Posts Tagged ‘happiness’
Self esteem is a very important ingredient for success. I have written a lot about what parents can do to support their kids’ self esteem. Unfortunately, many parents do the exact opposite and do not recognize how damaging their words can be.
Generally, there are four main attitudes that destroy self esteem:
1. Telling kids they are wrong.
2. Expressing disappointment.
3. Expressing shame.
4. Expressing doubt in the kids’ attempts.
Kids can handle a lot of pain from their parents without carrying it into adulthood. However, the four attitudes mentioned above will be carved into their hearts and determine their self esteem and attitude towards themselves.
Below is a list of 60 phrases parents say that can harm their kid’s self esteem. If you use any of these sentences, try to replace them with positive sentences instead
This week, at the end of one of my presentations, someone asked me to share some tips for feeling good during the question and answer section.
The request made me think of a few of things:
1. Be happy in life is all about feeling good.
2. I am a “feel good” coach. This is what I do for living – I teach people how to feel good.
3. I have thousands of tips to share. This blog alone has more than 1,000 posts so far and many of the posts contain more than one feel good tip.
This made me think that maybe presenting a topic in the form of tips might be easier for people to read and implement. So here goes. I am starting the Feel Good Tips series. I hope you can make good use of it.
Stress is the new era’s worst disease. It is estimated that over 90% of all illnesses are caused or worsened by stress. In the future, you may find yourself dedicating most of your energy to overcoming stress. Stress management is a lifelong journey and everything little thing you do can help.
There are many ways to measure your stress level. I personally like rating it on a scale of 1 to 10. For any of my coaching clients, I recommend a stress review every three month to make. This helps them make sure they are progressing (or at least helps them find out if their situation is getting worse). The issue with stress is that you start noticing it when it gets out of control. Regular monitoring when things are going well can be critical. It allows you to find a benchmark that you can compare to. If things go a little sour, you can do something straight away before you find yourself in a mental health ward with a nervous breakdown.
I have dedicated my life to promoting happy living. I have watched many people living the life they want and, unfortunately, too many people who have no clue about bringing happiness into their lives.
I suggest to all my clients that they come up with an A to Z list of living a happy life. Below is just one version of what they have come up with. I hope it will encourage you to come up with your own.
Appreciate yourself and others. Accept everything as it is. Appreciation is the ability to see good in yourself and others. It does not change who you are but how you perceive things.
Be yourself! This is the main goal in life. Do not try to be someone else. It is draining. You are unique, special and perfect, just the way you are. Cherish it!
Many people think that happiness requires money. Money definitely helps, but it really is not a pre-requisite for happiness. Most of my coaching clients want to improve their wealth, believing that money brings happiness.
What they do not understand is that it works better the other way, happiness brings more money. The belief that money can buy happiness usually comes from mom and dad. My clients learned it from their parents, who learned it from their parents who learned it from their own parents, and on and on. Can you see the cycle here? If you have kids, you have to make sure to stop it!
There is lots of research on the science of happiness. It tells us that happiness is a chemical reaction in the body. We can build up our happiness by doing things that stimulate our ‘happy’ chemicals. Luckily, we do not need money for all of them. For example, I got a little happiness sign and I love taking photos of it. The camera is digital and the photos are free. But it makes me happy anyways.
Empathy is an important social skill. Some people are more empathic than others and the language a person uses reveals a lot about their level of empathy.
In “The Science of Empathy”, I gave an introduction to the topic of empathy. In this post, I would like to share some common emphatic and non emphatic statements that kids and grown up may use.
If you want to find out if you are more empathic than non empathic, use this post to measure yourself. If you use the statement often, give it 2 points. If you use it sometimes, give it 1 point. If you do not use it at all, give it 0. At the end, add up all the emphatic statements and all the non emphatic statements. Whichever has a higher number of points will show you what kind of sentences you are using most often.
To start off the New Year, I wanted to share some blessings with you. This year I will celebrate my 50th birthday and I think this year’s blessings should fit that age.
I received this New Year message from my cousin. It made me smile so I hope it will make you smile too.
Wishing you all lots of love, happiness, health, and wealth for the New Year.
May your hair, your teeth, your face-lift, your abs, and your stocks not fall.
And may your blood pressure, your triglycerides, your cholesterol, your white blood count and your mortgage interest not rise.
May you get a clean bill of health from your dentist, your cardiologist, your gastroenterologist, your urologist, your proctologist, your podiatrist, your psychiatrist, your plumber, and the Internal Revenue.
Being a mother has been one of the greatest achievements of my life. Each of my kids is an achievement, and they are also big achievers themselves. Some say that it is a cycle. We, as parents, make our kids successful, loving achievers and in return they make us successful, loving achievers.
One of the best descriptions of my feeling towards them is pride. They do amazing things and I am enormously proud of them. I have come up with a theory that I like to call “Pride Therapy”. Every time one of my kids has an achievement, by proxy, I have also achieved something.
In my coaching and presentations, I sometimes ask people to describe their feelings as animals. I find it makes it easier to express these feeling. It does not have to be an animal that represents all your feelings all the time. Each feeling is a different animal. For example, you might be a panther in the office, and a sloth on a relaxed Sunday.
In the previous chapter of the choice theory, I explained the controlling and connecting habits—the caring or deadly habits based on William Glasser. In his theory, Glasser explained many of our behaviors as a choice. There are basic beliefs in his theory that all therapies are based on.
Based on Glasser, when we behave, it is a mix of action, thinking, feeling, and physiology. He called it “total behavior,” as they appear in different degrees and in combination.
He very much focused on taking responsibility in order to gain control and it is quite relevant to parenting.
This is the last installment in the “I’m OK, You’re OK Parenting” series. To wrap up, I want to share some beliefs that have helped me as a parent, and also many of my clients, to adopt an I’m OK, You’re OK parenting mentality.
The best way to overcome guilt and shame is to adopt beliefs that strengthen our view of ourselves as OK (I’m OK) and of others as OK (You’re OK) – The I’m OK, You’re OK mindset. There are many ways to identify whether you are in another frame of mind. For example, If you are upset, or disappointed, if you lecture your kids, or want them to do something they do not want to do, if you are threatening them, punishing them, shouting at them or if you want to teach them a lesson, if you shame them, use name calling, or ridicule them, and if you think life needs to go your way “or else”, this generally means you are not in the I’m OK, You’re OK mode. This means your child is also learning this mindset and will most likely not be in the I’m OK, You’re OK mode either.