Family Matters

It was Friday and many people gathered at the funeral home. I knew 3 people in the crowd – Nicole and her two kids, Jane and Russell. The hundreds of people in the crowd were all like me, pieces of the puzzle of the life of the person they were saying goodbye to.

I looked at Nicole and the kids. It is just an irony that when you feel you need lots of strength to survive the heartache in your life, worse things happen and change the whole picture. They stood there carrying a burden that I sometimes wonder if time can heal.

The dead are always at peace. It is the other people who remain to suffer their absence. The members of the Lance Family were left to suffer the shame, the guilt and the secret.

A week before, 45-year-old Bryan hung himself in his garage.

Someone very close to us lost her son to teen suicide. Her son was 18 years old, a great kid who took his dad’s gun one day, sat in his parents’ car in a park and shot himself to death.

He is gone and is probably not suffering anymore, but a whole family he left behind is still picking up the pieces of their shattered life and cannot find comfort.

I am writing to you because I pray you never have to be in the same position.

Gratitude is an excellent cure for taking life for granted. On the quest for happiness, appreciating what we have is a great way to shift from feeling sad, bad or frustrated.

In the past few weeks, I overheard talk about a teenager (let’s call him Jonathan), who used to be friendly and “normal”, besides being very talented, but who recently started to miss classes, show up late, fail various subjects and behave indifferently. One speculation was that he might have started using drugs, but he was clearly troubled.

Last week, after posting Self Esteem Mini-Course (part 6), I got this comment from Chuck Bluestein referring to his post called What Causes a Lack of Self-Esteem in Americans. According to Chuck, the lack of physical touch in infants is the source of the problem.

Once upon a time, in a small village, lived a family. They had a small guest house at the back of their property, where people passing by stayed for the night. All four of their kids helped in the guest house and when they finished their chores, went to play with the other kids – all but the second son, Tom. Tom was a very quiet and a sad boy. He never smiled, never laughed and the other kids did not want to play with him.

One day, an old man came to the guest house and Tom, who loved listening to the guests’ stories, showed the old man his room.

As we prepared to hug the homeless, I happened to read about hugging and found a post where Carl Munson expressed his uncomfortable feelings about hugging. Here is my response.

Although suicide is not a topic many people talk about, I believe it is important to discuss it BEFORE it is too late. Whereas in the past suicide was an adult concern, the trends in the last 50 years have changed and more and more teens (aged 15 and above) are at risk.

There are many reasons for suicide, some of which are related to crisis and mental breakdowns due to the loss of loved ones and others events that cannot be prevented. However, the major reason for suicide is depression. Yet unlike losing someone you love, depression can be prevented!

Suicide is one of those things that when it happens, it is already too late. Therefore, we, as parents and educators (and government), must take responsibility and dedicate ourselves to preventing suicide.

At every moment of your life, you can choose whether to be happy or not! Notice that you are given the option.

The great thing about happiness is that it is on a scale – your own scale. No one can tell you what will make you happy and you have the absolute power to determine your happiness and to achieve it. Happiness is your choice.

Another great thing about the pursuit of happiness is that it has a compounding effect (much like accumulating wealth). It is a journey and the main thing in it is to START NOW!

Here are some specific tips you can blend into your every day.

Chris called and came to see me the next day. He parked his blue Mercedes Benz in the entrance and came in. He was at his early fifties, beautiful blue eyes, holding his diary tightly.

“I wanted a Mercedes Benz so much”, he said, “But now I feel uncomfortable driving it. I can get up in the morning whenever I want, I can have everything I want, I have money, I have Lisa, I am successful in my business but I am depressed and sad.”

Do you ever think to yourself, “If only I had a million dollars, I could have everything I want”? Think again! What would you do with that much money?