When I was a kid, I lived in a town with 3 distinct areas - one area where people did pretty well and two "working class" areas where people did pretty badly. Naturally, this situation was also reflected by the academic performance of the children at the schools in each area. This situation was common to many other towns and cities.

To balance this out and give the poor kids a chance, the government declared a program of "integration", in which larger regional schools would have kids from several areas, in hope that mixing poor kids with middle-class kids would have a good effect. As often happens with government programs, this resulted in a lot of talk, after which the effects flowed both ways, giving middle-class kids some bad options and sometimes increasing the animosity between kids from different backgrounds.

If you have had kids in any American school, you should also be familiar with the term "integration" and know it as mostly lip service in most places. The ever-socially-sensitive movie industry has made a good number of films by now on how difficult integration is overall, despite stories of local success.

One particular aspect of integration is that of kids who may be from a similar background to the general school population, but are different in some special way - they may be blind, hard of hearing, physically disabled or suffering from some mental disorder. Many school systems have spent enormous efforts creating special schools for these kids, then "integrating" them into the "normal" schools, then separating them again, then bringing them back, but their existence is certainly an ongoing discomfort to any system.

As life coaches, Ronit and I are great believers in the power of conviction and in planting seeds of strength and ability in kids' minds. If you have been reading this blog for a while, you will have read several times what we think about motivating kids.

So our personal philosophy is that "special" kids ultimately grow into "normal" society and should therefore be raised in it. We also feel it is important for healthy kids to realize at a young age that some people are not as fortunate as they are and learn to treat them with respect.

In his famous book Think and Grow Rich, Napoleon Hill tells about his son, who was born deaf. Being a great believer in conviction, he treated his son as he would a healthy boy, forcing him to read lips and participate in every activity without regard to his physical limitation. When his son grew up, he came across a new device to help the hearing-impaired and was confident enough to try it out and send a detailed report to the manufacturer, landing him a job at that company and securing his future.

At Noff's school, special kids abound. There are kids wheeling around the school on motorized wheelchairs, walking with difficulty using walking frames, having difficulties hearing, seeing and communicating. Some of these kids are so limited they need to be fed and, well, wiped clean.

The school has a special block for them, where they have special lessons and exercises, but for the most part, they attend regular classes and participate in absolutely everything.

The way these kids are treated at that school is so good I decided to share it with you. If you have a child with disabilities, you will find this moving and inspiring.

In the past semester, Noff's school ran a dance program for the kids called Dance Fever. In previous years, Noff really enjoyed the program and, being the great girl and awesome hip-hop dancer she is, she also got a "Best Groover" award. So this year, she was savoring every moment and we got to see her dance moves every Friday, as soon as she came back from school.

When the Dance Fever performance was announced, we cleared our schedules and made sure we would go and watch it. Noff was so excited she nearly popped.

So there I was, sitting in the audience with my camera and waiting for Noff's class to go on stage, when I saw one of the special education teachers rolling a couple of kids in wheelchairs onto the stage.

"Well, this should be interesting", I thought, "I wonder how these guys are going to participate".

As I kept watching them, I noticed they were clearly excited. They talked to each other with big smiles on their faces, waving their arms around and apparently practicing some moves for their routine.

"This is so cool", I thought, "They are seriously going to be in a dance performance on electric wheelchairs".

One by one, classes got onto the stage and performed a routine that went like this: everybody danced in rows, then they formed a big "U" and danced some more, then some kids did fancy solo moves in the middle of the "U" and then they stood in two rows with their hands joined high and gradually left the stage through the "tunnel", giving their parents some good photo opportunities.

I was so unprepared for what happened next that I missed some great moments.

First, one of the kids in wheelchairs rolled on stage with his friends, moving into formation and waving his arms and head to the best of his abilities. The kids around him did not look like this was strange. They looked comfortable having him around and did their dancing as if he were just another kid. During all his performance, he had the biggest grin on his face you have ever seen. That kid was beaming!

Then, one of the Special Education teachers supported a girl with thick glasses and a clear difficulty to walk. At times, it seemed like the teacher was doing most of the dancing, but then the class formed the big "U" and the girl plunged onto the floor and lay there, raising her feet and arms up. She was doing a solo! The crowd of parents went nuts with cheers and whistles as the teacher helped her up.

Next, a girl with a walking frame performed with her class. She walked with difficulty from place to place, but kept up. When it was time to raise her hands in the air, she steadied herself and waved, just like everybody else, looking very happy.

Finally, the other kid on a wheelchair performed, looking cool with a green band on his head. I was able to snap him in formation and then coming out of the "tunnel" before leaving the stage.

I have had to blur these kids' faces for their privacy, but believe me they were beyond excitement. The joy on their young faces intense. The parents jumped up and down in their seats, cameras flashing and videos rolling.

What better integration and what greater victory for the kids, their classmates, the teachers, the school and, of course, the parents than seeing disabled children dance?

Inspired parenting,
Gal

You may want to read

• The Mean Average
• Optimus Prime: How to help your kids succeed
• Living in a Dress Rehearsal

Lately, I have had many requests for kids' coaching from parents who were concerned about their kid's behavior. When I asked them to tell me why they thought their child needed coaching, I discovered the most of these kids' behavior "problems" were the result of teaching difficulties.

Teachers, as most people forget, are just human beings with a big task. If you hang around teachers long enough, you will find out teaching is not an easy profession. Teachers have the ability to make a huge difference in a kids' life, but they can do it in a good way or in a bad way. They can instill passion, motivation and interest or kill them for life.

So what can we do about this as parents?

Since teachers come and go and you remain the stable educator in your kids' life, it is your responsibility to add your support to the great teachers and compensate for the troubled ones.

Over 15 years of schooling (give or take), your child will meet many teachers. In the early years, they will have fewer teachers and their teachers will be more holistic in their work and will be more involved with the child's emotional and social life. As your child grows, his or her teachers will be more specialized and will be less and less involved in the kids' life, which is a shame, because teens require stronger role models and more social and emotional support.

The good news: no matter how old your child is, you are there for them!

Over years of schooling, the chance that your child will have 100% excellent teachers that cater for their every need and interest and motivate them is very slim. Even if you choose the best school, your kids' enthusiasm to go to school every morning will depend greatly on their teachers' ability to motivate and interest them.

Finding the source of the problem

It is very important when trying to solve any academic, social or behavior problem, to find the source. If the source is the kid, the required solution will be different than if the source is a teacher who is angry, boring or just not suitable to your child's communication style.

Unlike what people think, when parents face such a problem, they tend to blame their kids first, which only makes things worse. Kids who behave normally starts developing a negative self image when being blamed for not succeeding in school - "you are lazy", "you didn't do your homework", "If I were the teacher I would be upset too" or "you need to study harder for your exams".

As a special education teacher, I can tell you that overcoming a learning difficulty is much easier than overcoming negative self-image. Whatever your kid's problem, blame is NOT a good idea. You must always keep yourself on the same side as your child if you want to help.

Symptoms of a problem at school

The first thing you need to do is recognize that your child has a problem. It is good to have your antennas tuned to find out when it starts. Usually, kids show signs in their behavior and language.

1. If they complain a lot, listen to them! Every kid has a complaint pattern, so study your kids' patterns and when something changes, find out why.
2. If your child is sick too often, this may be a sign that he or she is disturbed about something. Try finding the source: exams, someone at school - child or adult, social anxiety, sports, not keep up with school work, etc.
3. If your child is very emotional, cries too much, seems too sensitive or feels insulted immediately, this is a sign that he or she is struggling emotionally and needs support. Try to find the need that is not fulfilled.
4. If your kid's academic achievements drop, this is a sign that something is happening. Any significant drop (two marks) is a sign that something is happening.
5. If your child starts saying negative things about himself, like "I'm stupid", "I'm not good at this" or "I'm lazy", this is a sign that he has already developed a negative self-image and that something is definitely wrong and needs fixing. Do not allow your kid to say bad things about himself and try to find out where he got the idea in the first place.
6. If your child does not want to go to school, this is the ultimate sign. It is OK to say, "I don't want to go to school" when they are tired or when there is a special occasion they do not want to miss, like going to the airport to pick their grandparents up or watch a sibling perform on stage, but if every day is a challenge, the kid has a problem and need help!

There are two approaches to finding out that your child's teacher has teaching difficulties. One is to move your child to another class and the other to keep them in the class and help them handle the situation or compensate at home for what is missing in class.

If you move your child to another class, you hope to get a better teacher but your child's ability to handle different teachers will be reduced. However, if you keep them in the same class and help them cope, you risk your child dropping in academic achievements or losing the desire to go to school at all.

In my opinion, the two approaches need to be implemented in order. First, it is better to help the child handle the situation and compensate at home and when things gets out of control - for me, this is when my kid does not want to go to school - the next level is to move them to another class.

Our Daughters' teacher

This year, I had to really walk my talk on this. My 9-year-old daughter Noff has a teacher who is the opposite of what she needs. When I heard she was going to have a male teacher, I was very happy, because I believe every student must experience a male teacher at least once in their school life, but when she started complaining and crying and changed her behavior, we knew something was going on.

Noff is a brilliant student and a very confident girl. She is colorful and friendly and loves dancing, moving and singing. On the first day of school, there was absolutely nothing on the wall - no pictures, no posters and no signs. On the adjoining class' door, there was a sign with the name of the teacher and the names of all the kids. The parents from Noff's class stood there feeling unsure they were even in the right place. Her teacher did not even write his name or "Welcome" or the board.

We said to Noff, "Maybe he's the kind of teacher who wants the kids to decorate the class instead of the teacher".

The first week of school, she came and said Mr. M talked about being organized and did not want to see anything outside the "tidy tray" (the tray under the kids' desk). She said, "What is he talking about? His table is so full of stuff, he can't find anything in the mess and he wants our stuff in the tidy tray?!"

We said to her, "Maybe it's just the beginning and he has lots of paperwork to do".

Then there was the form system. When you misbehave (Noff said this included making the smallest sound or even sneezing), Mr. M gets upset and gives you a yellow form. Yellow forms go home to be signed by the parents. 3 yellow forms lead to a green form (go figure) and 3 green forms lead to a red form, which is when the principal takes over.

We said, "Noff, this is not the end of the world. If he is the kind of teacher who is sensitive to noise, just don't talk when he does and you'll be fine. You always get along with your teachers, right?" We what did not say was, "Why on Earth would anyone who cannot handle noise become a teacher?" Do you think she knows this is what we think? I suspect she does, but why make things worse by saying it?

Things got worse when Noff sat down to do her homework and said to me, "I don't know how to do this" (adding up 3-digit numbers).

I looked at her and said, "Of course you know how to do it. You and I have already added up 6-digit numbers, so 3 digits are a piece of cake for you".

Noff was still stressed. She started carrying and saying she could not do it. I sat next to her and said, "OK, let's do it together" and as I sat with her, I realized her teacher had given his class a crowded, messy sheet with not even enough space for the answers.

Many things happened over the first 10 weeks of the school term. Every time, we gave Noff some explanation for Mr. M's messy, black and white, rigid style of teaching, but we quickly realized she was having a problem.

Two years ago, Noff had a teacher who was exactly what she needed - a fun, artistic, singing and dancing teacher. Every day was a fun day. She got up in the morning and went to school happy, bright eyed and excited. That year, we had no requests to stay home at all.

Last year, Noff had a teacher who was good for her. She was not as jumpy and jolly as the one before her, but she was artistic and very encouraging and Noff loved going to school. Last year, Noff asked to stay home once or twice, but this happened because she was tired.

This year, she asked to stay home 6-7 times in a single term. Gal and I talked about it and realized we needed to give her other reasons to go to school. This is what we found to be working.

1. We asked her what she loved doing with Mr. M and she said he did science experiments and she loved them, so now we pay more attention to her stories about science and are very supportive when she needs to bring something to school for an experiment - egg cartons, plastic cups or whatever.
2. Since Noff is in a choir, we remind her on nights before choir days, "Choir tomorrow. How exciting" and when she comes back from school that day, we ask a lot about the choir.
3. We registered her for an after-school Art class, which made her very excited, and we talked about it and she brought some work home and we did it together, so Wednesdays were fun days, because she had Art.
4. We registered her for dancing, so the night before, we prepare her clothes and she is very happy and excited and she comes home and shows us the dance moves, which makes Fridays cool, because she has dancing.
5. Her school runs a Dance Fever program, which teaches the kids dance during school hours. Last year, Noff won the prize for the Most Groovy Girl because she danced so beautifully and inspired her friends. So we remind her on Dance Fever days she is going to have a fun day and it works!
6. On one of the days, Noff goes to after school care with her best friends (they are not in the same class), so that gives her something to look forward to.
7. We do our best to come up with exciting things in her schooling. When the students in her class formed clubs, we helped her make cards with the name of the club she made up. When she wanted to invite friends to her birthday party, we encouraged her to take the invitations early so the kids would talk about her for a while. We use every tiny thing we can think of to make her happy and interested in going to school.

I have to say that compensating for a teacher with teaching difficulties is not easy and requires a lot more work, but I believe our role as parents is to make sure Noff's teacher does not kill her enthusiasm and the most important thing is to recognize she is her normal self and she has no difficulty.

This term was much better. Out of 7 weeks, Noff has only asked to stay at home twice and both times were after very long evenings when she was tired. So it seems like she is managing. But if it things gets worse again, we may have to go to Level 2.

Tell us what would you do if your child says he or she does not want to go to school?

What is your approach to teaching difficulties?

Happy parenting,
Ronit

You may want to read

• Literacy, Numeracy, Emotionacy
• Ronit’s Parenting Bible: School
• The Mean Average

Dear Fiona,

As you may know from my post Should my child repeat a year at school or not, I believe that academic performance is not a big factor in deciding whether to repeat a year. Therefore, I disagree with your child's school that because your child is not well below, there is no reason to repeat.

Academic achievements are influenced by many factors, like the teacher, the subject, the group of friends, the home setting, the child's natural talents and his or her emotional intelligence. Simple scores between A and F are not good indicators of the child's success at school and most certainly not in life.

School is meant to be a success experience for kids and help them associate learning with fun and achievement. When school is too tough, the damage is worse than parents often imagine. The kids' brain links learning with pain so strongly it blocks wonderful, talented people from achieving for years. I see many of these kids as adults. The thought of learning something new is so scary for them they block themselves from going forward, just because their early years' teachers could not find a way to make learning fun and interesting for them.

I believe repeating a year will be good for your son, because he will be able to relax and enjoy his school years and change his learning associations from pain to pleasure.

Over 25 years of education work, I have learned to trust parents' intuition about their kids.

Many years ago, I had a kid in my early childhood center whose mother said to me she thought something was wrong with her son, although he seemed like the most adorable kid in the world. I ran some assessments and gave her a report about his high academic performance (he was two years old and could do amazing things).

She came back to me and said, "Ronit, I still have a feeling something's wrong". I kept assessing her son and found that although he could see, whenever I changes the spread of the cards on the table, his performance dropped significantly.

I advised the mother to check his eyes. She took him to an optometrist and said "Everything was fine", but we kept assessing and still could only see a drop in visual perception.

Finally, this mother made an appointment with an eye specialist, who discovered that medication this kid was receiving for a liver malfunction had damaged his eyesight and he needed prescription glasses so thick he was afraid to make the decision himself. He called his boss for a second opinion and eventually prescribed the glasses.

Afterwards, both the child and the mother were very happy and his performance and confidence improved greatly.

I learned you cannot argue with a parent's intuition and this lesson was confirmed again many times over the years. Mama knows best!

Parents are very essential agents of influence over their kids, even greater than teachers are and if they need to support their kids on their learning journey, I suggest they are consulted when making decisions about their kids' future.

Fiona, you are the person who has been there with him every day since he came into the world and you are the one who will support your son for the next 10 years of schooling. It would be unwise to ignore what your gut is telling you.

It is very important to find out if your son's focus challenge is a learning difficulty or lack of maturity. If it is immaturity, repeating one year may solve the problem completely. However, if there is a learning difficulty that is not addressed, repeating a year is going to serve no purpose.

Generally, it is not healthy, especially for boys, to be around older kids, mainly because the emotional gap only grows in high school. Since girls mature earlier than boys, being in a class with girls who are one year older might be a challenge in the teen years when the girls are also more mature in comparison to the boys.

Generally speaking, it is better for boys to be in the older range of their class than in the younger range. There is no internal clock in the body that says "Today I'm 8 years old, so I can do this or that", but struggling may indicate your son is not in the right age group for him. Not all kids need to get A's in all the subjects, but all of them should enjoy school and learning.

If you were in Brisbane, I would invite you to bring your son to me for a child assessment. Since you are not, here is what I would do:

1. Read my posts on communication styles, particularly on kinesthetic kids. Kinesthetic people find it hard to learn without moving and your son may need to be active when he studies
2. Approach your son's school counselor and request a thorough assessment for learning difficulties
3. If you think there may be a problem with your son's hearing or vision, have him tested by a child specialist in the respective area
4. Consider the possibility that something in your family life, your son's situation at school (bullying?) or some other emotional factor may be stronger in his mind than his school work
5. If your son is just a normal kid who is a bit too young for his year level, arrange for him to repeat Year 2. I am not sure about other countries, but in Australia, you just need to write a letter to the school indicating you have made the decision for your son to repeat a year and you would like him enrolled into Year 2 again next year. They have to respect your choice. Having worked with them to eliminate any other possibilities means you will be relieving them of responsibility for this decision, which they may actually appreciate.

Good luck and let me know how things turn out for you and your son,
Ronit

You may want to read

• Literacy, Numeracy, Emotionacy
• Ronit’s Parenting Bible: School
• Raising Grownups

• Reading and learning problems
• Dyslexia
• ADD, ADHD, Autism or Asperger Syndrome
• Behavioral or emotional problems
• Headaches, migraines, fatigue or other physical symptoms
• Light Sensitivity (Photophobia)
• Traumatic brain injury (TBI), whip lash or concussions
• Certain medical and visual conditions

But let's start with a story.

I have always been more auditory than visual. In class, I would listen to my teachers, ask questions and remember what I heard. It was not much use giving me a book to read for knowledge (although I loved reading stories). I would ask some who had read it to "just tell me" what they got out of it.

At the end of high school, I returned from 6 months as an exchange student abroad and had to prepare for some final exams. I got Ronit to read me her notes (she had superb notes, mind you, and I certainly enjoyed being with her and listening to her) and passed the exams with annoying success for those who had been in class for 6 months prior.

When I got to university, I had to read and write a lot more and was surprised to get splitting headaches after one page. After that, I got very little out of continuing to read, not to mention it was torture. Again, I got through it by spending a lot of time with my study group and engaging them in discussions about the material, as well as by always attending lectures.

Then, I decided I would have my eyes checked.

It turned out I had slight far-sight and slight astigmatism, so I got a pair of glasses. I could see better with them, but I was still tired at the end of the day and nearly always had a headache in the evening.

After a few years, I decided not to wear my glasses anymore. I did eye exercises and forced myself to read without glasses for a couple of months while on a long break and never put them back on again. Except I was still reading very slowly and my eyes would be the first part of me to "call it a day".

A couple of years ago, I found out about Behavioral Optometry while looking for a way to help my son see better in class. Recently, I decided to find out if there was anything this field of science can do for me too.

I went "to have my eyes checked", but Peter the optometrist kept saying to me, "We don't see with our eyes. We see with our brain, so you're actually having your brain checked".

He got me to read from the usual letter chart and then tried on a few lenses, while asking questions about my lifestyle and the kind of vision I was experiencing. I told him it was as if the letters were floating in front of my eyes and I could not "get a lock" on the text I was reading.

Suddenly, he turned to a different shelf and grabbed a green lens. He gave me a sheet of paper with thin lines across it and asked, "What do you see?"

"The lines seem to be floating, like little waves", I said.

He slipped the green lens into the special lens-holding-thingamajig. "How about now?" he asked.

I was amazed! The lines lay there on the page and hardly moved anymore. "Much better", I said, "The lines have almost stopped moving".

Peter tested a purple lens, then a blue lens and then some combinations of lenses, but the green one seemed to do the job. I got the same results when the lines were at different angles and intersected in the middle of the page.

"What's so special about this lens?" I asked him, "When you put that green lens in front of my eyes, it's like my brain relaxes".

"Well, there are two parts to our vision - the fast, inaccurate peripheral vision and the slow, focused central vision. When we read, the fast vision jumps to the next part and then the slow vision reads it. Some people's brains are sensitive to certain wavelengths of light and the two parts of their vision get out of sync", Peter explained, "Your brain works very hard to compensate for this, but it's very likely you don't remember too much of what you read and have to re-read a lot".

"Exactly right", I said.

"It's a form of Dyslexia", Peter surprised me, "Luckily for you, I've used colored lenses to help many people who thought they had Dyslexia. They put on their new glasses and all of a sudden they can read almost like normal people".

Did you get this?! Colored lenses can help with Dyslexia!

"I have to tell the world about this", I thought, and here we are.

As it turns out, there is even a name for this method - Irlen Method.

Further reading

On the websites below, you can see demonstrations of how a dyslexic sees. If this is you, this will help you "zoom in" on your specific issue. If this is your child, the sites will give you ways of getting to the bottom of their problems and … overcome them!

• http://irlen.com/index.php - main website for Irlen the method. Use the little colored squares to change the page background and see which one you like best
• http://www.dyslexiaservices.com.au/ - Australian site with an excellent demonstration of various vision problem
• http://www.dyslexia-test.com/color.html - more background colors and a better method of changing them to test your own vision
• http://www.health4youonline.com/article_dyslexia.htm - famous people you know with colored lenses and related nutrition information

If this helps you or your child, please come back and post your story in the comment box. There is nothing more inspiring and encouraging to other parents than genuine testimonials of parents who have been in their situation and gotten out of it.

To infinity and beyond!
Gal

You may want to read

• Parental Troubleshooting
• TV Diet (9): Kids’ Personalities
• The Art of NEXTing

Today, I will cover kids' personality types that are more subject to TV addiction and need a bit more care and attention.

Anti-social kids

TV creates a vicious cycle for kids who lack social skills. The more lacking they are, they more they will watch TV and their social skills will get even worse.

Some kids just have better social skills than others. They like being with other kids and polish their skills further with every interaction. However, most kids need to work on their social skills and spending time with other kids can help them improve greatly.

When I worked with young kids, I could tell within two weeks of meeting them which kids had stayed home with Mommy before they came to my center and which kids had been in some form of social environment. All I needed to do was watch them during free play time. The kids who had stayed with Mommy were clingy, did not share, did not know how to get themselves into a game, were sensitive and easily offended and insulted, came more often to ask an adult for help and spent much of their time by themselves.

If you have been reading this blog for a while, you know I have a lot of criticism on the education system, but I keep saying that the best mother in the world cannot give her kid what a group of 20 to 30 kids can give a kid in terms of social skills, which makes the education system the best environment for developing social skills. I have my doubts whether the education system is the best option for academic development, but I am 100% confident it is the best choice for social skills.

Kids work on their social skills from the second they realize there are other people around them and the more play time the have with other kids, the more effective they are in their social interaction.

Watching TV is even worse than being only with Mom for too long, because there is some interaction with Mom, but not with the TV. It is as simple as that - every second kids watch TV (or play computer games/X-box/Nintendo), they are missing the social interaction they need.

If your kid is not very social, the risk of him or her watching too much TV is greater.

Boys vs. girls

Boys and girls show different symptoms as a result of watching TV, because the media is targeting young male and female audiences with different shows and promotions.

Boys are easily influenced by competitions and shows that present men and boys as strong, aggressive, handy with tools, sporty and violent, while girls are easily influenced by pampering and emotional shows presenting women and girls as sentimental, sensitive, caring, teary, sexual and highly concerned about looks and figure.

If you see symptoms of aggressiveness, risk taking, machismo or chauvinism in the attitude of your boys, examine the TV influences on them.

If you notice obsession with external looks and figure, like your 9-year-old daughter talking about diet for no reason at all, be alert and check for TV influences.

"Keep me busy" kids

Some kids are drawn to the TV as an easy way to keep themselves busy and overcome boredom. This attitude of kids who have no idea how to keep themselves active and interested is easily translated into getting up in the morning and turning on the TV and coming back from school and turning on the TV. It is just an easy solution.

You can tell that kids are the "keep me busy" type when they nag you to keep them busy. I say that these kids see their parents as their "entertainment crew", just like on a cruise ship. They come to you with "I don't know what to do?", "I'm bored" or "What can I do now?"

Just like the social skills cycle, this one is also a hard cycle to get out of. You come up with ideas to keep them busy for a while, but after a while, it is just the same - they come again and their ability to come up with their own activity ideas never develops.

If your kids are the "keep me busy" type and there is TV around, they will choose this easy option of entertainment. Beware!

"One more second" kids

Some kids just know how to "steal" time from their parents by saying, "Just one more time" or "one second". These kids use this technique when asked to do their homework, come to dinner or do other things.

If you ask yourself what kind of person keeps wanting "just one more" of something, while missing out on life, you will soon realize it is an addict. Gamblers want to play just one more game for a chance to win. Drug users, alcoholics and smokers promise to quit tomorrow, in just one more day or one more hit.

But this is just a tactic to make you go away, so they can keep watching.

Addiction is when something takes away our power and controls our life. Would you like your kids' life to be controlled by an electronic device that shows them what other people want them to see?

Low academic achievers

Kids with low academic achievers find comfort in TV, because it is easy. They do not need to work hard when they watch TV.

Lately I have noticed that even my kids' school teachers bring more DVDs and movies to school to encourage the kids to learn. At my kids' school, watching a movie in class is also used as a treat or a special reward.

Kids in the special education system - with ADD, ADHD, fine motor skills problems and even behavior problems - are more likely to watch TV for comfort. I wonder sometimes whether this is not a chicken and egg situation, i.e. did these kids have problems first or did they watch TV first?

If your kid has some learning difficulties, behavior problems or low academic achievements, watch their TV habits. Every second they spend in front of the TV screen is wasted time they should be spending improving their skills.

Some kids are more easily influenced by TV than others. Check the list and see if your kid is subject to TV addiction or not.

Join me next week for parents' influence on kids' TV habits.

Until then, talk to your kids about your little survey of their TV-watching habits and find out what they think about it.

Happy parenting,
Ronit

You may want to read

• TV Diet (10): Parents’ Influence
• Make a list: Beliefs about Kids cont.
• TV Diet (7): Learning and Education

Shauna's mom called me very concerned. "My daughter Shauna is a wonderful, sensitive girl, but something's wrong with her", she said.

Over the years, I have learned to trust parents' gut feelings. They do not always know what might be wrong, but something makes them uncomfortable and together, we find out what it is and help their child. "Mom knows best" (or dad) is right every time.

Shauna was a 12-year-old girl who loved dancing and social interaction (kinesthetic), although her mom and dad were very academic (digital) and did not really understand why it took her so long to do her homework or why it was hard for her to concentrate on her projects.

"She is very tired, but she is always happy when she dances or hangs out with friends", her mom told me.

During the 3 sessions I had with Shauna, I did not find any learning difficulties, although there were gaps in her reading.

When I had a meeting with both her parents, I explained Shauna's communication style (kinesthetic), which means she was emotionally vulnerable in times of stress. I showed them her assessment and pointed out 3 areas of reading on the test that were low. I asked them if during the periods when these things were taught at school something happened that could have interfered with Shauna's learning.

"Something like sickness, stressful time at home or a big change", I suggested.

Shauna's mom and dad looked at each other. They could recall things that explained every one of the periods I asked about.

Then, we discussed Shauna's dad's concern about her being tired. In the next part of my report, I wrote that Shauna's energy level was low and I recommended seeing a doctor.

"She is growing and dancing many hours a week. This is why she's tired", Shauna's mom said, but I felt differently.

"It's better to go and find out everything is OK than not to go and find out too late that you should have done something to help her", I said to them, "Most problems are a lot simpler to fix if you discover them early".

I gave them a workbook to help Shauna with her spelling and instructions to close the gaps in her reading and writing.

"Please tell her Ronit said she is awesome, because she is", I told them before they left, "And ask her to send me emails". During her assessments, Shauna and I had written each other emails. I would ask her about her day and she would reply with 3-5 sentences. I told her parents that reading my emails and writing back, together with the workbook, would make a difference.

This week, about 2 months after seeing Shauna's parents, she replied to one of my emails. I bring the letter here for you to see for yourself. It is much longer than 3-5 sentences.

Two months is all she needed!

If you are a practitioner wondering whether to tell the truth or not, remember Shauna.

If you are a parent wondering whether you would like to know or not, remember Shauna.

It is much easier to fight the devil you know. Always.

Inspired parenting,
Ronit

You may want to read

• Telling Parents the Truth (2)
• Telling Parents the Truth (1)
• Make a list: Beliefs about Kids cont.

When I came to the preschool in Forth Worth, Texas, Melanie was already there. She attended 2 days a week, which was nothing special, because many kids did not attend full time. She was cute and had some friends, but had a puzzled look on her face most of the time, as if she did not know what was going on.

As part of my "Garden of Eden" program, which I used as the basis of the curriculum, I wrote in my book everything I did with the kids. My assistant, Jaclyn, who was a special education teacher too, was a great help in implementing the program. As usual, kids advanced so much and were so eager to come every day that parents thought I was hypnotizing them. Most of the parents were very happy when I prepared them for parent-teacher meetings and told them they would get a report. You see, none of the parents had ever gotten a report about their kids and since they were very happy with their kids' progress, they were excited about coming to meet me.

Jaclyn, who was supposed to take part in the meetings, went over the reports. When she reached Melanie's report, she came to me, looking alarmed.

"Ronit, you're not going to give this report to Melanie's mom, are you?" she asked.

"Of course I am", I said, "That's my job".

"She won't like it", she said in a worried voice.

"I'm sure it will be hard for her at first, but what do you suggest?" I did not really understand why she sounded so worried. Jaclyn stopped and thought about it.

"I think you should talk to Eileen" she said.

Realizing there was something I was missing, I went to Eileen, our school principal, and asked her to tell me why Jaclyn was so worried about showing this report to Melanie's mom. It turned out that Melanie's mom was the wealthiest parent in the school community and supported the school so much she was basically keeping it alive financially and no one wanted her to be upset.

"But Melanie has a problem", I said.

"Check again, Ronit. Maybe you're wrong. Maybe she is performing low because she is not coming every day?" Eileen suggested.

"I've checked that. I have other kids who come on the same days as Melanie and they are doing well. I think Melanie has a hearing problem", I said.

"You can't tell her that. You're not a doctor", Eileen told me.

"You're absolutely right, but I want her to see a doctor. She definitely has a hearing problem".

"Promise me you won't give her this report", she begged, "We can't take the risk of upsetting her".

"We can't take the risk of not telling her and destroying Melanie's chances in life", I said.

For two weeks, I went over my notes again and again. Melanie did not perform well whenever she was given verbal instructions. When we sang songs and used hand movements, she used to lift her hands up just a split second after all the other kids. Her speech was unclear and she sounded like her nose was runny all year long. Although I could not say exactly what the problem was, I managed, through the daily notes, to narrow it down to Melanie's auditory input. I went over all the notes with Jaclyn for a second opinion and she said, "I think you are right, Ronit, but I still don't think we can afford to tell her".

We had two difficult weeks and Eileen told me I was risking the school's future. I had been asked to bring my program to the school to stop it from closing down, so I knew the school had many financial threats. We agreed that Melanie's mom would not receive a written report, we would discuss the positive items on the report and if it was appropriate, we would gently suggest to her to see a hearing specialist.

Jaclyn came to the meeting with me and Melanie's mom came very excited. She was all smiling and happy and I said to myself, "Do I risk the school or risk the kid… It is a simple thing that can be fixed easily… She will always be a rich woman who supports the school… They will never tell her… What would I want if I was her?"

I started with the positive items (as I did with all the other kids) and Melanie's mom, just like all other parents, was very happy.

I kept thinking to myself, "If she gets angry, I will take the blame and tell her it is my personal opinion and that Jaclyn and Eileen thought I was wrong".

"There is something I've noticed that I wanted to discuss with you…" I told her.

Melanie's mom straightened herself on the chair and became quiet.

"Ronit, what are you saying?" she asked very clearly.

"I am saying that I think Melanie has hearing problems and that you should see a doctor to find out exactly what the problem is and fix it before she goes to school", I said. She was still quiet for a while. I had a feeling of relief mixed with fear, having the school's fate on my shoulders was too heavy for me – I hate politics.

"Does Melanie have an ear infection or did she have ear infections when she was younger?" I asked her.

"Don't all kids have them?" she asked.

"Not really. Having an ear infection once or twice isn't an issue, but when there's an infection three times in one year, it needs to be checked", I said.

"I don't believe it. I don't believe it", she kept saying to herself, "Melanie has had ear infections for a whole year since she was born. She's had them maybe 8-10 times in one year". Then, as if the realization hit her, she added quietly, "She still has many ear infections".

"Ear infections can seriously interfere with kids' language development", I said to her, my heart pumping, "If this is the case, it is better to fix it now than to drag it for years".

"My twin brother has a hearing aid. Why didn't I think about it?" she said. I think she was not talking to us. She was reorganizing her internal world with the new information I had given her.

"I told my husband something is wrong because I have to repeat myself several times before she understands what I tell her", she said.

"Well, you should trust your gut feelings. Parents usually know when something is not right with their kids. It's better to check and let the doctor tell you everything is right than discover too late there was something we could have done to fix it".

"She sits in front of the TV and turns the volume up so high", Melanie's mom said, "Everything all makes sense now. Thank you! Thank you Ronit!" she said and gave me a big hug.

That afternoon, Eileen came to the meeting room smiling and suggested I give her Melanie's mom a report.

I worked at that school for another 6 months. Melanie went through surgery to install plugs in her ears and clear the fluid that interfered with her hearing. Her mom followed every recommendation on my report and gave the school money for every project I ran.

Even after I left the school and left the USA, Melanie's mom used to send me a gift for my birthday. The school stayed open for another 9 years after I left.

Taking this risk happened to work for me. Would what you do?

Ronit

You may want to read

• Telling Parents the Truth (1)
• Telling Parents the Truth (4)
• Make a list: Beliefs about Kids cont.

I remember debating the issue of reporting disclosure in my special education studies. We talked about it in classes, in group therapies and in forums and we were asked about it in exams. This was the dilemma between the risk of labeling and the risk of allowing a problem to grow and making it even harder to fix.

This may be hard for you to believe (I know it was hard for me), but I once worked with a kid in Grade 6 who had severe behavioral problems and who could not read single-vowel words like "Cat". When I investigated the issue, I discovered that Caleb's mom raised him by herself and had mental difficulties caused by trauma. She kept him at home for months to avoid being alone and in the first years of school, he had missed school so much he never managed to catch up.

I met Caleb's mom several times and her desire to help her son was sincere. Being in a better place after years of medication and support, she put a lot of effort into bringing him to the sessions with me, which took place at school, and making sure Caleb brought his workbooks and did his homework.

One day, Caleb's mom came to me and asked me about his high school options. She asked me if I could prepare him for application to a high school that boasted a high academic level. I was very surprised and asked her what she thought he needed in order to enter that school.

"They have a test that takes about 5 hours", she said and I realized she was not aware of Caleb's low abilities.

As a special education consultant to Caleb's primary school, I was concerned about the messages she had received.

"And how do you think he will do on the test?" I asked her.

"I understand he has some challenges and I hoped you could help him prepare for the test next month".

I was puzzled. I had hundreds of questions in my head that I had no idea how to answer. My thoughts raced at full speed.

"He can't even read single words. How can he pass this test? … I've worked with him for 3 months now and my assessment shows he's reading at Grade 1 level ... Why is his mom is not aware of his difficulties? … Can I work miracles in a month? … Maybe the school never said anything? … Maybe the school did, but she didn't want to hear it? … If I tell her now, it may be devastating for her… But if I say nothing, it will be dishonest… Will I get in trouble with the school? … There must be something I don't understand here… How can parents help if they don't know their child has a problem? … If she doesn't know he can't even read well enough to follow instructions, she might put pressure on him that will make it worse… No wonder Caleb had behavior problems. He sits in class all day and has no idea what is written on the board and on his worksheets. That's why he never does his homework…

I asked Caleb's mom to come into my room.

"I want to show you what Caleb is studying with me", I said. I opened my assessment report (which I was not allowed to give her) and showed her some of his assessment sheets.

"This is Caleb's level when he started seeing me. He didn't know all of the sounds, he didn't understand the vowels and he had challenges writing some of them", I told her.

"Yes, I know he is not that good with his reading and writing", she said.

I went to the shelf and brought a Grade 6 workbook, flipped the pages and said, "Look, Caleb cannot read this… or this… or this… or this…"

His mom looked at me and asked, "Can he read Grade 5 workbooks?"

I said, "No".

"Can he read Grade 4 stuff?" and without waiting for my answer, she continued, "Grade 3? Grade 2?"

"No, he can't. After 3 months of work, Caleb is reading single words with 3 letters and 1 vowel", I told her.

Her face fell and she sat in the chair and was quiet for a while. "Then how can he read what the teacher writes on the board?" she asked.

"He can't" I said.

"He will never be able to pass this test in a month", she said to herself sadly. I knew if I added any more information it would only make her feel worse.

"Why didn't they tell me it was that serious?" she started crying, "Every year, at the end of the year, I would go to the teacher for a parent-teacher conference and she would say, "He has some problems, but he will grow out of them".

"I believe you", I said.

I had also asked Caleb's teachers and the school's principal about him and they had told me the same thing, "He had some reading challenges, but mainly behavior problems and we hope you can help him manage his behavior. Not all kids do well academically and he'll grow out of it". When I had protested, told them about his severe reading problem and asked why his mother had not been told, they had said, "She doesn’t care anyway".

"He is missing 5 to 6 years of school, isn't he?" Caleb's mom wept. I nodded. "I should have known" she said to herself.

"I agree, but you didn't and we cannot roll back time. We need to focus on what we can do now to help Caleb", I told her.

I worked with Caleb for 6 more months (one hour a week) and he was able to read small paragraphs of 6 sentences, albeit very slowly.

His mother registered him to a trade school to study carpentry with special education support to continue his basic reading and basic math. He was happier than ever.

Caleb should be over 20 years old now and wherever he is, I keep telling myself, "His mother should have known earlier".

Here are a couple of earlier posts with some good ideas on taking responsibility for your child's schooling and keeping informed and "plugged in":

• How to take responsibility for your child's schooling (and why)
• How to get the teacher's help so that your child will do better

You may want to read

• Telling Parents the Truth (2)
• Telling Parents the Truth (4)
• Make a list: Beliefs about Kids cont.

There is a big difference between challenges in learning the colors and being color blind. Most people believe someone who is color blind can only see in black and white, but monochromatic vision is extremely rare and is mostly caused by some disease or trauma. 99% of the time, color blindness is the inability to distinguish shades of green-and-red or blue-and-yellow.

Research has found that color blindness is mostly an inherited (genetic) disability and people are born with it. 5% to 8% of men and only 0.5% of women are born color blind.

Some research has found that color blindness can be caused by nerve damage or exposure to chemicals, which means there is a chance of becoming color blind after birth.

For more information, visit this article.

Color blindness can only mildly affect the learning process, especially when the learning depends on color coding. For color blind kids, it will be a challenge to pick the right color sock or interpret a traffic light by the color only (this is why most traffic lights show the red person standing and the green person walking).

When instructions are given with colors, as in "Draw a line to the red ball" or "Color the flags green", color blind kids may not perform well. Say you give your child a sheet of paper with big A's, B's and C's drawn on it and you ask him or her to color every A in red, every B in yellow and every C in blue. Your child may be incorrect in one of 3 cases:

1. Your child does not recognize the letters A, B and/or C
2. Your child does not recognize the colors red, yellow and/or blue
3. Your child is color blind and gets the colors mixed up

What parents can do

• If you suspect your kid suffers from color blindness, ask them to use a pencil or a black marker. This will focus the activity solely on the recognition of the letters. If the answers are now correct, there is some color-related problem.
• Use the tips in my post How to Teach Kids Colors to teach your child the colors. A child with healthy vision will gradually pick up the colors until they are all mastered. If your child is color blind, they will consistently confuse certain colors, no matter what you do.
• Explain to your kid what is happening and say that you understand that some colors look the same to him or her.
• Make sure all people working with your child know he or she cannot tell the difference between some colors, but do not make a big deal out of it.
• Write the name of the color with a sticker on crayons, markers and colored pencils to help your kid distinguish between them when drawing a colored line, coloring in or marking maps.
• Ask your kid's teachers to use a black board and white chalk if possible. Colorful chalk on a green board may be difficult for your child.
• Ask your kid's teachers to prepare handouts in black text on white paper.
• Ask the teachers to avoid using color coding in exercises, test sheets and marking.
• Some standard tests are color coded, so ask your child's teacher to help your child with it.

Generally, color blindness should not affect kids' learning. My son is 13 years old now and he cannot tell the difference between blue and purple. We discovered this when he was 2½ years old, because he knew all the other colors. For 13 years, his color blindness did not interfere with his learning at all. In fact, he is so brilliant I do not think any of his teachers know he is color blind.

My dad is also color blind (now you know where my son got it) and worked at one stage in his life an electrician. God knows how he managed so distinguish between the colors of the wires (he says that when he sees different colors together, it is easier to tell them apart). He is also a crafty person and has done huge needle work tapestries and silk scarves for years.

The main reason to find out if your kids are color blind is to reassure them they are OK and to strengthen their self esteem.

Colorful parenting,
Ronit

You may want to read

• Thanks to the Teachers
• Ronit’s Parenting Bible: School
• Raising Grownups

Luke was definitely not a regular kid and his mom was going nowhere with her attempts to help to him. Since birth, he had had physical problems that only increased the family's frustration and when his brother had been born, the extra attention Luke had received from his mom had made things worst. He had acquired one more enemies. When Luke had reached his teen years, things had gotten out of control and the family had been on the verge of nervous breakdown.

When I had a chance to talk to Luke, he did not think highly of himself. He said he was lazy, dumb, stupid and could not get things into his head. Luke was a typical special education kid who needed more work on his self-perception than his Math or English. Because of the delicacy of our relationship, I gave Diane my book "Be Special, Be Yourself for Teenagers"

Two weeks later, Diane called, said thank you for the book and then started crying.

"Thank you for helping me see what I needed to see in order to help Luke. He is a wonderful kid, but I only saw the cracks. After reading 'Curly Line with Flowers', I understand he is a 'curly line', but I have never noticed the flowers. I now know what I need to do", she said.

5 month later, at a social gathering, Diane approached me with a big smile on her face. In 5 months, Luke had managed to catch up over two and half years of schooling. "We still have lots to work on, but at least now things are working", she said to me, glowing with joy, "I wish I knew that before. Thank you so much".

So here I am, bringing it so no one will ever say, "I wish I knew this before".

From the story "Curly line with flowers" in the book "Be Special, Be Yourself for Teenagers" (watch out, the text below is in "dyslexic" - the mistakes are intentional, but reading is well worth the effort):

Your kids are special. If they do not follow the regular easy and comfertable path, it is only because you do not "apprciate the flowrs" they have on their path and you do not let them be.

Your best way to help your stuggeling kids is to help them see their own "flowers".

This presentation linked below might help you understand what you are missing when you only look at the cracks. Download and enjoy!

Cracked Pots - What are they good for?

Love your curly lines,
Ronit (definitely a curly line)

You may want to read

• Disable Kids Dancing
• Telling Parents the Truth (2)
• Telling Parents the Truth (1)