Family Matters |
Parenting in Pursuit of Happiness |
Tags: beliefs, Emotional Intelligence, focus, happiness, inspiration, motivation, parenting, parenting teens, projection, self-fulfilling prophecy, success, teens
In my life, age 15 was the turning point. 4 months before my 16th birthday, I woke up and discovered that the life I lived was an illusion and I opened up to a new life.
For me, 16 was the sweetest thing there was. Life was divided into before and after - before my awakening and after it. Later on in life, there were many times when I wished I could send my 15-year-old self some wisdom to make her life easier.
Here are the things I would send back in time.
When I was 15, I had a wonderful friend. Every Saturday evening, we used to dress up nicely, fix our hair for two hours and go to “town” to look for “boys”. I remember that every time, we looked at hundreds of boys and none of them ever came over to talk to us.
I wish I knew that it was not the way we looked that mattered. I wish I knew that the boys were afraid to approach us, as much as we were afraid to approach them, and that every night they would go home, disappointed, because we never came over to talk to them.
When I was 15, I thought that life was a waste and that there was nothing good in it for me. I was kicked out of school, I had no friends (my best friend was kicked out too and moved to another school) and I was very lonely. I used to make the same wish over and over: “God, please let me have a sneak preview of my future, just 5 minutes of life in the future, to help ease the uncertainty”.
I wish I could send my young self 5 minutes of every day of my current life. I would say this:
Dear 15-year-old Ronit,
You will have the most wonderful husband. You have met him already and less than a year from now, you will be his girlfriend and he will stay with you for many years to come. You will have the most wonderful 3 kids in the world and your life will be filled with wonderful 5 minutes. Life is beautiful. Just hang in there a bit longer.
Love,
Your older self from the future
At the end of 10th Grade, I was kicked out of school for having failed too many subjects (I had 7 subjects and 4 failures, so they had a point). I was sooooooo confused. I was soooooo looking forward to the moment when I would leave school, yet it seemed so bad, so disappointing. By law, I had to be in that horrible place until the end of 10th Grade and not a day longer. When I was told I have to leave school, I was not happy at all. I was kicked out with my best friend and we both went to check another school that would accept us. She got in and I had a feeling it was not the right thing. It was a school for dropouts. I did not feel it was right for me. I felt I could do better. I was confused for about 4 weeks.
I wish I could send my younger self on that week some guidance and comfort. I wish I knew that I was going to go back to school and convince them to give me a change to correct my grades and be accepted back. I wish I knew they would agree, so that I would not have to torment myself with doubt. I wish I knew that to shift life from no to yes, all I need to do is ask, “How do I go back?” instead of “Why can I not go back?”
Dear 15-year-old Ronit,
Keep asking yourself how to go back to school. Keep asking and the answers will come.
This may seem strange to you, but in less than 10 years, you will receive a degree in Education and become an expert at helping kids succeed in life.
Love,
Your older self from the future
When I was 15, my life was bad. I did not like this life at all. Nothing worked well. I was bad at school, I would fight with my siblings, I had problems with my mom and dad, I had problems with friends, I was never invited to parties, I failed most of my subjects and I could not afford a new pair of jeans. The situation was really bad and it was because I had inconsiderate parents, terrible teachers, the kids in my school were stupid, the subjects were boring (who needs them anyway?), my dad was stingy and I did not care about the dumb parties anyway…
I wish I knew that blaming the world for not having what I wanted is what kept me where I was. I wish I knew that the difference between successful people and unsuccessful people is the level of responsibility they take over their life.
Dear 15-year-old me,
If you blame others for your situation, you give them control over your life. Take it back! Responsibility may seem heavy at first, but it brings great freedom.
Just change your focus. Instead of saying “They are terrible”, ask yourself what you can do to make them invite you to parties.
Just a year from now, you will stand in a big hall, receiving an excellence award and a scholarship, you will have plenty of friends and a popular boyfriend and every Friday night you will be dancing at a party. Even your old jeans will look wonderful on you.
Love,
Your older self from the future
As a parent, if you could take your teens into the future and give them a sneak preview of what is going to happen to them, it would give them clarity and certainty about the future.
Since we cannot physically do it (yet), it is our duty, as parents, to make sure we tell our teens about the wonderful future they are going to have until they believe it themselves. Tell your teens you have faith in them and that you believe they will do great things. Help them imagine their friends, their career, their hobbies and their family.
With your wisdom, they can conquer the world.
Happy parenting,
Ronit
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I wouldn’t write myself a letter on what I would eventually come to do, but I would write one where I said:
Suck it up, stop complaining about how horrible your life is when you’ve got loving friends and family and stop being a bitch.
-Love, me.
Dear Treeson,
As a 15-year-old, if you got that letter, would you find it helpful?
Thinking of yourself (at whatever age) as a bitch is judgmental and critical and will be counter-productive. The sooner you accept yourself and learn that you are always (ALWAYS) OK and always doing your absolute best, the better.
As soon as you accept yourself, life’s magic will unfold.
Best regards,
Ronit
Life Coaching Works
Hi Ronit,
Having done your wonderful life-coaching program, I think your strategies here could be very useful for adults as well as teenagers (I admit I slip into blaming mode sometimes before I get back on track to moving on), because many adults still haven’t learnt how to take responsibility for their own lives.
So what you’re basically saying above is:
1. Other people could be feeling the same insecurity you feel, so don’t worry about it (Is this part of Emotional Intelligence?)
2. Be patient and have faith. And maybe, dream your future into being? What you truly want (realistic things) can come to you.
3. Move forward. Identify the problem, then focus on solutions.
4. Take responsibility for your life. Get help from others, but take action yourself to shape your life, then unexpected good things may come, without you doing anything else.
Among many others, I enjoyed this post.
Andrew.
Dear Andrew,
Your words are wonderful.
I am happy to know you are still here (even from far away)
You are so right. Life is short, taking responsibility sounds big but it is actually the ultimate power.
Thanks for coming and adding value to my blog.
Love
Ronit
http://www.behappyinlife.com
I completely get what this article is saying! Sometimes when I’m having a hard time I just want to get a glimpse of 5 seconds, somewhere down the track, just to know that I’m going in the right direction. Sometimes I KNOW that I am, but I just need that reasurance. My Mum always says “Just have faith”. So I guess we can’t really see those 5 seconds but we can believe that it will work and then we will MAKE it work.
Way to go! May the positive force be with you ALWAYS and give the Negative the flick! I’ve been informally teaching friends, family and even strangers to THINK positive thoughts all my life… great site Ronit!!
It was my dream for many years. just look at moments from the future.
I look at my kids now and have a great feeling of pride and joy and tell myself that I can send those moments in time into the past and give myself strength.
It will work!
Just keep moving forward!
It will work!
Thanks for visiting my site.
Happy day
Ronit
http://www.ronitbaras.com
Shelley,
Thank you so much.
I am so happy to find people that carry the flag of being positive.
It gives me strength to know there are many people sharing the same vision.
We can make this world a better place if we add one more person and one more person and one more person to our happiness army. Army of agnels!
Thank you so much for being part of the army of angels.
Happy day
Ronit
http://www.ronitbaras.com