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Self Esteem Mini-Course (part 6)
Posted in Emotional Intelligence, Life Coaching
by Ronit Baras on April 14th, 2008
Tags: acceptance, beliefs, Emotional Intelligence, focus, happiness, happy, Life Coaching, personal development, Personal Growth, self esteem, self worth, success, wellbeing
Your Do-It-Yourself Self-Esteem Checklist
Last week, in Self Esteem Mini-Course part 5, we talked about essential rules to increase self-esteem. To increase our self-esteem, we need to look at ourselves carefully and examine each part of what creates the self.
For people to think highly of themselves, they need to be aware of every aspect of the self and identify their own personal scale to measure their performance. Most people are so used to defining themselves based on others around them that I can understand why this is not an easy task. Easy it may not be, but it is possible and, I believe, essential.
Last week, we met Eli, my mechanic, and talked about his checklist for car maintenance, the one he uses before returning each car to its owner. Well, here (at last) is a self-esteem checklist - your very own list of the parts of your self-esteem. When you examine yourself in each of these areas against your own full score (your ideal). You can still drive when the petrol is not on full, but it is much better to drive on a full tank (less worries, less fuel contamination). You can still function if your tyres are not new, but if when they are too worn, you risk skidding and having an accident.
The scale from 1-10 is easy to work with (1 being low and 10 being high). Rate yourself on each one of them and write yourself some ideas to increase it. When you check them all as full, you are in the perfect moment, when you highly think of yourself.
Self-love
Self-esteem is highly influenced by self-love. If you love yourself, it is because you think highly of yourself. Remember, self-love is not a second name for arrogance or selfishness. You can love yourself and still be kind and caring to others. Self-love is accepting yourself as a human being, no matter what you do or what you look like and despite any particular attribute you may have.
Write down your personal description of what you would consider ideal (the situation you would score as a perfect 10).
Rate your love for yourself from 1 to 10.
Write as many ideas as you can to increase your self-love. It may help to start by asking “What is missing?” and then developing a way to overcome each of the things you list.
Self-care
We are the only mechanics in charge of ourselves and need to take care of ourselves. We need to make sure we have enough food, enough sleep, enough water, enough stimulation and enough connections. We need to determine what is “enough” for us and make sure we provide it to ourselves.
Our body is the vehicle with which we experience the world. We need to make sure we take care of our physical and emotional self if we want to experience what we call “life”. Your body is a temple - worship it!
Write down your ultimate self-care list.
Rate yourself from 1 to 10. How well do you take care of yourself?
Write down ideas of how can you can take better care of yourself. To supply yourself with motivation for self-care, list the ways in which you are neglecting your wellbeing and ask yourself “What are the effects on my life of not taking care of myself in this way?” Self-care takes time, but self-neglect often takes a lot more away from you.
Self-permission
Our self-esteem can increase significantly when we give ourselves permission to think and feel freely. Thinking and feeling freely is what separates us from others. Unfortunately, we grow up in a way that the permission is in the hands of the grown-ups, someone stronger, the boss or someone influential. Every time we need their permission, we erode our self-esteem. Remember, thinking and feelings are inside of you and no one can take them away from you.
How much do you give yourself permission to think and feel freely? Rate your self-permission from 1 to 10.
List some ideas to give yourself more permission.
Self-expression
Self-expression comes after self-permission. After we give ourselves the permission to think and feel, we need to give ourselves the permission to express thoughts and feelings outwardly. Yes, I know, this is a bit scary at first. If you need people’s approval, you might think you are taking a risk, but in fact, it is amazing how much people respect you more when you stand up for your beliefs, thoughts and ideas.
How freely do you express yourself? Rate it from 1 to 10.
Write down some ideas to increase your level of self-expression.
Self-reliance
Our self-esteem is significantly influenced by others. Totally relying on ourselves is very hard, since we do not live in a bubble and we need the people around us to fulfil some of our needs. However, if we need people so much that we depend on them to feel, think and do everything, we lose our self-esteem and become subject to external influences.
How much do you feel you are independent? Rate from 1 to 10.
Write ideas to increase independence (emotional, physical, technical…).
Self-awareness
Self-awareness is an important engine of your self-esteem. Self-awareness is being able to notice and understand your feelings, thoughts and actions. It is being able to answer to yourself “Why am I thinking the way I’m thinking?”, “Why am I feeling the way I’m feeling?” and “Why am I doing the things I’m doing?”
When we are not aware (i.e. we do not understand our thoughts, feelings and actions), we feel confused. This confusion destroys our self-esteem.
How aware are you of your thoughts, feelings and actions? Do you have the answers to why you think, feel and do the things you think, feel and do? Rate your self-awareness from 1 to 10.
Write ideas to increase your self-awareness.
Self-appreciation/Self-worth
The final item on your checklist is self-worth, which is how valuable you are as a person in your own eyes. It is how useful you think your skills are, how meaningful (significant) you are, how much you think you contribute (add value) to your world and how deserving you are of good things.
A way to discover this is by asking “What would the world be like without me?”
On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do you appreciate and value yourself?
Write ideas to increase your self-appreciation and self worth.
To get the most out of this exercise, write a list of 100 things that you appreciate in yourself. Yes, 100! When you are done, write another 100 and another 100, because your worth is endless.
Until next time, Be Happy in LIFE,
Ronit
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7 Comments to “Self Esteem Mini-Course (part 6)”
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I feel that self-esteem is a natural thing if people are brought up the right way. It is not a shallow thing but a deep thing that is created when someone is an infant.
I have a feeling that you are right. The early years are so precious and valuable. However, I am not sure I can tell what is the “right” way. I am sure every parent thinks he is doing the right thing. I do not believe any parent on earth is doing something and believing he is intentionally damaging his kids.
The real problem we have is that most people do not consider the options regarding their parenting. They act, based on what happened to them in childhood, without consciously choosing how to behave. This way, we carry behaviours that are hundreds of years old and not updated to match what is happening today. It is like trying to get to a new place, using an ancient map.
Sometimes I wish I had the “right way” and could use it as a formula. But I do not believe it exists. I believe the “right way” is individual and a combination of so many factors that every person needs to find by himself.
Every parent needs to find his “right way” to give his kids the self-esteem they need.
Thank you for visiting my site, come again in the next chapter.
Happy day
Ronit
http://www.behappyinlife.com
Yes people have to consider their options but if they have never heard about the right way then they will do it one of the wrong ways. Now when people hear about the right way, then they recognize that it is the right way.
Many parents who have already raised kids, will hear about the right way. They recognize it as the right way and become depressed since they then know what they did to their children. They know that it is not their fault that they treated their kids bad since everyone else does and they did not know about the right way.
If you click on the name above, Self-Esteem, it shows an article about the right way to raise infants. This is opinion and is described in a book. Here are opinions about the book on the right way to raise kids. The New York Times Book Review says “Deserves to be read by Western parents, child psychologists, and other social engineers concerned with restoring self-reliance and well-being. There are remarkable insights here.” Leaven says “We at La Leche League [group that promotes breast feeding] ought to turn handsprings and shout for joy.”
This book explains why most Americans have a lack of self-esteem and instead have self-hate. John Holt (Author/Educator) says “I don’t know whether the world can be saved by a book, but if it could be, this might just be the book.” Robert Epstein, PhD (Psychology Today) says “This book is the work of a genius.” Gloria Steinem (started feminist movement) says “A book we should all read…to help us become nurturing parents and advocates of our own child within, to understand what we missed and to restore it.”
Children raised in this way are very different than normal kids. They are never violent with each other and never hate their parents. In this community where kids have been raised this way for 100,000 years, the parents do not tell the kids what to do. These kids know what to do since they have the common sense that is not common with normal kids.
If the infant is treated right than the kid just about raises itself without any work from the parents. Kids learn how to live by imitation not by what you tell them. Thet is why they have the hypocritical saying, “do what I say, not what I do.” That is the message of ex-NY Governor Spitzer.
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