Down Syndrome can be detected during pregnancy by checking the amniotic fluid (Amniocentesis) or after birth by a quick physical test. In 1866, a British physician named John Langdon Down described the condition. Almost 100 years later, Jerome Lejeune discovered it was caused by an extra copy (whole or part) of the 21^st chromosome. The chance of having a baby with Down Syndrome is 1 in 733, but it becomes more common with the age of the parents.

Apart from very distinctive facial features, the average IQ of kids with Down Syndrome is 50, as opposed to the general IQ average of 100. Their health is very poor and their life expectancy is very low, and even though their life expectancy is increasing, the intellectual and physical disabilities remain part of their life and the life of their parents.

The announcement of the condition came to the couple as a shock, but surprisingly, their family and friends took it even harder. While Naomi talked to people on the phone, she found herself comforting them, rather than them comforting her. Some people even said silly things, not because they were mean, but because they had never experienced the grief of losing a baby. It reminded me of the things people said to me after losing my second baby, "Never mind, you will have another one". As a grieving mother, I was not in the right state of mind and that sounded to me as if I were a machine on an assembly line, going for make the next product.

It was amazing to hear how people reacted. The first reaction was, of course, "Is it definitive?", "Can you have another test to make sure?" and "Is there anything they can do to reverse this?" Unfortunately, the Amniocentesis merely confirmed the earlier Alpha feto-protein test result that clearly showed a problem. The doctor showed her 5 different tests indicating an extra 21^st chromosome.

The second was a religious reaction of accepting what God had given her and having no right to stop the pregnancy. Personally, I have an issue with this position, which I see as hypocrisy. I look around me and see millions of religious people doing their best to cure the illnesses that God gives them. They build houses to stay away from the weather God gives them. They innovate and an create better technology, making lots of progress and showing no sign of accepting what God gives us (unless of course you decide that what God gives us is the mind and body to do just that).

I remember the ethical debate we had during my special education studies. We talked about "innocent lives", "rights" and "choice", but how on Earth can you use "right" and "choose" in the same sentence? It is an oxymoron!

I always thought that when talking ethics, we are only debating whose definition is more important? Who is more important, the Down Syndrome baby's life or the lives of about 50 people around them (parents, siblings, grandparents, uncles, aunties, cousins and friends) whose lives will change significantly? What about the education and health systems that need to support them for the rest of their life?

Throughout the discussion, I was surprised by parents of kids with Down Syndrome who justified their own condition. I am not talking about those who discovered the condition at birth and had not known their baby might have Down Syndrome. Those people should be admired for doing the best to make the most of this condition and find the "gifts" in a bad situation. We can learn from them how to make the most out of life and how to deal with the condition, but cannot take their recommendations to abort or not to abort the pregnancy.

I have heard some people talking about the baby's right to live and that the parents have no right to kill a baby just because it is "damaged". I do not know about you, but I find it more problematic when parents cause damage to their babies by smoking, using drugs and abusing their body during pregnancy, but I do not hear the same noise being made about these things.

It is amazing that the discussion starts when the test shows a bad result and not when the mother decides to have the test. Why would anyone do a test, especially a risky test like Amniocentesis, if they plan to ignore the results?

As you can see, I am very emotional about it. I have worked with children with severe physical and cognitive disabilities and supported their parents and I have no idea why anyone would voluntarily do this to themselves. The only person I would take advice from is someone who would make the same choice twice.

Personally, I do not believe I could tell someone else what the "right" thing to do is, because I believe that in this case, "right" is something that no one else has the "right" to choose for you. People who do not have to deal with the consequences of their judgments lose all their "rights" to the decision.

Therefore, the poll is not about whether someone having to make that decision is right or wrong but what would you do if you had to make that choice.

May you never have to face this choice!
Ronit

You may want to read

• Baby’s Sex – To know or not to know (poll)
• Ronit’s Parenting Bible: Babies
• Give Me 22 Reasons

Only when I got pregnant for the first time, I learned about all those beliefs and traditions:

• If you are pretty during your pregnancy, it means you will have a boy (because girls take away your beauty)
• If you hold your necklace with your wedding ring hanging from it and the ring moves in circles, you will have a girl
• If you touch your nose after someone sprinkles salt on your head (without your knowledge), you will have a boy (because he will grow a mustache under his nose), but if you touch your eyebrows, you will have a girl

It was so funny, I thought back then I could do a PhD thesis on the beliefs surrounding the sex of babies.

Somehow, my story was a bit more complicated. Everyone said I had a boy (because of my head, my butt and my beautiful hair during the pregnancy) and I never argued. When I had the first ultrasound, I asked the doctor about the sex of my baby, but he could not tell, because it was too early or the position was not comfortable or something.

For about 7 months, I thought I had a boy, not that it mattered, until one weekend, I went to visit a relative and met her mom, who was an old woman from Iraq. She walked up to me, touched my belly and asked me "Would you like to know what you have?" I smiled. I "knew" I had a boy, but I was curious to discover another traditional way to tell.

"Sure", I said.

"You have a girl", she said confidently.

"How do you know?" I asked her.

"I was a midwife in Iraq and I can tell by your belly button. I helped deliver thousands or babies and I've never been wrong".

I went home smiling. There was a conflict between all the other predictions (boy) and the Iraqi midwife's (girl).

Two weeks later, I went to the hospital, thinking my water had broken. The woman who did the ultrasound thought my baby was too big, which could indicate a developmental problem.

"Would you like to know the babies' sex?" she asked.

"Sure", I said, curious to know what modern medicine would predict.

"You have a girl", she said. I did not know what to think.

However, the doctor was not very happy with that technician's measurements and said to me, "Come back tomorrow. The other technician here is very professional and I would like her do the measurements again. By the way, if she says it's a girl, it will be accurate".

So I came the next day, hoping the measurements were not accurate and my baby was not too big. The other technician said everything looked fine and "Yes, you have a baby girl".

After almost 8 months of thinking I had a boy, I had to come to terms with the idea that I had a girl (which did not take too long, because I was happy either way).

In the evening, I called my mom and said on the phone with lots of excitement, "Mom, I had another ultrasound today and I have a baby girl".

And my mum replied, "Never mind. It's not so bad".

I always knew my mom thought that having a first son was the best thing. Her first was a girl and in the culture she grew up in having a first daughter was a sign of weakness (I am so happy I was not born then and there).

I think that more than having a first son, which is a tradition of cultures that puts the responsibility on the first born to take care of the family and his aging parents, the desire to have children from both sexes is greater. When my first was born, I did not mind at all about the sex. With the second pregnancy, I wanted it to be a different sex to allow me to experience both sexes.

Knowing your babies' sex is a debate that I hear many times. Some say it does not matter, that it cannot be changed anyway and it needs to be a surprise, just like nature meant it to be. Others say it is better to know in advance. For them, you cannot change it anyway, so it is better to know and prepare for yourself. If it is what you wanted, cool, you can be happy months before. If not, you can prepare yourself and get used to the idea.

My mom thought she should comfort me for having a baby girl (as a first born) and that I should not have asked to know the baby's sex. I guess she thought the disappointment is not as great when you already see your baby and hold her in your arms (or maybe when you are partially sedated).

So, if you or your partner were pregnant and the doctor asked you during an ultrasound check if you would like to know the sex of your baby, what would you say?

Please tell us why in the comment box below.

Regardless of their sex, I hope you have fun with your kids,
Ronit

You may want to read

• Having a Baby with Down Syndrome (poll)
• Are You a Normal Parent?
• Give Me 22 Reasons

The discussion was about kids, Santa Claus and fairies. We talked about the right time to tell kids who really puts the money under their pillow and who really buys their gifts for Christmas. I had taken part in similar debates and they always become passionate, as did this one.

1. Is it honest to tell kids about Santa and the Tooth Fairy?
2. What should we say when they ask? (Liar, liar pants of fire!)
3. When is the right time to tell them about the role their parents play in this?
4. What will they think when they find out we are the real fairies?

I am very passionate about Santa Claus and fairies. When I was a kid, there were no Santa or fairies in my life and my family was very much down to earth. "Don't get silly ideas in kids' heads" was their motto.

Magic, as you know, is a pretty expensive game and my family was very poor. My parents had 5 kids, my mom worked from 5am to 3pm and my dad worked two jobs from 6am until late in the evening, so they could not afford to play with magic. At least they did not think they could and, as Henry Ford said, "Whether you think you can or think you can't, you're right!"

My parents did not believe in magic and, although I believe they did their best to raise us, I think we missed a big part of childhood, that fun part when your imagination goes wild and you have the comfort of believing someone is taking good care of you and someone will grant your wishes.

When I had my first child, I vowed I would create magic in her life, so I told her stories about the Queen of Stars, the Tooth Fairy and Santa and even came up with beliefs about things that never happened to make her feel good. For example, did you know that if you take a fallen eyelash and blow it away while you make a wish, your wish will be granted? Well, you do now!

In my parent coaching course, I teach parents to plant seeds of thoughts in their kids' mind so they will think they are awesome, friendly, healthy, happy, successful, sensitive, smart, gifted, talented … (oh, my list is huge).

Someone always says to me, "But Ronit, what if they're not?"

Well, if they are not, it only means you have not convinced them yet that they are, because everyone is…

I think the debate about fairies is exactly like the debate about planting seeds.

1. Is it honest to tell kids they have a quality they do not?
2. What do we say when they behave in the opposite way?
3. When do we tell them we have manipulated them to think good things about themselves?
4. What will they think when they find out they were not gifted and we convinced them they were?

Well, the answer to the question lies in the way kids form their identity.

Forming our identity is a long life process and the major part of it happens in the early years. Kids receive messages (verbal and non-verbal) about who they are, about their place in the world and about their personality from the people who are closest to them. A 2-year-old toddler who is told he has no manners during every meal will develop an identity of someone who has no table manners. Being just a kid, nobody expects him to come to his mother and say, "Excuse me Mom, but I'm just a kid and my motor skills are not yet fully developed and I have not experienced eating by myself with a knife and fork and the chair is a bit too far from the table, so please cut me some slack. Let's have a discussion about it in 6 months to evaluate my progress…"

He is just a kid!

If we tell him instead he is making great progress and already holding his teaspoon like a really big boy, he will eventually live up to our statements.

Believing in Santa and Fairies is the same. We have the power to plant a seed of magic in our kids' minds and make them feel good. They will figure it out at some point, but then, they will not say you were a liar but that you were doing your best to make them feel good.

Anyway, on my daughter's play day, I did my spiel about magic and fairies and even told the other parents about some tricks I use to play the game better.

1. I hide the gifts in the garage in different places so my kids will never find them.
2. I buy different wrapping paper and throw away the leftovers so my kids will not recognize it.
3. Sometimes, I even buy a separate gift from us and wrap it with our own wrapping paper.
4. I buy Mom and Dad gifts too, to make it more real.
5. When I buy something and I am not sure about the size, I attach the receipt and tell the kids that when Santa is not sure, he leaves the receipt so we can exchange it (this also solved the mystery of why so many people exchange things after Christmas).
6. I print the cards and labels so they will not recognize my hand writing.
7. I write a note to the Tooth Fairy to leave me their tooth and get them to place it with their tooth under the pillow ("Dear Tooth Fairy, you have plenty of teeth already and I would like to keep this one to remember, so can you please leave it there in the morning? Thank you, Ronit, Noff's mom").
8. When I forget the tooth money, I "go looking" for it myself, put the money inside the pillow case and tell my kids to look again, "Maybe inside the pillow case". When they find it, they think it was just well hidden before.
9. When my kids ask me if I believe in Santa Claus or the Tooth Fairy, I tell them, "This is what everyone says and I've never found a way to prove it wrong" (have you noticed I did not lie?! This way, I can keep my pants from being on fire).

The host of the play day told us that when he forgets to put money for the tooth, he tells his kids the tooth fairy was probably very busy last night and puts the money under her pillow the next day.

I promised the other parents I would take a poll and find out what other parents think. So let's do it!

Answer the question if you are doing it now or did it in the past.

I would love you to share with us some of your Santa Claus and Tooth Fairy tricks and tell us what you believe and why.

Enjoy the magic of your kids' imagination.

Happy parenting,
Ronit

You may want to read

• Beautiful Kids vs. Brutal Honesty
• More Control – Less Power
• Kids’ Declaration of Independence: Decision Techniques

We wondered about it many times. At first, we thought it was just the difference between the characters of the grandparents. We thought my side of the family was just warmer and more caring while Gals' family could not manage the long distance relationship as well. We thought up cultural and personal attitude differences as the cause for the difference in their effort to stay in touch with our kids.

To be honest, I do not think the explanations we gave ourselves helped us overcome the hurt that my parents made lots of effort to stay in contact while Gal's parents, especially his dad, remained distant. Even overseas visits were problematic. While staying the nights at Gal's parents was much easier because they had a bigger, more comfortable house, we ended up staying at my parent's house which was crowded and messy. It was hard to explain, especially because we could never solve the mystery of my brother joining his wife's "tribe" or Gal's sisters having much closer relationships with his parents.

I think that over the years, a bit of resentment and disappointment built up into this relationship from both sides. When Gal's mom died about 3 years ago, things got worse. Our last visit as a family to Gal's dad was strange. The kids tried hard to make him smile and laugh, but he was distant, yet when the other grandkids (Gal's sister's kids) came, he seemed very happy. Granted, he sees them a lot more often, but grandkids and grandkids and our kids are really great. Besides, my parents enjoy all their grandchildren equally.

Over the years, we shifted to mild acceptance, but whenever things went wrong in the relationship, the more my parents made the effort, the worse it was for Gal and he kept on asking: Why? What have we done wrong? Is it the move? Is it me? Is it you?

These questions about the reasons for the different effort grandparents invest in their relationships with their grandkids are not easy to ask and even harder to answer. However, this year, Eden was studying for her psychology exam and I finally got the answer. If your kids do not have the same close relationship to all their grandparents, you want to read about this research.

To my surprise, the relationship to grandparents has nothing to do with how nice the grandparents are or what culture they are from, how nice you are, how nice your kids are or where you choose to live around the world. It is linked more closely to evolution - that survival mechanism of humanity to keep the dynasty and strengthen it. Grandparents invest in the grandchildren they are convinced are theirs.

In 1998, a researcher named DeLay came up with a theory to explain findings from researches conducted two years previously (Euler & Wetzel, 1996 and Boon & Branson, 1996) who claimed that grandmothers on the mother's side invested in their grandkids the most. DeLay came up with a theory linking the relationship between grandparents and their grandchildren to certainty. His theory was that grandparents invest in the grandchildren they are certain are their offspring. In other words, the grandparent who has less doubt of being genetically related to the child and therefore to the grandchild, is more likely to invest in this relationship to support his or her "breed".

Based on DeLay's theory, because mothers give birth to the child, they are more certain the child is theirs and are therefore more likely to invest in their grandchildren. This means the relationship will also look different if the parent is a son or a daughter.

• Mother's mother (grandmother on mother's side) is certain the daughter is hers and therefore certain the grandchild is hers, so she will invest highly in the relationship with the grandchild.
• Mother's father (grandfather on mother's side) is uncertain the daughter is his, although he is certain the grandchild is hers, so he will invest less in the relationship.
• Father's mother is certain the son is hers, but not certain the grandchild is her son's offspring, so she will invest less than the mother's mother but, more than the mother's father.
• Father's father is uncertain the son is his and uncertain the grandchild is his son's offspring, so he will invest the least in the relationship with the grandchild.

To check his theory, Decay did a survey among college students and asked them to rate the relationships with their grandparents. DeLay asked them to rate them in terms of time they spend together, how much or their resources they invest in them and how close they are emotionally. Each student had to rank their grandparents' investment in them - the grandparent that most invested in them was ranked 1 and the up to the grandparent that least invested in them who was ranked 4. Look at the distribution of investment according the students perception in the chart below.

Although the time and the resource charts looked a bit different (higher ranking to mothers' mother, even lower to father's father and equal investment for mother's father and father's mother), most of the students ranked mom's mom as the person who invests the most in the relationship with them.

Reading about the research and the possible reasons for it solved the mystery of my parents' relationship with their daughters' kids (my 3 sisters and me) and the distance from my brother's kids. There is still a lot of love there, but less time together and less investment in the relationship, especially compared with the amazingly wonderful bond between my brother's kids and their maternal grandmother.

It also solved the mystery of Gal's dad's awkward relationship with our kids and the closer bond to his other grandchildren (Gal has 3 sisters).

Obviously, there is no guarantee this is always the case and in some families, not all 4 grandparents are alive to even allow a comparison. For example, Gal's mom's parents died when she was a baby, so when examining his relationships with his grandparents, he had no one to compare to his paternal grandparents.

This also made me think about how much heartache and family conflicts can be saved if families learn there is a genetic disposition at the core of the relationship and that it is not based solely on behavior, character traits or cultural differences. I have to say that it clears a lot of space for forgiveness.

To check this theory among the readers of this blog, I have decided to survey the parents who read this blog with a quick poll.

Please choose the grandparent that has the closest relationship to your kids. If you do not have kids of your own, choose based on your relationships with your own grandparents.

And next time when you have a family conflict with your parents about their relationship with their grandkids (your kids), remember it may have nothing to do with you.

Happy parenting,
Ronit

You may want to read

• Self Esteem Mini-Course (4): Social Identity
• What Are You Saying to Your Teens?
• Kids are Like Fish

I could not stop thinking of another amazing animated film I had watched with my kids and loved very much called FernGully: The Last Rainforest. Avatar was a magnificent replication of the messages in FernGully using technology that had not yet been invented in 1992 and a futuristic spin.

When I went to the cinema with Gal, it was packed. To my surprise, there were many young kids there, as young as 3 years old. It immediately made me wonder about the right age to watch that movie (or any movie, for that matter).

Although I had no problem watching FernGully with my kids at the age of 5, I was not sure about letting my 8-year-old daughter watch Avatar. The level of violence in the movie was above and beyond what I thought an 8-year-old kid should be exposed to.

The reason I was confused was that even in FernGully, the bad people did very bad and violent things, but I still did not have the feeling it was above and beyond what I wanted to expose my kids too. I wondered if the animation made it softer or maybe I am trapped in the belief that animated violence is not as bad as "live" violence.

Over time, I have noticed the official ratings of movies have not matched my own ratings. On TV, they show movies and rate them M (for mature audiences) and state that "The movie includes violence and coarse language", but when the movie is animated, it is rated PG, even when it is very violent and exposes kids to messages beyond their capacity to understand.

Of course every movie has several layers of understanding, but the violence is very explicit and kids cannot ignore it.

I have contemplated this for about two weeks. Obviously, my older kids did not share my feeling. They did not think Avatar was violent at all (Do I rest my case?). Gal thought Avatar was a visual celebration that Noff, our 8-year-old-very-visual-kid would enjoy very much and would not get a chance to watch in 3D in a few years (it will soon be available on DVD already and even on 3D Blu-ray, but the experience is just not the same as a big screen and professional sound).

As I tried to come up with a set philosophy, when I was meditating on this, I realized that over 10 thousand parents regularly read this blog and their thoughts and ideas may help me decide the right age to watch Avatar. So, I am asking for your opinion.

In the comment box below, please share your reasons.

Happy parenting and thanks for your help,
Ronit

You may want to read

• Kids, Santa Claus and Tooth Fairies (poll)
• Are You a Normal Parent?
• In My Opinion

Do not get me wrong. I do not know any parents who care about their kids that would say, "I want my kids to be failures at school". We all want our kids to be academically successful. After all, whether we like it or not, we think their level of success says something about us…

Unfortunately, many parents think academic success is the entry ticket to "real life", but although I believe it is very important, I think it cannot stand by itself and we need a balance between academic success and happiness.

Luckily, they are not in a conflict at all and can go hand in hand. After over 25 years of working with gifted children and kids with learning difficulties (which is not contradiction, because kids with learning difficulties can be gifted and talented), I can tell you that academically smart kids can be very happy. Better yet, happy kids do a lot better academically.

In parenting workshops, I tell people to imagine their kids were princes and princesses and that I am a fairy with a magic wand who comes to bless their kids with all the goodness of life. I love to play fairy, because I believe in magic.

So here I am, playing fairy with you too and I am giving you a wish, one wish that you can give your kids. Please remember, it is only one wish. When you die, your kids will say, "This is my dad's or my mom's blessing for me". To help you choose, I wrote a story called "The 10 Mothers" and I do apologize to all fathers, it is as true to fathers than to mothers.

Many parents say it is hard to choose only just one this, because they are all important and some of them lead to others. I agree!

In the comment box below, please share your reasons for your choice and if there is anything else you would like to give your kids that is not on this list.

The 2009 Weblog Awards voting is now open. Please vote for Family Matters as the Best Parenting Blog by clicking the banner below and then clicking the next to my nomination comment to give me your vote. Every vote counts, so please vote and ask all your friends too!

Wishing all fairies happy parenting,
Ronit

You may want to read

• Living in a Dress Rehearsal
• Put a Little Love in Your Heart
• The Mean Average

I guess most of the parents who ask me about discipline really mean they want to know how to help their kids behave in a way that will make life easier for them. After all, kids learn their behavior from the people around them. The challenge that people have with discipline is that instead of it being a method of guiding kids towards the desired behavior, it is used as a way to control them. But kids are very smart and when you use controlling methods to manipulate them, they quickly start using the same techniques to manipulate you, which is very annoying.

Essentially, external discipline comes from parents who perceive parenting as a power struggle and tackle it head on. Kids quickly adopt this view and develop nasty ways to regain control over their life and the relationship with their parents. Sometimes, kids even hurt themselves to get that control.

If you yell, they will throw temper tantrums, use bad language, scream and shout.

If you use your physical power on them and spank them, they will find a weakness you have (and they will, because they have many good senses to detect them) and use this to get what they want from you.

If you use time out or remove privileges and they do not understand it properly, they will do the same to you and keep you away from their life by hiding things or religiously seeking privacy.

How do most parents discipline their kids and how effective are the discipline methods?

A survey of 2,000 parents of kids between the ages of 2 to 11 (Determinants of Parental Discipline Practices: A National Sample From Primary Care Practices) has found that:

• 38% of parents use the same discipline methods their parents used
• 45% of parents use time out
• 42% of parents remove privileges
• 13% of parents yell
• 9% of parents spank

The shocking part of the research for me was that a third of the people surveyed thought their methods were ineffective.

So how do readers of Family Matters discipline their kids? Let’s have our own survey.

Parental Discipline Survey

Please select all the discipline methods you use with your kids (1-5) and indicate whether these are the same methods your parents used (6) and whether they are effective (7). If you do not discipline your kids at all, please tick 7 if this works for you and share your experiences with everyone below.

Whatever your choices, please tell us more about your discipline style in the comment box below and whether you find it effective or not.

Happy parenting with easy discipline,
Ronit

You may want to read

• More Control – Less Power
• Ronit’s Parenting Bible: Manners
• Ronit’s Parenting Bible: Role Model

The best way to start any diet is to find out how much and what kinds of food you consume, so to start your TV diet, first you need to know how much TV you and your kids are watching.

Most parents think their kids watch too much TV and fight a lot with their kids over it. Finding out about your kids' viewing habits can help you greatly in your parenting by having your facts straight.

Measure each one of your kids separately. Bear in mind that if one of your kids watches too much TV, it will make a huge impression on any younger kids.

Older kids (teenagers) typically need the TV diet more, but your success with the younger one will be easier to monitor. Make sure to work with all your kids, the young and the teens.

Print the Family Matters TV Recording Sheet and record each of your kids' TV viewing over a week period. When you do, just observe your kids as they watch TV and their behavior afterwards, but do not say anything to your kids to ensure your results are accurate without any influence or pressure on the kids.

Whenever I coach people around time management, I ask them to record how they spend their time. It is surprising for them to discover just how much time they spend watching TV. The funny bit is that sometimes when people add up the hours of everything they do every week, they find that they spend over 168 hours a week, which is not possible.

It is important to measure TV viewing before adopting any strategy to wean your kids off it. Obviously, the worse the situation is, the longer it will take you to change their viewing habits.

When you have recorded one week, go to each of your kids and ask them what they think about the hours they spend watching TV. The reason we ask kids about what they think is to find out if they have a good estimate of their viewing time. Some kids especially the younger ones, have no idea about their viewing hours.

Ask your kids about their sleeping hours and whether they think they get enough sleep.

Ask your kids about adults themes in the shows they watch and whether they think they watch age-appropriate TV.

Ask your kids about their reading and whether they think they read enough.

Ask your kids about the commercials they see on TV. You will be surprised that kids do not realize how many commercials they see during each hour they watch TV and why it is not so healthy for them.

At first, ask your kids for their opinion in order to get their thoughts and ideas, but do not start a discussion until you feel you know everything. Then, raise some points about the content and amount of TV watching and discuss those points with your kids. Sometimes, the discussion alone will make them aware of the situation and give you an opportunity to gently raise your concerns. When you have this discussion with teenagers, do not try to push your ideas or the conversation will end. It is better to exchange ideas and guide your teens' own thinking process rather than imposing your thoughts.

How much TV is too much?

One question most parents ask is what a normal, reasonable TV time limit is. I guess this is a very important question, but the answer depends on the kids' age, their personality, the personality of parents, the circumstances (school day, weekend, school break, holiday, working parents, separated, etc) and the type of shows they watch.

In the next weeks, I will write about all these aspects of setting the rules for watching TV and I hope it will help you find the answer to the question, "How much TV is too much?" and your own family's ideal watching time.

Until next week, please share what you think is the "right" amount of TV watching time.

Join me next week for kids' personalities and how they affect choosing the right amount of TV viewing.

Happy family life,
Ronit

You may want to read

• TV Diet (15): Routine
• Teenage Problems
• TV Diet (14): Cutting Junk TV

If you have been reading this blog for a while, you know that the motto "Happy parents raise happy kids" is a good slogan for our philosophy. We want to empower and inspire all our parent readers to raise happy kids by focusing on themselves, while learning techniques, being exposed to theories, opinions and ideas regarding parenting and kids' development and leading a happy, healthy and loving family life.

There, I have written it down - a vision and mission statement in less than 1,500 words…

I believe that every day in the last two years, I have focused on this vision and this mission and I hope you can read this on and between the lines in every post on this blog. As funny as this may seem, I have used much of my own advice after writing it, because teaching is also a great learning opportunity.

Today, to celebrate the second birthday of the blog, I would like to know which topics you, the reader, would like to read more about. What are your challenges as a parent? What are the things you would like to be better in your own family? What are the things you would like to know how to give your kids or get them to do (well)? What are some things you wish you could send to someone you know, if only an expert explained them well?

Here is a list of topics I have been covering so far. Please choose the topic you most like reading about.

If there are other topics you would like to read about, please add them in the comment box below.

Thank you for joining the "Family Matters" community and we would like to encourage you to participate, share your views and add your opinion about topics relevant to the site. We promise to post them here for everyone to enjoy and get inspired.

Thank you and happy parenting!
Ronit

You may want to read

• Who’s Your Favorite Grandparent? (Poll)
• TV Diet (8): How Much TV is Too Much?
• My Name is My Identity

Obviously, when they are babies and so dependent on us, it is hard to imagine that one day they will develop their own ideas, make up their own mind and say "No". The first "No" period happens around the age of 3 and seems funny and cute, but after that, arguing with your kids stops being funny pretty quickly.

As the kids grow, their ideas about life evolve and they do not necessarily agree with their parents on school, academic success, attitude, priorities and other important issues. When their parents do not agree between them, kids find it hard to split their ideas to suit both parents and conflicts are even greater.

I guess every age brings its own battles (together with the joys), but since the great response on our other surveys, I would like to know from you what your main conflict with your kids is.

I know that not all parents are the same but from what I gathered during many parenting workshops, most parents fight over the things listed below. Please select the topic that concerns you most as a parent and the one you mainly argue and fight about with your kids. (I can recognize mine immediately. If you are a regular reader of this blog, guess what it is in the comment box below).

If you have other things you fight with your kids about, please add them to the comment box below. We would love to have a complete list of the conflicts between kids and their parents.

Happy parenting,
Ronit

You may want to read

• What Happens When You Fight
• TV Diet (8): How Much TV is Too Much?
• More Control – Less Power