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Parenting in Pursuit of Happiness |
Sleep Over All Year
Posted in Kids/Children, Relationships
by Ronit Baras on April 23rd, 2008
Tags: children, Emotional Intelligence, family, happiness, happy, kids, love, parenting, Relationships
I remember the days before we bought our second home. Our family told us to buy a place that would fit all our kids into it. Our daughter was just 1 year old and we fell into that trap of thinking 15 years ahead. The place we bought was a huge apartment with a special room for a teenager. We lived there for about a year and a half and the spare rooms stood empty all this time.
Gal and I, not really having our own rooms most of our childhoods, really wanted our kids to have their own separate rooms. So whenever we moved (our 19-year-old daughter Eden has lived in 17 different homes in her life), we looked for a house that had space for each of the kids, but things did not work out as we expected.
During school holidays, the younger kids (now 12 and 6) wanted to sleep over in Eden’s room. They took mattresses, their special blankets and pillows, migrated to her room and left their room empty and bare. Eden was happy for them to join the party and left the door of her closet open, so she could take clothes in the morning without having to move them. This happened one night, two nights, a week, a month and if I did not send them back to their room from time to time (after they started arguing who would sleep on the left mattress and who would sleep on the right), they would probably be sleeping over in her room the whole year (minus the days we invite all three of them to have a slumber party in our room).
So why do should we buy a big house, with many rooms, clean it and pay more mortgage if do not really use all of it?
Over the years, in 10 different places, our kids would sleep over in each other’s rooms most of the year. The only times they preferred to sleep in their own rooms was when they had a friend coming to sleep over and that did not happen as often (you know, school days are out of the picture and weekends are family time…). So we always have extra rooms for friends.
Every time we moved to a new house, Gal and I said, “Well, now they are older … now she is getting into her teen years and will want some privacy”, but again, they preferred the giggling nights as if they were on camp all year round.
Last night, our kids went together to bed, the three of them in the same room. Gal joined in with them for the fun and sang them funny songs from his childhood. They were crying from laughter over silly things as he sang songs and they cracked jokes. Every night feels like a slumber party. 3 kids with big age gaps between them and they prefer sleeping together to comfort and privacy. When we turned off the light, Gal and I looked at each other, asking ourselves the same question again, “Why did we bother buying a house with this many rooms if our kids end up sleeping together most of the year anyway?”
Are we missing something here? What do you think?
Happy parenting,
Ronit
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You’re not missing anything. One of my best memories from childhood is when my cousin would stay over. I had the smallest room it was about 3m x 4m if that but he would sleep on a mattress next to me and we would talk and giggle and do crazy things like tell ghost stories with a torch. And then sometimes we would tie our hands to each other so that when one of us woke up and moved - the other had to wake up too!.
Then we reached a certain age and we were not allowed to sleep in the same room anymore and he came to visit less. I was so lonely after that. Its much more fun to share what little space you may have, than to be sleeping by yourself!
Hi Tina,
Great to see you here.
I was not allowed to sleep over much. We lived in a small place; no one went to sleep over at friends’ house. I think the first time was when I was in grade 9 (after two to three weeks of fights and crying) and I went to sleep over at my best friends’ house and it was so strange, to realise that other people live differently.
Most of the sleepovers were at my cousin’s place or at my grandmother’s place on holidays. We were so happy that we did not have enough matrasses but we did not mind that. Being together was the most important thing. I have great memories of laughing with no reason and adults would come and say “quiet” hundreds of times and we would giggle with tears.
When the kids have friends for sleep over, I go to their room and say “quiet” and I giggle with Gal. I like the game, I say “quiet” they giggle and 10 minutes later I come again and everyone is happy.
For about 12 years of my life, I slept in the living room with my other three sisters so no one in my family had enough space (7 people one and a half room and a living room). It is still strange for me that my kids do not have any need to have their own space. I guess it is all relative to your life circumstances. I am happy they prefer the “together” over the “my own room” but when I look around I realise they are different kids – no complains. I am happy and proud of them.
It is a shame they did not allow you to sleepover. I guess it is fear. We cannot blame anyone for having fears, can we?
Come again.
Hugs and love
Ronit
http://www.behappyinlife.com