Family Matters

“Marriage is the foundation of the family and the family is the foundation of society: if we strengthen marriage, we strengthen the family, we strengthen the children and we strengthen the community. If your goal is to help improve the world, marriage is as good a place as any to start” - Diane Sollee, Grand Rapids Family Summit, 1998

This week, I went to my young daughter’s school with a group of other mothers to celebrate the teacher’s wedding. On the card from all the families in the class, I wrote “Happy wedding day”, but I did not think it was the right blessing. You see, my wedding day was not a happy day at all (too much family politics), but it did not change the fact that Gal and I have been together for over 27 years and are still very much in love. In my head, a happy wedding day is no guarantee for a happy marriage and I am sad for it. I would certainly like it to be a sign for the years to come, but it is not.

“I am invited to my ex-boyfriend’s wedding and I have to go. Do you have good tips to handle the situation?”

If you no longer have feelings for him - cool! Go have fun at his wedding. But I guess since you have asked the question, you do have feelings for him…

This is the story of Mike and how he turned his marriage around. Mike lived in a world of absolutes, where he was constantly disappointed, but learned how to let go and do what works. Within a short time, Mike changed his life completely, freeing himself from the bondage of his own standards of living, and found empowerment and love.

So why not calculate how much money is dedicated to families who divorce - support for double accommodations, child benefits, single parent support, educational support for children in divorced families and (mental) health support for parents and children due to divorce. Then, give couples bonuses for their anniversary, taking into account the length of their marriage and the age and number of children they have (something like a “second honeymoon” bonus would be nice). These bonuses can be great motivators for people to work on their relationship and people can use them to address some of the reasons for divorce - learn stress management, communication skills, intimacy and conflict resolution, or just reduce financial difficulties and treat emotional problems.