When this happens, I tell them there is something good about being unhappy. They always look at me surprised, thinking I have fallen on my head, but gradually, they understand that being unhappy and going to see a life coach is a wonderful sign that your body is talking to you and you are listening and actually doing something about it.

Congratulations, you are unhappy!

If you are unhappy with something in your life, congratulations! You are aware of your best navigating compass - your feelings.

Some people think happiness is an airy-fairy thing that cannot be explained and understood, not to mention controlled. Many people say they want to control their feelings in fear that their feelings might take over and control them.

But feelings do not have a mind of their own. They are a compass that lets us know where we should or should not go, we just have to look at it from time to time and see the direction it is pointing to. It is very simple. If it says, "I am not happy", change directions. If it says, "I am happy", keep going the same way.

I think this realization has helped me lots in life. When some of my friends, who know I am a happiness coach, ask me, "Well, Ronit, What is your formula for happiness?" I answer, "Tune into your body and let your feelings guide you".

"The Zone"

Think of your body (your "gut feelings") as a thermometer that tells you the level of your happiness. Unlike our body temperature, which needs to be in the same range for everyone to be healthy, the optimal happiness "temperature" differs from person to person. This is the temperature that makes us feel good - not overly excited, but not miserable either. This is called" The Zone".

Most people do not live in the zone. There are six reasons for not living in our zone.

We do not know where our zone is

It is because we do not think there is such a thing, so we do not look for it. I see many clients that do not think it is possible for them to be happy. Some think they will never experience it or that they never have.

I think this is the biggest problem for those who think they do not deserve happiness. They have developed a belief that happiness is a reward, something you must earn through hard work and good behavior. Sounds familiar?

We avoid searching for our zone because we are afraid to feel pain

We prefer not to feel pain, but think what would happen to you without the feeling of pain if you put your hands in a fire or spend a long time in the snow.

I think people do this only because they are so far from their zone and hurt so much they think of not feeling anything as a cure, when in fact, their feeling of too cold or too hot is a way for their body to protect them from greater harm. Unhappy feelings are the same - they protect us from greater harm. They function as guards to prevent us from going towards complete self-destruction.

We pay too much attention to what makes others happy

We think that other's optimal temperature is THE desired temperature. Many people say they cannot breathe in Thailand, yet I felt like that was my zone. At 90-95% humidity and high temperatures, I was at my best.

Do you really think this was THE happy temperature? No! It was just MY zone. I know some people who find it a great zone too, while others find it unbearable. Looking at other people's zone is a good way to get ideas about possible zones, but people have different values and needs and every person needs to examine these options and find his/her own.

We are so far away from the zone we cannot see it

Some people do not live in the zone because they are so far from it they lose sight of it. Think about it like a diet. Your optimal weight/temperature/happiness weight is 60kg. Then, something happens and you are tired, work too much, have pressure at work and you are just a little bit unhappy when you stand on the scales and see 62kg.

You tell yourself it is impossible to be happy at all times, it is just a little bit of extra weight/temperature/unhappiness, you have heard it is important to accept yourself as you are, life is full of compromises, you cannot be a super parent and a model and a cleaner and a business woman and an athlete and a great lover at the same time, and there are only 24 hours in one day. Gradually, you get to 75kg (which seems sudden, but is not), your temperature is so high you are burning and you are are so far from your zone you do not remember you were once happy.

Do you know how many clients tell me, "I don't think I ever loved my partner", as a way for them to recover after their partner has packed their things and left? When I ask, "How long had you been unhappy?" they say one year, two years and sometimes more. Their optimal relationship zone was around 60, but by the time their partner left, it had gradually reached 200. Who can survive at 200 for a long time?

Getting used to being "just a little bit unhappy" is one of the worst things in our life. People confuse compromise with flexibility. A little bit of unhappiness is not the end of the world, but it is a sign we are not going in the right direction. We should not panic, but we should certainly do something about it.

We expect others to make us happy

Another reason I can see with many client is they can recognize their unhappiness, they know that it is not a good sign, but instead of thinking, "My body is telling me I need to change direction", they say, "My body is telling me that someone else (sometimes even everyone else) around me needs to change direction". They complain, they criticize and judge others for their actions and behavior, believing that if others change to their temperature, they will be happy.

They are like the guy in the joke who calls his wife on the phone and she tells him, "They're saying on the radio there's a lunatic where you are driving in the wrong direction", and he tells her, "One lunatic? They're all lunatics here driving in the wrong direction. I seem to be the only decent driver out here".

This attitude only feeds the unhappiness and anchors it. Assuming that the people around you need to live at your temperature guarantees everyone will be unhappy. People who do not take responsibly for their happiness feel very frustrated most of the time and when you tell them to take control over their own happiness, they say that they do it by telling others about their "little unhappiness".

Your body is talking to you, not to anyone else!

We focus on temporary happiness substitutes

As a result of throwing the responsibility on others, some people give up on real happiness and search instead for artificial ways to be happy, or should I say, they focus on getting rid of their unhappiness in an artificial way. They search for the answers outside of them, instead of inside. So they drink alcohol, take drugs, smoke, overeat, go to the doctor and ask for antidepressants, seek alternative healers to give them magic potions, but they do not understand that no doctor and no pill can help them find their zone, because there is no such thing as "one size fits all".

They may feel better for a short time, sometimes even a very short time, but things will get worse straight after. Happiness is a choice and no one else can choose it for you.

How to find your happiness zone

Every person needs to find their own zone and focus on living in it. Some people become missionaries after finding their zone. They try telling everyone else how to live, but again, they assume there is one right temperature or definition of happiness. It is good to understand that examining each area of our life will help us fine-tune our own definition.

Here is a list of questions that will help you find your zone. Ask them often. You have all the answers. Notice the questions are not about what you imagine your zone is but what you have experienced in the past.

What makes me happy? Make a list of what makes you happy, do the 100 list. This is a good way to find your zone.

In what circumstances have I felt at my best? It was easy for me to find out the optimal temperature.

What makes me unhappy? Focus on your feeling and pay attention to being irresponsible. If you are not happy because of someone else, this is the reason you are not happy - you are throwing the responsibility on them.

In which areas of my life do I compromise with being "just a little bit unhappy"? Remember, this is a "silent killer". No one reaches extra weight/temperature suddenly. It happens a little bit every time we compromise on wanting to be happy. Find areas where you are "a little bit unhappy" and think of what you can do to change them. If you feel resentment towards your solution, it is still out of the zone. Resentment is not a happy feeling. Solutions that work may be difficult, but they will make you feel hopeful and inspired.

Although I do not believe we can be happy all the time, I do believe we need to aim to be there. And we cannot change everything in our life either. Some things we are not happy about and we cannot change. We need to accept them instead. Acceptance is not the same as compromise. In acceptance, there is contentment. In compromise, there is still resentment.

Happiness is not a reward for good behavior or success. It is reward for paying attention and taking responsibility. Our body is talking. We need to choose to listen and act.

May the force be with you!
Ronit

You may want to read

• From the Life Coaching Deck (5): Making Money Addiction
• Make a List: My Fears
• Attitude, Awareness, Authenticity

Gal and I used to eat whatever our parents ate. We went to the supermarket and picked from the shelves the exact same things we had seen our parents choose or whatever was on sale. It took us 5 years of managing our own economy and a sick girl to discover that what we eat and how we eat has a strong impact on our life. Some things you just cannot learn at school.

It happened more than 20 years ago and since then, we have learned more and more about what to eat to be healthy in body and mind. I know that not everyone is convinced that healthy eating is the right solution and I understand. After all, the concept of "health" is very wide. When I sit with my clients at a cafe and order iced coffee with ice cream and whipped cream, I am 100% convinced it is healthy for my soul. So we may not agree about what food is healthy, but I think we can all agree on how to eat.

We live a very fast lifestyle. All the people around you will tell you they have no time - no time for the kids, no time for fun, no time for hobbies, no time for friends and no time for eating. Many shops and massive businesses have come to life to cater for this "fast food" lifestyle. We grab a shake, eat a meal on the way, in the car, during a meeting, while watching TV, during phone conversations and when reading a book. We think we are saving time, but we are making it harder for our digestive system to make the best of our food and this creates a never-ending cycle. What we eat is not digested properly, we lack essential nutrients, we feel tired, we become ineffective and what usually takes us 2 hours, suddenly takes us 4 and we have just lost 2 hours of our precious time, so we need to catch up and save time by grabbing some fast food or eating our healthy food on the run.

Unfortunately, our kids are like little monkeys. They see how we eat and they do exactly what we do. If you watch TV while you eat, you cannot complain that your children want to do the same.

The way we eat has a direct impact on our digestive system and as a result, on our health and well-being, our energy level and on our ability to handle stress.

There are 4 simple things you can do to help your body make the best of what you eat. Teaching kids how to eat will make sure they do not start their own "eating on the run" cycle. Good habits will last them for life.

Enjoy your food, eat comfortably, eat together

Eating needs to be an enjoyable experience. When eating is complicated or lonely, we associate food with need rather than with pleasure. Many theories about health and food emphasize the importance of enjoying your food.

French people eat lots of cream and drink wine, yet they have no issues with fat in their diet, because they love food and instead of thinking about it as burden or a source of worry and heartache, they enjoy their food and there is no better way of enjoying your food than enjoying it in friendly company.

I have worked with some families that did not have a dining table. Everyone ate at different times and at different places in the house. When we lived in Thailand, we noticed that the Thai people seemed to be eating all the time, every waking hour, and they always ate together.

Gal was a manager in a company and used to bring his own lunch to work. The people he managed always ate together. When they saw him eating by himself, they invited him to join them and around the table, everyone was equal.

Make sure you have special family eating times with your children. It is a wonderful opportunity to bond with other family members and make the experience an enjoyable memory for the kids. Meals are not just for food, they are social events.

Eat warm food

Our body is like a washing machine that heats the water before it washes the dirty clothes. If you connect the washing machine to a hot water outlet, the washing will start straight away. If you connect it to cold water, it will take time for the machine to heat the water, and only when this is completed, the washing cycle will start.

Using cold water will use more energy. When eating, if you eat warm food and drink warm water, the body will start digesting the food straight away, if you eat cold food and cold drinks, it will take the body time to heat the food before it starts digesting.

Digestion and stress are the two things that take most of our energy. If you feel exhausted and tired after having a meal, it is usually a sign that your digestive system is working hard. If your food is cold, or even frozen, your system works harder and you use up a lot of energy (if you are wondering about eating hot food, there is nothing to worry about. When we feel the food is too hot in our mouth, it never reaches the digestive system).

The solution is not to eat or drink straight from the fridge, especially when you are not feeling good, when you are sick or when you are tired. Take fruit, vegetable, dairy food or drinks out of the fridge and let them stand outside for a while before you eat or drink them.

When you eat, eat!

The second thing you can do is use the rule "When you eat, eat!" According to traditional Chinese medicine, digestion and concentration use the same energy. It means we cannot eat and do other things at the same time, because our energy goes to the other things and our digestive system does not have enough left.

It is a very easy and simple rule: when you eat, focus on eating. No books, no TV, no radio, no computers, no work and no talking on the phone. Just eating. If you follow this rule, your kids will do the same. Our family loves music, but we make sure we turn it off while we eat. When we finish eating, sometimes Tsoof brings his guitar and we sing. Make it easy for your digestive system to do what it needs to do.

It is easy. Try it for two weeks and you will see a huge difference in the kids' behavior.

Chew!

Digestion starts in our mouth, using our teeth to break down the food and our saliva to soften it and break down the starch. When we chew the food, we send a massage to the digestive system to produce enzymes to break down the food.

If the food gets to the stomach too quickly, there are not enough enzymes to break it down. Our digestive system also does a much better job when the food reaches the stomach in very small, soft chunks. If we swallow the food too quickly, it takes longer for it to break down and sometimes, it is pushed along only partially digested and we do not absorb all the nutrients in it.

If it takes long to digest, our body does extra work and that makes us feel tired and exhausted, but if we cut the food with our teeth and chew it well, it will be digested quickly and easily. Chewing our food makes it easier for our digestive system and can save us lots of needed energy.

It takes our body 20 minutes to notice we have eaten. Chewing every bite 20 times (Yoga says 27) will make sure we eat more slowly and feel full after a smaller amount of food. Eating too quickly actually makes us eat more.

Chewing 20 times is not easy, but you can make a game out of it and have an evening a week when you make a conscious effort to chew your food and help your body save energy. Ask them about the different flavors they can taste and about how the taste of the food changes as they chew. Playing chewing games with kids will also help with the fun and enjoyment.

I see "eat and run" as a form of eating disorder. Most people do it to save time, but what they lose is energy and even more time. Having good food habits food is as important as what we eat and starting young can make sure this will become second nature to them and accompany them for life. Having a general positive attitude towards food will keep your kids away from eating disorders.

Patience is a virtue with food too.

Bon appétit,
Ronit

You may want to read

• The "Light Thinking" Diet
• Teenage Problems
• Ronit’s Parenting Bible: Food

Be brave! Keep reading and look carefully at every photo, even though they are scary.

Skeletons

Having a child with Anorexia or any other eating disorder requires strong, brave parents who manage to help their child despite what others might say about them. The problem with Anorexia is that everyone can see it. Most kids do not do a very good job hiding it.

A couple of years ago, I worked with an anorexic woman who was 40 years old and weighed about 25kg (55lbs). Trust me, that was scary! It is not something you can hide very well. When I was in hospital with her, in the mental ward, there were other girls there and not all of them were teens. They looked like skeletons! But it is much harder to notice anorexia when it is developing and people often say, "She's just a bit skinny, that's all. She'll get over it".

Many people think they need to make the anorexic person eat more, but anorexia is a mental problem related to control and it does not go away when you eat more. In fact, taking over control and forcing a girl to eat might only make things worse.

The problem we have in our society is that most women and more and more men have some kind of eating disorder. The exposure to media that tells us how we need to look puts a lot of pressure on people's self-esteem and mental stability. When someone starts showing signs of anorexia, we tend to ignore them by saying, "Everyone these days is dying to be thin". I agree that everyone wants to be slim, but not everyone wants to die for it.

When I talked to the girls in the mental ward, none of them realized their anorexia might kill them. One of them was about 24 years old and the doctors told her she would never be able to have kids, because starvation had damaged her reproductive organs. She had a great explanation for it, "When the body is missing essential nutrients, it takes them from organs that are not vital and reproduction is not vital". She was in hospital for over 4 month and her mother and father did not come to see her even once because of the shame. When we talked, she sounded as if life had been sucked out of her - no joy, no smiles, no motivation, no hope.

Spending a month there with my client, I felt that the joy, the smiles and the motivation were seeping out of me, fast. I was happy to go home in the evenings.

Yet, when I took the group of them, including one in a wheelchair, because she could not stand on her feet, to the nearby shopping center for supplies and lunch, they all behaved like little kids in a toy store. I spent the whole day trying to convince the ward it would be healthy for them to go out, see people, breathe fresh air and want things to buy, because wanting is a very important factor in healing, especially wanting to live. Sometimes I could swear the hospital was making it worse. If your daughter develops anorexia, you should do everything you can to make sure she is never hospitalized.

Much like in many health problems, early diagnosis is vital to good recovery. A person with anorexia will try to hide it, but if you establish good relationships with your kids and you see them getting dressed sometimes, it will be easy to notice that something has changed. Anorexia is a way to cope with a problem and it gives the person temporary relief. If you pay attention to your children's physical and behavioral changes, you will notice that something is wrong easily and quickly. It may not mean your child is anorexic, but it is something you need to pay attention to. In Special Education, we say that we need to see enough "red lights" to confirm a diagnosis and I think this is also a wise way of reacting to anorexia. But when you see enough red lights, it is time to seek help.

Anorexia warning signs

Here is a list of anorexia warning signs. Since every person is different, they come in different combinations, but when you know your kids well, you will spot them.

• Obsessively counting calories and being very rigid about what they eat
• Skipping meals
• Fasting without medical guidance
• Swapping meals with fluids
• Avoiding particular foods for no health reason
• Taking vomiting tablets
• Taking laxatives - you can see they go to the toilet immediately after meals, so listen to check if they vomit too
• Sudden interest in "healthy eating"
• Not wanting to eat food they used to like
• Constantly claiming they have eaten already - it is OK from time to time, but when it becomes a habit, something is wrong
• Talking about food as "good" or "bad"
• Avoiding social gatherings where food is served or, if they have to go, saying, "I am allergic/sensitive to..." or "I have eaten already" when you know it is not true
• Excessive or compulsive exercise - some people love to exercise and there is nothing wrong with it, but being obsessive about it is not healthy. Obsession can be exercising no matter what or showing distress when not being able to exercise
• Being obsessed with diets - developing a sudden interest in weight-loss programs, websites and recipes, showing extreme interest in celebrities' shapes and diets, eating slowly, eating with teaspoon and cutting food into tiny pieces
• Generally, obsessive behavior is a sign there is some disorder. When people insist on eating at a specific time, having the same rituals, drinking from a certain cup or sitting in a specific place, it is a sign of obsessive behavior. Eating disorders are obsessive behaviors related to food. Changes shake their world. Even if it does not seem major, pay attention and address it when it starts
• Avoiding social activities and not enjoying things they used to enjoy before
• Never being hungry
• Lying about what they have eaten - anorexics are not all sophisticated. For example, you can tell when they bring back their lunch box full. One of my clients discovered many sandwiches behind her son's bed, which he had thrown at the end of the day so she would not know he had not eaten them
• Sudden weight loss or a change of clothing style to wearing big clothes and long sleeves so no one would notice the loss of weight. Look at their hands and legs. If you think they look like a skeleton, something might be wrong
• Feeling cold most of the time - a lack of nutrients affects our ability to keep ourselves warm
• Not having a regular period - it is very important for every mother to know when her daughter gets her period so that when something has changed, she will notice. Remember, reproduction is not vital. If your daughter wakes up in ten years and says, "Oh, I want to have kids now", it may be too late
• Feeling tired most of the time and not being able to perform regular activities
• Fainting or feeling dizzy
• Lots of complaining about being overweight. It is good when kids complain about their problems, so you should be very happy when they complain, because you know what they are facing and you can help them. However, when the complaint seems unrealistic and does not stop no matter what you do, it is a bad sign
• Anxiety around mealtime and general moodiness and irritability - these are usually signs that something is bothering them and it is much like the complaining
• Expressing feelings of "out of control" - remember, eating disorders are actually control problems. It is your daughter's way of gaining control over her life. Help her regain a sense of control. Give her choices, even create opportunities to choose and let her know she is in control of her life
• Expressing feelings of shame, unworthiness and guilt - generally, these are not healthy feelings. They may not be signs of anorexia, but it is one of those "red lights" that we need to pay attention to, particularly when others are "turned on"

Anorexia is typically a problem among women, although there are more and more cases of boys with anorexia. Pay attention to your boys the same way you pay attention to your girls.

Anorexia can develop from social triggers, chemical imbalances and other reasons, but so can other thing. If your child is showing the signs above, maybe they are developing anorexia and maybe not, but whatever the problem, early intervention is always better than having to convince a 40-year-old weighing 25kg to eat.

Be brave! Read the signs!

Happy and healthy parenting,
Ronit

You may want to read

• Anorexia: Model Parenting
• Stories: Fact or Fiction?
• Make a list: Beliefs about Kids cont.

I have always believed that fat was a result of heavy thoughts, because the mind is a powerful thing. Now, I have the research to back it up.

The show "You are what you eat" showed people they had full responsibility over what they ate. I think they can call it "You are what you think", because a recent research discovered that our thoughts have a direct impact on what we eat - we gain weight when we have "fat thoughts".

In recent times, "light" became a keyword for food shoppers. We are convinced that in order to be healthy we need to eat "light" food - no fat, no calories, no sugar, no salt, etc. Well, our body reacts badly to it. The more we try to be healthy, the harder it is to lose weight.

Why is that?

In a research done in Yale with the really cool name Mind over milkshakes: Mindsets, not just nutrients, determine Ghrelin response, participants were given milkshakes with 380 calories. Each participant was given the same 380-calorie milkshake on two different occasions - once, they were told that it was "The 140-calorie Sensible Shake" and the other time, they were told it was "The 620-calorie Indulgent Shake".

Their blood was sampled three times, 20 minutes before drinking the milkshake - this was the baseline - and twice more at the 60-minute and 90-minute marks. Each time, the blood test measured the gut peptide Ghrelin, which creates the feeling of hunger. The more Ghrelin you have, the hungrier you are.

The participants were also asked to rate their satisfaction and their answers were consistent with what they thought they were drinking. They rated the "Sensible" shake as 7 times healthier, but enjoyed the "Indulgent" shake much more and found it far more satisfying.

Surprisingly, those who believed their milkshake was the "Sensible" low-calorie shake also showed an increase in their Ghrelin levels, meaning they were hungrier after having the shake than those who thought they were drinking a 620-calorie milkshake. Their body agreed with their mind.

This research had some conclusions I think everyone should be aware of:

1. What we think about our food has a strong impact on our feeling of hunger and satisfaction.
2. What we think about our food has a stronger impact on our body than the nutritional value of the food does.
3. Over time, the thought that healthy food contains fewer calories makes people believe their food is not satisfying and they feel hungrier after they eat it.

How to raise kids with "light" thoughts

(you can use them on yourself too)

1. Stop counting calories. Make sure your kids do not see you paying attention to calories. Counting calories may be a good technique for people to manage their diet, but if they believe their food is not satisfying, they want to eat more.
2. Do not talk to your kids about dieting. Even if you are avoiding things or changing your eating habits, do not call this "a diet". The mind associates dieting with avoidance and with prevention of joy and satisfaction, which will backfire. Dieting only links bad feelings with food, which is a pleasurable and necessary part of life.
3. Advertising low-calorie food as healthy can trick us into buying it, but it cannot trick our body into thinking it is good for us.
4. Tell your kids their body is wise and will make them eat as much as they need. Teach them to listen to their body and pay attention to the signs of "fullness", "hunger" and "thirst". When we listen to our body, we notice when we eat too much.
5. Teach your kids that every person is different and what is good for one may not be good for others, so they need to find what is good for them.
6. Teach your kids the concepts of "balance" and "moderation". It is OK to eat junk food from time to time. It is OK to drink fizzy, colorful and sweet drinks from time to time. It is OK to bring take-away food home from time to time. However, moderation is the name of the game and most of their food should be nutritious.
7. Continual dieting is a form of eating disorder. It is better to have kids who are a bit overweight than to create an eating disorder, which is much harder to fix later on. If your kids have to lose some weight, do not call it a diet. Present it as a new way of eating for the whole family. Dieting should never be seen as punishment (for eating too much or not eating "right"), so if you are not 100% sure a change of eating habits will do the trick, do not start.
8. Teach your kids to enjoy food and not to be afraid of food. Food is not an enemy. Joy goes together with satisfaction. Sugar and fat cravings increase with stress, so when you are satisfied and relaxed, you do not eat too much.

Be happy. That is the lightest thought ever!
Ronit

You may want to read

• How to Raise Food-Smart Kids
• Don’t eat and run
• Ronit’s Parenting Bible: Food

My doctor was great. He did not just give me supplements but was very determined to find the source of the deficiency. I went through a series of checks that ended up discovering I do not have the enzyme required to digest lactose, the sugar in cow's milk. It was sad to learn that (I love milk, yoghurt and cheese), but at the same time relieved, because it could have been worse.

During that period, I met a friend who had discovered she had Lupus (an autoimmune disease) and had almost died from organ failure. For the two previous years, she had taken chemotherapy medication, looked half-dead and we had all been very worried about her. When we met, she was still on the same medication, but she looked amazingly better than ever.

When I asked her how she had recovered so well, she said she had discovered she was gluten intolerant and had decided to stop eating gluten. I asked her if she had Celiac (my doctor had sent me to check that too and, thank God, I do not have it) and she said, "No, I don't, but I figured I could try not eating gluten for a while and if I felt better, I'd know it was a good choice".

That was 6 months ago.

Our daughter Noff has a good friend who lives across the street. From time to time, the girls cook or bake in our house and take some of their creations to share with the other family. One day, when we brought over something made of flour, the neighbor said to me her husband was gluten intolerant.

That was 3 months ago.

At Eden's work, each of the team members brings food to share with everyone once a week. One of the women is on a gluten free diet and Eden was very upset that the others did not bring gluten free dishes to accommodate her. Whenever it was Eden's turn, she always looked for gluten free dishes.

Last month, I organized another get-together with my lady friends. One of them had battled weight, smoking and low energy for over 15 years until she had found a doctor who had decided, just as my doctor had, to find the source. On top of sending her to millions of checkups and tests, he had suggested she try taking gluten out of her diet.

On the same evening, as we sat next to one of the friends' house pool, watching possums climbing up and down the trees, another woman said, "Oh, I wanted to tell you I've been gluten free for 3 months now and I feel awesome. I feel I can think clearly. It's like having new prescription glasses that make everything look clear and crisp".

At that point, I said to myself, "This must be a sign".

I knew what she meant, because about 20 years ago, Gal and I changed our eating habits and this was exactly the feeling we had - thinking clearly, like changing prescription glasses. I have also changed several prescription glasses over the last 25 years…

As I came home, I realized that although the topic of the evening was not gluten free diets, this was the only thing I remembered. So I decided to try. "What do I have to lose?" I asked myself.

I can probably write a whole blog just about my gluten free adventure, but I think I will share with you just what has happened so far.

1. One month passed and everyone who hears about it freaks out and immediately says, "I couldn't do it". People! Wake up! You can do everything. It is no different from giving up sugar, reducing fat or avoiding coffee. If you ask me, it is better than being lactose intolerant, because I like dairy food more than I like bread (it is not like I could choose anyway).
2. Rice is my friend. Having rice noodles is a perfect replacement. I love rice paper rolls and I love sushi.
3. Since we changed our diet 20 years ago, I have been reading the labels on all food products, but this made me read them again and look for other things.
4. The supermarket is full of gluten free replacements that are not as good as the "real" thing. We set a goal to find perfect replacements and have found a mud cake mix that is super perfect. I can eat it and the kids love it.
5. Since gluten intolerant buyers have less of a choice and the market is smaller, most gluten free replacements are way more expensive than the products they replace.
6. The kids actually like some of the gluten free things I buy, which proves again that kids will eat anything you put in front of them if you present it right.
7. The limited selection forces me to eat more homemade and fresh food. This way, I know what goes into what I eat and it is generally good for my health.
8. After 3-4 days, I felt less hungry. Another bonus.
9. The real challenge for me is thinking about what I eat. I hate that! I often say I would rather skip a meal than have to prepare it. This is where Gal comes in real handy…
10. It is a bit harder when the family meal contains lots of gluten and I need (or Eden, because she is so supportive and helpful) to make a separate meal for me and for the family. I do not like it that we do not all eat the same thing.
11. Luckily, I do not have Celiac and I can cheat from time to time.
12. Last night, I had another ladies' night and it was easy to choose what to eat from the variety of food on the table. You do not even have to say that you are gluten free most of the time.
13. I lost 4kg (9lbs).

We'll see how well this continues.

Be happy and healthy,
Ronit

You may want to read

• How to Raise Food-Smart Kids
• The "Light Thinking" Diet
• Ronit’s Parenting Bible: Food

I added the connection between food and health to my bible after a huge pain of trying very hard to get rid of Eden's pneumonia when she was just an 18-month-old baby. By the time she was 2 years old, Eden had been sick with pneumonia 3 times already and had been constantly on antibiotics and inhalers. Before those scary 6 months, I had never thought about what I ate and had just gone to the supermarket and bought the same things my parents and Gal's parents had.

One of my friends, who was trying to help me, told me Eden should eat certain things and avoid eating others to improve her health. I thought she was not normal (which was true, but in a good sense) and that food had nothing to do with germs and health problems. It was only later, when we discovered Eden was sensitive to dairy food, that I realized just how tight the relationship between food and health was.

Food, and only food, was the difference between having a very sick girl (with pneumonia that 6 months of antibiotics could not fix) and having a healthy girl that went to see the doctor only once in the following 20 years. Food, and only food, was the difference between being anemic and having a healthy iron level. During my second, third, fourth and fifth pregnancies, while every other woman had to take iron tablets, my iron level was strong and stable, even the doctor was shocked. Food, and only food, was the difference between Gal having sinus surgery to unblock his nose and not needing that surgery until today.

I figured that since my goal was to have healthy kids, what goes and does not go into their precious bodies was going to be in my parenting bible.

1. Expose your kids to eating a variety of food and they will not be fussy eaters. Fussy eating is an eating disorder that will make their life hard. Make sure you are not a fussy eater yourself if you want to raise adventurous eaters. I was a fussy eater and Gal is totally the opposite. When Eden was about 4½ years old, we moved to Texas and started eating out a lot. As long as we ate at home, everything was easy - I made the food and we ate it - but when I had to choose what to eat at a restaurant (good food, not junk), I realized how fussy I was, so I made a choice to try something new every time I ate out and taste from everyone else's plates. It is OK not to like the taste of something, but it is not OK not to try. This has been in my bible for 17 years, I have 3 kids who are very adventures with food and I am proud to say I am now adventurous too.
2. Do not prepare special food for each member of your family - a home is not a restaurant. This sends a message that fussiness is acceptable. Food disorders should never be a way for kids to get attention. When I had an early childhood center, I asked the mothers to take turns bringing food for all of the kids. One mom did not want to participate and said her daughter was so fussy she would never eat anything the other moms made and would stay hungry. She had 4 kids and in-laws living with her and when she prepared food for them, she would make 7 different meals. Her family members were so fussy that she did not work outside the home and all she did was care for the kids and make food. I convinced her to let her daughter participate in our food exchange program and 3 days later, she said it was unbelievable that her 2½-year-old daughter ate cucumbers, tomatoes and cheese at home. I realized that her parenting bible contained the rule that being a good mother meant making everyone whatever they wanted to eat and I said to myself, "This is NOT going into my bible. Everyone eats what's on the table".
3. Never give food rewards - most of the world's obesity and the emotional struggles of people to lose weight are caused by their association of food with reward and comfort. Save your kids from this lifelong heartache. Verbal affirmations and hugs are the best rewards and if you need something tangible, stickers and balloons will make your kids plenty happy (and healthy).
4. Do not serve desert in home meals - there is no need to eat something sweet at the end of every meal. If kids (and grownups) get used to finishing a meal with a sweet, it will be hard for them to stop it. If you really have to, serve fruit as the best sweet to finish your dinner.
5. Water is the essence of life - drink plenty of water. Most health problems are associated with dehydration. Make sure you drink 1 liter of water for every 22kg (48lbs) of weight. I learned this rule from my Reiki Master when I lived in Singapore and for many years, I have confirmed it over and over again. My youngest daughter becomes asthmatic when she is dehydrated. If I tell her she must stand next to me and drink water before she is allowed to do anything else, within couple of hours, she is perfect. Drink plenty of water!
6. Stay away from food colors - I learned this rule during my special education studies. During childhood, I loved everything that had colors. The more colorful it was, the testier it was for me. During my studies, I discovered so many learning difficulties and health problems related to food colors that I added not having them to my parenting bible. Food colors are poison! I know that not all of them are, but I believe it is safest to try and avoid them all.
7. Have junk events - go out for some junk food or bringing junk food home from time to time to stop your kids' craving for it and take the sting out of eating it. I learned this on myself. In my family, we hardly ever had any ice cream. It was expensive and my parents bought it only on special occasions. Loving it and not having it turned it into a need, rather than a want. When Gal and I moved in together, I went to the supermarket and bought every flavor of ice cream in the freezer (our fridge had about 6-7 kinds at all times) and ate it for months. It was not wise and certainly not healthy, so I stopped after a while. Save your kids such struggles. Junk is OK as long as it is eaten in proportion.
8. Make the most of your meals at home - you never know what others add to the food, but you can guarantee that what your kids eat at home is healthy. I learned that from my mom who was a chef and told us what was added to the food to make it last longer and look better at restaurants and food factories.
9. Find a fresh food market and buy your family's food there - if the refrigerator is full of fruits and vegetables, the whole family will eat more fruits and vegetables. Take your kids shopping with you, teach them how to choose good food, let them pick their favorites and get them to wash and store the produce so they feel part of the process.
10. If you do not buy it, your kids will not eat it - if you do not want your kids to eat something, do not buy it. By the time they have enough money to do their own shopping, they will have healthy eating habits that will stop them buying junk even if they can afford it.

Come back next week for Ronit's Parenting Bible rules on babies.

Happy parenting!
Ronit

You may want to read

• How to Raise Food-Smart Kids
• The "Light Thinking" Diet
• Don’t eat and run

Nowadays, when we want to feel better, we need to make a lot of decisions ourselves. Ronit and I have been asked by doctors if we wanted antibiotics or which medication we preferred. With free samples from pharmaceutical companies, medical insurance companies presenting the cheapest providers as "Members' Choice" and other underhanded dealings going on, we can no longer trust anyone else to keep us fit and healthy. It is up to us.

If this is not enough, the links between different parts of our body and between our mind and body, recognized by so many ancient cultures, seem to be largely ignored by modern medicine. Instead of keeping us healthy and focusing on preventing disease, most doctors and hospitals treat our symptoms and often destroy other parts of us in the process. If we want to stay in good shape, we need to avoid having symptoms.

You may object to this line of thought and say, "But what do I know about medicine? What do I know about drugs and chemicals? How can I ever treat myself?"

Well, do you drink coffee or tea? When you wake up in the morning, do you have a cup "to wake up"? That is chemistry and those are self-prescribed drugs you are taking. They may be mild, but if you did not feel their effect, you would stop using them.

Do you smoke? Can you feel the hit of nicotine? It is the same thing - giving your body a chemical boost to feel more energetic. With cigarettes, you can feel the benefits and you can feel the damage, but you still do it.

Something as innocent as chocolate is used by billions of people around the world as an antidepressant. They believe it works well for them, despite the side effects of gaining weight and possibly developing diabetes.

I would even go as far as saying that sugar is used as the drug of choice by children all around the world and many adults. It makes them more energetic for a little while, so they "just eat something sweet when I need a boost", but the overuse ruins many other bodily functions and, again, directly increases the chance of diabetes.

Alcohol, anyone? It will help you relax. It will also damage your liver, but you still drink it.

When we lived in Thailand, I worked with a Baha'i man. He did not drink coffee, tea or alcohol and he did not smoke. He most definitely did not take any drugs. He fasted for a day every 19 days. He told me the Baha'i philosophy is to use nothing that affects the mind and to clean the body regularly from toxins in order to stay fit, healthy and in control of mental faculties always.

And my friend was one of the healthiest, most relaxed, friendliest and happiest people I have ever met because of his physical habits, as well as his faith and spiritual practice.

But even my Baha'i friend ate food that contained spices. Any Chinese or Indian healer will tell you about the power of garlic, ginger, ground pepper, turmeric and various other spices. Once, when I was really sick, my meditation teacher gave me 4 tea bags with spices in them (cardamom, ginger, licorice, cinnamon and rose petals) and I recovered within hours!

To supplement or not to supplement, that is the question

1. We must take responsibility for our own health, because nobody else will do it
2. We must take responsibility for our children's health, because it is part of the "job description" and they are important to us
3. We understand that being healthy is a prerequisite to doing well at school and at work, to staying alive longer and to enjoying life
4. We live a lifestyle that is faster than ever and far more stressful, which is bad for our health
5. We eat food made to taste good, not to be nutritious, which means that most of us do not get what we need out of it
6. We need to prevent physical and mental issues and keep ourselves balanced, rather than treat symptoms
7. We already use chemicals to overcome our challenges and we are typically aware of their effects (good and bad) on our body and mind

So why not use food supplements?

Ronit and I have stumbled across various food supplements and found some of them beneficial. We are not experts yet and we are still searching for a way to balance what we eat, how we live and what we get out of supplements, particularly without breaking the bank (just in case, please see our disclaimer).

So far, we have found Vitamin C to help relieve colds and B Complex to be relaxing. Magnesium helps relax muscles and Zinc helps hair grow. They can all be taken in excess, there are differences in the quality of the supplements and there are problems we still have not completely eliminated.

We have struggled with the term "natural" for supplements that come in a plastic capsule or packed in a pill that looks like it is made from chalk. We have started and stopped taking supplements and tested the effects on our energy level, our digestion and our mood. We have compared brands and prices and looked into switching to organic food vs. the cost and accessibility of supplements.

We have found a list of superfoods (more superfoods), like apples, blueberries, turmeric and cinnamon and started putting more of them in our food (much to our children's delight, because they love blueberries). We also tried Kephir. Some of these were cheap and easy to get, but some were rare and/or very expensive.

Most importantly, we have felt horrible about the idea of taking pills and swallowing huge capsules, because we grew up linking that with being sick and taking medication. What is the point of taking something to feel better physically and worse emotionally?

So I wanted to start a discussion today. I wanted to get all the parents who read this blog to work together on this and share our thoughts, knowledge and experiences with supplements for the benefit of everyone else, especially for our kids.

Are you with me?

So post your take on food supplements in the comment box:

1. Do you think we should use supplements?
2. Should we give them to our kids on a regular basis to keep them healthy?
3. What do you currently do and how is it working for you?
4. Are natural supplements better than artificial ones?
5. Can you trust supplements to be truly natural?
6. Do you or your kids have any health challenges you believe could be solved with supplements, but you do not know which?

Happy, healthy life,
Gal

You may want to read

• The "Light Thinking" Diet
• The Wonders of Ritalin
• Topsy Turvy World (2)

I had this conversation with a friend of mine who is a health fanatic. You may ask yourself what a "health fanatic" is and my answer is that it is someone who is very conscious about health, but so conscious it is not healthy…

I became health conscious when my daughter Eden was 18 months old and a very sick girl and only a change in our eating habits brought her breathing back to normal and made her a healthy girl again. Since then, she has hardly ever gotten sick (and she is 21 years old now).

Do not get me wrong, I think that eating healthy is beneficial. However, as a life coach, I totally reject the idea of creating fear in kids' mind about the dangers of junk food because "we are what we eat". Instead, I believe that "we are what we think" (about eating, among other things). I think it is more damaging to think that our food is an enemy than to eat junk food and be happy. I am not a junk-eater myself, but I think that junk food can provide something good for the soul that no healthy food can (freedom of choice, good taste, instant satisfaction, etc).

Anyway, I had this discussion with my friend and she brought up the topic to convince her three kids to eat healthy food. I think she thought that because we were a fruits-and-vegetables kind of family and I preferred healthy food I would back her up and support her argument, so she asked for my opinion. It was very hard for me to do it, but I could not tell a lie (especially not in front of my own kids) so that question backfired on her.

I am telling you this because I think that if you are not careful, you will have that conversation with your kids one day and it is better to be prepared.

She said to me, "Look around you. There are more sick people than there ever were. The food we are eating is not nutritious enough. There is too much antibiotics in meat, too much processed food and too much cancer. People are dying because of extra use of chemicals in their life. What's your opinion?"

I had to make a decision on the spot. I knew she wanted me to support her for her kids to recognize it as something "all mothers think", not just her being fanatic. The problem was that it was just her being fanatic.

I said, "Really?! I am looking around and I'll tell you what I see. My dad is 77 years old and he is a pretty healthy person. My mom is 71 years old and loves doctors and medication. 6 years ago, she came to visit us and we travelled around the North Island of New Zealand for 12 days. We spent most of the day on our feet and even trekked (with then 3-year-old Noff) for about 6 hours. My mom did very well and she was 65 then. My dad did even better than she did and he was 72 years old. I am looking around and what I see is that those sick people who eat junk, food that is not nutritious enough, consume too much antibiotics with their meat and gobble up cancer-inducing processed food, those people live longer".

Ouch!

Before you think I am crazy, here are the facts:

• In Australia
  • Life expectancy in 1965 was 69.70
  • Life expectancy in 1985 was 75.63
  • Life expectancy in 1995 was 77.08
  • Life expectancy in 2005 was 80.63
  • Life expectancy in 2010 was 81.50
• · In the USA
  • Life expectancy in 1965 was 70.21
  • Life expectancy in 1895 was 74.56
  • Life expectancy in 1995 was 75.62
  • Life expectancy in 2005 was 77.71
  • Life expectancy in 2010 was 78.30

(Source: NationMaster)

I hope you see how increasing this is.

My question to my friend was, "How come when we had little or no technology, we did not pollute the air and the water, we did not 'abuse' the soil and take all the nutrients out of it, we lived less?"

In the past, people lived very short lives. Mothers died often while giving birth. In 1900, men lived to 48.3 years of age on average and women to 46.3. They died from a simple flu because someone sneezed next to them (penicillin was only invented/discovered in 1928) and by the age of 30, most of them had no teeth!

In 1950, only 50 years later, people could see their grandkids already, because males lived to 71.1 and women lived to 65.6. Babies still died at birth without their mothers drinking processed milk and eating at MacDonald's and every tumor was a death sentence.

(Source: Life expectancy in the USA)

If you want a great visual representation of the changes in life expectancy (and other things) through the years, check out this interactive map (switch the X axis to "Time", select your country and click "Play").

This is the life expectancy around the world in 1800 (only 210 years ago):

People all around the world died between 25 and 40 years old on average.

This is the life expectancy in 1960 (only 50 years ago):

People in some countries (USA, Europe) did much better than others (Asia, Africa).

This is the life expectancy in 2009 (last year):

200 years ago, there were countries with less than 40 years life expectancy and now there is no country with less than 40. In fact, other than African countries and Afghanistan (mainly due to wars), the life expectancy in the world is higher than 60 year! The Chinese (the big red circle) climbed from 32 to 73 years (2.28 times the lifespan) in the past 50 years, while being exposed to junk food, fast life and Western technology.

I suggest you do not try my friend's trick on your kids. They are computer savvy and they will you out in a flash.

I believe it is the food we eat that makes our kids strong and healthy and allows them to live long enough to go to university, learn science and technology and innovate to make food more useful to the body, so their kids will grow to be strong and healthy and smart and start studying at universities even later (maybe only when they are 40 years old) and have some life experience before they innovate and find ways to increase life expectancy even more…

I do not know about you, but I think I will go for some junk food tonight…

Happy parenting,
Ronit

You may want to read

• The "Light Thinking" Diet
• Supplement Your Life
• In Excess

I turned into an "old person" when my 1-year-old daughter Eden was sick with pneumonia. She was on antibiotics for 6 months because as soon as she got off it, she got sick again. By the time she turned 2, she had had pneumonia for 6 months. We were at the mercy of the doctors and their medication, taking her to the hospital and worrying about her health. The head of the children's ward at the biggest hospital in our area, who saw her for 6 months at his private clinic, said to us, "I'm sorry to tell you this, but your daughter is asthmatic. She will have to be on medication 6 months out of every year, so you'd better get ready".

She was just so young and fragile and we were so scared we understood why those "old people" had wished her health.

Our life changed when we took responsibility over our own health and Eden's and realized we had the power to raise healthy, happy kids.

Eden is 21 years old now. In the past 19 years, after we got rid of the pneumonia (and not with antibiotics or any other medication), she saw a doctor for her immunizations, chicken pox at the age of 6 and a throat infection at the age of 16. She had a cold last week and still has a runny nose, but she never went to the doctor.

I am a very good example of a parent who thinks we can do something to change our kids' health, although I did not grow up with that thinking. My mom raised 5 sick kids and she still thinks medication is the cure for everything. To her, "doctor" is a kind of god that must be obeyed, even when her doctor keeps her waiting, ignores her symptoms and gets things wrong. She has been sick all her life and she does not have any health strategy.

I believe that kids' health (and their parents' health) is an important part of parenting. I am in a constant search for tips and tricks to keep my kids healthy, so I decided to ask the Top Parenting Bloggers about their attitude towards ensuring their kids' health.

How do you keep your kids healthy?

Annie - PhD in Parenting We try to offer them a balanced diet and in the event that they do not take us up on that offer, we offer vitamin supplements and keep encouraging (but not forcing) them to try new foods. Our daughter eats an excellent variety of foods, whereas our son is as meat and potatoes kind of guy. We ensure that they get lots of fresh air and exercise, which is critical to both their physical and mental health. We encourage them to think through problems and to address their emotions, which helps keep them mentally healthy.

Ria Sharon - My Mommy Manual Sleep. Sleep. Sleep. I am a big believer that their growing bodies and brains really need sleep to develop. It makes a big difference in their temperament and in staying healthy. And of course, healthy food, vitamins, exercise.

Richard "RJ" Jaramillo - Single Dad We all cook together...

Sue Scheff - Sue Scheff Blog Purell Hand Sanitizer. Kidding, sort of. However, hand washing has to be taught from a young age and carried into their teen years. Teaching your children not to share drinks and other items that go from mouth to mouth can help.Some parents believe in vitamins. That is a personal decision. I used them when my kids were younger, however we eventually stopped.

Susan Heim - Susan Heim on Parenting I encourage plenty of outdoor play, monitor their eating habits and make sure they get plenty of rest. It sounds pretty simple, but diet, exercise and sleep really are the "big three" in keeping our kids healthy!

Annie Fox, M.Ed. - From the desk of Annie Fox Know what they need in terms of nutrition, sleep, activity, intellectual and creative stimulation, social skill-building and… a stable nurturing family life. Then do your best to provide what you can.

Maria Melo - Conversations with Moms Encourage them to play outside as much as possible and limit their time in front of the TV. I play music around my house a lot and have fun dancing with my children. I also try to teach them good eating habits and although I allow them to eat the occasional junk food, I try to teach them about the importance of balance in their diets. I've been lucky in that my oldest son has a dislike for soda drinks, probably because it is non-existent in my house. Our drink of choice at home is water.

Ronit Baras - Family Matters We buy lots and lots of fruits and vegetables. 75% of what we eat (by weight) is fruits and vegetables. Our kids just eat what they find in the refrigerator and pantry. Get a good night's sleep. On school days, our kids go to sleep between 8 and 8:30 and sleep for 10 hours. My son is nearly 15 and still sleeps 10 hours every day (he dreams up new music…). If they want to stay up, they need to prove they can wake up energetic the next day. If they are cranky, fussy and agitated, it is a sign they did not get enough sleep, so off to bed early they go. We meditate. We did a Transcendental Meditation course when Eden was 10 and Tsoof was 4. It keeps them focused and alert. Gal and I can tell when they meditate and when they do not. When they are confused, we ask about it and suggest they meditate for a while. At the first sign of sickness, I say, "Vitamin C to the rescue". In high dosage (1,500 to 3,000mg a day), I believe it boosts the immune system and keeps them from becoming sick. It works! Keep them doing something that makes them happy. I help my kids find things that make them happy and encourage them to do those things. Happiness is a great chemical state, whereas stress is the ultimate enemy. Smiling releases good hormones, so get your kids to smile a lot. I promote being healthy. When we moved to Australia, I found out people stayed home sick if they sneezed, so I made an agreement with my kids that if they stayed healthy for the whole term, they can take 1 day off school whenever they want and have fun with me. It works! Plant healthy thoughts in your kids' mind. I tell my kids they are healthy and strong every day. "Tomorrow, you'll feel better after a good night's sleep". When friends say, "I don't want to bring my son to play, because he is sick", I say, "You can bring him, because my kids never get sick" (and they do not!). I learned from a principal who attended one of parenting workshops an awesome trick. When his kids start getting sick, he tells them, "You're really good at getting better". I love this! Watch what you say to your kids.

This is the last chapter of the Top Parenting Bloggers Discuss. Many thanks to the Top Parenting Bloggers: Sue Scheff, Annie Fox, Richard Jaramillo, Ria Sharon, PhD Annie, Maria Melo and Susan Heim and for sharing their thoughts and experience throughout the series.

If you want to know more about the bloggers who take part in this project or contact any of them, please visit their blogs, follow them on Twitter and/or become their fan on Facebook.

With the questions I have received from readers I am planning another series of expect discussions. If you want your questions answered too, write them in the comment box below.

Happy parenting,
Ronit

You may want to read

• Ronit’s Parenting Bible: Manners
• Ronit’s Parenting Bible: Role Model
• Ronit’s Parenting Bible: Food

Well, last week, 16-year-old Abby Sunderland was feared lost in the Indian Ocean while sailing around the world. She set off two emergency beacons from about 3,600 kilometers off the coast of Western Australia after her yacht was knocked over in huge seas and its mast was broken.

Before Ronit and I had a chance to calm down from hearing this (because, after all, the majority of kids do not sail around the world), we happened to watch a TV piece on top models' body image, eating habits and self-inflicted damages.

Top model Jessica Gomes (24) said the pressure on models to be slim was enormous and that models are afraid to miss out on work opportunities in the highly competitive fashion industry, so they use some excessive methods to keep themselves trim. She said models run for days on a mix of lemon juice and maple syrup, which also "cleanses". To keep their energy up and be able to work, they drink coffee and use Cocaine.

The article mentioned Ana Carolina Reston (on the right), a famous Brazilian model who died from Anorexia at the age of 21, weighing 40kg (88lbs). Her mother told the press Ana had eaten nothing but apples and tomatoes for 2 months before she died.

Although the article did a very good job showing models who decided to eat normally and still got excellent jobs, Ronit and I were left with a very painful question:

Where are those top models' parents?

Just take a look at the pictures, will you? There is no chance the parents of any of these girls might have missed them being abnormally skinny. There is no chance those parents might have thought their girls were healthy. Healthy girls just do not look like this.

Ana Reston's mother knew what she was eating. She even told the press. If your 21-year-old daughter ate apples and tomatoes for 2 months, saying she wants to keep her weight down, would you just say, "Sure, honey, you just keep those dollars coming in?"

Eden is 21 now and we notice every mood change, let alone anything that lasts or shows up physically.

When Eden was about 15, she spent 10 days on a camp, where the food was being badly managed and the kids were not kept warm enough. She ate so little she lost 3kg by the time she came back home. I was all over her as soon as I picked her up and bombarded her with questions about what had happened during camp.

Eden did her best to downplay the problems and told me she was not really hungry and everything was fine, but in the car with us was Tsoof, who was 9 at the time and had been to the same camp in the last few days. Tsoof honestly described how he had been hungry and cold and how one of Eden's friends had been taken to the hospital with hypothermia.

It took me all of half an hour to find out EVERYTHING.

That was the last time our kids went to that camp.

The organizers have contacted us since and promised all would be well, because they had changed personnel and policies, but we give people only one chance to treat our kids badly. No second or third strikes. Just one.

Now imagine you have a good-looking girl (most models start pretty young - excuse the pun). She wins some competitions, gets some working gigs and is then picked up by a modeling agency.

Next thing you know, your daughter is whisked all over the world to exotic location, looking slimmer every time she returns, acting jumpier and feeling worse about herself. After the first time, you may put it down to the hard work, or maybe to being away from home with all those strangers. "Nothing to worry about", you think, "The agency will take good care of their investment".

But it does not stop. Whenever you get to glimpse your once bouncy, lively girl, she looks more and more like a shadow and just wants to be left alone.

Is it just top models?

But I see bigger issues here.

First, these parents become part of a powerful mechanism that uses their daughters to pump everyone else's daughters full of negative body image and desire to buy magazines, clothes and cosmetics. In essence, their neglect is our loss.

Second, most of us are not the parents of a super model and never will be. In fact, some parents only have boys. But we may just be like those top models' parents if we do not put our kids' health and wellbeing (and that includes emotional wellbeing) above all else. Whether they are star athletes, musically gifted, super smart or highly artistic, their special skills should be only second to their livelihood, energy and happiness.

Third, as consumers of the fashion advertised by those "models of starvation", we have the power to do away with this practice. We have the choice to shun magazines, advertisers and brands that use overly slim models. We can simply refuse to buy their products until they give in and show healthy people in their ads.

Fourth, as parents who need to demonstrate good values to our kids and teach them how to live well, we must show them the false image being shoved in their faces and tell them to reject it with all their might. We must ensure that when it is their turn to run the world, they will put wellbeing at the top of their priority list and recognize when it is not.

Who, me?

Are you sure you notice everything about your kids? Are you sure there is nothing that looks like it might be starting to go wrong, but you have "reasoned" it away somehow and let it slip? Just think of your kids' TV, video game and computer habits vs. their active, creative and social habits.

Think about it next time you walk in the door and maybe keep a diary of your observations for a week to see what you notice.

Are you sure the way in which you select products and services is aimed first and foremost at health and wellbeing? Do you always buy healthy food? Do you read the labels? Does your doctor treat your symptoms or you? Do you buy any magazines showing starved girls who are clearly too young to be posing like that?

Think about it next time you are at the supermarket and maybe keep a diary of your purchasing and viewing choices over a week.

We are powerful beyond measure, especially when we work together. By making better choices every day, we can help change the world for our kids' sake and reclaim it back from the money-hoarding mega corporations that run the media and fashion industries.

And if your 12-year-old daughter comes to you and says she wants to be a model, you know what to do, right?

Happy parenting,
Gal

You may want to read

• Anorexia: Warning Signs
• The "Light Thinking" Diet
• Supplement Your Life