Family Matters

For children, what seems like a simple thing might be a horrible problem. We have good friends whose 18-year-old son took a gun and shot himself in the head because he was not accepted to the course he wanted. After it happened, it does not help any of us to ask why a successful, normal, gentle kid, with a wonderful family, decided that not getting into a course is “the end of the world”.

It was the third birthday our daughter had refused to celebrate with friends. For her 17th birthday, she invited a couple of girls to go out for a movie. For her 18th birthday, she spent the day crying because it was her grandmother’s funeral (and her dad was away to attend). When she approached her 19th birthday, we had the same discussions about a party all over again.

When I was kid, most of the kids wanted to have a party, at least on their birthdays. Only the “rich” kids could have parties every year. Some rare kids had parties more than once a year and those were obviously the most popular.

Pride is a selfish feeling. It is the reward we give ourselves for the love, the dedication, the heartache, the fears, the support, the caring, the worries and the sleepless nights (although I did not have too many sleepless nights with any of my kids). On every Journey we need rewards to help us keep moving forward. In parenting, pride is the best reward. It helps us convince ourselves parenting is worthwhile.

Find the answers to all the good questions I was asked about my first teen book “Be Special, Be Yourself for Teenagers”.

We all like watching “Heroes” on TV and reading books about strong or creative people who have done things others did not expect them to do. Hearing, reading about or meeting such people is very motivating. Heroism is the courage to face fears, therefore fear and heroes go together.

Fear is a basic human emotion that works like a survival instinct. In a sense, fear helps protect us from danger, though it has reached a point where we see danger even in places where it does not exist.

It was a very open discussion. Parents talked about their own experiences regarding physical touch. Most were above the age of 40. They talked about living as kids in a society that had discouraged physical expressions like hugs and kisses as soon as kids became teens. Some talked about coming from cultures where fathers shook hands with their kids. One mother said her teen did not like her hugging and kissing him, especially around others. Then, another mother, let’s call her Maggie, who was there by herself, raised her hand and asked a question:

“I understand the importance of hugs, but I find it hard to hug my daughter. What can I do?”

For many years, knowledge was considered to be the ultimate factor for success in life. Many parents and educators still pump knowledge into kids’ brains, in hope this will bring kids to the desired achievements.

While in the past knowledge was something not all people could have, nowadays it is much more accessible. Unfortunately, knowledge is not the thing that will give kids the edge to succeed.

It is common belief that teens have to finish school in order to succeed in life, but that is not true. Sometimes, leaving school is the best thing that happens to them. For example, I was kicked out of school at the end of grade 10 and it was the best thing that happened to me. It was a strong wake-up call. In the end, I became a teacher.

Applying for a parenting career requires no interviews and no application forms, though it is one of the most demanding and rewarding careers. Without the benefit of selection criteria, we discover that to be good parents, we need many skills and abilities that we do not learn at school. Some people hope that these skills will show up in the delivery room together with their first born. Others say you either have them or you don’t. I believe that the magic of pregnancy and childbirth is not enough to make us parents and we can and should develop these skills over time.

Did you know?

Children studying music from as early as grade 4 get to their first year of high school with an average academic score that is 11% higher than kids who did not study music.

If they continue their music studies into high school, by the time they graduate, their average academic score is 23% higher than kids who did not study music.