Do not get me wrong. I do not know any parents who care about their kids that would say, "I want my kids to be failures at school". We all want our kids to be academically successful. After all, whether we like it or not, we think their level of success says something about us…

Unfortunately, many parents think academic success is the entry ticket to "real life", but although I believe it is very important, I think it cannot stand by itself and we need a balance between academic success and happiness.

Luckily, they are not in a conflict at all and can go hand in hand. After over 25 years of working with gifted children and kids with learning difficulties (which is not contradiction, because kids with learning difficulties can be gifted and talented), I can tell you that academically smart kids can be very happy. Better yet, happy kids do a lot better academically.

In parenting workshops, I tell people to imagine their kids were princes and princesses and that I am a fairy with a magic wand who comes to bless their kids with all the goodness of life. I love to play fairy, because I believe in magic.

So here I am, playing fairy with you too and I am giving you a wish, one wish that you can give your kids. Please remember, it is only one wish. When you die, your kids will say, "This is my dad's or my mom's blessing for me". To help you choose, I wrote a story called "The 10 Mothers" and I do apologize to all fathers, it is as true to fathers than to mothers.

Many parents say it is hard to choose only just one this, because they are all important and some of them lead to others. I agree!

In the comment box below, please share your reasons for your choice and if there is anything else you would like to give your kids that is not on this list.

The 2009 Weblog Awards voting is now open. Please vote for Family Matters as the Best Parenting Blog by clicking the banner below and then clicking the next to my nomination comment to give me your vote. Every vote counts, so please vote and ask all your friends too!

Wishing all fairies happy parenting,
Ronit

You may want to read

• Predictably Happy Kids
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• Put a Little Love in Your Heart

In our culture, compliments are statements we are supposed to hear from other people, but never say about ourselves. Kids are totally dependent on the adults in their life to tell them what they like about them and, sadly, most of the time, the compliments are "I like you for doing what I want you to do". I find it hard to like compliance and obedience in myself, because I believe they comes out of fear. When I do something out of love, my motivation is internal.

Many people, when I ask them what they like about themselves, tell me it is strange to answer this question, because they have never thought about it. Most people spend a lot of energy on making others like them and very little on liking, loving, appreciating, admiring and valuing themselves.

In the Be Happy in LIFE coaching programs, loving yourself is essential to every success, whether it is in your relationships, your parenting, your job or realizing a dream you have. Self-love is fundamental in every personal development program. You are the centre of your universe, so when you love yourself, everything in life becomes a positive refection of your self-love.

A course in self-love

Making a list of things you like about yourself is just one aspect of the self-love course. Once you learn to appreciate yourself, your choices and your desires, life becomes easy. When my clients are down, I ask them to look at their list and lift their spirits. We all have wonderful qualities we sometimes forget, but if we know where to look…

The reason you need a list is to make sure you will never forget that you are good and special and wonderful and worthwhile!

How to list "100 things I like about myself"

1. Write all the character traits you are happy you have. Find and write down examples for each of these quality. For example, I like myself when I am determined, like when I went back to school after being kicked out in Grade 10 (yes, I have a degree in Education, but I was kicked out of school in Grade 10 for failing 5 out of 7 subjects).
2. The more examples you have, the better, so write a separate item for each example, even for the same quality. For example, I like myself when I am determined, like when I got pregnant again after losing two kids (alas, this one is also true).
3. Go over your life and examine your choices. Write down the choices that have helped you move forward and have gotten you to a better place. Remember making tough choices, brave choices and important choices that have made you a better and happier person.
4. Write the physical features you like in yourself. Like "I like my boobs because after 5 pregnancies and breastfeeding three kids for 7 months each, they still stand tall and proud"
5. Make a list of your achievements. If you consider them achievements, you like yourself for achieving them. I hope you get 100 only writing your achievements. I can easily write thousands of things in this item regarding my kids. Everything I am proud of them doing, I like myself for raising them, for being involved in bringing them to such place. Every success in their life is mine too.
6. Add to your list some knowledge you are happy and proud to have. I like myself for being able to study to speak basic Thai, because it was hard for me.
7. Add your special skills to your list (which may be connected to your achievements and your choices). I love myself when I teach. I love myself for being creative and coming up with new ideas to explain things and make people understand them like magic. I love myself for being able to enjoy the company of friends, regardless of what we do.
8. Think of what others like about you. When you run out of ideas, ask those who love you why they love you and what they love about you.

Remember, this list must be big and full. If you want to learn to love yourself, first make a list of things to love. Do not rest until you finish it. If you are out of ideas, get others involved. Then, read this list every day until you convince yourself you are wonderful!

If you are doing this activity with your kids, talk to them about each character trait and focus on the examples more than the definition. Kids only start thinking good things about themselves when people around them tell them good things about them, so tell them!

Remember Barney's song? I think it needs to be changed to "I love me, you love me, we're a happy family…"

Happy list making!

Join me next week for "100 things to ask for my birthday".

You are gorgeous,
Ronit

You may want to read

• Make a list: Things I am Happy about
• Emotional Summer
• Make a list (32): Fears

In this post, I want to explain the importance of remembering. I did write "good memories from childhood" in the original list of lists, but I think that the mere act of remembering, even if we recall some bad memories, moves our personal growth forward.

It is funny that when I mention memories, people go to the past and start digging. Some people find it hard to remember childhood experiences. For some, the past is more vivid, while for others, it is vague and unclear. Some remember what happened and others only remember what they felt about what happened.

What is special about childhood memories is that we had very limited life experience to interpret them within their whole context. For example, remembering an incident with our parents being upset with us usually misses what our parents had to deal with at work, in their relationships, their history with their own parents, their fears and so on.

Life is a rough biography.  Memories smooth out the edges
- Dante G. Roque

Years ago, I participated in a gratefulness mediation, and I do not remember what happened at all. I remember waking up from a deep sleep, seeing about 25 people on the floor around me and feeling a bit disoriented. Everyone said goodbye and when I was on the bus, I started crying without knowing exactly why.

During the meditation, we were asked to think of someone who had done something special for us and whom we had never thanked for it. I thought of my sister, who was just 4 years older than I was. She was an excellent student and I was not a good student at all. I had many problems at school and every week, I had to give my dad 2-3 letters of complaint about my behavior, my homework (which I did not do most of the time - can you imagine? I have a degree in education now), not bringing a pencil or an erase and the likes. My dad was very unhappy about it all. Every other day, he would be angry with me and I was afraid to come back home (or go to school, for that matter).

One day, when I was in Grade 4 and my sister was in Grade 8, she took my diary and forged my dad's signature, so I never showed him the letter. 35 years later, when I went through that meditation, I remembered I had never thanked my sister and it had meant so much to me.

The following day, I called my sister (who lives on the other side of the world) and asked her about it (and thanked her, of course). She explained to me that she had done it for me, but also for my dad, and I realized that when she was just 13 years old, she already had a different perspective on life. When we talked about that period, I realized that her memory of what happened was very different to mine.

You are probably asking yourself, "Which memory is the right one?"

Well, I asked myself he same question and did an experiment with my family (highly recommended!). I sent my parents and my siblings questions about our childhood and asked all of them to send their answers to everyone else. It was amazing to read that the same event was experienced differently by each of us. The conclusion was that there is no right memory! It is all perception and perception is subjective.

How to make your memory list

When you make this list, bear in mind that your memories do not need confirmation to be valid. If you remember them a certain way, then for you, they happened exactly that way. You can ask other people who were around during that time to add some information to the puzzle. It is enlightening, but not required.

Tips and ideas to remember:

• Try to go back to the first memories you have. I have a memory of split seconds and I am not really sure if it happened or someone told me about it. Nevertheless, it is the first memory I have.
• Think of childhood friends and what you did with them. When I think of childhood friends, I have tons of memories - great memories of going with my childhood friend to the library, making bonfires, playing hide and seek and our moms calling us to come home for dinner (again and again).
• Recall special events in your family life, like births or your siblings' celebrations. I was 11 when my younger sister was born. I remember us sitting outside the day she came home. For months, we had tried to find a good name for her, but when my parents brought her from the hospital, they gave her a name we had never thought of. I remember feeling strange about it.
• Remember holidays you took with your family.
• School memories - subjects you were good at, teachers you loved, friends you played with, things you did during breaks, homework, projects, school trips, special years, special events in school and so on.
• School breaks and what you did in them: summer camps, visits, trips, hobbies, boredom and mischief.
• Neighborhood memories - special people, meeting on the street, various neighbors, the surroundings, etc.
• The houses you have lived in.
• The rooms you have had - your bed, desk, walls, toys, closet…
• The towns you have lived in - what was special about them, how long have you lived in each one, where was the centre of town (we had jokes about two of the small towns I lived in that they were so small that when they finally got a stop light, the whole town came to celebrate.
• Your family's financial situation during childhood.
• Your medical condition or that of others in your family - sickness memories (Mum or Dad staying with you, lots of candy and attention), hospitals, etc.
• TV shows you loved when you were a kid. This is a great way to tell everyone how old you are. I am from the "Little house on the prairie" generation and I remember that every Wednesday at 5:30pm, life stopped and we would run home to watch a Walt Disney movie. Life was planned around it.
• Gifts you have received.
• Good deeds you have done to help and support someone else.
• Childhood songs you remember from home, kindergarten or school.
• Funny moment in your family life. When I was a kid (about 10 years old), we used to make fun of our parents' snoring. One day, we decided to record my dad snoring so we could prove to him that he snored. We brought a tape recorder with a microphone next to his bed and waited patiently for him to start snoring. We were very quiet and stopped breathing so he would not wake up. Suddenly, he started snoring loudly and we were so startled we ran away from the room and threw down the microphone, which woke him up. We never got our proof, but we laughed so much it was worth it.
• Special awards you received during childhood. Gee, the first award I remember was in Grade 11 - an excellence award for academic achievements - after being kicked out of school in Grade 10. I am not so sure this was my first award, but this is the only one I remember. If you are a parent, make sure your kids have good memories of their awards and trophies. What is the point of having them if you do not remember?
• If you are stuck, revisit your teen years. It still counts as childhood and the memories there are usually clearer.

I recommend focusing on good memories (at least at first), but if you do bump into something else, remember they were just a perception and you can use the opportunity to forgive yourself for not having enough knowledge, understanding or experience. At the same time, you can forgive others for the same things.

Join me next week for chapter 7 of our list making - 100 Ways to Say "I Love You".

Easy and rewarding memory therapy!
Ronit

You may want to read

• Make a list: What I like about me
• Make a list: Things I am Happy about
• Emotional Summer

In the Make a List series, I have written about the importance of knowing myself and presenting my identity to the rest of the world. I have written about the importance of friends in our life and how they have contributed to who we are today. I have written about why it is important to have long-term goals and desires and to plant self-fulfilling prophecies in our mind. Today, I want to tell you why appreciation and gratitude are important skills that we need to practice-every day (yes, every day)!

Gratitude is another name for "positive focus". Everything that happens to us or does not happen to us has its advantages and disadvantages. The question is which side we choose to notice. Our focus determines how we experience life.

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity… It turns problems into gifts, failures into success, the unexpected into perfect timing, and mistakes into important events. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow

- Melodie Beattie

One of my clients, Lina, experienced depression and panic attacks related to OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder). For 2-3 days at a time, she would experience a panic attack that overwhelmed her whole life. As we worked out the way to handle the situation, Line agreed with her doctor to come and see the doctor at the first sign of panic. Later, she came to me for a coaching session and talked about it again as the end of the world, looking even more depressed.

"How often does it happen?" I asked Lina.

She stopped, thought about it and said, "Every 2-3 months".

"How long does it last?" I asked her.

She stopped, thought about it and said, "2 days, 3 at most".

"Is it the same for 3 days?" I asked. Line stopped, thought about it and said, "No, the first day is the worst, but if I go to see my doctor, I feel much better afterwards. Only if it happens on the weekend and I see her the day after, then it drags for 3 days".

"OK, so in the last year, how many days have you had these panic attacks?" I asked.

She thought about it and said, "It's happened to me 5 times last year".

"5 times for a total of how many days?" I asked her.

She thought about it for a while and said, "About 8 days, maybe 10".

"So you're telling me that for 10 days every year, you can't function and you feel so sick you must see your doctor, right? OK. What happens in the other 355 days?"

You see, Lina was feeling so bad on those 10 days she did not paid attention to the other 355 days, in which she had a great time at work, pride in her kids, new and exciting relationships, exhilarating travel and joy with her extended family. Lina needed to focus on the things she was happy about.

In order to do that, I asked her to write 100 things she was happy about and she never looked back!

Gratitude is a constant reminder that even if we do not get everything we want, most of our life is worth celebrating. Gratitude is an excellent way to shift our focus from the bad to the good in life. Unfortunately, many people develop the appreciation only after some sort of trauma - death, loss, accident, etc.

Do not wait for a trauma. Make your gratitude list today and live happily ever after.

The song Affirmation by Savage Garden says it in a beautiful way:

How to list "100 things I am happy about"

• Print the list from the Be Happy in life site (it is free and makes life much easier)
• Go over your daily routine and imagine how life would be without having your vital organs - eyes, ears, legs, etc. I promise you can find over 100 things you can be grateful for.
• Whenever you meet a sick person, be happy you are healthy!
• Write a list of things in your past you are happy about. I am very happy I met Gal. I am very happy we travelled the world together.
• Add to the list the things you are like about your partner. I am very happy Gal is my boyfriend. I am very happy he is the father of my kids.
• Add the things you are happy about regarding your kids. If you are a regular reader of this blog, you should have more than 100 things already in this category alone.
• Add to the list things you are happy about regarding your extended family: parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, grandparents and other family members. One of my cousins was my best friends for many years. A family fight destroyed our relationship (it was ugly and had nothing to do with either of us) and we did not see each other for over 20 years, but she is still on my list. I am grateful for having had her as a best friend for 16 years. I am grateful for the sleepovers, for the trips and for the family gatherings we spent together. Six years ago, I contacted her again and last year, I went to visit her. Thanks to my list, I only had the good memories and the love we had for each other on my mind and it was awesome.
• List your gratitude for people you have met during your life.
• Write your gratitude for your talents and abilities.
• Think of gratitude you have for some of your decisions in life - the things you chose to do, as well as the choices not to do things that would have ended badly.
• List possessions you have that you are happy about. Since we moved around the world for several years, we rented our homes and every time we left, we had problems with the owner or the property manager over hanging the kids' drawings on the walls or leaving marks and scratches. I hated it. Today, every time we hang something on the wall, I express my gratitude for having my own place and making as many holes in the walls as I like.
• Add to the list your gratitude for the great lessons in your life. It is amazing how bad things in our life teach us so much and we can be grateful for the lesson and the teacher. Examine even bad experiences and look for lessons. Be grateful for the lessons for they are great stepping-stones on your life journey.

Remember that gratitude and appreciation are ways to shift your focus on to the good things in life. It is not a coincidence people say grace for food and, in some traditions, give thanks for everything they have in their life. The theory behind it is the more grateful you are for something, the more you have of it.

Join me next week for the 6^th part of the list making series about good memories from your childhood.

I am happy you have read this post. Thank you for visiting my blog,
Ronit

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The thought of ever being homeless sends shivers down the spines of all the people I know. Even if they say nothing about it, I can see it in their eyes when they pass by a homeless person on the street. Homelessness is often associated with mental problems, filth, bad smell and a severe lack of resources and people avoid the homeless as if they might "catch what they have" like a disease.

As you may recall, we have taken part in a special event for the homeless, in which they were cared for, supplied with basic needs and given warm hugs by us and our friends (see A Gift of Gratitude: When Giving Is Receiving). During this event, we came to realize the homeless people may have problems, but we can certainly do things to bring them back into society.

The Homeless World Cup uses the wonderful concept of diverting focus to give homeless people something positive in life, which "normal" (Homefull? Homed?) people can feel passionate about and over which they can bond with the homeless. Since the Soccer World Cup is such an exciting and important part of many people's lives around the world, the Homeless World Cup is a brilliant idea for getting the world's attention to homelessness and poverty.

Here is what their website says about the wonderful project:

But what does this have to do with parenting your kids?

Good question.

You see, our world is fast becoming starved for space, food and other resources and must operate as one for everyone's benefit. As parents, our job is to prepare our kids for what awaits them in the future, and that will be very different to the way we grew up.

Compassion, world citizenship, initiative, creativity and the use of technology will greatly benefit our kids in "tomorrow land", far more than any other skills we can give them, because change is happening faster than ever. If our kids can view every other person as a human being, with his or her own challenges, beliefs and skills, they will live with open eyes and open hearts, without fear, from a place of strength.

Homeless people are very unlucky, a lot more so than others. We can ignore them and harden our hearts to them, but then we will live in a cold, lonely universe, in which nobody else matters. Or we can notice just how lucky we are to have a place to live, enough food to eat and a daily shower and be kind to them. Then, we will live in a world where people are friendly and good and we are great.

Which world would you prefer for your kids?

So watch those happy human beings with your kids as they engage in their favorite sport, work as a team and feel proud of themselves, even for a short while. And talk to your kids about what you see.

Kind parenting,
Gal

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• The Hunger Games
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• TV Diet (14): Cutting Junk TV

I have learned that whenever I am upset with someone, thinking of a good thing about this person can change my mood instantly.

I have learned that TV takes too much time away from living and that many people allow TV to control their plans. Make sure your TV is a tool to get something you want instead of letting it use you.

I have learned that my diary helps me a lot with my relationships. Using a diary to write my schedule and notes helps to take the load off my mind. I believe that the opposite of forgetting is writing down. Use a diary to remember birthdays, anniversaries and special occasions. Remembering someone's birthdays and special events can bring them closer to your heart.

I have learned that being in nature is a good way to find peace within. I have found out that when I enjoy the beauty of nature, I am full of gratitude and appreciation and that I feel part of this powerful force. Take time to watch the sunset, smell the flowers, walk on the beach and feel the warm sun on your face. Beauty is everywhere.

I have learned that the looking in the mirror is a great way to fall in love with yourself and that if I stay there long enough, I see the person who lives inside of me. When I am happy, I like the woman in the mirror. If I am sad or scared, I do not like her at all. Have an affair with the person in the mirror, tell yourself you love yourself and tell yourself why. Make sure you stay there until you convince the person in the mirror you are honest.

I have learned that for my 12-year-old son, a 30-year-old man is old (which means I am half way to the grave) and that I should not take it personally, because I probably thought the same when I was his age.

Share your lessons in life by posting a comment below.

Ronit Baras

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This is a fairy tale, right? Well, no, not really.

When our kids are born, we are just like fairies standing beside their beds every night and blessing them with all the goodness of life. As parents, we all want our kids to be happy and successful. Though many of us dedicate too much energy to the less important things in life, we do, inside of us, deep inside, want the best of our kids.

Unlike fairies, who only need a magic wand and the credibility of the readers, our blessing needs a little bit more than that. But we have a wand too. We have a great wand of love that we carry with us from the second our kids have come into our life and it is a good idea for us to use it often.

In my parenting workshops, I have a "fairy activity", in which I ask the parents to choose the four most important blessings they would give their children, if they were fairies. After all, even "real" fairies cannot grant everything.

It strikes me again and again that I get the same list of blessings from them. Over 18 years of this activity, not even one parent wrote "school", "good grades", "helping to clean the house" or anything else from the things that most of them spend their energy on at home. Instead, they write "health", "happiness", "love", "friendship", "confidence"…

I guess that having the restriction of four fairy blessings does good to parents by getting them to really think the whole thing through. After all, we need to choose our battles.

When my daughter was very young and I realised slowly what it meant to be a mother, I thought about her as a grown up, a mother like me. It was hard, but I used thoughts about my mom and my grandmother to do that. What will she be like? What do I want for her? If I were a fairy, what would I give her? And the more I thought about it, the more I concluded that the most important thing for me was to give her my blessings, so I started a journal with photos. In that journal, I wrote her life story through my eyes and wrote my blessings on every page.

I wrote her:

"My wonderful happy thought, I am writing this love letter to you, so you can come in times of heartache and pain and draw love and courage from the words written here…"

In between the stories, I told her about my blessings. Writing them made me think about them and really focus on what was important to me. Yes, school was important and I was a teacher, but that never went into the album.

Many teens complain that their parents do not love them. I believe this can be overcome if we, their parents, use our wands more often and get some magic happening.

How often do we need to use the magic wand?

Birthdays are the greatest days to use your wand. It is a great reminder of the first time we used that wand, the first day we held them in our arms and blessed them until our heart almost burst out.

Every beginning is a good time to use your wand: the first day of school, the start of a course, the first game of the season, New Year's Eve, Chinese (or Hebrew, or Hindu or …) New Year or any other celebration of beginning.

Every time your kids do something that is hard for them to do is an excellent opportunity to remind them that they were blessed with courage, determination, wisdom and strength to overcome all obstacles and that these blessing never wear off.

When they go to bed every night (even if they are 16 years old and taller than you are, or, in my case, 12…) bless them. Every night, tell your kids again about the blessings. These blessings are seeds that the night's sleep will water and help grow into happy flowers.

Raise kids that confidently answer the question "What are your blessings?" To make sure they do, tonight, when they go to bed, tell them their story and the four blessings you wish for them.

Once upon a time, in a faraway land…

You may want to read

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The key holder

"Once upon a time, in a small village, lived a family. They had a small guest house at the back of their property, where people passing by stayed for the night. All four of their kids helped in the guest house and when they finished their chores, went to play with the other kids - all but the second son, Tom. Tom was a very quiet and a sad boy. He never smiled, never laughed and the other kids did not want to play with him.

One day, an old man came to the guest house and Tom, who loved listening to the guests' stories, showed the old man his room.

"What is your name, son?" asked the old man.

"Tom", said the boy.

"Tell me Tom, how come you are not playing with the other kids outside?" asked the old man and took off his shoulder a heavy bag, which made a metallic sound.

"They make fun of me and call me names", said Tom and helped the old man unpack.

"That is not nice. What do you love Tom?" asked the old man and open the bag, showing hundreds of big, heavy metal keys.

"Nothing", said Tom. Then, thought about it for a second, "Actually, I love stories. The guest here have wonderful stories", he said, "What about you?"

"I love keys", said the old man and shook his bag, "What about fears? What are you afraid of?" he asked Tom, putting his hand into the bag and looking for a key.

"I am afraid of the kids and that one day people will stop coming to our guest house and that someone might get hurt…", but before he finished his sentence, the old man held a key in his hand and said excitedly, "Yes, I have got it", and he came closer to Tom.

"Come, sit next to me. I have the key you need", said the old man and showed Tom a large metal key. "I'll tell you a story. Legend says that just before you were born, the angels had a farewell party for you. As a gift, they gave you two boxes - one was a love box to put all the good and happy things in your life and one was a fear box, to hold all the things you do not like or are afraid of. When you open the love box, angels fly around you and make you even happier, but when you open the fear box, demons take over and you feel scared and sad. We all had that gift at our farewell party. We were given the boxes, but we didn't get the keys to open them."

Tom looked at the bag of keys and got his hand in. The keys were very heavy.

"Why do we need the keys?" asked Tom.

"To open the love box and close the fear box", said the old man.

"Do you have the keys?" asked Tom.

The old man smiled. "I am the key holder. I have just the key for you", he said and handed Tom the key.

Tom held the key in his hand. He felt strong and happy. He smiled and remembered the magician guest who showed him some magic tricks. That was fun. He looked at his key and it made him feel great. For a second, he forgot the old man, who walked back to his bag and tied it slowly. Tom was so happy and excited he wanted to run to the kids outside and show them his magic love key. His love box was wide open.

"Thank you, thank you! It is a wonderful key. Can I keep it?" asked Tom.

"Sure, it is yours".

"What about your key?" asked Tom.

The old man showed him a heavy key on a chain around his neck.

"I'm fine. My key is safe and sound", he said and started packing his things.

"Are you leaving already?" asked Tom in fear. His parents would be upset to see the old man leaving so soon.

"Many keys to deliver", said the old man and stood at the door with the bag of keys on his shoulder. Tom looked at the key around his neck. There was only one key. He could not stop thinking about the fear box. He felt the demons all around him and he wanted to keep them locked.

"What about the other key?" Tom asked the old man just before he left his room. The old man turned his head to Tom and smiled.

"The fear box opens only when the love box is closed", he said and left the room.

Some say that there are only two feelings in the world - love and fear. In this philosophy, love and fear are categories of emotions, so we have two boxes: good feelings belong in the love box and bad feelings belong in the fear box.

In the love box, there are feelings like: joy, pride, happiness, compassion, kindness and fun.

In the fear box, there are feelings like: sadness, frustration, guilt, disappointment and anger.

If you can divide the entire range of feelings to these two categories, life is much easier. Think about it, if you feel good, your love box is open and allows angels to spread in your body. If you do not feel good about something, your fear box is open and allows the demons to float freely in your system.

Love and fear are ranges of feelings. At any second in life, you either have angels or the demons in your system. It is the number of demons or the number of angels that determines how successful you feel, how much fun you have, how frustrated or angry you are.

A similar philosophy claims that there is only one feeling in the world - love - and that fear is the absence of love.

People are emotional beings. Everything they do is meant to give them a feeling, hopefully from the love box. Unfortunately, many people dedicate too much time to find ways to close the fear box, instead of focusing on opening the love box.

Remember, the fear box opens whenever the love box is closed.

Tips to open your love box:

1. Learn to recognise which box is open at any given moment - is your feeling based on fear or on love?
2. Whenever you are afraid, hold your imaginary key next to your chest. You hold the key to open your love box. You have the power!
3. Make a list of all the things that make you happy. How many? The more, the better, but aim for 100.
4. Make a list of all the things you are grateful for. Again, go over your life and remember to mention every tiny thing you are grateful.
5. Tell someone how much you love him/her.
6. Call someone you have not talked to for a while.
7. Write a success journal and record all the good things that happened to you during the day.
8. Hang around people with huge open love boxes. It is contagious.
9. Make a random act of kindness.
10. Give your partners a list of the ways they can make you happy and ask for their list.
11. Pick one item from your list every day and make yourself happy.
12. Dream!
13. Go over your childhood album and bring up good memories.
14. Find a job that opens your love box every day. Our work takes a lot of energy. If you have demons at work, find ways to bring angels.
15. If you are afraid of change, you are taken by demons. Letting go creates a great feeling of freedom and it has many sprinkles of angels. Practice letting go.
16. Smile! It is free. There are lots of angels in each smile.
17. If things do not happen the way you want them to happen and there is nothing you can do about it, move on. Moving on in spite the challenges requires the love box to be open.
18. Many people have an open fear box because they do not know they have the key. Forgive them! If you use your love key often, it will help everyone around you find theirs.
19. Hug, hug a lot. You need 12 hugs a day
20. It is 2008, and you have 9 month until the end of the year to come up with 2008 things you want to do in your lifetime - things that will keep you happy, motivated, empowered, healthy and successful.

And to add things to your box, I send you all lots of love for Valentines Day with the song "Love is the answer". Enjoy!

Love,

Ronit

"I Believe"
- Blessid Union of Souls

Walk blindly to the light and reach out for his hand
Don't ask any questions and don't try to understand
Open up your mind and then open up your heart
And you will see that you and me aren't very far apart

'Cause I believe that love is the answer
I believe that love will find the way

Violence is spread worldwide and there are families on the street
And we sell drugs to children now oh why can't we just see
That all we do is eliminate our future with the things we do today
Money is our incentive now so that makes it okay

But I believe that love is the answer
I believe that love will find the way
I believe that love is the answer
I believe that love will find the way

I've been seeing Lisa now for a little over a year
She said she's never been so happy but Lisa lives in fear
That one day daddy's gonna find out she's in love
With a nigger from the streets
Oh how he would lose it then but she's still here with me
'Cause she believes that love will see it through
And one day he'll understand
And he'll see me as a person not just a black man

'Cause I believe that love is the answer
I believe that love will find the way
I believe I believe I believe I believe that love is the answer
I believe that love will find the way
Love will find the way
Love will find the way
Love will find the way
Please love find the way
Please love find the way

You may want to read

• Put a Little Love in Your Heart
• Make a list: What I like about me
• Make a list: Things I am Happy about

Do you remember Barney singing for the children “Remember please and thank you, 'cause they're the magic words”? Well, apparently, Barney was right. A research described by Alvaro Fernandez in his post How "Saying Thanks" Will Make You Happier, has found that gratitude can change your health and general well-being.

All of our coaching clients at Be Happy in LIFE are asked to start a "success journal", where they record their achievements and positive thoughts at the end of every day. We tell them to write every day, even they only write a short statement about a good thing that happened to them during that day. To their surprise, after a short time, they feel much happier, just because they focus on the things they are happy about. Simple. The Law of Attraction states:

In life, you get what you focus on

This latest research was done by Dr. Robert Emmons, who studies gratitude as a Professor of Psychology at UC Davis. He published his findings in the book Thanks!: How the New Science of Gratitude Can Make You Happier. He discovered that it took only 3 weeks of journal writing to change people’s well-being.

His main discoveries were:

1. The practice of gratitude can increase happiness levels by 25%
2. A few hours of writing a gratitude journal over 3 weeks can create an effect that lasts 6 months and sometimes more
3. Practicing gratitude brings other health benefits, such as longer and better sleep

In my seminars and workshops, I work with people on finding the most important things in their life. Most of them believe that happiness is the ultimate purpose in life. Parents asked to hand their kids the greatest gift of all, always give them some version of happiness.

People study for years, hoping this will get them the job that will make them happy.

People search for relationships, in order to have love in their life, so they can be happy.

People bring kids into the world to experience the feeling of happiness with and through them.

People spend all their money to purchase things because they think that having those things will make them happy.

People eat things way beyond their survival needs because it makes them feel safe and happy.

People make great efforts to meet old friends or relatives living far away, in order to feel that they belong, which makes them happy.

The search for happiness is programmed into the human thinking mechanism. Everything we do is meant to bring us comfort, variety, pride, motivation or fullfilment - all leading to happiness.

After realising that all the things we do are part of the search for happiness, the inevitable conclusion is that the most important question in life is "How to be happy in life".

Happiness is well researched and one of the most important parts of reaching that state is understanding that the search never ends. It is positioned on a scale and all we need to do is tip the balance to the happy side and keep on the journey using better tools and techniques.

One of the simplest, easiest way, is to start your success journal and look for opportunities to say Thank you!

On the cover, write the ultimate question.

What am I happy and grateful for today?

If you are a parent and believe it is your role to teach your kids happiness, give them an important gift, the habit of writing in their own Success Journal and focusing on the good things in their life. Tell them that Barney was right!

You may want to read

• Make a list: Things I am Happy about
• How to Measure Your Life
• 4 Things I Wish I Knew When I Was 15

Some truly touching stories were told to us, like a grandmother, whose grandson had been in an accident in the country and had been flown into Brisbane to save his life. She said, "Oh, I needed a hug so much. Thank you!"

As always, we had huggers from all shapes, sizes, ethnic origins and denominations, and the more we hugged, the more we got excited by the warmth and intimate human contact.

Here it is. See for yourself. To join our hug campaign, contact us.

Emotional Video

Upbeat Video

You may want to read

• A Gift of Gratitude: When Giving Is Receiving
• Hugs: The Ultimate Antidepressant
• Good Old Human Spirit