Family Matters

Two weeks ago, I wrote a post about the things that cause parents to have a bad relationship with your teens. This post contains more of those things. If you have teen kids and want to have good relationships with them, read what they think and get some ideas to do things differently.

Remember, you do not want your teens to think of you as “just another parent” and that “all parents are just the same”. Therefore, you need to be different.

As a parent, I am sure you are familiar with the “Mommy and Daddy are going out” storm. You put the kids to bed, kiss them good night, wait until everything is quiet, you sneak the babysitter in and just as you are about to leave, you hear a tiny, not-at-all-sleepy voice calling out, “Where are you going?”

People who are happily married are a good source of inspiration to couples who struggle so let’s try to learn from those who have been in “the business” of marriage for a long time.

The easiest way to increase your kids’ self esteem is to send them to have dinner at friends’ house or encourage them to sleep over with their friends. If you think I am joking, keep reading.

… The elderly man stood next to us and gave each one of us a flyer for another party. Then, he stood in front of Eden and smiled at her. She smiled back politely. He put his hand in his pocket, took out a small ziplocked bag, gave it to Eden and went away. There were two toffee candies in the bag and a coffee shop business card. He did not give me anything or to other of the people sitting on the floor next to us.

I gave Eden a puzzled look.

“I don’t think I’m going to try this”, she said and put it in my bag. At that moment, I realised what had happened. It was a scary feeling. I sat next to my daughter, in a party in a public place and someone, right in front of my eyes, gave her drugs!

Behaviour management seems to be a big part of parenting. Parents struggle with their kids’ behaviour over their entire parenting “career”.

Many times, I have been asked if I had a “magic formula” to solve behavioural problems and I always say that behaviour management is not fixing behavioural problems but preventing them from happening.

The difference between fixing a problem and preventing it is the difference between a proactive mindset and a reactive one. When I need to fix a problem, I become “The Fire Brigade” and start putting out fires and that is no fun, because I am then controlled by the circumstances or the people around me (the kids).

I was sitting in the most wonderful place in the world - on the beach of Koh Samui in Thailand. My daughter was almost seven years old and my was just one yea old and was running on the beach naked. As the two of them were building sand castles, I learned the first thing I want my kids to know.

A 60 year-old man approached us and told us this story.

“My husband recently said he did not love me at all. He said he had not loved me for a long time. It hurts so much. Why would he do that?”
I am sure he loved you when he said he did. When he said he did not love you he must have been upset [...]

Many parents report frustration and doubt regarding their parenting when their wonderful children reach teen age. They dread this period and express tension and even fear. Instead of getting closer to their growing children, their child’s first teen birthday marks the formation of “the generation gap”. Teens become emotional, irrational and mysterious. Parents ask themselves “Why do teens behave the way they do? Is it hormonal? Why are they so emotional? Is it normal?”