Family Matters

Posts Tagged ‘needs’

Have you ever wondered what happens to your kids when you fight with your partner? Have you ever asked them?

Well, I did today and I was surprised and it got me thinking.

My 15-year-old son Tsoof is now on holidays, so he and I go for a walk around the neighborhood together in the morning. He sometimes brings his guitar and we sing, much to the enjoyment of passersby, but other times, we talk. Today, he brought his guitar, but we talked anyway…

At first, I asked Tsoof, “When you and your friends talk about how annoying your parents are, what do you say?”

“Nothing”, he said, “I don’t think you’re annoying”.

“Isn’t there anything we do that bugs you in some way? After all, we’re not perfect”, I asked.

“Well, I really feel bad when you fight”, he admitted, “It makes me want to disappear”.

OK, OK, so the big secret is out. Life coaches or not, Ronit and I are sometimes under pressure too and when that happens, we argue, as we did recently, with our unfortunate kids being present. Being from a culture in which expressing how you feel might involve raising your voice and making theatrical gestures (to help emphasize your point), we dominated the family scene, which apparently troubled our kids.

Quotes are signs we put on our map to navigate through the journey called “life”. We need the signs to find our way through the happiness and sadness, joy and heartaches, challenges and success. They are the guidelines for how we choose to live our life.

My first quotes were sentences from songs I loved. When listening to songs, some people hear the melody. I always pay attention to the lyrics. Whenever I chose to carve them on my life map, I copied them into my diary and read them from time to time.

One song that was most meaningful for me as a teenager was John Lennon’s “Imagine”. It is not a coincidence that today, many years later, I am the state coordinator of Together for Humanity, a foundation advocating living in peace and harmony.

Finding and listing 100 quotes that you consider good guidelines for living is a good way to discover who you are, what you want for yourself in life and what your need to overcome. Through the quotes, you can find out what your thoughts, values, needs and beliefs are and direct yourself towards a good life.

Too often, I hear parents saying the words “kids” and “discipline” in the same sentence. Sometimes, they add “bad behavior”, “naughty” and “rude” for good measure. When I look at them, their faces typically express anger and their whole body language is tense and stiff.

Our definition of friendship evolves over the years. At first, our friends are the kids we play with, even when we envy them or hate them. As we grow up, our definition becomes deeper and more meaningful, but also more selective.

There are many reasons to choose a name for a baby. My dad used to say the kids make their name special and it does not really matter what name it is. If Mom and Dad love the kid, their love will be expressed every time they call his or her name.

For a name to be perfect, it needs to fulfill the parents’ needs. When the name fulfills their needs, the parents feel they have made a perfect decision.

In many marriages, one partner is the main “bread winner”, spending his time (or her time, but mostly his) outside the home, being busy with work-related stuff some of the time at home and needing support from the “other” partner (typically the woman). This creates an imbalance in the family.