Comments on: Troubled Teens http://www.ronitbaras.com/focus-on-the-family/parenting-family/troubled-teens/ "Happy Parents Raise Happy Kids" Tue, 07 Feb 2012 12:26:00 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: ronitbarashttp://www.ronitbaras.com/focus-on-the-family/parenting-family/troubled-teens/#comment-8258 ronitbaras Wed, 01 Feb 2012 10:32:00 +0000 http://www.ronitbaras.com/?p=2319#comment-8258 Dismayed parent,  I think blaming ourselves is not the solution.  Blaming is a way to get off load, for a short time. if we throw it on someone else we still carry it on our shoulders.  I disagree that it is the government's fault. I think kids live in a very tough world and they are scared, totally confused and scared and we as parents need to keep our kids away from lots of distractions and temptations, technology and media that only makes them more scared.  I agree that parents need to be empowered. I think if the government recognise that helping parents can contribute to society ( and save a fortune) we will be in a better place. I am not sure that I consider empowering parents and giving them permission to discipline is the same.  All those restrictions on parents were caused by parents who abused their power and harmed their kids, they were not caused by the government.  Dismayed parent, 

I think blaming ourselves is not the solution. 
Blaming is a way to get off load, for a short time. if we throw it on someone else we still carry it on our shoulders. 

I disagree that it is the government's fault. I think kids live in a very tough world and they are scared, totally confused and scared and we as parents need to keep our kids away from lots of distractions and temptations, technology and media that only makes them more scared. 

I agree that parents need to be empowered. I think if the government recognise that helping parents can contribute to society ( and save a fortune) we will be in a better place. I am not sure that I consider empowering parents and giving them permission to discipline is the same. 
All those restrictions on parents were caused by parents who abused their power and harmed their kids, they were not caused by the government. 

]]> By: ronitbarashttp://www.ronitbaras.com/focus-on-the-family/parenting-family/troubled-teens/#comment-8235 ronitbaras Wed, 01 Feb 2012 06:47:00 +0000 http://www.ronitbaras.com/?p=2319#comment-8235 Ren,  What a shame.  Do you know how many troubled grown-ups carry with them the feeling that their father/ mother do not care about them.  It is debilitating to think that your father is  like that.   What happens if you tell him he will have to go and live with his dad?  Blaming is not a solution. It is no one's fault. You did what you could, your husband did what he could and kids can still feel bad about it.  Where do you live?  Ren, 

What a shame. 
Do you know how many troubled grown-ups carry with them the feeling that their father/ mother do not care about them. 
It is debilitating to think that your father is  like that.  
What happens if you tell him he will have to go and live with his dad? 
Blaming is not a solution. It is no one's fault. You did what you could, your husband did what he could and kids can still feel bad about it. 
Where do you live? 

]]> By: ronitbarashttp://www.ronitbaras.com/focus-on-the-family/parenting-family/troubled-teens/#comment-8231 ronitbaras Wed, 01 Feb 2012 06:28:00 +0000 http://www.ronitbaras.com/?p=2319#comment-8231 I am not sure taking the blame or blaming others is a solution. I would never say it is your fault as I do not believe in "faults".  No,my own kids did not go off the rails. Not that they didn't experience things that diverted them from what we consider the "right " path but we have managed to help them get back on track long before we got off the rails. ( which happens to all of us)  I agree with you that sometimes parents do all the right things and still kids will have a problem. It does not mean it is our fault but it always, always, always means we have't found a solution, YET!  I am not sure taking the blame or blaming others is a solution. I would never say it is your fault as I do not believe in "faults". 
No,my own kids did not go off the rails. Not that they didn't experience things that diverted them from what we consider the "right " path but we have managed to help them get back on track long before we got off the rails. ( which happens to all of us) 
I agree with you that sometimes parents do all the right things and still kids will have a problem. It does not mean it is our fault but it always, always, always means we have't found a solution, YET! 

]]> By: ronitbarashttp://www.ronitbaras.com/focus-on-the-family/parenting-family/troubled-teens/#comment-8226 ronitbaras Wed, 01 Feb 2012 06:18:00 +0000 http://www.ronitbaras.com/?p=2319#comment-8226 Cynthia,  Thanks for this.  Great insight into teens troubles.  I hope many parents had a chance to read your tips.  Cynthia, 

Thanks for this. 
Great insight into teens troubles. 
I hope many parents had a chance to read your tips. 

]]> By: ronitbarashttp://www.ronitbaras.com/focus-on-the-family/parenting-family/troubled-teens/#comment-8221 ronitbaras Wed, 01 Feb 2012 05:50:00 +0000 http://www.ronitbaras.com/?p=2319#comment-8221 It is tough and it is obvious she is troubled.  I would not make a big fuss about having a relationship with another girl. Many people try things and if they are allowed to examine it without external pressure ( mum and dad and society) they will make better choices.  The more restrictions you have, the worst it will become.  I do have an outrageous idea that worked magic to one of my client who used to go out with a boy who was very abusive. She was 16 and every time her parents said something, she spent more time with him and allowed him to be more abusive ( he did not allow her to do anything without him, he controlled what she was wearing, she was not allowed to talk to some of her friends...) so her parents invited him in. He was in their house for dinner, for weekends, went with them on vacation and the second she was not focused on resisting her parents, she could think clearly and got rid of him after 3 month. ( she was with him for over a year before that)  It is not an easy thing to do but most of the time it works.  It is better to use rewards than punishments.  It is tough and it is obvious she is troubled. 
I would not make a big fuss about having a relationship with another girl. Many people try things and if they are allowed to examine it without external pressure ( mum and dad and society) they will make better choices. 
The more restrictions you have, the worst it will become. 
I do have an outrageous idea that worked magic to one of my client who used to go out with a boy who was very abusive. She was 16 and every time her parents said something, she spent more time with him and allowed him to be more abusive ( he did not allow her to do anything without him, he controlled what she was wearing, she was not allowed to talk to some of her friends...) so her parents invited him in. He was in their house for dinner, for weekends, went with them on vacation and the second she was not focused on resisting her parents, she could think clearly and got rid of him after 3 month. ( she was with him for over a year before that) 
It is not an easy thing to do but most of the time it works. 

It is better to use rewards than punishments. 

]]> By: Renhttp://www.ronitbaras.com/focus-on-the-family/parenting-family/troubled-teens/#comment-8180 Ren Fri, 25 Nov 2011 07:17:00 +0000 http://www.ronitbaras.com/?p=2319#comment-8180 have just been googling looking for options to help my son - who would certainly be described as a troubled teen..... however I disagree that my priorities are wrong... certainly I'm doing something wrong though god knows what! .... I've 3 children, my problem child is the oldest at 14, I divorced their father in 08 which wasn't a nice experience for any of us - his father dragged the children in to the middle of it & this left me with one very scarred child.... we moved interestate to be closer to my parents & for extra support.  My ex cut his children off completely for 2 1/2 years... when I moved it was agreed the children would go to private school, then their father went bankrupt to get out of his child support obligations meaning I had to put them in to public system.. shouldn't have been a big deal however my oldest has difficulty making friends, etc so he rebelled BIG TIME!  ditching school, running away.  Thank goodness I have a wonderful boss who knew that my children come first as I was constantly having to leave work leaving her in the lurch to run after my child.   counselling didn't help as he would shut down & not respond so I was spending money on sessions til the counsellor said it's of no benefit.  It culminated to him damaging my home, hurting his brother & I forced his father to come to the party & sent my son to live with him.... he was there 2 1/2 months - not put in to school, not fed, not spent time wtih - his father prefering to spend time wtih his girlfriend whom my son hates (the reason our marraige ended) ... my son called & begged to come home said he'd tow the line, respect the house rules & here would be no more violence... I brought him back & he was very underweight, again tried a counselling session to no avail..... my son then got a girlfriend - claimed she was just a friend.  imo 14 is too young & the fact they lied confirms they're not mature enough to handle this.   however her mother had no issue what so ever & was offering to have him sleep over at her house.  these two have been ditching school together & when the school places him on detention he runs from the school with this girl.... I removed all his electrical belongings & he is grounded at home & again I tried to find a solution with the school & the other parent to no avail & it's culminated with my son assaulting me for being too strict meaning I should've been letting him do whatever he likes!  I am now looking in to schools for troubled teens as he is a risk to the other members of my home & clearly has no respect for myself or for boundaries.  obviously his father not caring is a major issue & when informed of the latest events told me he was sick of hearing about my problems! sigh.... so if anyone on this forum knows of any schools that would help other than the school of hard knocks that was on 60 minutes recently which I'm talking wtih I'd truly appreaciate it.  I commented because sometimes, a parent can do everything in their power & it is still to no avail.  have just been googling looking for options to help my son - who would certainly be described as a troubled teen..... however I disagree that my priorities are wrong... certainly I'm doing something wrong though god knows what! .... I've 3 children, my problem child is the oldest at 14, I divorced their father in 08 which wasn't a nice experience for any of us - his father dragged the children in to the middle of it & this left me with one very scarred child.... we moved interestate to be closer to my parents & for extra support.  My ex cut his children off completely for 2 1/2 years... when I moved it was agreed the children would go to private school, then their father went bankrupt to get out of his child support obligations meaning I had to put them in to public system.. shouldn't have been a big deal however my oldest has difficulty making friends, etc so he rebelled BIG TIME!  ditching school, running away.  Thank goodness I have a wonderful boss who knew that my children come first as I was constantly having to leave work leaving her in the lurch to run after my child.   counselling didn't help as he would shut down & not respond so I was spending money on sessions til the counsellor said it's of no benefit.  It culminated to him damaging my home, hurting his brother & I forced his father to come to the party & sent my son to live with him.... he was there 2 1/2 months - not put in to school, not fed, not spent time wtih - his father prefering to spend time wtih his girlfriend whom my son hates (the reason our marraige ended) ... my son called & begged to come home said he'd tow the line, respect the house rules & here would be no more violence... I brought him back & he was very underweight, again tried a counselling session to no avail..... my son then got a girlfriend - claimed she was just a friend.  imo 14 is too young & the fact they lied confirms they're not mature enough to handle this.   however her mother had no issue what so ever & was offering to have him sleep over at her house.  these two have been ditching school together & when the school places him on detention he runs from the school with this girl.... I removed all his electrical belongings & he is grounded at home & again I tried to find a solution with the school & the other parent to no avail & it's culminated with my son assaulting me for being too strict meaning I should've been letting him do whatever he likes!  I am now looking in to schools for troubled teens as he is a risk to the other members of my home & clearly has no respect for myself or for boundaries.  obviously his father not caring is a major issue & when informed of the latest events told me he was sick of hearing about my problems! sigh.... so if anyone on this forum knows of any schools that would help other than the school of hard knocks that was on 60 minutes recently which I'm talking wtih I'd truly appreaciate it.  I commented because sometimes, a parent can do everything in their power & it is still to no avail. 

]]> By: Jaynhttp://www.ronitbaras.com/focus-on-the-family/parenting-family/troubled-teens/#comment-8177 Jayn Tue, 22 Nov 2011 00:47:00 +0000 http://www.ronitbaras.com/?p=2319#comment-8177 I would like to hear what happens after a troubled teen leaves his teen years. Are there any options or programs available in Brisbane or its surrounds to help 'troubled young adults'.  I have a nephew who won't work, because why would you if you get the dole, and also has been in trouble with the law and escaped prison God knows how.  He is a great person (I know everyone hears that, but he is) he is 24 now and really directionless...he too, was a troubled teen.  I have lived out of the country for the past 17 years, so I was of no help, but his Dad is looking for a way to connect and finally I can get to ask you this question.  How can we save this one?  How can we help, who can help, where can we go??? thanks I would like to hear what happens after a troubled teen leaves his teen years. Are there any options or programs available in Brisbane or its surrounds to help 'troubled young adults'.  I have a nephew who won't work, because why would you if you get the dole, and also has been in trouble with the law and escaped prison God knows how.  He is a great person (I know everyone hears that, but he is) he is 24 now and really directionless...he too, was a troubled teen.  I have lived out of the country for the past 17 years, so I was of no help, but his Dad is looking for a way to connect and finally I can get to ask you this question.  How can we save this one?  How can we help, who can help, where can we go??? thanks

]]> By: Cynthia Kernelhttp://www.ronitbaras.com/focus-on-the-family/parenting-family/troubled-teens/#comment-8167 Cynthia Kernel Sun, 06 Nov 2011 03:00:00 +0000 http://www.ronitbaras.com/?p=2319#comment-8167 It does help to find out if our teens do become troubled through those signs mentioned in the article. There's definitely a reason for their negative behavior, so we should find out what's causing the problem. Trying to understand if the problem is caused by anger, fear or a specific change in their lives. Proper and <a href="http://www.mytroubledteen.com/article/communicating_effectively_with_adolescents.php" rel="nofollow">effective communication</a> with our teens can be one way to find out what's really bothering them. Ask how things have been lately, and listen without lecturing or dismissing his concerns. Instead, acknowledge your teenager's thoughts and feelings. And avoid judging them by letting them know that their feelings are just normal and that you're just there to love and support them. In a worst case scenario where your parenting efforts are not effective enough then seek help from licensed therapist, school counselors or parenting coaches. Some parents also considers therapeutic wilderness camps to further help them in worst cases.  It does help to find out if our teens do become troubled through those signs mentioned in the article. There's definitely a reason for their negative behavior, so we should find out what's causing the problem. Trying to understand if the problem is caused by anger, fear or a specific change in their lives. Proper and effective communication with our teens can be one way to find out what's really bothering them. Ask how things have been lately, and listen without lecturing or dismissing his concerns. Instead, acknowledge your teenager's thoughts and feelings. And avoid judging them by letting them know that their feelings are just normal and that you're just there to love and support them. In a worst case scenario where your parenting efforts are not effective enough then seek help from licensed therapist, school counselors or parenting coaches. Some parents also considers therapeutic wilderness camps to further help them in worst cases. 

]]> By: Sad parenthttp://www.ronitbaras.com/focus-on-the-family/parenting-family/troubled-teens/#comment-8162 Sad parent Wed, 26 Oct 2011 13:45:00 +0000 http://www.ronitbaras.com/?p=2319#comment-8162 I have a 14 year old daughter that has been smoking pot, drinking, sneaking out with older boys, now she is in a relationship with another girl and seems to have an obsession with this girl. She has admitted that she is bi. We try to keep my daughter and her girlfriend apart but this seems to be fuel to the fire. We are trying to protect her reputation.  She has lost most of her friends because no one is allowed to hang out with her.  We had a wonderful relationship but now there is nothing there.  How do you give your child hope that things will be ok if you don't feel like there is hope? We give her the discipline and restrictions.. no phone, no facebook no TV in room we nailed the windows shut, got an alarm on the house, have long talks, no friends and even see a counselor.  We will set this punishment for a couple weeks... then she will do something else outrageous and we have to start all over.  Is there any secrets to handling such difficult kids? I have a 14 year old daughter that has been smoking pot, drinking, sneaking out with older boys, now she is in a relationship with another girl and seems to have an obsession with this girl. She has admitted that she is bi. We try to keep my daughter and her girlfriend apart but this seems to be fuel to the fire. We are trying to protect her reputation.  She has lost most of her friends because no one is allowed to hang out with her.  We had a wonderful relationship but now there is nothing there.  How do you give your child hope that things will be ok if you don't feel like there is hope?
We give her the discipline and restrictions.. no phone, no facebook no TV in room we nailed the windows shut, got an alarm on the house, have long talks, no friends and even see a counselor.  We will set this punishment for a couple weeks... then she will do something else outrageous and we have to start all over.  Is there any secrets to handling such difficult kids?

]]> By: ronitbarashttp://www.ronitbaras.com/focus-on-the-family/parenting-family/troubled-teens/#comment-8152 ronitbaras Sat, 15 Oct 2011 12:46:00 +0000 http://www.ronitbaras.com/?p=2319#comment-8152 Wilderness program. for some reason parents forget being teenagers.  It is normal to be confused as an adult.  WE don't have all the answers and we don't need to pretend we do.  Ronit  Wilderness program.

for some reason parents forget being teenagers. 
It is normal to be confused as an adult. 
WE don't have all the answers and we don't need to pretend we do. 

Ronit 

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