The problem with feeling bad is not so much that we find something hard to deal with, but that we have been brought up not to feel bad, so we feel really bad about feeling bad. That, of course, makes everything worse, because now, we are feeling bad about ourselves and blocking ourselves from processing and letting go of the original bad feeling.

When I was growing up, I was often told that only girls cried. "Take it like a man", people said to me and to all of my friends who were boys. The girls were not supposed to take it like men, but they were instructed not to bother others with their feelings and to "show their happy face" like "a good girl" should. So happiness was clearly good and resentment, anxiety, regret and sorrow were bad.

When Ronit and I lost our baby, the most natural thing for us to do was go back home to our parents, siblings and high-school friends for emotional support. But instead, everyone ran away from us, and when they were around us, it was awkward. Our grief was too hard for them to bear and they had no idea how to handle it. So not only did we mourn our dead son, we also felt lonely and rejected, simply because the people around us were brought up to hide bad feelings.

So today, I am here to liberate you, and I hope that by liberating you, you will go on to liberate other people in your life, until everyone feels OK about feeling bad.

My favorite philosophy is Taoism, which advises us to follow the natural forces and flow of things around us and to keep ourselves balanced at all times. In Taoism, nature is so much stronger than us humans there is really no point resisting it, so everything that is natural must be accepted. Our job is to find a good way to use it.

Taoism recognizes 5 elements - Wood, Fire, Earth, Metal and Water. Each element affects the others and all of them are needed for a balanced life. Favoring one of the elements (like favoring happiness) ultimately results in health problems. This is the foundation of Chinese medicine, kinesiology and other forms of healing.

The elements are also associated with the seasons. Spring is the wood season, a time of growth, movement, creation and change. It is always followed by summer, the fire season, a time when things ripen, strengthen and mature. Late summer is the earth season, a time when things are processed and converted, to be used later. Then always comes autumn, the metal season, a time of gathering, winding down and preparing for winter. Those who do not adapt to the change of seasons in autumn get sick or develop illnesses that will manifest themselves during winter. Finally comes winter, the water season, a time of closing, hiding and storage.

No matter how much we like the spring, it does not last forever and we eventually find ourselves in the summer. No matter how much we want to avoid it, winter always comes in nature, as does pain in our heart. But after winter, there is always spring again. In fact, preparing well for emotional winter and weathering it well makes for a wonderful spring.

According to Tearful Serenity: Crying Away the Stress, crying is our body's way of releasing stress chemicals and helping us relax. In fact, when you stress about being stressed, it makes matters worse and brings the tears out faster. The great thing about crying, though, is that without changing the stressful situation a bit, it somehow feels better and you feel relieved.

Of course, many emotions do not lead us to crying and many situations do not arouse strong enough emotions to bring out the tears, by the same principle still applies - dealing with our bad feeling is the best way to feeling good again. Pretending everything is OK only makes it worse. Criticizing yourself for feeling bad makes it worse still.

Timeline Therapy is based on the idea that at some point in our life, we had an experience that created a certain feeling or belief in us, such as "I'm not good enough". Since this often happens during childhood, we did not process that feeling or belief. Instead, we integrated it into our identity. Whenever something happens to us that seems like that original event, it reinforces our belief and strengthens our feeling. Throughout our life, we build a chain of these events and our bad feeling gets stronger and stronger.

In order to release a particular emotional burden, we can travel in our mind to the first time we ever felt that emotion or held that belief and experience from an adult perspective. Once we process the event and change how we interpret it, our feeling about it changes. We can then travel back to the present and other similar events along the way "pop" easily, leaving us with great relief and a different sense of who we are.

So you see, accepting all of our emotions as natural and processing them prevents us from getting stuck and limiting ourselves, sometimes for life.

Now, different people have different ways of coping with bad feelings. Some people cry, some need space, some talk through their issues and analyze them, some need to be cuddled, some meditate and some do an enjoyable activity or spend time with friends talking about "anything but". No matter how you choose to cope, find it out and do it.

And when others feel bad around you, remember that although they may cope differently from you, it is best to let them work through their issues than to make them feel bad about feeling bad. To be a good supporter, find out how they cope, encourage them to do it and help in any way you can.

Feeling better now?
Gal

You may want to read

• The Art of Misery (Advanced)
• Feelings are Things
• Switch

Don't let your mind bully your body into believing it must carry the burden of its worries
- Astrid Alauda

Have I ever told you writing is a kind of therapy? Well, it is.

I found out that sometimes, I write as a way of thinking. This month was very hectic for me and therefore for our entire family. I had many big projects to complete and I could not do them without the help of my family. Gal and the kids helped me a lot and we ended up dedicating almost 3 weekends to this work (we are still recovering from work, work and more work). All this work involved doing things I love, so it made me excited and I was in total flow and winding down was not easy. That made me think about slowing down as the topic this time.

Slowing down is a challenge for many people. The more successful you are at what you do, the more you risk being unable to slow down and enjoy the simple things. Slowing down is a challenge for me, so I am taking the time to write what happened to me in the last month and how I got over it (still doing that).

There is more to life than increasing its speed
- Gandhi

In recent years (decades), "fast" was the name of the game. Everything changed pace and with the many rewards of a fast life, we lost the pleasures of smelling the flowers along the way. We cannot say there is only bad in a fast life, because technology and fast engines have allowed me to fly across the ocean for 24 hours and see my parents on the other side of the world. Without that technology, it would have taken me weeks to travel by ship (300 years ago, sailing across the ocean in ship was considered fast travel - it was much faster than swimming).

To achieve great things, two things are needed: a plan and not quite enough time
- Leonard Bernstein

Time poverty

It is funny how humanity has developed and shifted to doing things faster in order to cheat death, yet this is the same reason we need to slow down. We are "time poor" and we have reached a point where to gain quantity (achievements, possessions, fame), we have sacrificed quality (wisdom, character, love, health).

In the old days, people felt they did not have enough time to do all the things they wanted to do. It is easy to see why people whose life expectancy was 40 or 50 years could not do all the things we can do now and looked for ways to do things faster. I think they did a very good job of it too. Thanks to them, we can send our kids to school and we do not need to personally hunt or gather food.

The world institute of slowness was formed in 1999 to facilitate a slow awareness around the globe. The idea that we are missing the joy of what life has to offer by doing things quickly without taking the time to connect with ourselves, with our planet, with our families and with others, has inspired movements of slowing down around the world.

The first person who brought "slowing down" to people's attention was Carlo Petrini who protested in 1980 against the opening of a MacDonald's store in Rome. Back then, he started the "slow food" movement, using the idea of slow food as a counter idea to the booming "fast food" industry. Carlo Petrini protested against shifting food from one place to another and encouraged going back to the appreciating local produce and enjoying the process of making (and eating) our food, rather than just quickly satisfying our hunger.

There is a whole line of thought claiming that our population is obese because we do not enjoy our food - we fight it. Food is no longer fuel for the body - it is the enemy.

Gal and I first heard about it when we lived in California and went to a meditation class. The instructor taught us a different kind of meditation every week and one kind was Eating Meditation. She said we do not pay attention to what we eat and because we lack time, we tend to do many other things while we eat - we read, watch TV, talk, etc. Some people even work while they eat, which does not allow the food to be digested properly.

She gave us a raisin and asked us to keep it in our mouth as long as we can. That was hard! Try it yourself and measure how long you can keep a raisin in your mouth.

Another activity she gave us was to count how many times we chewed the food before swallowing it. She said we needed to chew each bite 27 times to get the most out of it. So for about a week, we tried counting and realized we were eating so fast it was not funny.

When we were tired, we chewed less. When we were stressed, we chewed less. When we worked, we chewed less. When we talked, we chewed less. As we started paying attention to what other people did, we realized that most people chewed each bite of food only 2-4 times.

Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save
- Will Rogers

While Carlo Petrini started the slow movement from food, he has many fans who claim we are missing some other essentials when we speed our life up.

I am sure you can appreciate the advantages of having a mobile phone even with the loss of face-to-face contact. Eden is only 24 years younger than I am, yet while I prefer personal contact with other people, her generation prefers text messaging and will not even pick up the phone and talk to someone, let alone go to see them.

It is like waiting in line for a rollercoaster ride, then going through the anticipation of the climb, and finally finding ourselves flying upside down at a dizzying speed and not being able to stop and get off until the ride is over. Life is pretty much the same - we want to achieve some things very much, but then we get caught up in a hectic life that just keeps going and going.

This is exactly what happened to me last month. I was looking forward to all those projects and I was very happy they came, but with them came 3 hectic weeks with pressure and little sleep. We knew things would become hectic and even talked about it beforehand and looked for ways to make sure we would handle the overload. Still, it was intense.

I think it is not practical to slow down on all fronts. Fighting all the speed of the world can cause extra pressure, which we wish to avoid. I recommend choosing your battles and taking the time to enjoy, rest, embrace slowness, relax and take advantage of the times when your rollercoaster stops to pick up new passengers.

Take rest. A field that has rested gives a bountiful crop
- Ovid

How to slow down (and smell the flowers)

1. Have family dinners as often as you can and try to really be together. Turn off the TV while you eat. Do not answer the phone while you eat. Do not read or do your work while you eat. Just be together and enjoy your food. To make you slow down the speed of eating, try chewing longer. It is easy to make a game out of it if there are kids around. When you get to 27 times per bite without much effort, you will know you are relaxed.
2. Plan ahead. Planning ahead is a great way to ease the overload. If you have a system to record your plans and schedule them, ask yourself, "What can I do ahead of time to prevent the stress that I will have in three weeks when I need to do that special event?" My editor sends me due dates for articles two months in advance. To make sure I am not stressed by having too many things to do at once, I schedule each article a month before her due date. I call that "Ronit's due date".
3. Schedule rests in your daily, weekly, monthly and yearly timetables. Rest is needed for a good functioning of the body, not to mention emotional functioning. Resting or taking time off is meant to help us rejuvenate and charge the batteries of our body and our motivation. It is so much easier for me to do my job when the reward is there. When a job or task is long, it can be hard to keep motivated. When we have pressure, I remind everyone of the weekend. If I feel there is a drop of energy, I remind myself and others of our next vacation or some fun thing we have planned to do together. It helps us keep motivated and less stressed, because we realize the pressure will not last forever.
4. Turn off the mobile phone. It is amazing how a mobile phone can speed us up. The worst thing about it is getting into the instant gratification habit. When we are having a calm and relaxed outing and a phone rings, it is shocking for me to see people having a small panic attack and everyone touches their pockets or looks at their mobile phone to see if it was ringing. I was at a funeral once when someone's phone rang. If you are not in a life-and-death kind of job, you are not supposed to pick up your mobile phone as soon as it rings - while eating, while working, while having fun, while trying to concentrate on a task. It is OK if the caller waits until you finish. Try! It is amazingly liberating.
5. Sleep enough. When we have too many things to do, we tend to steal time from our sleep and do the work until late at night. If you steal sleep time from yourself, you will have to catch up and if you do not, your body will force you to take time off (be sick) in times that are not necessary comfortable for you. Make sure any lack of sleep is short term and do not do it over a long period or your body starts to deteriorate. Use the weekend to recover.
6. Work when you are most effective. Some people are "night owls" and others prefer to wake up early and work when their mind is fresh. Work with your body, not against it. When you are not at your peak, do easy things, rest or play.
7. Work in a team. Getting someone to help you is a great way to handle stressful situations. Talk to your colleagues, family or friends and ask them for help. Delegating some of your work can free up your time. Of course, you can return the favor later. On a normal week, I go shopping, do some of the cooking and cleaning, but in the 3 weeks where I was out of the house 8 days out 15, I did not do the shopping or cooking.
8. Prioritize. I have always admired Gal's mom because every night, when her younger girls went to bed, she sat next to them and read them a book or had a chat with them, then gave them a good night hug and kiss. I saw her doing this when I was a teenager and TV was very important to me (and everyone else). While others rushed from the TV, gave a hug and a kiss and went back to watching their show, she sat there relaxed and never felt she was missing anything. For her, saying good night to the kids was way more important than TV, so she never felt she was missing anything.
9. Focus. There is a beautiful Zen saying, "If you walk, walk. If you sit, sit. Whatever you do, don't wobble". It means that when you do something, do it with all your heart and dedicated yourself entirely to it. Instead of trying to do hundreds of things at the same time, clear the space to allow you to concentrate on what you are doing. If you are doing something, make sure you can do it without disturbance or distractions. Many people carry with them the worries of the daily life when they go on vacation or take time off. When you are on vacation, have fun!
10. Meditate. I have written a lot about meditation. Meditating is an excellent way to "buy" time and ease the stress. Last week, I took a group of kids to a leadership camp. I gave them an assignment they had to stay late at night to complete. I promised them I would stay awake until the last kid has gone to sleep. I ended up going to sleep at 1am (after a full day of concentrating and talking) and I had to be up and functioning again at 6am. My solution is always to meditate. I personally do the Transcendental Meditation, of which every 20 minutes is equivalent to 2 hours of sleep. I believe any meditation can do the same. Meditating is one of the best and easiest investments. Learn to meditate. It calms the mind and allows you to enjoy the following day.
11. Wherever you go, look for flowers and smell at least some of them.

This is what I do when I want to get off the rollercoaster. It is so easy for me to go up there because I like speed and I am an action-oriented person, but in the last month, I needed to let go a bit and take time off, relax and smell the flowers along the way.

Here is a poem I love. I think the end of it sums up the importance of slowing down.

Lots of love and hugs.

Enjoy the flowers!
Ronit

You may want to read

• Make a list: Be More Productive
• Living in a Dress Rehearsal
• The Art of Misery (Advanced)

I turned into an "old person" when my 1-year-old daughter Eden was sick with pneumonia. She was on antibiotics for 6 months because as soon as she got off it, she got sick again. By the time she turned 2, she had had pneumonia for 6 months. We were at the mercy of the doctors and their medication, taking her to the hospital and worrying about her health. The head of the children's ward at the biggest hospital in our area, who saw her for 6 months at his private clinic, said to us, "I'm sorry to tell you this, but your daughter is asthmatic. She will have to be on medication 6 months out of every year, so you'd better get ready".

She was just so young and fragile and we were so scared we understood why those "old people" had wished her health.

Our life changed when we took responsibility over our own health and Eden's and realized we had the power to raise healthy, happy kids.

Eden is 21 years old now. In the past 19 years, after we got rid of the pneumonia (and not with antibiotics or any other medication), she saw a doctor for her immunizations, chicken pox at the age of 6 and a throat infection at the age of 16. She had a cold last week and still has a runny nose, but she never went to the doctor.

I am a very good example of a parent who thinks we can do something to change our kids' health, although I did not grow up with that thinking. My mom raised 5 sick kids and she still thinks medication is the cure for everything. To her, "doctor" is a kind of god that must be obeyed, even when her doctor keeps her waiting, ignores her symptoms and gets things wrong. She has been sick all her life and she does not have any health strategy.

I believe that kids' health (and their parents' health) is an important part of parenting. I am in a constant search for tips and tricks to keep my kids healthy, so I decided to ask the Top Parenting Bloggers about their attitude towards ensuring their kids' health.

How do you keep your kids healthy?

Annie - PhD in Parenting We try to offer them a balanced diet and in the event that they do not take us up on that offer, we offer vitamin supplements and keep encouraging (but not forcing) them to try new foods. Our daughter eats an excellent variety of foods, whereas our son is as meat and potatoes kind of guy. We ensure that they get lots of fresh air and exercise, which is critical to both their physical and mental health. We encourage them to think through problems and to address their emotions, which helps keep them mentally healthy.

Ria Sharon - My Mommy Manual Sleep. Sleep. Sleep. I am a big believer that their growing bodies and brains really need sleep to develop. It makes a big difference in their temperament and in staying healthy. And of course, healthy food, vitamins, exercise.

Richard "RJ" Jaramillo - Single Dad We all cook together...

Sue Scheff - Sue Scheff Blog Purell Hand Sanitizer. Kidding, sort of. However, hand washing has to be taught from a young age and carried into their teen years. Teaching your children not to share drinks and other items that go from mouth to mouth can help.Some parents believe in vitamins. That is a personal decision. I used them when my kids were younger, however we eventually stopped.

Susan Heim - Susan Heim on Parenting I encourage plenty of outdoor play, monitor their eating habits and make sure they get plenty of rest. It sounds pretty simple, but diet, exercise and sleep really are the "big three" in keeping our kids healthy!

Annie Fox, M.Ed. - From the desk of Annie Fox Know what they need in terms of nutrition, sleep, activity, intellectual and creative stimulation, social skill-building and… a stable nurturing family life. Then do your best to provide what you can.

Maria Melo - Conversations with Moms Encourage them to play outside as much as possible and limit their time in front of the TV. I play music around my house a lot and have fun dancing with my children. I also try to teach them good eating habits and although I allow them to eat the occasional junk food, I try to teach them about the importance of balance in their diets. I've been lucky in that my oldest son has a dislike for soda drinks, probably because it is non-existent in my house. Our drink of choice at home is water.

Ronit Baras - Family Matters We buy lots and lots of fruits and vegetables. 75% of what we eat (by weight) is fruits and vegetables. Our kids just eat what they find in the refrigerator and pantry. Get a good night's sleep. On school days, our kids go to sleep between 8 and 8:30 and sleep for 10 hours. My son is nearly 15 and still sleeps 10 hours every day (he dreams up new music…). If they want to stay up, they need to prove they can wake up energetic the next day. If they are cranky, fussy and agitated, it is a sign they did not get enough sleep, so off to bed early they go. We meditate. We did a Transcendental Meditation course when Eden was 10 and Tsoof was 4. It keeps them focused and alert. Gal and I can tell when they meditate and when they do not. When they are confused, we ask about it and suggest they meditate for a while. At the first sign of sickness, I say, "Vitamin C to the rescue". In high dosage (1,500 to 3,000mg a day), I believe it boosts the immune system and keeps them from becoming sick. It works! Keep them doing something that makes them happy. I help my kids find things that make them happy and encourage them to do those things. Happiness is a great chemical state, whereas stress is the ultimate enemy. Smiling releases good hormones, so get your kids to smile a lot. I promote being healthy. When we moved to Australia, I found out people stayed home sick if they sneezed, so I made an agreement with my kids that if they stayed healthy for the whole term, they can take 1 day off school whenever they want and have fun with me. It works! Plant healthy thoughts in your kids' mind. I tell my kids they are healthy and strong every day. "Tomorrow, you'll feel better after a good night's sleep". When friends say, "I don't want to bring my son to play, because he is sick", I say, "You can bring him, because my kids never get sick" (and they do not!). I learned from a principal who attended one of parenting workshops an awesome trick. When his kids start getting sick, he tells them, "You're really good at getting better". I love this! Watch what you say to your kids.

This is the last chapter of the Top Parenting Bloggers Discuss. Many thanks to the Top Parenting Bloggers: Sue Scheff, Annie Fox, Richard Jaramillo, Ria Sharon, PhD Annie, Maria Melo and Susan Heim and for sharing their thoughts and experience throughout the series.

If you want to know more about the bloggers who take part in this project or contact any of them, please visit their blogs, follow them on Twitter and/or become their fan on Facebook.

With the questions I have received from readers I am planning another series of expect discussions. If you want your questions answered too, write them in the comment box below.

Happy parenting,
Ronit

You may want to read

• Ronit’s Parenting Bible: Manners
• Ronit’s Parenting Bible: Role Model
• Ronit’s Parenting Bible: Food

When I was in high school, I spent many hours reading science fiction. One of the books I still remember well was called "Man Plus" by Frederik Pohl. In the book, astronaut Roger Torraway is preparing to go to Mars, which has a very different atmosphere and pressure and requires special vision. So he is fitted, among other things, with special bionic eyes.

After the eyes are implanted in his head, he wakes up from his surgery unable to see anything. He complains to the surgeon, who then tells him his eyes are connected to the same nerves as his natural ones were and instructs him to open the bionic eyes the way he opened his eyes before.

Roger searches his brain in growing panic, until he finally finds the switch. He flicks the switch on and he can see!

I have used this analogy while going on rides at theme parks. Rides are built so that you cannot see the big dip or the steep slide ahead until you are right upon it, and then, there is nothing you can do to stop the fall. The pit of your stomach is filled with fear, which is only reinforced by the screaming people all around you.

I recently went on a few rides, not having done so in a long time. As expected, whenever that horrible turn came, the knot formed in my stomach and my brain started screaming "Oh, s…". I decided to trust the builders of the ride and remembered the people before me arriving safely at the foot of the ride and getting out with a big smile on their face. Then, although my fear did not disappear completely (those ride builders sure do a good job), it was mostly replaced by sheer enjoyment of the fall or slide, which allowed me to also pay attention to details my scared mind would have missed on the way down.

Being committed to my relationship with Ronit, I have also developed a love switch. No matter how angry I might be or how frustrated, I give myself some distance, take a few deep breaths (I exhale all the air from my chest and stomach before inhaling as much as I can) and look at her again from a neutral point of view. I ask myself, "What must she be going through to act as she has just done?"

Of course, this takes practice, but by "flicking this switch" I can now calm myself like this and imagine Ronit's state of mind, which floods me with understanding and love towards her.

Many of our coaching clients are full of self criticism and regrets. They ask us to help them build self confidence and feel good about themselves. Knowing how damaging regret can be, Ronit and I show them how to create a new switch in their mind, the "I always do the best I can" switch.

Although this mental switch seems very useful, it too takes practice to master, but it works! After a while, our clients are able to forgive their young selves and their current selves for many things they once considered horrible and they fill with energy and a zest for life.

I used to be quite a competitive driver on the road. I would challenge myself to get everywhere in the shortest possible time, even when it did not really matter. Of course, this meant that other drivers were just a nuisance, because they were in my way, preventing me from achieving my driving goals.

Whenever we went somewhere as a family, I drove the car, but sometimes, I had to sit next to Ronit as she drove and I just went ballistic. "How can you drive so slowly? Quick, change lanes! You missed the light! What are you doing?!"

Sure, I noticed that when Ronit and I drive separate cars, starting at the same time and going to the same place, she somehow makes it to our destination within a very short time (usually just a few seconds), but I still did my best to arrive as quickly as I could.

While being coached, I created a mental switch from "I must get there as fast as I can" to "I prefer to relax and enjoy the ride". Sometimes, I find myself cruising along, humming to myself, looking around and having a good time in the middle of heavy traffic. I look at the other drivers, smile at them and when I see one who is distressed, I think to myself, "Poor thing. It's no use stressing on the road. It's a lot more fun being relaxed and open".

Last week, I was taking a walk with my son Tsoof and told him I was going to write about switches. To my surprise, Tsoof had a story of his own.

Being a highly auditory kid, Tsoof's biggest challenge is ignoring noises and sounds. Somehow, his room seems to collect the sounds in the house and amplify them, which even I have found hard to shut out. But Tsoof told me that whenever he goes to sleep, he can decide to focus on a single thought or a single sound, like the ceiling fan or the frogs outside, and pay no attention to the rest.

"I can hear everything", he explained to me, "But I just choose to ignore everything other than what I'm focusing on".

Remembering that Tsoof has been meditating since he was 4 years old, I commented that this was precisely what he practices during meditation, but he said, "That's true, but I actually read about this mind switch in Eragon".

You learn new things every day…

Switch on the good feelings!
Gal

You may want to read

• The Art of Misery (Advanced)
• Stress is Like Living in an Ambulance
• Be Friendly, Be Happy

Prudence asked, "We are almost at our 2^nd year anniversary. We have two foster children, 14 and 10. Our marriage is happy, fun and exciting, but sometimes I feel we don’t have enough time just the two of us… how do you do it with two kids?"

I guess that becoming a parent to a big kid is not the same as growing together with your kids since they are babies. Kids want all the attention on them all of the time, which we give them at first. Along the way, we gradually learn to use our time better: to complete things a bit better, a bit faster or just to get rid of some time consuming habits.

I became a mother of 2 after a 16-year relationship with my partner, so I guess knowing each other and becoming a mother of one kid at a time made life much easier for me. I had Eden and Tsoof nearly 7 years apart and Noff after another 6 years, which allowed plenty of time to adjust slowly to the parenting changes.

Time is a valuable resource when you have kids and time together with your partner is essential in order to keep your marriage healthy. If parents separate because they do not have enough time for each other, even if they are the greatest parents in the world, their kids will still suffer.

19 years ago, when our eldest daughter was 11 months old, we found out that we did not have any "us" time. We loved her so much that we wanted to spend every second with her, so in the evenings we were quite happy for her to go to sleep at the same time we did. It took us 11 months of excitement to realize that we were missing out on our time as a couple. We started noticing divorced families and realized that giving her all our attention at the risk of our relationship was too high a price to pay and that it was not good for her in the end. So we came up with some new rules. I hope you find them helpful:

Time flies, but you are the pilot

1. Go on a date once a week - Once a week, no matter what happens, no matter how much money we have, no matter how tired we are, we go out.
   When Eden was only a year old, we lived in a town with only one cinema, in which the same movie ran for 3 weeks. So we would get a babysitter and go out for a walk on the street. Even when we moved away from our extended family (across the oceans from them), we made sure we found a babysitter and would leave our daughter with her and go to the movies or even just spend 2 hours having coffee with friends.
   When people tell me they cannot afford a babysitter, I tell them they cannot afford not to get one!
   Even now, 19 years later, we do not need a babysitter anymore, but we still go out once a week on average. This can make a world of a difference to your married life. If you have 4 families in your circle of friends, you can arrange it so that one couple stays with all the kids and the others go out, and then rotate. This probably means that your living room will become a campsite for about 8 kids every 5 weeks, but you will get to go out with your partner 4 out of every 5 weeks. With such an arrangement, everyone wins. A funny movie and popcorn can keep kids busy for hours - and why not let them giggle till late?
2. Get the kids to bed at a set time - The second thing we discovered when our daughter was just 11 months old was that we were missing valuable "us" time because she was going to bed at the same time we did. This can be an especially hard issue for couples that have been together for a long time before having kids. Those couples may be so used to filling up their time with what interests them that it is hard for them to give up those things after such a long time.
   Put your kids in bed at a set time. I think it is good to read up a bit on kids and sleep to find out what you think is the best bedtime hour. My son is 13 soon. He goes to sleep every night at 8pm and gets up at 6:30am. I thought that by now he would ask for a reduction of his sleep time, but he has not. Your kids may want to go to sleep later but still make sure they go to sleep, or at least to bed in order to relax before they fall asleep, at a specific time. This will give you and your partner some time to yourself.
   For 19 years, with a 19 year old daughter, we have had "us" time every day of the week from 8pm onwards.
3. No TV, no computer and no mobile phone in the kids’ rooms - To make sure that kids are not tempted to stay awake (and for health reasons), our kids do not have a TV, a computer or a mobile phone in their room. Our eldest daughter reads in her room if she does not want to sleep. We accept reading before bedtime, but with the young ones, we even try to limit that.
   [It has been scientifically shown that computer monitors simulate sunlight and keep us in "day mode". The use of computers should therefore stop at least 2 hours before bedtime]
4. Extend the days with more energy - One more way to increase the time you have together with your partner is to be able to stay energetic for longer. Gal and I used to be dead tired at 9pm, which then shrank the time we had together from 3 good hours to only 1. This is a typical problem. Parents are too tired. If you have the same problem, you can always find ways to increase your energy. Try exercising (we went to the gym for 3 months, but that did not work for us). Reduce stress - you can subscribe to this blog to get many stress management tips for parents. Sometimes, it is useful to change your eating habits (this was the magical cure for us - Food Combining for Health). If you fall asleep in front of the TV or during a movie, find ways to extend the hours during which you can stay awake and be energetic.
5. Meditate - Another tip to stay energetic for longer and to have more active hours in your day is to meditate. 9 years ago, our whole family learned transcendental meditation. In this type of meditation, you need to meditate for 20 minutes twice a day. Each session of meditation is equivalent to two hours of sleep. When we meditated properly (i.e. actually did it every day), we could sleep for 6 hours and still be full of energy and motivation for the other 18 hours. Whenever we go to sleep very late (i.e. in the early hours of the morning), we meditate first and this helps us survive the sleep deprivation the following day. Find a kind of meditation that does this magic for you.
6. Stop watching television - When Gal and I moved in together, we were students. My grandmother offered us her old TV and we made a courageous decision that changed our life - we said, "No, thank you". People said we were strange, but it worked perfectly for us. We worked so many hours and studied for so many hours that having no TV made our life much easier.
   I still think we have more time together because we watch little TV. The TV set in our house is a piece of furniture more than it is an appliance and it is only on for about 5 hours a week. Even then, most of those hours are spent watching DVDs that we rent from the video store or shows that we record so that we can fast-forward the commercials.
   In my time management workshop, I ask people to estimate how much time they dedicate to different things in their life, and it is funny to find out that many people add up their time for different activities and reach 200 hours a week, when there are only 168 hours available. Almost 100% of those people with time management challenges watch TV for MANY hours in any given week. No wonder they are tired! An no wonder they have no time left! It was scary to find on some people’s sheets they spent from 12 to 30 (!) hours a week watching television. Estimate how many hours you spend watching TV and remember that every hour you stare at the box is one less hour of quality "us" time.
7. Fast food dishes - Preparing food and eating takes a long time every week. To save time, we came up with some arrangements that save us lots of time. We decided that preparing elaborate dishes at home was a waste of time, so we make simple, healthy and easy-to-make salads and main courses. We can always go out for fancy food, in which case we waste no time at all on cooking…
   When we prepare our food, we often make double portions, so we can all take healthy food in our lunch boxes the next day. When we clear the table, we store the leftovers in boxes, which makes our mornings much more relaxed as well.
8. Playtime for Mom and Dad - We explained to the kids that mom and dad need some time to be together. We told them that, just like they have time with their friends and we help them organize this, Mom and Dad are best friends and they need time together too, so we expect them to respect that.
   This is something you can explain even to a 2 year old. Kids are actually happy to hear that Mom and Dad love each other. The fear of Mom and Dad separating is so real nowadays (so many kids in their class have most likely divorced or separated parents) that they look at you for signs of love and intimacy (this is why arguments between parents make kids so stressed.
9. Weekends away - Try once a term to organize for your kids to sleep over at a friend's place at the same time that you and your partner have a night away. If you have extended family around you, send the kids to sleep over at their grandparents or at other family members' houses. It will give you some time off for an outing, a movie or even just a sleep in on Saturday morning.
   If you have a good babysitter, you can go away, just the two of you, for a whole weekend. One night away from home can boost your relationship incredibly. If you talk to other parents, you will find that other parents will also be excited about such an arrangement and you may be able to alternate looking after the kids.
10. Do chores together - We have found that doing the things that have to be done together, gives us more time to be together. If we can, we cook, hang the washing, fold the washing, work in the garden and clean together. It gives us the opportunity to talk, kid around and share achievements. It also makes it faster and sets a good example for the kids.

If anyone has more ideas and tips to manage time better and spend more time with your partner, please share them with us by writing in the comment box below.

Happy marriage,
Ronit

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All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on
- Havelock Ellis

We have to fight them daily, like fleas, those many small worries about the morrow, for they sap our energies
- Etty Hillesum

You see, life is a lot like holding a glass of water. As light as things may be, if you carry them for a long time, they hurt you and cause you stress.

Challenges in life tend to feel heavier as time goes on, so we need to find opportunities to "let go of the glass".

People carry all sorts of "glasses". Some are heavier than others, but over time, even the lightest ones create stress. If we want to live a happy life, we need to find ways to put them down, even for a short time or better.

To understand the need to let go or at least put down some of your glasses, look at kids. Sometimes, their hands are full and when you hand them something else, they become confused. Grown ups are just like kids. Their hands are full with so many things to do, think and feel that they are afraid to let go of some of these and to clear their minds for new ones. Remember, you have only two hands.

Letting go of things can be temporary or permanent. Sometimes, letting go just for a little while can work miracles, because this is an opportunity for your mind to relax and function better.

Minds are like parachutes, they only function when open
- Thomas Dewar

When I worked with young kids, I found out that if I taught them something very complicated and then sent them away to do other things (usually to play), the next time when I asked them to try the activity, they somehow found a way of knowing how to do it. Time is a valuable tool when learning to put the glass down. It seems that in the time between one attempt and the next, the brain (with its spare energy) keeps working in the background and refreshes the thinking. It is almost like "rebooting" the brain.

It is good to remember that at any given time, we hold glasses, even when we sleep. We hold thoughts in our mind until our body finally takes us to this "unconscious" state of sleep when we are no longer aware of the glasses we hold or of their content.

Recognizing what we are holding can be a first step to choosing the right thing to do with your glass.

If the thoughts you carry with you are happy thoughts – drink plenty of that glass and make sure floods of that drink will keep coming to you by the gallon.

If the thoughts you carry with you are heavy and poisonous - examine these thoughts and feelings. If they create anxiety or make you stressed and unhappy and you think you do not want to drink them even once, then throw them away. Remember, you are not an octopus with many hands. If you clear one hand, you may then have a spare hand for a greater, happy glass.

Confusion and worry are things we need to put down and allow the mind to find some clarity and peace. In our house, we say many times, "Tomorrow, things will look better", and sure enough, on the following day, the perspective changes and we think much more clearly.

6 ways to let go of the glass

Sleeping is one of the best ways to let go of the glass. Every night when you go to sleep, you naturally leave all the troubles behind and get a new opportunity to get up fresh and strong with much more motivation to handle the new challenges of the day.

Take rest; a field that has rested gives a bountiful crop.
- Ovid (43 BC - 17 AD)

Have a place in your house that is your "tranquility space". Put in there the things you love and that will give you a wonderful feeling the minute you get there. It can be flowers, candles or anything that makes you happy and gives you the opportunity to let go of the glass and rest from holding it for too long.

Be with people you love and who love you and try to focus in their presence on the good things you have in your life. Spend time with your friends and family members you love doing different things rather than talking about the same glasses. Talk about new experiences, about dreams and about fun and exciting things. Notice that the glass becomes heavy only when you hold it for too long.

Find time to play. Fun seems to be one of the greatest ways to let go of "glasses". Fun times take most of your energy to focus on the pleasure. No worries or any glass can interfere with it. Dedicate sections each day to fun. Fun is not just for the weekends or holidays. When you find yourself saying, "I will rest when I have the time", realize it works in the opposite way: you will have time only AFTER you rest.

I have said many times that Meditation is a wonderful way to allow yourself to put down your glass(es) or even let go of some of them completely. Find a form of mediation that you feel comfortable with and practice it at least once a day. 10 minutes of meditation a day can keep many doctors away, especially mind doctors.

My favorite way of putting down all glasses (OK, most of them) is taking a Holiday. Even in the bible, God took a day off after creating the world and in doing so, He started a huge movement of people believing in a day off once a week. Holidays are not a luxury, they are essential. From time to time, we all need to stop cooking, washing and the cleaning, stop learning and working, stop watching the same TV programs or eating the same kind of food. From time to time, we all need a change in the way we dress, the climate, the landscape and the people around us.

This month, our family is doing all of the above to charge our batteries for a long time. After many months of going to sleep late and getting up early in the morning (mostly to take the kids to their activities), we are now on a holiday without an alarm clock and it feels awesome.

At the beginning of the holiday, we visited one of what we call our "tranquility places" of the world - Thailand - the place we called home for over a year and a half. This place holds many of our wonderful memories and we cannot wait to go there again (we will visit there again soon, on our way back to Australia).

We are surrounded by so many people we love and who love us and whom we have not seen for many years and we are full of excitement.

We are in "play mode" all the time. Every minute here is fun and, let me tell you, fun is addictive - it is an addiction you want to have forever.

We have plenty of time to meditate (especially when we want to squeeze the most out of every second of the day and see so many people). Each meditation gives us about 2 extra hours a day of focus. By the way, flights are great opportunities to meditate.

And we are on a long, long holiday. We take the kids to see wonderful places and there is a change in every aspect of our daily life, which is great and fulfilling.

So raise your glass to good life, say "Cheers" and then remember to put it down before it gets too heavy.

All the best,
Ronit

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Eden was a "no-sleep baby". She just did not want to go to sleep. Once she closed her eyes and stopped moving, she would sleep really well, so I am not complaining, because this meant that I rarely had to wake up in the middle of the night. But, the difficulty I had was in getting her to go to bed and fall sleep.

Even now, when she is 19 years old, we still see every night the struggle between her body and her mind. Her body tells her to go to bed and her mind still thinks that sleeping is the greatest waste of time.

My mom and Eden are total opposites. My mom thinks that sleeping is the essence of life and goes to sleep in the middle of the day, regardless of her activities. But Eden thinks sleeping is a waste of time.

I am sure that having the right attitude towards sleep varies from individual to individual, but there must be a happy medium somewhere between sleep addiction and sleep deprivation.

Sleep is essential to many functions of the body and your thinking capacity is highly influenced by it. Success at school can be directly influenced by sleep, relationships can be directly affected by sleep and health has a direct connection to sleep. Therefore, happiness and sleep have a lot to do with each other.

Kids do not really understand why they need to sleep (I know many adults who don't either) and it won't help you to explain over and over again about health, concentration and tiredness. Kids concentrate on one thing at a time and will do all that they can to steal two more minutes of open eyes.

• Some will try the screaming scene, "I will scream until you let me stay awake".
• Some will try the guilt tactic, "Mom, you promised me" or "You never let me stay up".
• Some will try the food tactic, "Poor me, I am starving to death".
• Some will try stalling, "Just one more".
• Some will bring shadows, monsters and ghosts for help, "There's a Nightmare in My Closet".

How to Develop Good Sleeping Habits

Here are some tips that will help your kids establish good sleeping habits easily.

1. Do not start with habits you do not want to have to maintain for a long time. Remember, when you say to yourself, "I will just do it for one night, or two nights", you do not know it, but you could be starting a habit. If this is something you won't be able to continue, try something else.
2. Have a soft night light in the kids' room to give them the confidence that they are in a familiar place when they wake up at night. Make sure it is a soft light so they can distinguish between night and day.
3. Get them to take a hot bath or a hot shower to relax before bedtime.
4. Use a perfume, an essential oil on their bed or their teddy bear so that they associate sleeping with that scent. If they have problems sleeping, encourage them to smell the teddy, the blanket or their musical mobile. Try to stick to the same scent, until good sleeping habits are established.
5. Introduce quiet time before bedtime and avoid rough, loud games that stimulate the kids. Make sure this quiet time lasts up to half an hour.
6. Have a sleeping routine - hugging, kissing, singing or storytelling. Even with teens, you can have a bedtime routine of talking about the successes of the day or the plans for the following day.
7. Never, never, never fall for the, "Just one more" game. This game breeds trouble in many areas of parenting. Decide what you allow, make it clear and stick to it.
8. Find out when your kids pass their tiredness point, after which their adrenaline kicks in and they become hyperactive, and make sure you never let them get beyond it. As they grow, teach them to recognize this point and plan their sleeping habits around it.
9. Too much sugar can cause sleeping problems, especially if consumed before bedtime. It gives kids (and grownups) a boost of energy they do not need when they go to sleep. Avoid sugary food before bedtime (a bottle with cordial next to your baby's bed can cause problems with teeth too).
10. Blame the clock (sneaky, but effective). If you have a kid who does not want to sleep, point to the clock and say, "The clock says it is time for bed". Young kids do not have a good understanding of time and cannot argue with the clock.
11. If your kids love music and sounds, put soft music on when they go to bed. If you want them to go to bed and relax for a while before falling asleep, but you cannot stay with them, teach them to listen to recorded stories before bedtime.
12. Get creative and make sleeping fun. Let your kids sleep in a sleeping bag. Buy a small tent and let them sleep in it on the floor. Bring a big box and build a house they can sleep in. Put up a sheet or a net over their bed to make it feel like they are in a palace. My kids had a tent made with plastic tubes, which they could put together themselves. Over the years, I had to make a new cover for it, but the kids just loved it and slept in it on their bed, on the floor and even with friends.
13. When your kids start arguing, say firmly, "Now it is time to go to bed". No matter how much they argue, just say it again, calmly but firmly, "Now it is time to go to bed". When I first tried it, I thought it would not work on Eden, who was 6 at the time and a master debater, but after 3 days, she gave up and a new sleeping habit was created.
14. To give them the confidence you are there, say, "I'll see you in the morning".
15. To give them the confidence that you are there all the time, say, "I'm going to be home all night, sleeping in my own room. Come wake me up in the morning".
16. A massage is a great way to help kids go to sleep. Even my teens ask for a massage and enjoy every minute of this pure and total attention.
17. Meditation before sleep is a wonderful way to help kids sleep. Learn some meditation techniques - music, mantra or counting - and do it with your kids until they can do it by themselves.
18. If your kids have bad dreams, tell them about the Dream Fairy. Tell them that they need to ask the Dream Fairy for a dream, write it down, put it under the bed, and tell them that the Dream Fairy will grant their wish. If they are too young to write the wish down, write it for them or ask them to draw the dream they want to have.
19. If you do not want your kids sleeping in your bed at night, take them back to their own bed whenever they come. Stay calm and take them back to bed even if you have to do it 10 times a night.
20. Some allergies can cause sleeping problems. If the allergies drag on for a long time, seek medical help.

For more information, tips and advice, you may want to try the e-book "Sleepytime Secrets" or "The Baby Sleep Solution" audio program.

Have a good night's sleep,
Ronit

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Two hundred years ago, collecting information was the name of the game. The world was ruled by those who mastered the skills of information gathering. Knowledge was power.

In today's world, the TV world, the world of live broadcasts, of information at your fingertips, a fast track world loaded with information, the advantage changed sides. Today, the world belongs to those who master the regulation of the flow of information. Today, it's not how much you know but how effective you are at finding what you need in the overwhelming rush of new facts coming straight at you from all around.

When I started my teaching journey, believing that all the people around the world were gifted, I faced a dilemma. As a person who brought information collection to a level of art, I was actually giving my students the greatest disadvantage of the 21^st century. I was guiding them to where "they couldn't see the forest for the trees."

After I realised this, I spent years looking for the balance between collecting and regulating. Everything around us encourages collecting. At school, we learn how to gather and process information for our assignments, but not how to handle the enormous stream of information we absorb anyway.

Imagine that your brain is an office, where every piece of information is like the people seeking your service or incoming messages requiring your processing and filing.

Most of the processing happens while you are a sleep. The more information you receive, the more time it takes you to process it. Have you noticed that when you are stressed you feel tired? Have you noticed that kids sleep much more than adults do? That is because the load of information they need to process is greater - almost everything is new.

Because the world moved into "fast forward," we receive information that is much greater than twenty years ago. To realise this, think about kids. Their knowledge nowadays is diverse and they know much more than what their parents knew at the same age. Gifted children, for example, have very superior collection channels. They can collect a lot of information at any given time.

Unfortunately, not long after, the child will have loads of information without the time to process and the "clerk" in the "office" will scream, "That's it. Too much input. I can't handle this any more," and the child will feel overload and pressure. A simple thing like walking in the street stimulates a lot of incoming mail. The colours, the faces, the conversation of the couple you've just seen, the traffic jam and the smell and taste of the apples you bought in the supermarket. All this input is processed and stored for later use. When you are absorbing all this, seemingly without an effort, you brain is working overtime to process and you might feel stressed without being able to pinpoint the reason.

A lot has been said about the ways to regulate this overload. Stress management actually tackles this from different angles. One way to handle stress is to try to divert our attention from the thing we consider the problem, where in fact we do not have any idea which information is sorted while we are asleep. The clerk processes the information as he sees fit without us having the conscious ability to control it. An example of diverting the attention for the supposedly a stress source, is the attempt to divert kids' attention from academic stimulants and encourage them to move into sports, art or music. This attempt only oils their superior machine and, instead of filtering out information, they open new channels of input as if the clerk now opened new doors to his office.

Another method to overcome stress is to avoid dealing with some of the issues. Some people prefer the ostrich approach but are not aware of the fact that the office is open to the public as long as they are awake. Every minute you are not asleep, your office is receiving input. Sleep is just the way your clerk is working quietly with no disturbance. Has it happened to you that you wanted to stay at work after hours, when no one was around, so you can do the job without disturbance.

Meditation is one of the best ways to regulate the incoming flow of information. In our model, meditation is like hanging a sign on the door, which says, "Away from the office. Back in 20 minutes." During this time, we allow our clerk to file the information without letting any new information to come in. Mediation research shows that it's being neither asleep nor awake. It's a state between the two, in which the brain is very calm, yet very sharp.

My first encounter with meditation was when my inspiring sister, 16 years old at the time, went to study Transcendental Mediation. I remember her taking time off, closing her eyes and sitting still for a while. She looked a bit ridiculous, but she was brilliant at every thing she did.

My first meditation experience happened when Gal and I went to study all kinds of meditation - affirmation, light, sound, eating, dancing, walking, mantra and visualisation. It was fun! I remember coming back home dead tired from meditation class, remembering that our instructor said, "Your body knows exactly what it needs. Listen to it. You probably need to sleep."

Some time afterwards, I was working in Texas with a group of 2-year-old toddlers that used to wreak havoc during sleep time, so the centre had to reorganise the place and bring 10 adults to put them to sleep. The grownups sat there tapping the kids' backs and patting their heads for an hour and a half, until the last one fell asleep. In our staff meeting, I suggested to introduce visualisation. Familiar? "Close your eyes and imagine you are on a soft cloud, like cotton." We decided to try it for a month and reassess. On the first day, the last staff member left after 45 minutes. On the third day, they left after 10 minutes. The kids were still fully awake, relaxed, but with their eyes closed. At that time, we introduced soft meditation music in the background for an hour and a half. After a successful week, we felt we were ready to hand control over to the kids (remember, they were only two years old). We put the music on, "floated" for 3 minutes on our soft cotton cloud and then we asked them to take a deep breath and count one, two, three, one two, three. This way, within two weeks, we had 15 meditating toddlers, relaxed and saving the expensive resources of 10 extra staff members. You can imagine how happy the centre management, the parents and the teachers were.

When we moved to Melbourne, Gal and I registered for a Transcendental Mediation course. Our instructor suggested we bring the kids along. It sounded funny, because they were only 4 and 10 years old. I remember her asking us what kind of improvements we would like to see in the kids. We looked at each other, not knowing what to answer. They were perfect kids - friendly, flexible, curious, smart, loving and understanding. We went there every evening for a week, watched some videos and learned to mediate. After 4 days, Gal got really sick, so Marg, our instructor, gave him 3 tea bags and told him to drink them during the day. She told him his body was adjusting. Like magic, he got up the day after, healthy and alert. About a month later, our perfect little son started drumming on everything. We had to look all around town to find someone who was willing to teach percussions to a 4-year-old. Ivan, bless his soul, taught him only because he himself started learning at the age of 4. After 4 weeks, Tsoof was so advanced that we had to send Gal with him, so he could help him at home with his practice. Within a year, he had 4 different drum teachers teaching him different styles and he started playing with adults, because there wasn't any children group at his level. We believe the mediation was the main reason for this.

So now in our house, every health issue is solved in this order:

1. Drink plenty of water
2. Take vitamin C
3. Meditate
4. Sleep

And you know what? This works for most things.

In Transcendental Mediation, people meditate with a mantra. Children until the age of 10 can mediate for 5 minutes with their eyes open any time they wish. From the age of 10, they start meditating for the number of minutes equal to their age, until they turn 20. They just hang up the sign "I'm on break. Back in 10 minutes," twice a day. Every mediation session is considered equivalent to two hours of sleep and there you have it - people full of energy and focused who efficiently use another 4 hours of collecting information. Six years after our kids started meditating, we can tell by their behaviour whether they hanged the "on break" sign this week or not. Meditation does not prevent the information from entering. It only regulates the incoming flow to allow more information to come in.

In a world full of information, a world of many words, many people, loads of feelings, lots of noise and visions, the name of the game is quiet.

In coaching, we encourage our clients to mediate, because it helps them regulate their feelings, their relations, their health, their finances and their work.

Many people are afraid they do not do it well because they still think of things while meditating. Remember, the goal in mediation is not to clear the brain from thought but to prevent new input from entering your office. Thinking during mediation is natural. In time, you feel much more relaxed, focused, energetic and happy.

If two hundred years ago all we wanted was more knowledge, then today our best asset is a sign, which says on one side "on break" to allow cleaning the head and on its other side, for when we've restored our energy, "open to public!"

Be happy!

Ronit

[Thanks to Gai Hetzroni for the use of his photo above]

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The first step towards moving into a happy state is to understand that happiness is something we need to learn and, for some reason (that we will not discuss here), school teaches everything else but happiness. Use the “school of life” to practice happiness and remember that your “choice muscle” needs to be active all the time. Always notice you have options in everything you do, think or feel, and that you choose the things that are best for you.

Here are some specific tips you can blend into your every day:

1. Smile a lot. If smiling is too hard for you, take a pencil and hold it with your teeth. There are enough smiling muscles involved for your brain to think you are smiling and start producing “happy” chemicals.
2. Sing! Singing works just like smiling, causing your body to produce “feeling good” chemicals. Sing in the car, sing in the shower, sing when you prepare dinner and sing when you feel frustrated and notice how the negative feelings melt away.
3. Hang around positive people. Having happy people around you will make it easy to learn happiness. Happy people have fun around them and their ability to overcome challenges is higher than that of unhappy people who tend to lay blame and feel victimised. Choose the people you hang out with to suit your needs.
4. Laugh. Much like smiling, laughter is a great way to overcome physical and emotional challenges. If it does not happen naturally, try laughter therapy.
5. Get a move on. Being physically active makes you happy. Find some activity you like to do and notice how it changes your mood: sex (yes, of course!), any kind of sport, dance and yoga. Make a habit of being active in any way you feel like.
6. Get creative. Creativity is a great way to find happiness. Think of creative things people do for a living or as hobby and notice how much happiness it gives them. Paint, draw, dance, sculpt, do some craft, invent a gadget, cook something new, write poetry or tend the garden. Tap into your creative abilities and find your “happy spot”.
7. Hug. Hugging is a way to give and receive happiness. Physical touch is essential to your development and hugging is a great way to get that physical touch in a positive way. Hug a lot!
8. When in a conflict situation, remember that being happy and being right do not necessarily go hand in hand. When in doubt, choose happiness over being right.
9. When feeling down, recite to yourself “This too shall pass” and imagine a brighter future.
10. Act like a child. Do childish things to feel young and fresh: jump on a trampoline, sit on a swing and skip. Remember, “We do not stop playing because we grow old. We grow old because we stop playing”.
11. Be kind. Do random acts of kindness every day. It can be as simple as saying something nice, offering help, giving up your place in a queue or allowing another driver to enter a busy road.
12. Be grateful. Practice gratitude: say thank you for everything you have and appreciate in your life. Gratitude is a way to increase happiness and eliminate taking life for granted.
13. Meditate! Find a relaxation you feel comfortable with. Meditation relaxes the mind. You can listen to music, use crystals, take a bath, use candles or repeat a mantra. All of these do the same thing to your mind. Take the time off every day to regenerate yourself.

At every moment of your life, you can choose whether to be happy or not! Notice that you are given the option.

The great thing about happiness is that it is on a scale - your own scale. No one can tell you what will make you happy and you have the absolute power to determine your happiness and to achieve it. Happiness is your choice.

Another great thing about the pursuit of happiness is that it has a compounding effect (much like accumulating wealth). It is a journey and the main thing in it is to START NOW!

Choose a happy life and make a promise to yourself to become a happy person one step at a time.

Until next time,

Be Happy in LIFE!

Ronit

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