he had a problem.</p><p>Most of our sessions were spent on managing the process of going back home. The most effective tip I gave her was to use are. I introduced her to a research about depression and art and that worked like magic.</p><p>I hope it will help you too.</p><p>A research done in Norway with over 50,000 people using blood tests, urine tests, interviews, questionnaires and clinical examinations discovered that <a
href="http://www.ntnu.edu/news/culture-and-health" target="_blank">art can successfully fight depression</a>. "There is a positive relationship between cultural participation and self-perceived health for both women and men", says Professor Jostein Holmen.</p><p>The researches claim, "Up to now, physical activity has been recognized as a measure that promotes good health. But our study shows that other daily life activities may promote good health from a holistic point of view. The results suggest that the use of cultural activities in health promotion and health care may be justified".</p><p><a
href="http://uploads.ronitbaras.com/2012/01/clip_image0042.jpg"><img
style="background-image: none; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; display: inline; float: left; padding-top: 0px; border: 0px;" title="Art relieves depression" src="http://uploads.ronitbaras.com/2012/01/clip_image004_thumb2.jpg" alt="Wooden sculpture of a couple" width="253" height="204" align="left" border="0" /></a>The research found that people who were exposed to art feel healthier overall. If they see music concerts, painting or sculpture and visit galleries, they are healthier and happier and less depressed then others. If they make art themselves by playing a musical instrument, singing, painting, sculpting and dancing, the results were even better.</p><p>The surprising thing was the results were true for all participants, regardless of their lifestyle and socio-economic background.</p><p>Gail's husband loved carpentry. He had not dealt with the loss of his job properly and had not touched his tools since he had stopped working. When Gail came back home, she encouraged him to take is tools out and build a drawer for the living room.</p><p>Three month later, the boys came back home.</p><p>Have a happy day,<br
/> Ronit</p><p>P.S. If you ever need a reason to encourage your children to engage in artistic activities or a reason to visit a gallery or go to the theater, you know it now. Art makes you happy!<br
/><h3 class='related_post_title'>You may want to read</h3><ul
class='related_post'><li><a
href='http://www.ronitbaras.com/emotional-intelligence/personal-development-c/hugs-the-ultimate-antidepresant/' title='Hugs: The Ultimate Antidepressant'>Hugs: The Ultimate Antidepressant</a></li><li><a
href='http://www.ronitbaras.com/emotional-intelligence/personal-development-c/from-the-life-coaching-deck-5-making-money-addiction/' title='From the Life Coaching Deck (5): Making Money Addiction'>From the Life Coaching Deck (5): Making Money Addiction</a></li><li><a
href='http://www.ronitbaras.com/emotional-intelligence/personal-development-c/purpose-to-be-a-great-dad/' title='Purpose: To Be a Great Dad'>Purpose: To Be a Great Dad</a></li></ul> Tags: <a
href="http://www.ronitbaras.com/tag/change/" title="change" rel="tag nofollow">change</a>, <a
href="http://www.ronitbaras.com/tag/depression/" title="depression" rel="tag nofollow">depression</a>, <a
href="http://www.ronitbaras.com/tag/emotional-intelligence/" title="Emotional Intelligence" rel="tag nofollow">Emotional Intelligence</a>, <a
href="http://www.ronitbaras.com/tag/grief/" title="grief" rel="tag nofollow">grief</a>, <a
href="http://www.ronitbaras.com/tag/happiness/" title="happiness" rel="tag nofollow">happiness</a>, <a
href="http://www.ronitbaras.com/tag/health-wellbeing-2/" title="health / wellbeing" rel="tag nofollow">health / wellbeing</a>, <a
href="http://www.ronitbaras.com/tag/how-to/" title="how to" rel="tag nofollow">how to</a>, <a
href="http://www.ronitbaras.com/tag/life-coaching/" title="Life Coaching" rel="tag nofollow">Life Coaching</a>, <a
href="http://www.ronitbaras.com/tag/lifestyle/" title="lifestyle" rel="tag nofollow">lifestyle</a>, <a
href="http://www.ronitbaras.com/tag/relationships/" title="Relationships / Marriage" rel="tag nofollow">Relationships / Marriage</a>, <a
href="http://www.ronitbaras.com/tag/research/" title="research" rel="tag nofollow">research</a>, <a
href="http://www.ronitbaras.com/tag/self-confidence-self-esteem-self-worth/" title="self confidence / self esteem / self worth" rel="tag nofollow">self confidence / self esteem / self worth</a> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>http://www.ronitbaras.com/life-coaching/beautiful-people/from-the-life-coaching-deck-art-fights-depression/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>0</slash:comments> <series:name><![CDATA[From the Life Coaching Deck]]></series:name> </item> <item><title>Why Brush Your Teeth</title><link>http://www.ronitbaras.com/focus-on-the-family/parenting-family/why-brush-your-teeth/</link> <comments>http://www.ronitbaras.com/focus-on-the-family/parenting-family/why-brush-your-teeth/#comments</comments> <pubDate>Fri, 09 Jul 2010 04:17:09 +0000</pubDate> <dc:creator>Ronit Baras</dc:creator> <category><![CDATA[Health / Wellbeing]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Parenting]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Success / Wealth]]></category> <category><![CDATA[choice]]></category> <category><![CDATA[health / wellbeing]]></category> <category><![CDATA[lifestyle]]></category> <category><![CDATA[motivation]]></category> <category><![CDATA[parenting]]></category> <category><![CDATA[perception]]></category> <category><![CDATA[projection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[research]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self confidence / self esteem / self worth]]></category> <category><![CDATA[success]]></category> <category><![CDATA[video]]></category> <guid
isPermaLink="false">http://www.ronitbaras.com/?p=5086</guid> <description><![CDATA[<a
href="http://www.ronitbaras.com/focus-on-the-family/parenting-family/why-brush-your-teeth/"><img
align="left" hspace="5" width="150" src="http://uploads.ronitbaras.com/2010/07/clip_image0023_thumb3.jpg" class="alignleft wp-post-image tfe" alt="Kid with missing teeth" title="Kid with missing teeth" /></a>Parents want the best for their kids. We all know how important it is to brush our teeth in the morning and in the evening in order to keep germs away and avoid cavities and pain, not to mention large dental bills. But did you know that having white teeth can do a lot not just for your kids' health, but also for their psychology and their level of success in life?
Well, when people smile, showing a full set of white teeth, it can be seen up to 200 meters. Whether we like the idea or not, people associate white teeth with success. I would want my kids to know that, together with the health benefits of taking care of your teeth.]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><a
href="http://uploads.ronitbaras.com/2010/07/clip_image00233.jpg"><img
style="margin: 0px 10px 5px 0px; display: inline; border-width: 0px;" title="Kid with missing teeth" src="http://uploads.ronitbaras.com/2010/07/clip_image0023_thumb3.jpg" border="0" alt="Kid with missing teeth" width="228" height="330" align="left" /></a>In one of my workshops, a mother told the group she found it hard to make her daughter brush her teeth. She said that every night and every morning they fought about it.</p><p>"Why do you want her to brush her teeth?" I asked.</p><p>"Because I want them to be healthy", she said.</p><p>As a mother, I would have answered exactly the same way, but I have since read about research on the benefits of having white teeth and there is more to it.</p><p>Parents want the best for their kids. We all know how important it is to brush our teeth in the morning and in the evening in order to keep germs away and avoid cavities and pain, not to mention large dental bills. But did you know that having white teeth can do a lot not just for your kids' health, but also for their psychology and their level of success in life?</p><p>Well, when people smile, showing a full set of white teeth, it can be seen up to 200 meters. Whether we like the idea or not, people associate white teeth with success. I would want my kids to know that, together with the health benefits of taking care of your teeth.</p><p>Research done in 2007 on the impact of whiter teeth on job acquisition and relationships found that people who have whiter teeth have an advantage at finding both jobs and love. In the experiment, most of the participants thought that a person's appearance was an indicator of their success. Participants thought that people who looked good were more trustworthy, more professional and more successful financially.</p><p>According to this research:</p><ul><li>68% of people consider personal appearance an indication of professional success</li><li>64% see personal appearance as an indication of financial success</li><li>52% believe that personal appearance is an indication of being trustworthy</li></ul><p>The researcher wanted to know if teeth whitening had an impact on applicants' success at job interviews. All the participants went through two separate interviews and used a home whitening product between their first and the second interview. Each interview was conducted by a different person.</p><p><a
href="http://uploads.ronitbaras.com/2010/07/clip_image00433.jpg"><img
style="margin: 0px 10px 5px 0px; display: inline; border-width: 0px;" title="White teeth" src="http://uploads.ronitbaras.com/2010/07/clip_image0043_thumb3.jpg" border="0" alt="White teeth" width="369" height="243" align="left" /></a>After participants' teeth had been whitened, 58% more were hired, 53% received higher salary offers, 65% were viewed as more professional, <strong>and 61% were viewed as more confident.</strong></p><p>Another study about first impressions sent participants on first dates before and after whitening their teeth and interviewed their partners. After whitening their teeth, 59% were viewed as more outgoing and 54% were more likely to go on another date with the same partner and perhaps have a relationship.</p><p>When I read about this research, I wondered whether having white teeth makes people behave differently or people just view it that way. Then I decided that either way, it definitely gives you an advantage.</p><p>I have found a video about the research for your viewing convenience.</p><p
style="text-align: center;">[There is a video that cannot be displayed in this feed. <a
href="http://www.ronitbaras.com/focus-on-the-family/parenting-family/why-brush-your-teeth/">Visit the blog entry to see the video.]</a></p><p>Although having white teeth has nothing to do with having clean  teeth, neglected teeth with holes or fillings and teeth with cigarette,  coffee and/or red wine stains can get in the way of our success in life.</p><p>So now, when you see someone with teeth stained in yellow, brown or black, you can point them out to your kids and say, "See this person? It's a lot harder for them to find a job or a date because", because now you can back this up with research results. If you want your kids to be viewed as being more confident, besides explaining the health benefits of brushing their teeth and going for regular dentist checkups, tell them the psychological and financial benefits of being perceived as trustworthy and successful.</p><p>I wonder if our kids measure our success and trustworthiness by looking at our teeth too. Just in case, I think I will brush my teeth three times today…</p><p>Happy parenting,<br
/> Ronit</p><h4>Important notes</h4><p>I believe that people perceive themselves and others based on looks and smiles, but:</p><ol><li>The study mentioned above was funded for the company that makes the whitening strips and was based on simulated interviews and dates.</li><li>I get absolutely nothing from them (would have been nice, but no).</li><li>Whitening your teeth involves chemicals that oxidize your teeth and may weaken them a tiny bit at a time, so please use common sense and professional advice before doing it.</li><li>Personally, I would avoid whitening kids' teeth. I would just encourage them to clean well.</li></ol><h3 class='related_post_title'>You may want to read</h3><ul
class='related_post'><li><a
href='http://www.ronitbaras.com/focus-on-the-family/parenting-family/money-for-nothing/' title='Money for Nothing'>Money for Nothing</a></li><li><a
href='http://www.ronitbaras.com/emotional-intelligence/personal-development-c/help/' title='Help'>Help</a></li><li><a
href='http://www.ronitbaras.com/focus-on-the-family/parenting-family/ronits-parenting-bible-money/' title='Ronit&#8217;s Parenting Bible: Money'>Ronit&#8217;s Parenting Bible: Money</a></li></ul> Tags: <a
href="http://www.ronitbaras.com/tag/choice/" title="choice" rel="tag nofollow">choice</a>, <a
href="http://www.ronitbaras.com/tag/health-wellbeing-2/" title="health / wellbeing" rel="tag nofollow">health / wellbeing</a>, <a
href="http://www.ronitbaras.com/tag/lifestyle/" title="lifestyle" rel="tag nofollow">lifestyle</a>, <a
href="http://www.ronitbaras.com/tag/motivation/" title="motivation" rel="tag nofollow">motivation</a>, <a
href="http://www.ronitbaras.com/tag/parenting/" title="parenting" rel="tag nofollow">parenting</a>, <a
href="http://www.ronitbaras.com/tag/perception/" title="perception" rel="tag nofollow">perception</a>, <a
href="http://www.ronitbaras.com/tag/projection/" title="projection" rel="tag nofollow">projection</a>, <a
href="http://www.ronitbaras.com/tag/research/" title="research" rel="tag nofollow">research</a>, <a
href="http://www.ronitbaras.com/tag/self-confidence-self-esteem-self-worth/" title="self confidence / self esteem / self worth" rel="tag nofollow">self confidence / self esteem / self worth</a>, <a
href="http://www.ronitbaras.com/tag/success/" title="success" rel="tag nofollow">success</a>, <a
href="http://www.ronitbaras.com/tag/video/" title="video" rel="tag nofollow">video</a> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>http://www.ronitbaras.com/focus-on-the-family/parenting-family/why-brush-your-teeth/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>11</slash:comments> </item> <item><title>Who&#8217;s Your Favorite Grandparent? (Poll)</title><link>http://www.ronitbaras.com/focus-on-the-family/parenting-family/whos-your-favorite-grandparent-poll/</link> <comments>http://www.ronitbaras.com/focus-on-the-family/parenting-family/whos-your-favorite-grandparent-poll/#comments</comments> <pubDate>Mon, 03 May 2010 05:07:53 +0000</pubDate> <dc:creator>Ronit Baras</dc:creator> <category><![CDATA[Parenting]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Poll]]></category> <category><![CDATA[dad]]></category> <category><![CDATA[family matters]]></category> <category><![CDATA[father]]></category> <category><![CDATA[grandchildren]]></category> <category><![CDATA[grandparents]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Kids / Children]]></category> <category><![CDATA[love]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mom]]></category> <category><![CDATA[mother]]></category> <category><![CDATA[parenting]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Relationships / Marriage]]></category> <category><![CDATA[research]]></category> <guid
isPermaLink="false">http://www.ronitbaras.com/?p=4735</guid> <description><![CDATA[<a
href="http://www.ronitbaras.com/focus-on-the-family/parenting-family/whos-your-favorite-grandparent-poll/"><img
align="left" hspace="5" width="150" src="http://uploads.ronitbaras.com/2010/05/clip_image002_thumb.jpg" class="alignleft wp-post-image tfe" alt="Grandkids with grandparents" title="Grandkids with grandparents" /></a>For the 21 years of our oldest daughters' life, we have been contemplating the issue of our kids' relationship with their grandparents. You see, our kids have grown up far away from their grandparents most of their life, but their relationships with one side of the family is stronger that with the other side.
To my surprise, the relationship to grandparents has nothing to do with how nice the grandparents are or what culture they are from, how nice you are, how nice your kids are or where you choose to live around the world. It is linked more closely to evolution - that survival mechanism of humanity to keep the dynasty and strengthen it. Grandparents invest in the grandchildren they are convinced are theirs.
In 1998, a researcher named DeKay came up with a theory to explain findings from researches conducted two years previously (Euler &#038; Weitzel, 1996 and Boon &#038; Brassoni, 1996) who claimed that grandmothers on the mother's side invested in their grandkids the most. DeKay came up with a theory linking the relationship between grandparents and their grandchildren to certainty. His theory was that grandparents invest in the grandchildren they are certain are their offspring. In other words, the grandparent who has less doubt of being genetically related to the child and therefore to the grandchild, is more likely to invest in this relationship to support his or her "breed".]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><a
href="http://uploads.ronitbaras.com/2010/05/clip_image002.jpg"><img
style="margin: 0px 10px 5px 0px; display: inline; border-width: 0px;" title="Grandkids with grandparents" src="http://uploads.ronitbaras.com/2010/05/clip_image002_thumb.jpg" border="0" alt="Grandkids with grandparents" width="188" height="188" align="left" /></a>For the 21 years of our oldest daughters' life, we have been contemplating the issue of our kids' relationship with their grandparents. You see, our kids have grown up far away from their grandparents most of their life, but their relationships with one side of the family is stronger that with the other side.</p><p>We wondered about it many times. At first, we thought it was just the difference between the characters of the grandparents. We thought my side of the family was just warmer and more caring while Gals' family could not manage the long distance relationship as well. We thought up cultural and personal attitude differences as the cause for the difference in their effort to stay in touch with our kids.</p><p>To be honest, I do not think the explanations we gave ourselves helped us overcome the hurt that my parents made lots of effort to stay in contact while Gal's parents, especially his dad, remained distant. Even overseas visits were problematic. While staying the nights at Gal's parents was much easier because they had a bigger, more comfortable house, we ended up staying at my parent's house which was crowded and messy. It was hard to explain, especially because we could never solve the mystery of my brother joining his wife's "tribe" or Gal's sisters having much closer relationships with his parents.</p><p>I think that over the years, a bit of resentment and disappointment built up into this relationship from both sides. When Gal's mom died about 3 years ago, things got worse. Our last visit as a family to Gal's dad was strange. The kids tried hard to make him smile and laugh, but he was distant, yet when the other grandkids (Gal's sister's kids) came, he seemed very happy. Granted, he sees them a lot more often, but grandkids and grandkids and our kids are really great. Besides, my parents enjoy all their grandchildren equally.</p><p>Over the years, we shifted to mild acceptance, but whenever things went wrong in the relationship, the more my parents made the effort, the worse it was for Gal and he kept on asking: Why? What have we done wrong? Is it the move? Is it me? Is it you?</p><p><a
href="http://uploads.ronitbaras.com/2010/05/clip_image004.jpg"><img
style="margin: 0px 10px 5px 0px; display: inline; border-width: 0px;" title="Grandmother and grandson" src="http://uploads.ronitbaras.com/2010/05/clip_image004_thumb.jpg" border="0" alt="Grandmother and grandson" width="257" height="193" align="left" /></a>These questions about the reasons for the different effort grandparents invest in their relationships with their grandkids are not easy to ask and even harder to answer. However, this year, Eden was studying for her psychology exam and I finally got the answer. If your kids do not have the same close relationship to all their grandparents, you want to read about this research.</p><p>To my surprise, the relationship to grandparents has nothing to do with how nice the grandparents are or what culture they are from, how nice you are, how nice your kids are or where you choose to live around the world. It is linked more closely to evolution - that survival mechanism of humanity to keep the dynasty and strengthen it. Grandparents invest in the grandchildren they are convinced are theirs.</p><p>In 1998, a researcher named DeLay came up with a theory to explain findings from researches conducted two years previously (Euler &amp; Wetzel, 1996 and Boon &amp; Branson, 1996) who claimed that grandmothers on the mother's side invested in their grandkids the most. DeLay came up with a theory linking the relationship between grandparents and their grandchildren to certainty. His theory was that grandparents invest in the grandchildren they are certain are their offspring. In other words, the grandparent who has less doubt of being genetically related to the <strong>child</strong> and therefore to the <strong>grandchild</strong>, is more likely to invest in this relationship to support his or her "breed".</p><p>Based on DeLay's theory, because <strong>mothers </strong>give birth to the child, they are more certain the child is theirs and are therefore more likely to invest in their grandchildren. This means the relationship will also look different if the parent is a son or a daughter.</p><ul><li>Mother's mother (grandmother on mother's side) is certain the daughter is hers and therefore certain the grandchild is hers, so she will invest highly in the relationship with the grandchild.</li><li>Mother's father (grandfather on mother's side) is uncertain the daughter is his, although he is certain the grandchild is hers, so he will invest less in the relationship.</li><li>Father's mother is certain the son is hers, but not certain the grandchild is her son's offspring, so she will invest less than the mother's mother but, more than the mother's father.</li><li>Father's father is uncertain the son is his and uncertain the grandchild is his son's offspring, so he will invest the least in the relationship with the grandchild.</li></ul><p>To check his theory, Decay did a survey among college students and asked them to rate the relationships with their grandparents. DeLay asked them to rate them in terms of time they spend together, how much or their resources they invest in them and how close they are emotionally. Each student had to rank their grandparents' investment in them - the grandparent that most invested in them was ranked 1 and the up to the grandparent that least invested in them who was ranked 4. Look at the distribution of investment according the students perception in the chart below.</p><p><a
href="http://uploads.ronitbaras.com/2010/05/clip_image008.gif"><img
style="margin: 0px auto; display: block; float: none; border-width: 0px;" title="Grandparent preference chart" src="http://uploads.ronitbaras.com/2010/05/clip_image008_thumb.gif" border="0" alt="Grandparent preference chart" width="578" height="337" /></a></p><p>Although the time and the resource charts looked a bit different (higher ranking to mothers' mother, even lower to father's father and equal investment for mother's father and father's mother), most of the students ranked mom's mom as the person who invests the most in the relationship with them.</p><p>Reading about the research and the possible reasons for it solved the mystery of my parents' relationship with their daughters' kids (my 3 sisters and me) and the distance from my brother's kids. There is still a lot of love there, but less time together and less investment in the relationship, especially compared with the amazingly wonderful bond between my brother's kids and their maternal grandmother.</p><p>It also solved the mystery of Gal's dad's awkward relationship with our kids and the closer bond to his other grandchildren (Gal has 3 sisters).</p><p>Obviously, there is no guarantee this is always the case and in some families, not all 4 grandparents are alive to even allow a comparison. For example, Gal's mom's parents died when she was a baby, so when examining his relationships with his grandparents, he had no one to compare to his paternal grandparents.</p><p><a
href="http://uploads.ronitbaras.com/2010/05/clip_image006.jpg"><img
style="margin: 0px 10px 5px 0px; display: inline; border-width: 0px;" title="Grandparents with grandson" src="http://uploads.ronitbaras.com/2010/05/clip_image006_thumb.jpg" border="0" alt="Grandparents with grandson" width="300" height="202" align="left" /></a>This also made me think about how much heartache and family conflicts can be saved if families learn there is a genetic disposition at the core of the relationship and that it is not based solely on behavior, character traits or cultural differences. I have to say that it clears a lot of space for forgiveness.</p><p>To check this theory among the readers of this blog, I have decided to survey the parents who read this blog with a quick poll.</p><p>Please choose the grandparent that has the closest relationship to your kids. If you do not have kids of your own, choose based on your relationships with your own grandparents.</p><div><div
class='democracy'><h3 class="poll-question">Who's your kids' (your) favorite grandparent?</h3><div
class='dem-results'><form
action='http://www.ronitbaras.com/wp-content/plugins/democracy/democracy.php' onsubmit='return dem_Vote(this)'><ul><li> <input
type='radio' id='dem-choice-88' value='88' name='dem_poll_15' /> <label
for='dem-choice-88'>Mom's mom</label></li><li> <input
type='radio' id='dem-choice-89' value='89' name='dem_poll_15' /> <label
for='dem-choice-89'>Dad's mom</label></li><li> <input
type='radio' id='dem-choice-90' value='90' name='dem_poll_15' /> <label
for='dem-choice-90'>Mom's dad</label></li><li> <input
type='radio' id='dem-choice-91' value='91' name='dem_poll_15' /> <label
for='dem-choice-91'>Dad's dad</label></li></ul> <input
type='hidden' name='dem_poll_id' value='15' /> <input
type='hidden' name='dem_action' value='vote' /> <input
type='submit' class='dem-vote-button' value='Vote' /> <a
href='/tag/research/feed/?dem_action=view&amp;dem_poll_id=15' onclick='return dem_getVotes("http://www.ronitbaras.com/wp-content/plugins/democracy/democracy.php?dem_action=view&amp;dem_poll_id=15", this)' rel='nofollow' class='dem-vote-link'>View Results</a></form></div></div></div><p>And next time when you have a family conflict with your parents about their relationship with their grandkids (your kids), remember it may have nothing to do with you.</p><p>Happy parenting,<br
/> Ronit<br
/><h3 class='related_post_title'>You may want to read</h3><ul
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href='http://www.ronitbaras.com/life-coaching/what-are-you-saying-to-your-teens/' title='What Are You Saying to Your Teens?'>What Are You Saying to Your Teens?</a></li><li><a
href='http://www.ronitbaras.com/focus-on-the-family/parenting-family/kids-are-like-fish/' title='Kids are Like Fish'>Kids are Like Fish</a></li></ul> Tags: <a
href="http://www.ronitbaras.com/tag/dad/" title="dad" rel="tag nofollow">dad</a>, <a
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href="http://www.ronitbaras.com/tag/father/" title="father" rel="tag nofollow">father</a>, <a
href="http://www.ronitbaras.com/tag/grandchildren/" title="grandchildren" rel="tag nofollow">grandchildren</a>, <a
href="http://www.ronitbaras.com/tag/grandparents/" title="grandparents" rel="tag nofollow">grandparents</a>, <a
href="http://www.ronitbaras.com/tag/kids-children/" title="Kids / Children" rel="tag nofollow">Kids / Children</a>, <a
href="http://www.ronitbaras.com/tag/love/" title="love" rel="tag nofollow">love</a>, <a
href="http://www.ronitbaras.com/tag/mom/" title="mom" rel="tag nofollow">mom</a>, <a
href="http://www.ronitbaras.com/tag/mother/" title="mother" rel="tag nofollow">mother</a>, <a
href="http://www.ronitbaras.com/tag/parenting/" title="parenting" rel="tag nofollow">parenting</a>, <a
href="http://www.ronitbaras.com/tag/poll/" title="Poll" rel="tag nofollow">Poll</a>, <a
href="http://www.ronitbaras.com/tag/relationships/" title="Relationships / Marriage" rel="tag nofollow">Relationships / Marriage</a>, <a
href="http://www.ronitbaras.com/tag/research/" title="research" rel="tag nofollow">research</a> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>http://www.ronitbaras.com/focus-on-the-family/parenting-family/whos-your-favorite-grandparent-poll/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>4</slash:comments> </item> <item><title>Do Glasses Make You Smart?</title><link>http://www.ronitbaras.com/education-learning/do-glasses-make-you-smart/</link> <comments>http://www.ronitbaras.com/education-learning/do-glasses-make-you-smart/#comments</comments> <pubDate>Fri, 16 May 2008 09:40:49 +0000</pubDate> <dc:creator>Ronit Baras</dc:creator> <category><![CDATA[Did You Know?]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Education / Learning]]></category> <category><![CDATA[intelligence]]></category> <category><![CDATA[K-12 Education]]></category> <category><![CDATA[perception]]></category> <category><![CDATA[research]]></category> <category><![CDATA[success]]></category> <guid
isPermaLink="false">http://www.ronitbaras.com/?p=445</guid> <description><![CDATA[<a
href="http://www.ronitbaras.com/education-learning/do-glasses-make-you-smart/"><img
align="left" hspace="5" width="150" src="http://uploads.ronitbaras.com/2008/05/clip-image0028.jpg" class="alignleft wp-post-image tfe" alt="Do Glasses Make You Smart?" title="" /></a>It started when my sister, who is 3 years younger than I am, brought home her prescription glasses. I was about 15 and thought it was cool. Kids are like that. They think strange things are cool. From time to time, I would steal her glasses and try them on. I was shocked to discover that the TV looked different, and that the whole world looked clearer.]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>It started when my sister, who is 3 years younger than I am, brought home her prescription glasses. I was about 15 and thought it was cool. Kids are like that. They think strange things are cool. From time to time, I would steal her glasses and try them on. I was shocked to discover that the TV looked different, and that the whole world looked clearer.</p><p>When I was 16, I brought home my first prescription glasses. I was very happy. For a long time, I checked what the world looked like with and without my glasses, and I was a bit disappointed that the optometrist had told me to wear them only when I needed to watch TV, movies or to sit far away from the board in class.</p><p>Surprise, surprise, once I had my glasses, I got to be one of the top kids in my class in 11<sup>th</sup> Grade, after having been kicked out of school in 10<sup>th</sup> Grade for having failed too many subject. It was as if the glasses had helped me to see my homework better.</p><p><img
style="border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-bottom: 0px" src="http://uploads.ronitbaras.com/2008/05/clip-image0028.jpg" border="0" alt="Do Glasses Make You Smart?" width="260" height="180" />I did not think too much of the glasses until, at the age of 20, I went to work at a filter factory. It was the most boring job ever. We would sit at a table, a group of 20 girls, and glue filters. To make it less boring, they would change what we did every hour. During those weeks, I looked at every filter and imagined in what creative ways I could use them. I felt a bit different to most of the girls around me. I had just finished my military service and all the other girls had not. I had an advantage, but I still felt different. There were not many topics I felt we could talk about. Some of the girls were mothers already and talked about their husbands and kids, but they were mostly quiet. I guess repeating the same thing for 8 hours every day numbs the brain.</p><p>One day, we sat in the cafeteria for lunch and one of the confident girls said to me:</p><p>"You are not like us."</p><p>"What do you mean?", I asked her.</p><p><img
style="border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-bottom: 0px" src="http://uploads.ronitbaras.com/2008/05/clip-image0047.jpg" border="0" alt="Do Glasses Make You Smart?" width="260" height="180" />She looked at all the other girls and asked them, "She is different, isn't she?"</p><p>"You look smarter than us," one of the other girls said. I thought they had said that because they knew that I had graduated from high school and they had not.</p><p>"Why do you think I am smarter than you?", I asked, and there was quiet. Then one of them said, "Because of your glasses."</p><p>They all looked at each other as if they were happy they had figured something out. The glasses! Yes, that was another thing that made us different. I was the only person with glasses in the whole place.</p><p>"What about the glasses?", I asked, very surprised.</p><p>"People with glasses are smarter", they declared.</p><p>For years after this, I thought about what the girls had said. It did not matter if it was right or not. The only thing that mattered was that people actually believed that glasses make you smarter, and let me tell you, people still think that.</p><p><img
style="border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-bottom: 0px" src="http://uploads.ronitbaras.com/2008/05/clip-image0067.jpg" border="0" alt="Do Glasses Make You Smart?" width="212" height="212" />At the age of 20, after working with the girls for a week, I did not think glasses were cool. I did all that I could to buy contact lenses. It was not easy, because they were expensive, it was a pain to wear them, and it was not very healthy, but still, I tried very hard. I was very happy with my contacts and was willing to put in the effort every morning to put them on (I do not know about you, but for me it was a 15-minute ritual). Then, I for my Special Education studies and was invited for an assessment day. I looked at the agenda for the day and freaked out. We had over 4 hours of written tests and about 4 hours of character testing, all done in a group of 30 people. In the morning, I got up early for my daily ritual of burning eyes and tears, and then I remembered the girls from the filter factory saying, "Smart people wear glasses".</p><p>"But I want to look my best", I thought.</p><p>"No way, glasses are not cool."</p><p>"I am not going with glasses. No one can see my make-up when I have my glasses on. Besides, I have not worn them for such a long time, they look awful on me, and maybe only girls working in a factory think like that."</p><p>I was talking to myself like this for a while. However, after everything I said to myself, I still heard their words in my head, "Smart people wear glasses…”</p><p>Later that day, feeling like the most uncool girl ever, I entered the big hall. There were hundreds of people there, registering for their assessments. I went to the Special Education section and looked around. Most of the group was made up of girls. They all looked beautiful, with pretty hair and make up, and only 2 of them were wearing glasses. They did not seem to me to be smarter than the others.</p><p><img
style="border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-bottom: 0px" src="http://uploads.ronitbaras.com/2008/05/clip-image0082.jpg" border="0" alt="Do Glasses Make You Smart?" width="260" height="260" />At 6pm, we were all exhausted from a very long day of written tests with 10 special education teachers watching our every step. Just before we went home, the teachers gave each girl a piece of paper on which to write the name of the girl that each one thought was the most impressive in the entire group. The 10 teachers were then asked to write the 5 names of the girls that they thought were the most impressive and that would do well in their special education studies.</p><p>"As you all know, we can only have 15 people out of the 30 that we have here in front of us. Thank you all for coming today. We will read what you have written on your voting papers and determine the top 15 by those who got the most votes", said the coordinator. I thought it was cruel but I knew it would be better to know than to wish.</p><p>I chose a tall girl with the most beautiful curly hair, who did not wear glasses. Much to my surprise, I received 39 votes, and I am sure it was because of the glasses!</p><p>This month, I read about a new research that claims, "<a
href="http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2008/03/27/2201085.htm?site=science&amp;topic=latest" target="_blank">Wearing glasses does not mean you are a nerd, but it could be a sign that you are more intelligent</a>".</p><p>Yet, this issue could be a chicken and egg situation.</p><p>Does wearing glasses make you smart?</p><p>Or</p><p>Does being smart make you wear glasses?</p><p>What do you think? Post your opinion below.</p><p>Ronit<br
/><h3 class='related_post_title'>You may want to read</h3><ul
class='related_post'><li><a
href='http://www.ronitbaras.com/emotional-intelligence/personal-development-c/competition-perfection-or-happiness/' title='Competition, Perfection or Happiness'>Competition, Perfection or Happiness</a></li><li><a
href='http://www.ronitbaras.com/focus-on-the-family/parenting-family/i-believe-in-you-3-being-proud/' title='I believe in you (3): Being Proud'>I believe in you (3): Being Proud</a></li><li><a
href='http://www.ronitbaras.com/focus-on-the-family/parenting-family/why-brush-your-teeth/' title='Why Brush Your Teeth'>Why Brush Your Teeth</a></li></ul> Tags: <a
href="http://www.ronitbaras.com/tag/intelligence/" title="intelligence" rel="tag nofollow">intelligence</a>, <a
href="http://www.ronitbaras.com/tag/k-12-education/" title="K-12 Education" rel="tag nofollow">K-12 Education</a>, <a
href="http://www.ronitbaras.com/tag/perception/" title="perception" rel="tag nofollow">perception</a>, <a
href="http://www.ronitbaras.com/tag/research/" title="research" rel="tag nofollow">research</a>, <a
href="http://www.ronitbaras.com/tag/success/" title="success" rel="tag nofollow">success</a> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>http://www.ronitbaras.com/education-learning/do-glasses-make-you-smart/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>11</slash:comments> </item> <item><title>Teens Today Aren&#8217;t Like We Used to Be</title><link>http://www.ronitbaras.com/focus-on-the-family/parenting-family/teens-today-arent-like-we-used-to-be/</link> <comments>http://www.ronitbaras.com/focus-on-the-family/parenting-family/teens-today-arent-like-we-used-to-be/#comments</comments> <pubDate>Wed, 27 Feb 2008 06:26:07 +0000</pubDate> <dc:creator>Ronit Baras</dc:creator> <category><![CDATA[Emotional Intelligence]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Parenting]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Teens / Teenagers]]></category> <category><![CDATA[behavior / discipline]]></category> <category><![CDATA[generation gap]]></category> <category><![CDATA[research]]></category> <guid
isPermaLink="false">http://www.ronitbaras.com/index.php/focus-on-the-family/parenting-family/teens-today-arent-like-we-used-to-be/</guid> <description><![CDATA[<a
href="http://www.ronitbaras.com/focus-on-the-family/parenting-family/teens-today-arent-like-we-used-to-be/"><img
align="left" hspace="5" width="150" src="http://uploads.ronitbaras.com/2008/02/clip-image00210.jpg" class="alignleft wp-post-image tfe" alt="clip_image002" title="" /></a>Really?
In my Parenting workshops, parents think of their teen as self-absorbed and demanding. They tell themselves stories about how their kids compare to their young selves to strengthen that belief. A recent study, published in the February issue of Psychological Science, describes this belief as a complete misconception. Surprise, surprise! Kids today are no more narcissistic than their parents were during their teen years.]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Really?<p>In my work with parents and teens, I here many times the phrase "Teens today aren't like we used to be".<p>I remember this from a friend of mine from high school and his dad when we were 18. Every time when we came to visit my friend, his dad gave us the spiel about how motivated, well mannered, hard working and respectful his generation was and how horrible, suffering from peer pressure, disrespectful and lazy we were. I remember asking him one day if his parents did not say the same thing about him when he was 18.<p>In my Parenting workshops, parents think of their teen as self-absorbed and demanding. They tell themselves stories about how their kids compare to their young selves to strengthen that belief. <a
href="http://www.gazette.uwo.ca/article.cfm?section=FrontPage&amp;articleID=1172&amp;month=01&amp;day=30&amp;year=2008">A recent study</a>, published in the February issue of <i>Psychological Science</i>,<i> </i>describes this belief as a complete misconception. Surprise, surprise! Kids today are no more narcissistic than their parents were during their teen years.<p>According to the study’s lead author, Western psychology professor Kali Trzesniewski, young adults are no more narcissistic than previous generations.<p>In the study, which was started in the 1970s and stretched over 30 years, students' psychological tests were analysed. The conclusion was that the youth narcissism has not change at all. The age difference is the cause of the generation gap.<p>Bertram Gawronski, Western psychology professor and Canada Research Chair of social psychology said, “One of the major sources of conflict between generations is once you become a grown-up, you quickly forget what you were like when you were young.”<p>According to Gawronski, <b>self-centred behaviour is just a normal development stage that happens to occur in adolescence.</b><p>This gap between grown ups and their teens is an old gap that reinforces itself in each step of the relationship. As the parents grow and change their perception, the gap increases.<p><img
style="border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; border-left: 0px; border-bottom: 0px" height="212" alt="clip_image002" src="http://uploads.ronitbaras.com/2008/02/clip-image00210.jpg" width="317" border="0"></p><p>In her research, Trzesniewski noted that she did find some differences between generations. The superiority that was recorded 30 years ago disappeared and the generation today is more self-sufficient and has better leadership skills.<p>While some consider narcissism as a negative trait, Trzesniewski says it is necessary in some leadership roles.<p>If you think your teen kid is only thinking of himself, think again. You may only think like that because you have problems with your memory…</p><h3 class='related_post_title'>You may want to read</h3><ul
class='related_post'><li><a
href='http://www.ronitbaras.com/focus-on-the-family/parenting-family/pursuit-of-selfishness/' title='Pursuit of Selfishness'>Pursuit of Selfishness</a></li><li><a
href='http://www.ronitbaras.com/focus-on-the-family/parenting-family/more-control-less-power/' title='More Control &#8211; Less Power'>More Control &#8211; Less Power</a></li><li><a
href='http://www.ronitbaras.com/focus-on-the-family/parenting-family/questions-questions/' title='Questions, Questions'>Questions, Questions</a></li></ul> Tags: <a
href="http://www.ronitbaras.com/tag/behavior-discipline/" title="behavior / discipline" rel="tag nofollow">behavior / discipline</a>, <a
href="http://www.ronitbaras.com/tag/generation-gap/" title="generation gap" rel="tag nofollow">generation gap</a>, <a
href="http://www.ronitbaras.com/tag/research/" title="research" rel="tag nofollow">research</a>, <a
href="http://www.ronitbaras.com/tag/teens-teenagers/" title="Teens / Teenagers" rel="tag nofollow">Teens / Teenagers</a> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>http://www.ronitbaras.com/focus-on-the-family/parenting-family/teens-today-arent-like-we-used-to-be/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>2</slash:comments> </item> <item><title>Is It Better to Be Poor and Happy or Wealthy and Miserable?</title><link>http://www.ronitbaras.com/emotional-intelligence/personal-development-c/is-it-better-to-be-poor-and-happy-or-wealthy-and-miserable/</link> <comments>http://www.ronitbaras.com/emotional-intelligence/personal-development-c/is-it-better-to-be-poor-and-happy-or-wealthy-and-miserable/#comments</comments> <pubDate>Wed, 30 Jan 2008 02:11:23 +0000</pubDate> <dc:creator>Ronit Baras</dc:creator> <category><![CDATA[Did You Know?]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Personal Development]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Emotional Intelligence]]></category> <category><![CDATA[happiness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[health / wellbeing]]></category> <category><![CDATA[money]]></category> <category><![CDATA[personal development / personal growth / personality development / self improvement]]></category> <category><![CDATA[research]]></category> <guid
isPermaLink="false">http://www.ronitbaras.com/index.php/emotional-intelligence/personal-growth/is-it-better-to-be-poor-and-happy-or-wealthy-and-miserable/</guid> <description><![CDATA[<a
href="http://www.ronitbaras.com/emotional-intelligence/personal-development-c/is-it-better-to-be-poor-and-happy-or-wealthy-and-miserable/"><img
align="left" hspace="5" width="150" src="http://uploads.ronitbaras.com/2008/01/clip-image00212.jpg" class="alignleft wp-post-image tfe" alt="clip_image002" title="" /></a>When coaching people on wealth creation, it is amazing for me every time to discover how strongly people who are not wealthy believe that this question is valid. Don't get me wrong. I came from a simple family, where my mom and dad both worked hard, very hard, at more that one job, to provide for 5 children. When my clients discuss this, I know what they are talking about because we had such discussions around our dinner table.
People who do not have "enough" money (90% of our society) have some beliefs that support their identity as "poor", "struggling", "cannot have what we want". Here are some of them:]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><img
class="alignleft" style="border: 0px;" src="http://uploads.ronitbaras.com/2008/01/clip-image00212.jpg" border="0" alt="clip_image002" width="303" height="218" />This is a question only poor people ask because wealthy people never think these are their options.</p><p>When coaching people on wealth creation, it is amazing for me every time to discover how strongly people who are not wealthy believe that this question is valid. Don't get me wrong. I came from a simple family, where my mom and dad both worked hard, very hard, at more that one job, to provide for 5 children. When my clients discuss this, I know what they are talking about because we had such discussions around our dinner table.</p><p>People who do not have "enough" money (90% of our society) have some beliefs that support their identity as "poor", "struggling", "cannot have what we want". Here are some of them:</p><ol><li>Rich people make their money at the expense of poor people</li><li>Rich people were born rich</li><li>Rich people have a miserable life</li><li>Rich people do not care about others</li><li>Rich people are greedy and stingy</li><li>Rich people do not have a life, only work</li><li>Rich people cannot sleep at night</li></ol><p>And there are many more.</p><p>Now, I have a question for you. How do poor people know what rich people feel, never having been rich to experience it?</p><p>Since my field of expertise is happiness, I am most interested in the belief "Rich people do not have a life". Poor and happy vs. wealthy and miserable?</p><p>A research from the University of Virginia, the University of Illinois and Michigan State University of 193 undergraduate students at Illinois discovered that happiness and wealth have only a one way connection. The study found that in general, wealthier students were happier or at least were higher in their own happiness ratings. For most, the measurements of happiness included success in money, employment and relationships.</p><p>"Happy people are more likely to get married, are more likely to stay married and are more likely to think their marriage is good", said Professor Ed Diener, an author of the study. "They are more likely to volunteer, they are more likely to be rated highly by their supervisor and they are likely to make more money".</p><p>"Happy people are also, on average, healthier than unhappy people and they live longer", Diener said.</p><p>Happiness, as you can see, can help a lot in your marriage, your health and with your money. But I could tell you that without the study. The wonderful part of that research is that they found that it only goes one way. While happiness helped people make more money, money did not make them happy.</p><p>You see, money is a magnifier. It cannot make you anything you are not already. It only takes the person you are and enlarges it. If you are happy it can make you happier, but if you are not happy, money is going to make you even unhappier.</p><p>If you have good relationships, with money, you will have even better relationships but it will not fix any broken relationship you may have.</p><p>If you are a caring person, with money, you will care even more but if you are not a caring person, having money will not turn you into a caring person.</p><p>If you have a life, with money, you will have more in life but if you are miserable and do not find joy and fun in your life, even lots of money will not help you find them.</p><p>Happiness and money are linked only in one direction. Find happiness first! It is the simplest, fastest, cheapest, healthiest way to the bank!<br
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href='http://www.ronitbaras.com/life-coaching/beautiful-people/from-the-life-coaching-deck-art-fights-depression/' title='From the Life Coaching Deck: Art Fights Depression'>From the Life Coaching Deck: Art Fights Depression</a></li><li><a
href='http://www.ronitbaras.com/emotional-intelligence/personal-development-c/from-the-life-coaching-deck-5-making-money-addiction/' title='From the Life Coaching Deck (5): Making Money Addiction'>From the Life Coaching Deck (5): Making Money Addiction</a></li><li><a
href='http://www.ronitbaras.com/emotional-intelligence/personal-development-c/3-kinds-of-happiness/' title='3 Kinds of Happiness'>3 Kinds of Happiness</a></li></ul> Tags: <a
href="http://www.ronitbaras.com/tag/emotional-intelligence/" title="Emotional Intelligence" rel="tag nofollow">Emotional Intelligence</a>, <a
href="http://www.ronitbaras.com/tag/happiness/" title="happiness" rel="tag nofollow">happiness</a>, <a
href="http://www.ronitbaras.com/tag/health-wellbeing-2/" title="health / wellbeing" rel="tag nofollow">health / wellbeing</a>, <a
href="http://www.ronitbaras.com/tag/money/" title="money" rel="tag nofollow">money</a>, <a
href="http://www.ronitbaras.com/tag/personal-development-personal-growth-personality-development-self-improvement/" title="personal development / personal growth / personality development / self improvement" rel="tag nofollow">personal development / personal growth / personality development / self improvement</a>, <a
href="http://www.ronitbaras.com/tag/research/" title="research" rel="tag nofollow">research</a> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>http://www.ronitbaras.com/emotional-intelligence/personal-development-c/is-it-better-to-be-poor-and-happy-or-wealthy-and-miserable/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>2</slash:comments> </item> <item><title>How to Be Happy in LIFE with a simple &quot;Thank you!&quot;</title><link>http://www.ronitbaras.com/emotional-intelligence/personal-development-c/how-to-be-happy-in-life-with-a-simple-thank-you/</link> <comments>http://www.ronitbaras.com/emotional-intelligence/personal-development-c/how-to-be-happy-in-life-with-a-simple-thank-you/#comments</comments> <pubDate>Thu, 03 Jan 2008 06:47:39 +0000</pubDate> <dc:creator>Ronit Baras</dc:creator> <category><![CDATA[Did You Know?]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Life Coaching]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Personal Development]]></category> <category><![CDATA[focus]]></category> <category><![CDATA[gratitude]]></category> <category><![CDATA[happiness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[law of attraction]]></category> <category><![CDATA[positive attitude tips]]></category> <category><![CDATA[projection]]></category> <category><![CDATA[research]]></category> <category><![CDATA[success]]></category> <category><![CDATA[values]]></category> <guid
isPermaLink="false">http://www.ronitbaras.com/index.php/emotional-intelligence/personal-growth/how-to-be-happy-in-life-with-a-simple-thank-you/</guid> <description><![CDATA[<a
href="http://www.ronitbaras.com/emotional-intelligence/personal-development-c/how-to-be-happy-in-life-with-a-simple-thank-you/"><img
align="left" hspace="5" width="150" src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=bespbeyo-20&amp;l=as2&amp;o=1&amp;a=0618620192" class="alignleft wp-post-image tfe" alt="" title="" /></a>Surprise, surprise, but saying "Thank you!" can change your life.
Do you remember Barney singing for the children “Remember please and thank you, 'cause they're the magic words”? Well, apparently, Barney was right. A research described by Alvaro Fernandez in his post How "Saying Thanks" Will Make You Happier, has found that gratitude can change your health and general well-being.]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Surprise, surprise, but saying "Thank you!" can change your life.</p><p>Do you remember Barney singing for the children “Remember please and thank you, 'cause they're the magic words”? Well, apparently, Barney was right. A research described by Alvaro Fernandez in his post <a
href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/alvaro-fernandez/how-saying-thanks-will-_b_76344.html">How "Saying Thanks" Will Make You Happier</a>, has found that <strong>gratitude can change your health and general well-being.</strong></p><p>All of our coaching clients at Be Happy in LIFE are asked to start a <strong>"success journal"</strong>,<strong> </strong>where they record their achievements and positive thoughts at the end of every day. We tell them to write every day, even they only write a short statement about a good thing that happened to them during that day. To their surprise, after a short time, they feel much happier, just because they focus on the things they are happy about. Simple. <strong>The Law of Attraction</strong> states:</p><blockquote><p><strong>In life, you get what you focus on</strong></p></blockquote><p>This latest research was done by Dr. Robert Emmons, who studies <strong>gratitude</strong> as a Professor of Psychology at UC Davis. He published his findings in the book <a
href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0618620192?ie=UTF8&amp;tag=bespbeyo-20&amp;linkCode=as2&amp;camp=1789&amp;creative=9325&amp;creativeASIN=0618620192">Thanks!: How the New Science of Gratitude Can Make You Happier</a><img
src="http://www.assoc-amazon.com/e/ir?t=bespbeyo-20&amp;l=as2&amp;o=1&amp;a=0618620192" style="border: medium none  ! important; margin: 0px ! important" border="0" height="1" width="1" /><em>. </em>He discovered that <strong>it took only 3 weeks of journal writing to change people’s well-being</strong>.</p><p>His main discoveries were:</p><ol><li>The practice of gratitude can <strong>increase happiness levels by 25%</strong></li><li>A few hours of writing a gratitude journal over <strong>3 weeks</strong> can create an effect that lasts 6 months and sometimes more</li><li>Practicing gratitude brings other <strong>health benefits</strong>, such as longer and better sleep</li></ol><p>In my seminars and workshops, I work with people on finding the most important things in their life. Most of them believe that <strong>happiness is the ultimate purpose in life</strong>. Parents asked to hand their kids the greatest gift of all, always give them some version of happiness.</p><p>People study for years, hoping this will get them the job that will make them happy.</p><p>People search for relationships, in order to have love in their life, so they can be happy.</p><p>People bring kids into the world to experience the feeling of happiness with and through them.</p><p>People spend all their money to purchase things because they think that having those things will make them happy.</p><p>People eat things way beyond their survival needs because it makes them feel safe and happy.</p><p>People make great efforts to meet old friends or relatives living far away, in order to feel that they belong, which makes them happy.</p><p>The <strong>search for happiness</strong> is programmed into the human thinking mechanism. Everything we do is meant to bring us <strong>comfort, variety, pride, motivation or fullfilment - all leading to happiness.</strong></p><p>After realising that all the things we do are part of the search for happiness, the inevitable conclusion is that the most important question in life is "<strong>How to be happy in life"</strong>.</p><p>Happiness is well researched and one of the most important parts of reaching that state is understanding that the search never ends. It is positioned on a scale and all we need to do is tip the balance to the happy side and keep on the journey using better tools and techniques.</p><p><img
src="http://uploads.ronitbaras.com/2008/01/clip-image0021.jpg" style="border: 0px none " alt="clip_image002" border="0" height="227" width="317" />One of the simplest, easiest way, is to <strong>start your success journal</strong> and look for opportunities to say <strong>Thank you!</strong></p><p>On the cover, write the ultimate question.</p><p
align="center"><strong>What am I happy and grateful for today?</strong></p><p>If you are a parent and believe it is your role to teach your kids happiness, give them an important gift, the habit of writing in their own <em>Success Journal</em> and focusing on the good things in their life. Tell them that <strong>Barney was right!</strong><br
/><h3 class='related_post_title'>You may want to read</h3><ul
class='related_post'><li><a
href='http://www.ronitbaras.com/emotional-intelligence/personal-development-c/make-a-list-5-things-i-am-happy-about/' title='Make a list: Things I am Happy about'>Make a list: Things I am Happy about</a></li><li><a
href='http://www.ronitbaras.com/emotional-intelligence/personal-development-c/how-to-measure-your-life/' title='How to Measure Your Life'>How to Measure Your Life</a></li><li><a
href='http://www.ronitbaras.com/focus-on-the-family/parenting-family/4-things-i-wish-i-knew-when-i-was-15/' title='4 Things I Wish I Knew When I Was 15'>4 Things I Wish I Knew When I Was 15</a></li></ul> Tags: <a
href="http://www.ronitbaras.com/tag/focus/" title="focus" rel="tag nofollow">focus</a>, <a
href="http://www.ronitbaras.com/tag/gratitude/" title="gratitude" rel="tag nofollow">gratitude</a>, <a
href="http://www.ronitbaras.com/tag/happiness/" title="happiness" rel="tag nofollow">happiness</a>, <a
href="http://www.ronitbaras.com/tag/law-of-attraction/" title="law of attraction" rel="tag nofollow">law of attraction</a>, <a
href="http://www.ronitbaras.com/tag/positive-attitude-tips/" title="positive attitude tips" rel="tag nofollow">positive attitude tips</a>, <a
href="http://www.ronitbaras.com/tag/projection/" title="projection" rel="tag nofollow">projection</a>, <a
href="http://www.ronitbaras.com/tag/research/" title="research" rel="tag nofollow">research</a>, <a
href="http://www.ronitbaras.com/tag/success/" title="success" rel="tag nofollow">success</a>, <a
href="http://www.ronitbaras.com/tag/values/" title="values" rel="tag nofollow">values</a> ]]></content:encoded> <wfw:commentRss>http://www.ronitbaras.com/emotional-intelligence/personal-development-c/how-to-be-happy-in-life-with-a-simple-thank-you/feed/</wfw:commentRss> <slash:comments>2</slash:comments> </item> <item><title>Hugs: The Ultimate Antidepressant</title><link>http://www.ronitbaras.com/emotional-intelligence/personal-development-c/hugs-the-ultimate-antidepresant/</link> <comments>http://www.ronitbaras.com/emotional-intelligence/personal-development-c/hugs-the-ultimate-antidepresant/#comments</comments> <pubDate>Mon, 25 Jun 2007 10:07:01 +0000</pubDate> <dc:creator>Ronit Baras</dc:creator> <category><![CDATA[Life Coaching]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Parenting]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Personal Development]]></category> <category><![CDATA[baby / babies]]></category> <category><![CDATA[beliefs]]></category> <category><![CDATA[body image]]></category> <category><![CDATA[change]]></category> <category><![CDATA[communication styles]]></category> <category><![CDATA[depression]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Emotional Intelligence]]></category> <category><![CDATA[family matters]]></category> <category><![CDATA[focus]]></category> <category><![CDATA[free hugs]]></category> <category><![CDATA[happiness]]></category> <category><![CDATA[health / wellbeing]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Kids / Children]]></category> <category><![CDATA[learning styles]]></category> <category><![CDATA[love]]></category> <category><![CDATA[parenting]]></category> <category><![CDATA[parents]]></category> <category><![CDATA[positive attitude tips]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Relationships / Marriage]]></category> <category><![CDATA[research]]></category> <category><![CDATA[self confidence / self esteem / self worth]]></category> <category><![CDATA[social skills]]></category> <category><![CDATA[stress / pressure]]></category> <category><![CDATA[suicide]]></category> <category><![CDATA[Teens / Teenagers]]></category> <category><![CDATA[touch]]></category> <category><![CDATA[video]]></category> <guid
isPermaLink="false">http://www.ronitbaras.com/?p=8</guid> <description><![CDATA[<a
href="http://www.ronitbaras.com/emotional-intelligence/personal-development-c/hugs-the-ultimate-antidepresant/"><img
align="left" hspace="5" width="150" src="http://www.ronitbaras.com/images/free_hugs_2_1.jpg" class="alignleft wp-post-image tfe" alt="FREE HUGS Brisbane" title="" /></a>For a while, I’ve been thinking of ways to motivate my readers to live an inspiring life that will make a difference. Many people think that the way we can make a difference is by doing big things and I think we need to re-define the meaning of “big”. I think we can make a difference, a big difference, by changing the depression statistics in the world. One person at a time, we can teach how to put happiness in our hearts and chase away the darkness. And you are probably asking yourself, “And how do we do that with no budget, without the support of the government and without organizing ourselves in a formal way?”]]></description> <content:encoded><![CDATA[<p
align="center">Depressing news: According to Australian Government statistics, <strong>"Everyone will, at some time in their life, be affected by depression, their own or someone else's in their family"</strong></p><p
align="center"><strong>Depression statistics</strong></p><ul><li><p
align="left">Australian depression statistics are comparable to those of the US and the UK</p></li><li><p
align="left"><strong>15% of the population</strong> of most developed countries suffers severe depression</p></li><li><p
align="left">Depressive disorders affect approximately <strong>9.5% of the population aged 18</strong> and older in any given year. This includes major depressive disorder, dysthymic disorder and bipolar disorder</p></li><li><p
align="left"><strong>Pre-schoolers are the fastest-growing market for antidepressants</strong>. At least <strong>4% of preschoolers</strong> are clinically depressed</p></li><li><p
align="left">The rate of <strong>increase of depression</strong> among <strong>children</strong> is an astounding <strong>23% per year</strong></p></li><li><p
align="left"><strong>30% of women are depressed</strong>. Men's figures were previously thought to be half that of women, but new estimates are higher</p></li><li><p
align="left"><strong>54% of people believe depression is a personal weakness</strong></p></li><li><p
align="left"><strong>41% of depressed women are too embarrassed to seek help</strong></p></li><li><p
align="left"><strong>80% of depressed people are not currently having any </strong><strong>reatment</strong></p></li><li><p
align="left"><strong>15% of depressed people commit suicide</strong></p></li><li><p
align="left">Depression will be <strong>the second largest killer</strong> after heart disease by 2020</p></li><li><p
align="left">Studies show that depression is a contributory factor to fatal coronary disease</p></li></ul><p
align="center"><em>It's the sense of touch. In any real city, you walk, you know? You brush past people, people bump into you. In L.A., nobody touches you. We're always behind this metal and glass. I think we miss that touch so much, that we crash into each other, just so we can feel something<br
/> </em>– from the movie “Crash”</p><p
align="left">When I read the statistics about depression, it really made me <strong>depressed</strong>. Realizing that one day in our lives, we will be affected by depression, our own or someone else’s in our family, is pretty shocking, don’t you agree?</p><p
align="left">For a while, I’ve been thinking of ways to motivate my readers to live an inspiring life that will make a difference. Many people think that the way we can make a difference is by doing big things and I think we need to re-define the meaning of “big”. <strong>I think we can make a difference, a big difference, by changing the depression statistics in the world. One person at a time</strong>, we can teach how to put happiness in our hearts and chase away the darkness. And you are probably asking yourself, “And how do we do that with no budget, without the support of the government and without organizing ourselves in a formal way?” And I say <strong>we can do this by changing our own life and surroundings and, like a ripple effect, spread the word and make this world a better place for ourselves and our children.</strong></p><p
align="center"><object
type="application/x-shockwave-flash" style="width:425px; height:350px;" data="http://www.youtube.com/v/oV_gY156LOQ"><param
name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/oV_gY156LOQ"/></object></p><p
align="left">I believe the reason <strong>depression is on the rise is because touch is on the drop</strong>. Babies get touched a lot from the day they are born, but every year of their life they are touched less and less. Some people think it’s inappropriate to hug a teenager or their parents, so they shake hands instead. <strong>Most people's lifestyle is more stressful and includes fewer opportunities for physical contact than ever before</strong>. Twenty years ago, teachers used to hug and touch their students and that was fine with parents. Touch was a sign of caring. Nowadays, concerns about sexual harassment and inappropriate touching make people overly cautious and reluctant to touch others. As a result, many of us find ourselves starved for simple, casual, warm touch from our families, friends and colleagues.<br
/> There's a whole new field now called psychoneuroimmunology, or PNI for short. <strong>It claims that when you feel good and you love yourself and you're being touched and you feel loved, your immune system gets stronger</strong>. Touching builds up the immune system (they now call this “libidinal refuelling”). <strong>When you hug somebody, you literally recharge your and the other person’s libido, the powerful energy of the body</strong>.</p><p
align="left"><img
class="right" style="width: 245px; height: 320px" src="http://www.ronitbaras.com/images/free_hugs_2_1.jpg" alt="FREE HUGS Brisbane" width="245" height="320" />New studies point to touch therapy as a way to overcome medical conditions, such as osteoarthritis and depression. <strong>Studies indicate that touch has a beneficial effect on our perception of pain, treatment of disease, as well as emotional and physical development</strong>. After touch therapy, like massage, there's a slow-down in the action of the hypothalamic area of the brain, which controls the “fight or flight” response. Your body's stress hormones drop and endorphins climb, leading to a decreased perception of pain and a <strong>greater feeling of well-being</strong>. If the touch comes from someone you have positive feelings about, like a friend, partner or loved one, you get the added benefit of a heightened sense of love and security.<strong> Sex, for that matter, is great touch therapy. Have sex a lot!</strong></p><p
align="left">In a research on the effects of touch, librarians were instructed alternately to touch and not touch the hands of students as they handed back their library cards. The students were then interviewed. <strong>Those who had been touched reported far greater positive feelings about themselves, the library and the librarians</strong> than those who had not been touched. This occurred even though the touch was brief and the students didn't even remember it!</p><p
align="left">I’ve been trying this with my clients for a long time and could see the enormous effect of hugs on their success. <strong>Some clients have managed, by adding more touch into their life, to stay off their anti-depressants and regain the control of their life, a small addition, which made a big difference.</strong></p><p
align="left">Hugs can bring a great sense of connection and belonging into your life. <strong>They’re free and within reach</strong>. When you give, you also receive and all you need is 12 <strong>hugs a day for good emotional health</strong>. The Be Happy in LIFE <strong><a
title="Hug Coupon" href="http://www.behappyinlife.com/images/hug_coupon.jpg" target="_blank">Hug Coupon</a></strong> can help you when you need a hug - just show it to another person and request a hug in exchange for the coupon. Tell them to "cash" it when they need a hug and pass it on.</p><p
align="left"><img
class="left" style="width: 216px; height: 320px" src="http://www.ronitbaras.com/images/free_hugs_2_3.jpg" alt="FREE HUGS Brisbane" width="216" height="320" />People with a <strong>touch deficit</strong> behave like porcupines. They reject touch and get into a cycle of disconnection and loneliness. We can’t count virtual hugs (all you people sitting in front of the computer, beware) and we can’t use hugs from yesterday to compensate for lack of hugs today. There is no such thing as Hug Credit! But simply counting your hugs every day will help keep you aware of the importance of touch. Better yet, it’s contagious!</p><p
align="left"><strong>We, at Be Happy in LIFE, want to stretch out our arms to you for a big world hug (remember: when we give, we receive) and send out 12 hugs to you with wishes for a wonderful year of being in touch with yourself, with nature and with the people around you.<br
/> </strong>Please forward this article to as many people as you can to make our world hug as big as possible (you still need 12 real hugs).</p><p
align="left">Hugs are a simple way to make a difference and make this world a better place. If everyone gives (and at the same time gets) 12 hugs a day and encourage all your hugged ones to do the same, all you, mathematicians, can calculate how fast we can make the world a better place.</p><p
align="left">Be happy in life!</p><p
align="left">Lots of hugs,<br
/> Ronit</p><h3 class='related_post_title'>You may want to read</h3><ul
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