Family Matters

Many times, I hear the question “How do you motivate kids to do things?” Most parents in the world would like to know the “magic tricks” of motivating their kids to succeed, to be friendly, to be healthy and happy. I guess it is part of having kids, that desire for them to be “in the zone”, where everything is easy and gives a good feeling. In this sense, kids and their parents are exactly the same. Motivation has no age.

In my parenting classes, 100% of the participants want their kids to have love, success, friendships, confidence and happiness. All of the parents look for the formula they can use to help their kids get these things.

In the coming weeks, I will be posting about motivating kids, covering all aspects of motivations and how you, as a parent, can use each and every one of them to give your kids what you have always wanted to. With each post, I will also include tips, exercises and/or printable resources to help you on this exciting mission.

The questions in Motivating Kids (1) provide a way to give your kids’ “wanting” muscle some good practice and to allow you as a parent to help your kids get what they want in life and be happy. The next step is to chunk each dream down to realistic, day to day pieces that do not involve genies, kings, fairies or lottery tickets.

Every person has different motivation tools. Some people are motivated by “carrots” (encouragement and rewards) and others by “sticks” (threats and punishments). Some want to get something for their efforts and others do things to avoid being hurt or feeling bad. I will describe all the motivation tools, but I would like to encourage you to shift away from sticks and towards carrots. In my opinion, sticks are short term motivators, but they are draining and stressing both for parents and for kids. Success on a test to avoid negative parental reaction has an expensive emotional price attached to it – fear, stress and loss of trust.

Just like praise and appreciation, rewards are a wonderful way to motivate kids. I think it is very important to understand that rewards are second-level “carrots”. Usually, rewards are required when you have exhausted all your praises and they do not seem to work. Sadly, this usually happens when your kids do not trust that you mean what you say.

Success depends on the ability to move forward and requires persistence. We succeed at work, in our social life, our parenting, relationships, love life, finances and health only if we can keep moving forward in spite any setbacks.

One good way to inspire motivation is to use others who have succeeded as role models and try to learn from them. Can you imagine kids growing up to think that many people around them, both younger and older, are sources of inspiration?

Fear is our emotional reaction to something we perceive as danger. Fear is the most painful stick in the motivation toolkit and unfortunately, it is the most common tool parents use to motivate their kids, mainly because their parents used it and their parents used it…

Planning is a great motivator for many kids and helps overcome many of the fears kids have. When kids learn to plan their time, their actions, their budget, their social life and their activities, they get a sense of control instead of feeling overpowered by external sources.

For some kids, working together is a great motivator. Many times, when kids need to do something they do not know how to do, it is a big relief for them if someone else is experiencing the same challenges. Suddenly, they are not alone.

Sometimes, the hardest thing for parents is to get their kids to accept their attempts to motivate them. Kids may treat parental attempts to motivate them as nagging or forcing when they have not given their permission to help them. Whether you like it or not, help is something that needs to be accepted.